In Pursuit of Happiness
by Miss Baby
Summary: AWtWB's sequel. After earning her freedom, Bella now has the unalienable right to make her own decisions. Will she choose to continue down the rocky road of her past or follow Edward into a future that seems almost equally impassable? Ride along on Bella's journey as she navigates the crossroads of life knowing one wrong turn may alter her pursuit of happiness.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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_**I would also like to thank my dear friend Ange de l'Aube for creating the beautiful art that adorns this story. *hugs***_

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_**Okay. Sequel. Here it is. Let's just get on with it?**_

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_We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness._

_United States of America, Declaration of Independence (1776)_

**0**

Freedom.

It was such an odd word, filled with all sorts of happy but intangible meanings such as 'freedom from oppression', 'freedom of speech', 'freedom to be' or 'freedom from fear'. To anyone else these four freedoms had become so commonplace and natural that only a minority of individuals inhabiting the free world would ever have a second thought on them.

Not Bella.

It wasn't even a week since her old life – the life of _Isabella_; a meek servant and slave to an erratic, dying old man - had ended and she had been reborn into that free and strange new life she was still trying to come to grips with.

She wasn't used to having so much freedom.

Bella sighed, leaning her head against the backrest of her chair, her eyes trained to the infinite blue of the heavens and the distant green and grey of the world below as the airplane zoomed through the sky on its way to her new world. As if to remind herself of who was keeping her safe and grounded in the midst of all the confusion and turmoil she was continuously becoming lost in, her hand squeezed his as they lay entwined on top of their shared armrest.

_Edward_.

Her one and only lifeline.

If he would have opened his eyes at that moment he would have been met with a look of pure, all-consuming love clouded by the fear and uncertainty of her life. But, in spite of a muffled grunt and a slight change in posture as he shifted to stretch in his uncomfortable airplane seat, he was quick to fall back into that deep sleep that had lulled him unconscious ever since the plane had first lifted up into the sky.

She quietly turned to her side, forgoing the mesmerizing sight outside her window to watch him, unabashedly. Was it even possible for love to grow so deep and strong over such a short amount of time?

She had never thought it imaginable but then again, she hardly had any material for comparison when it came to love. Her whole life had been one big uphill battle for survival, leaving hardly any moment's peace to enjoy it or even think about falling in love.

And yet she'd fallen.

Hard.

_So_ hard.

It was the feeling Bella was trying to hold onto when everything else was threatening to become too much; the love she had for Edward and the trust that in this rough sea, he would steer her in the right direction and protect her against the waves and the sharks. She would conquer this life and set out what she'd promised herself over and over again she'd do.

Live life to the fullest.

Yes, everything was going to be alright.

Her emotions during the past couple of weeks had been all over the place, so much so that she was still fighting to keep a handle on all of the things she was feeling. She'd loved James in her own way – the man he used to be before the disease had killed his ability to be human, not the man he'd become in the end - and she missed him, even if it was still so hard for her to come to grips with what he'd done.

True, he had betrayed her; betrayed the trust and hope she'd given him to give her a future after she'd given him her labor and devotion for almost four years of her life.

It was all gone.

She bit her lip in an effort to stop it from trembling and hopefully prevent her tears from spilling – whether from anger or grief she wasn't sure – as she thought about the long and hard fight with Jane she'd had in front of her if she wanted to get what was owed to her.

Did she really want that anymore?

Part of her did, and not just because she wanted justice. As much as she loved and trusted Edward, she wanted to be free – his true equal instead of becoming completely dependent on him. If she had money, she would be able to do her own things, regardless of whether or not he approved.

But she didn't.

She didn't have a damn cent to her name where she should have had enough until she was able to make her own way.

But did she want to fight the dirty fight with Jane she knew she had in front of her if she wanted to gain that freedom?

Most of all she wanted peace; a quiet life with Edward and the time to think about what she wanted to do and who she wanted to become. Fighting with Jane would bring the exact opposite into her life: more fighting, more dissonance – and it wasn't even a given that they would get the judge to side with them in the end. Edward's brother-in-law had been very clear about that, even before he'd immersed himself into the details of the case.

Was it even worth it?

She sighed again, suddenly remembering one of the many lessons James had taught her on those mornings when his mind was still cooperating and he still had the willingness to share his wisdom with her.

It had been a lesson on one of the oldest and most valuable documents in the history of the United States: the Declaration of Independence. It had stuck with her throughout the years that had followed since, not just because of the dramatic events that followed or the way it incorporated the groundbreaking ideas of some of the greatest philosophers of the Age of Enlightenment. No, it had been one sentence from that document which had jumped from the page and haunted her ever since, justifying her reasons to stay and challenging her to leave at the same time, as each night she repeated it in her mind.

She, like every other American - and each living soul on this earth - had the unalienable right to pursue her own happiness.

And now, freed from her oppressor and getting closer to the start of her own life in a new town, she was determined to make it happen, no matter how hard she was going to have to battle for it.

She was now free. She had the right to pursue whatever the hell she wanted.

Go wherever the wind would carry her.

Including toward a life full of love and happiness.

And that goal would be worth whatever trouble had blown on her way.

It would have to be.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

* * *

_**Like with Any Way the Wind Blows, I've created a blog for this story. It holds visuals for the outfits discussed in the chapters, the people, places and vehicles featuring in the story and, of course, the amazing banner and blinkie Ange de 'l Aube made. You can find a link to the blog on my profile. **_

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_I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?_

_Larry & Andy Wachowski, The Matrix (1999)_

**1**

_Chaos_.

It was running wild all around her it seemed, with people moving in every possible direction, seemingly without purpose or even the presence of mind to think about the other hundreds of people doing the same.

There was shouting, cursing, crying, laughing…it was one of the most overwhelming situations Bella had been in throughout the last couple of years.

It was the arrival terminal at Chicago's O'Hare airport.

And it scared her to death.

"Do you need a minute?" Edward whispered with his arm firmly around her shoulders as she ducked into the safety of his hold. They were standing on the fringes of what seemed to her to be a large hall constantly thrown into a total state of bedlam and there was nothing she wanted more than to rush back to the quieter corridors they'd just passed to get there.

But she knew she couldn't.

No, she _wouldn't_.

She had to be strong; prove she could really do this. To herself, to Edward but most of all to those nagging voices in the back of her head who told her she would never be able to keep her head above water in the real world.

So she shook her head, her hand grabbing the back of Edward's jacket as tight as the fabric would let her as she forced her left foot forward. "Let's just do this."

"That's my girl," Edward chuckled and, even through her nerves and fear, she could feel the pressure of his lips pressing a kiss into her hair. _Love_. "I love you."

Even though Bella felt it with all her heart, at that moment, her mind was too full of all the things going on around her to formulate any other words in response than those which were a direct reaction to what she experienced. "I never thought it would be so loud," she muttered as they slowly progressed through the crowd, Edward steering her in the direction of one of the conveyor belts that would soon start to vomit out their luggage if his explanation of airport dealings were to be believed.

"Huh?" Edward leaned closer so she couldn't quite determine whether he didn't understand what the hell she was saying or just hadn't heard her over the noise. Which only proved her point.

"It's so damn loud in here!" she repeated, a little louder than the first time just to be sure he would hear her. "I never knew people could make so much noise!"

"But you used to live right in the middle of this kind of craziness when you lived in LA, didn't you?" he responded, securing them a place to sit next to the still unmoving luggage carrousel.

"That was a long time ago." Bella shrugged. "And living on the streets was different. I could still find a quiet place when everything got to be too much, you know?" She tried to suppress the unhappy memories of life on Los Angeles' streets that Edward's mention of that time threatened to rake up. It had been the hardest she'd ever had to fight for her life; living off the scraps of half-eaten and discarded food she could find in dumpsters and trash cans or stealing merchandise from honest salesmen and trying to steer clear of the pimps, dealers and deranged psychos she shared the streets with. She'd been constantly on the lookout for danger, for police officers and other do-gooders wanting to 'help' her by delivering her back into the hands of her legal guardian but, most of all, she had been scared that _he_ would find her.

_Phil_.

He would have killed her if he ever managed to get his hands on her. She knew that, which was why her relief had been palpable when she found out a few days ago, through a mysterious process that Edward called 'googling', that he was dead now; killed not too long after she'd fled by some of the lowlifes he'd associated with.

"Living in this city won't be so much different," Edward mused, unaware of the cold shivers running down her back at even the thought of _his_ name. "My house – our house…" he paused, giving her such a joyous meaningful look as he corrected himself that it made her feel all warm inside even in spite of the fear her surroundings still instilled in her, "…sits on a relatively quiet street and there's always parks and stuff nearby if you want to escape the craziness of downtown. It's a lot different than Forks, though."

"Yeah," she sighed, staring out at the unorganized cackle in front of her as she added a wistful, "I can imagine that." Her hazy memories from her days in LA were enough to let her know that the plush greens and quiet nights of Forks would be about as far removed from city life as they could be and it frightened her. At the same time, though, she knew that being afraid would be pointless. Edward's life was in this city and if she couldn't make city-life work for herself…

She didn't even want to think about it.

As much as she'd grown to hate the trees and the silence over the years, she found herself already missing the muted colors and predictability of her organized little life with Aro. Back there she knew exactly what she was up against and what she was going to happen and when. The only uncertainty in her life had been whether or not Aro would wake up in a good mood or not and even those both options she had encountered so often they were starting to become routine.

Right now, however, her mind was under a constant assault of new impressions and constantly trying to decide whether those new things where worth remembering or not. There was so much newness to this world that it completely knocked her over, though part of her was still bubbling with excitement to discover it all. But the noise and the colors and the pushing and moving of people who all seemed to be in a hurry all the time…it was maddening and already she could feel the onslaught of a killer headache.

_No, I will not give into it._ As they waited for their luggage to appear on the belt she kept on repeating that little sentence over and over again until she found herself slowly starting to get used to all the noise and the chaos around her, her nimble mind starting to add filters to keep out the things she didn't need to see and hear and only focus on what was important. _See? I can do this._

Resolution or not, the sound of the luggage belt coming to life still startled her enough to make Edward chuckle next to her as she jumped and scrambled closer to him for protection, which in turn made her even more resolute to not let anything the world threw at her knock her off her feet. And so with a scalding glare she rose, watching as the first bunch of suitcases started to appear. "So, what's the deal with this thing?"

Edward was still smiling as he joined her, dragging some kind of cart behind him. "The trick is to identify our shit and grab it off of there before someone else mistakes it for their shit." He waited for her to nod, her eyes fixed on people executing the plan of action he'd just described. "And, of course, the most important part of that is to do all of it without ending up in the ER."

"Ah," Isabella nodded, her eyes widening as a woman dragged a suitcase that appeared to be half her size and heavier than she could ever be off the belt as others were nearly thrown onto the moving belt as the people behind them pushed forward to grab their own belongings. "I can see how that might be a problem."

"Just stand back, angel. I'll handle this." It was Bella's turn to smile now, her heart throbbing at the adorable way he puffed out his chest and acted all 'caveman-slash-provider-type' as he went off in search of his prey, or suitcase as was the case.

That seemed a strange, almost an animalistic practice, though, retrieving of luggage at an airport and, as she sat watching the man she loved engage in open warfare with a group of tourists over a spot that ensured he would be able to get to their luggage without seeing it make another trip around the belt, she had to wonder if there wasn't some more dignified way of going about this.

There had to be, right? Because the scene in front of Bella reminded her an awful lot of something she'd read about the dog-eat-dog world of the African Serengeti desert.

Bella wondered what Aro would say if he'd been sitting next to her at that moment. His way of capturing a situation in only a few well-chosen words had always fascinated her to the point of awe. Working alongside him on the book had been such a gratifying experience and she'd learned so much. He'd had a kind of magic about him, an aura that radiated from his brilliant mind as soon as he sat down to dictate his words of the day.

She could still see that gleam in Aro's eyes as they slid halfway closed; bridging the gap between the world he inhabited and the one he saw in before him as he folded his hands across his stomach and spoke. His tone always even and decided as he gave her sentence after sentence of beautiful words and insights into the characters he was working with and the world she had learned.

She even got to know herself a little better through his words.

As bitter a lesson as she had learned about trust in the end, she would not have traded those moments for anything, even knowing what she did now about those final, horrible days and the violence that had become so much more frequent in the months before that.

It hurt that she had not been able to say goodbye to the side of him she had grown to love and respect so much over the years. That had been gone almost in the blink of an eye, leaving only the cold, distrusting and mean man to wither away in that big, awful house in the middle of nowhere.

Edward emerged from the raffle triumphantly at that moment, his suitcase lodged firmly on the luggage cart as he grabbed the bag holding the few meager belongings she had been able to grab before Jane had thrown her out of the house.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" His face fell as he caught up with her, his movements tentative and slightly brusque, which was how she knew that underneath all of his care and worry for her was also an underlying tone of jealousy. After all, there were still parts of her he couldn't reach.

It hurt to see the man she loved so much in pain because of her, especially because, if only she worked harder at protecting him and focusing on moving forward instead of looking over her shoulder like she had been doing just now, that pain would not be there.

She was failing.

"I'm sorry." She sighed as she pulled the coat Esme had given her tightly to her chest, feeling the strong desire to crawl underneath it and hide, though she hadn't quite decided yet from whom or what she wanted to escape. "I know you probably just want to forget he ever even lived but, to me, he was more than the man you came to know."

"I know," he reluctantly admitted, "and I really don't want you to feel guilty about thinking about him, but, I just…" He ran his hand through his hair in a movement that had already became familiar to her; one signaling he was feeling frustrated. "I don't want you to become stuck in the past like I did. There are people…"

"I'm not seeing a therapist." She lifted her chin, hopefully letting him know once and for all that this topic was not up for discussion. She didn't have much hope he would get the message, though, seeing as she'd already delivered it about a hundred times already. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not crazy so I don't need some outsider poking around in here." She tapped her head as she fixed him with a look that hopefully meant business. "And even if I _am_ crazy, I'll never let some stranger all up in my thoughts."

The reason alone freaked her out. For all her life she had been forced to be someone she wasn't and live a life under constant scrutiny. Her mind had always been that one perfect place where she could be herself; the only place that was _just_ hers.

Giving that up…she didn't even want to _think_ about that.

Edward was already gearing up to argue with her, which meant that she was already feeling the strong urge to square up and meet everything he said to her with a withering glare and a ready reply, but before any words _could_ be said, the shrill sound of his mobile phone put a stop to what would likely have been one hell of a discussion.

"Shit!" Edward groaned, looking at the display. "I have to take this."

She didn't like the way he turned away from her, shielding his words from her ears as they were drowned out by the sound of various many people saying too many things around them. She didn't like it, because that left her in the dark.

Just like _he_ had.

Just like _they_ both had.

A chill ran down her spine when she thought about life with Phil. She had been so terrified back then; afraid and gutless. Well, until she found out all about his little master plan of selling her virginity to the highest bidder to get rid of a gambling debt. Still, even though Bella had somehow found the courage to get away from him before it was too late, there were still nights when she woke up, covered in sweat and with vibrant images of what might have been plaguing her mind.

"That was Tanya." She jumped as suddenly Edward's voice was there again, clear and close above the constant murmur. "Carmen can't make it to the airport today so she's coming to pick us up instead."

She was already halfway through an approving nod when her mind backtracked_. Wait…what?_ "Your _ex-wife_ is coming to pick us up?"

"Well…erm…" Edward scratched his head, looking like a boy who'd just left a trail of dirt all over a clean floor. "She's already here…waiting for us outside."

"Right." Bella needed a minute to process, her brow furrowing as the wheels in her mind kept spinning. "Won't that be awkward, though? I mean…she used to be your _wife_."

"That was a long time ago," Edward tried to reassure her, though his words didn't completely hit their intended mark. "Besides, things between us aren't like that anymore. We're just friends now." He took her hand in his as he sat down beside her again, his gentle squeeze forcing her eyes up to meet his and see his honesty. "I swear it's the truth, Bella. I don't have any romantic feelings towards her and the same goes for her."

She nodded, believing the truth in his eyes. "But won't it be weird to be in the car with two women you've slept with?"

"Maybe a little," Edward shrugged, "but it was bound to happen one day as Tanya and I are still close friends. What I want to know, though, is if it would be too weird for you, because if so, I can always call her and tell her we're taking a cab."

"No." She shook her head, knowing in her heart that it would be an affront to the woman whom she couldn't avoid, especially if she was as close a friend of Edward's as he claimed her to be. "If she's okay with it then I guess I can be as well."

From what she'd heard, she knew those words would have to be the truth, whether she meant them or not. If this woman was a part of Edward's life, then for her own sake she would just have to put up with it.

"Shall we go then?" Edward offered, holding his hand out for her as he rose. "I'm not such a big fan of airports that I want to spent any longer in them than I have to and besides, I think Tan was getting a little impatient."

_Great! A diva _and_ his ex-wife._ Bella stealthily rolled her eyes as she followed after Edward, her trepidation growing with each step as they neared the exit and walked towards where Tanya was parked, her hand holding his more firmly as she was constantly thrown between the fear of being separated from him and dread of the situation itself.

_Get a grip, Bella. This is what normal life is all about. You have to be able to do this if you want to keep living it. _She ground her teeth, keeping her poker face in place as she first breathed in the crisp but slightly odorous air of the big city.

"Tanya!" Edward shouted, waving his free hand at a woman leaning against a garish sports car Bella wasn't instantly jealous of in the slightest. _Nope. Who in their right mind would ever want a classic and, from the looks of it, tremendously fast little red piece if genius engineering?_

"Edward!" the woman had joined them in a flash. One moment she and Edward were just standing there, admiring the car, the next Edward was letting go of her hand to keep himself from toppling over as the woman previously leaning against the car threw herself at him. "I missed you!"

Again Bella had to work hard to fight off the venomous flares of jealousy, knowing it would do her no good to alienate herself from the woman whom Edward seemed to greet like _she_ was the one he truly loved.

It wouldn't help to take off her shoe right now and smack the woman right in the face with it until she stopped breathing.

Nope.

No matter how much she wanted to.

"I've missed you, too," he spoke into the woman's hair, driving the stake even further into Bella's heart no matter how much he'd spoken to her of loving only her and not this woman who used to be his wife; who used to have all of him. She did breathe a little easier, though, when he extricated himself from her hold and turned his attention back where it belonged. "Tanya, I want you to meet my Bella."

She cherished being called 'his', her lips forced into a smile as genuine as she could muster as she finally lifted her eyes to the other woman in greeting. _God, why make her so beautiful?_ "It's a pleasure to meet you," she forced out, trying not to feel like a squinting, cross-legged leper standing next to this Raphaelite beauty.

"And I you!" The woman – _Tanya_ – cried with an enthusiasm that made her take a few steps back in surprise, even more so when she too found herself wrapped in an embrace that was almost too solid to belong to another woman.

_What on earth is going on and why is this woman touching her? _For as long as she could remember, she'd never liked having other people in her personal space unless she truly loved them like she did with Edward.

That woman, however, did not qualify, and yet, she was pawing Bella like she was fair game.

"Come on!" Tanya grabbed her hand, oblivious of the shell-shocked look Bella was sporting as she dragged her off in the direction of the sports car. "Let's get you two home."

_Home_. That was strange, Bella mused, as she slid in the backseat of the car, how the concept of a home seemed to be something people were willing to sacrifice a lot for, yet it would shift as soon as they had found a better place for it.

She was curious to find out what this new _home_ of hers would look like. Edward had not spoken to her about it so she didn't really know where he lived or what his house looked like. All she knew was that, at least for the time being, she would have to make it into a place he would want to return to after a day of work at the hospital.

The _only_ place he wanted to return to after a day of work at the hospital.

The music that blasted from the sound system as Tanya switched on the ignition was nothing like she had ever heard. At least, she didn't think so. The sound of heavy guitars and drums almost splitting her ears as she listened, eyes wide open, to the sound of what could have been a male or a female tearing off into a song that could well herald the end of the world.

_What the hell is this?_ Having been schooled in nothing but classical music and opera for the past couple of years and not having much experience with any kind of music before that except for the songs of Sesame Street her mom and she used to sing when she was little, that noise was nothing short of revolutionary to her ears. It didn't play by any kind of rule she had previously held on to when listening to music and she was sure a lot of people would hate it.

But not she.

The guitars and the strange, almost androgynous voice stirred a kind of excitement inside her that only grew when the little sports car tore out of its parking space, the engine roaring triumphantly as it navigated the hectic roadways around the airport. It was the true sound of freedom.

"Muse?" Edward meanwhile huffed, turning the volume down much to Bella's dismay. "Couldn't you have picked something a little easier on the ears to ease my girl into modern music?"

"What?" Tanya spat back, the car veering from left to right in a frantic bid to find a bit of open road for it to stretch the engine's capabilities. "Like those boring old farts you like to listen to? That's not modern music, man, that's like making her believe a Commodore 64 is a modern computer!"

"She already knows a thing or two about jazz, Tan," Edward grumbled. Even in the short amount of time they had spent together, Bella had already learned that her beloved didn't like it when his choice in music was criticized so she was rather startled that this woman just blatantly made fun of it. _Maybe that's why they got divorced?_

"I'm just saying maybe something a bit more accessible would have been nice?"

"Fine!" Tanya's smiling eyes caught hers through the rearview mirror as she rolled them theatrically, one-handedly speeding along the freeway as she fumbled with the controls of the radio, the all-consuming, overpowering sounds of guitar music making place for a sound so pure and lovely it almost brought Bella to tears on the first few notes. "There," Tanya, unaware of the emotional rollercoaster she was sending one of her passengers on, sneered at Edward. "Better?"

"Much," Edward nodded, leaning his head against the headrest as he, too, let the soft, mellow tunes wash over him.

As Edward and Tanya quietly argued over the roads that would get them to their destination as fast as possible – truly, she was starting to wonder why the two of them had ever gotten married since all they seemed to do was fight – Bella drifted off, the sound of the music lulling her into an almost melancholy state as she tried to absorb the vast amounts of grey surrounding her.

She was definitely not in the forest anymore.

There was a kind of rough beauty about the landscape she was travelling through, one that reminded her of the first time she'd driven into Los Angeles. It seemed almost light-years ago but she still remembered what it was like to be surrounded by tall buildings again after so long of living in the outback of Arizona. Being there, right there and then in the backseat of a flashy sports car, felt pretty much the same, though without the sense of dread she'd been feeling when she'd entered LA, unsure of how to make a living or even how to survive on the streets.

_Well, not completely without a sense of dread…_

Much like back then, a lot about her future was still unsure. She knew what she wanted – what she'd dreamed about on all those nights when the thought of what she stood to gain by keeping to her end of the contract she'd had with Aro was all that kept her going – but whether or not Edward would allow it?

She sighed, once again letting the soothing tones of the music bring her back to a more happy state of mind. As much as she loved Edward, with all her heart, she hated being dependent on him – on _anyone_ – once more. _It would have been so much different, coming here with him, if only she had been truly free and independent…_

She would just have to get used to it, though. Bella sighed, letting her eyes drift out the window as the concrete city embraced her in its roughhewn hold. Things were the way there were. There was no changing it. The only thing she could do was go with the flow, hope for the best and trust in the gut feeling that was telling her in Edward she'd finally found a man in her life worth loving.

And as if to reassure her, the chorus of the soft song that had been playing picked up as three men sang in perfect harmony the words she just needed to hear at that moment. _Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise_

That's just it. All her life – or at least for the past couple of years – she had been waiting for the moment to finally be free and now that the moment had come, she was ruining it by only thinking about what could go wrong.

"You've gone awfully quiet back there." Her heart thumped violently as Edward turned around, his green eyes happy as they zoned in on her. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just…the changes in my life, I guess." She shrugged, pulling at the sleeves of her coat, a nervous habit she'd picked up when she was still living with Phil and forced to always wear a long sleeve to cover up her bruises. "Sometimes I can't help but feel a little overwhelmed."

He nodded, turning as far as his seat allowed him. "I can't even begin to imagine how all of this must feel to you."

She knew deep down she should probably say something about how she truly felt; about how half the time being in this world was like being thrown into the deep end without anyone teaching you how to swim first.

But she didn't

Instead she referred back to her time-honored way of dealing with situations that went far over her head: acting like she had it all under control. "It's okay," she answered, mustering as confident a smile as she could manage as inwardly she immediately felt bad about lying to Edward. She would have felt worse, though, if she'd made him worry about her and ruined his day.

This was supposed to be a happy day.

The drive to Edward's house didn't take long. All too soon they were leaving the freeway, following the signs to Forest Park as finally the ugly scenery surrounding the expressway started to give way to a slightly better view of homes and gardens, bringing back the foggy memories of the street in Philadelphia, the town she'd spent the first five years of her life in.

This she could do. She smiled, feeling slightly emboldened by the sight before her and the happy memories they made her remember. She used to be happy on a street like this…

"We're here." Edward's voice held a mixture of relief, apprehension and excitement as his ex-wife pulled up in front of a white house that looked…unlike she'd ever even dared to imagine.

And so much better.

Getting out of the car she could immediately see that the place looked unlived in, which wasn't so surprising since Edward had spent the past six months in Washington State. There were no flowers in the window or even curtains giving the place a warm feeling. The porch that spanned the whole width of the house was empty of chairs and other accessories that welcomed them home and, though it looked like someone had at least taken the trouble of sweeping away the leaves and other dirt that must have accumulated over the months, the flower pots remained empty and the flag pole bare.

She would make this into a home again. _For him. _

Edward took her hand, his nerves naked in his eyes and his slightly clammy hand reached for her as he helped her out of the car, constantly studying her reaction to her new home. "So, what do you think?" he finally murmured. "Does it pass inspection enough to take a look inside?"

"I can't wait," she replied, honestly this time, squeezing his hand as they walked the small pathway leading to the front door together, for what she hoped would be the first of many times.

"It's a small place," he warned her, his hand hovering over the knob after he'd stuck his key into the lock. "And I have to warn you, decorating hasn't exactly been high on my list of priorities over the past couple of years."

She rose up on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek because she just couldn't stop herself. He looked simply too adorable at that moment, all nervous and shy, to resist. "I'll keep an open mind." Then, a little firmer and with her free hand on his hip. "Now open the door and show me."

He chuckled, a nervous laugh but Bella was happy she at least got a smile out of him. "Yes ma'am."

As soon as he opened the door she could see what he had been talking about just before as the whole 'unlived in' theme continued inside. It was reasonably clean and, from the looks of it, well kept up but there was nothing about the place that told her someone had made it home for the past couple of years. In fact, it looked like someone had just moved out.

She frowned, noting the empty spaces where, logically, there should have been furniture; a missing dining room set, an outline on the wall that indicated a bookcase used to stand there, a big open spot on the rug that should have been home to a coffee table… "What happened to the furniture?" She'd blurted her question out before thinking about it, her bottom lip immediately disappearing between her teeth as she caught Edward's discomfort.

"When Tanya and I got divorced…" He started, scratching the back of his head as he nervously switched from one foot to the other. "Well, she took some of the furniture she'd brought in when we moved here and…well, I guess I never really got round to replacing it."

"Oh." Bella's brow furrowed ash she remembered that Edward and Tanya's divorce had been quite some time ago. _Strange_. "Well, we can get new stuff, right?"

"Of course," he nodded. "I imagine you'd want to make your own mark around the place."

Bella struggled not to break out in giggles as she nodded since making her mark, to her, sounded an awful lot like something a dog would do and somehow she didn't think Edward had meant that she should be peeing against what furniture was still there.

"Now," his smiled turned mischievous, "I think it's time we honored a time-old tradition, no?"

Before Bella had time to ask what tradition he meant, she was hoisted upon the air and carried over the threshold, her surprised shriek only adding to Edward's joy as he carefully put her down again on the other side, a tender kiss to her lips welcoming her into his home. "Do you think you can be happy here, angel?"

She looked around her, seeing not what the place used to be or the history that came attached to it but the future she and Edward could build there. "Yes," she nodded, her heart throbbing almost painfully as Edward's face broke out into a radiant smile. "I believe I can be very happy here with you."

"Good." His smile was still in place as he pressed his lips to hers again, two, three times before stepping back. "Now how about you take a closer look at the place while I go get our stuff from the car? I imagine you'd want to look around in privacy or maybe freshen up."

"Okay." Always obedient, Bella started to walk around as Edward rejoined Tanya at her car. The kitchen, the downstairs office and spare bedroom seemed to be in pretty decent shape and not missing anything essential at first glance but, like the living room, they didn't have anything that made them special either.

And it was much the same upstairs.

There was only one bedroom up there and it didn't take Bella long to figure out that this must be where she and Edward would be sleeping. If the size hadn't clued her in, it would have been the en-suite bathroom and the large closet that did the trick. Not the décor, though, since apart from the fact that all the necessities such as a made bed and towels and stuff in the bathroom were there, the theme he'd spotted downstairs continued up there.

It wasn't until she'd checked out the upstairs rooms and made use of the bathroom to freshen up that she went downstairs again, or would have done so if a heated argument going on in the living room didn't make her stop at the top of the stairs.

It was Tanya who, after waiting in the car outside to give Edward and Bella the space and privacy they deserved, who was vigorously laying into her ex-husband. "…and you didn't think this through, did you?"

"What?" Edward spat back and Bella could just see the look on his face in front of her without even being there; eyes shooting fire, nostrils flaring and his hands either clenching by his sides or running through his hair. "Is there a guidebook for situations like these that I should have consulted? What was I to do, Tanya? Dump her at the nearest truck stop and let her find her own way out of this mess?"

"No," Tanya was quick to counter, "but did you really think bringing her to this house – _our_ house – was a good idea?"

"Oh, don't you get all sanctimonious with me!" Edward snarled. "This hasn't been your home in ages and even before that you hated this place, remember? Besides, where should I have taken her? To my dad's house? Yeah, that would have been a great idea!"

For a moment Bella felt awfully like a piece of luggage, a dead weight keeping people down or an unwanted relative encumbering on the privacy of good people. She hated it, most of all because part of it was true. She _was_ a dead weight. She knew nothing, could do nothing.

But the argument went on, leaving her little time for self-deprecation even if that was the only good thing to come out of it.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Tanya's scathing reply came and Bella could hear the creaking of the wooden floor as the two moved around. "What I meant was: do you have any idea how it must be for her to come into this house knowing you used to live here with your former wife and your child?" The silence Tanya's words left were deafening but she wasn't done yet. "How do you think she'll feel walking out this door knowing that right in front of her eyes is the spot where Claire died?"

Bella gasped, her hand clutching her chest as if to hold her heart together. In all the chaos she hadn't even thought about the fact that little Claire…_Oh no!_ Her eyes were drawn towards the light shining in through the bedroom window behind the half-opened door near her. She'd died there, on the street.

"Don't you pull Claire into this!" Edward howled and Bella could almost feel his pain radiating off him, making her wonder if she shouldn't maybe interfere before either of them did something stupid – or _more_ stupid – that they were going to regret. Pure self-preservation made her stop though, remembering what it felt like to be on the receiving end of someone's wrath. "Besides, it doesn't seem like it's too hard for you to come down here."

"Don't talk to me about grief, Edward!" Tanya's voice held a strong warning, one that would have put Bella on her guard if she were downstairs, although, she somehow doubted Edward would even pick up on it, given the state of mind he was in. "Just because I don't carry it around for all the world to see doesn't mean I don't feel it. _God_!" A sob, or at the very least a sharp intake of breath, pierced the air. "Don't you see I'm only trying to help?"

"Then you're not doing a very good job, Tan." Even though his words were picked to sting, Bella could hear the resignation in Edward's voice, a short silence heralding a sharp change in the atmosphere. "But then again, did we ever?"

"True." The same resignation seeped into Tanya's voice as the sound of creaking leather told Bella someone had sat down on one of the sofas. "But you have to think about what will happen when you go to work next week; what it will do to her to sit here, all by herself, all week with nothing to do."

"You're right." Edward sounded tired all of a sudden, all of the fight that had been so strong with him now vanished as she heard the sound of another body hitting the leather sofa. "I never stopped to think of that."

"Well, you should," Tanya advised him. "And soon." She took a deep breath. "I'd hate for her to become disillusioned or for the two of you to have to go through what we went through."

"It won't be like that." Even in spite of everything, Bella had to smile at the conviction in his voice, telling her of his determination to make things between them work, no matter what his ex-wife might say.

"Maybe not," Tanya agreed, "but that doesn't mean you can take things for granted."

"Alright." There were a few seconds of silence before Edward went on. "I'll talk to Carmen tomorrow to find out if she knows of some volunteer jobs or charity work that Bella might like and maybe I should could even try to get her enrolled into some sort of college or shit?"

If Tanya replied, the sound of her voice was drowned out by the thundering shock that Bella's mind had to reel from because there it was… another man deciding what she should be doing with her time. Another man laying out her future in front of her without asking her what _she_ wanted first.

The blow came harder and more painfully since this time it came from someone she had dared to trust. _No! _Bella sagged into a small heap sitting at the top of the stairs, tears streaming down her face as she battled to remain still and not make a spectacle out of herself.

Would she ever really be free?

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_**Thoughts?**_

_**Due to my work as a teacher starting back up and all the obligations that go with the start of a new school year, I've decided to take next week off from updating. Normal weekly updates will resume from September 12**__**th**__**. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **

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_'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens,' said Gimli.  
'Maybe,' said Elrond, 'but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall.'  
'Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart,' said Gimli.  
'Or break it,' said Elrond._

_J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (1954)__  
_

**2**

Bella barely slept that night, her thoughts too filled with all the new impressions her day had left on her but most of all, with the argument she'd overheard between Edward and Tanya right after they'd arrived at Edward's home.

That ate at her, no matter how much she'd tried to rationalize it.

During one of her bouts of insomnia, as she lay as still as her constantly aching body allowed so as not to wake the sleeping man next to her, that she had attempted to discover why Edward's statement had struck her so fiercely.

She knew he meant well. Or, at least, she knew him well enough to know he wouldn't do something to deliberately hurt her feelings.

Or would he?

Because if he didn't, then why on earth would he ever presume to know what it was that she should be doing with her time? Why decide such important things for her instead of leaving her the choice, especially since it would be one of the first moments in her life where she got to decide her own fate?

It was a huge thing but now…now it had been taken from her.

She tried very hard not to feel too disappointed, knowing that Edward probably only had her own best interests at heart and didn't want to smother her in the whole expanse of options that lay open in front of her at that moment, but still…

It hurt.

And then, next to all the frantic thoughts whirling around in her mind, there were all the new noises, jolting her awake again just when she was starting to nod off. They were familiar from the time she'd spent on the streets in LA – cop cars running their sirens far off in the distance, a neighbor coming home late and stumbling up his front steps, the rumbling of garage doors as the first people had to get off to work. She had no trouble identifying the sounds around her, the loudness and suddenness often scaring her half to death. After years of hearing nothing but the sounds of rustling trees in the wind, rain pattering against the window and the sounds of the animals in the forest living out their nocturnal lives she found that her subconscious was ill adjusted to city life.

But that, too, would pass.

It had to, if she wanted to make this place her home.

Instead of focusing on the bad, Bella tried to hold onto the good in her life as she laid awake, safe in the protective embrace of her lover as his musky, masculine scent enveloped her and reminded her of the new life she had in front of her.

She loved him…so much so she was afraid her heart wouldn't be able to shoulder the weight of it sometimes.

It felt good, even if it still scared the living daylights out of her to put all her hopes and dreams on this one thing, this one feeling in her heart, to work out. History, and many afternoons spent with a book in her hand, had taught her what usually happened to those who acted as rashly as she had. And it wasn't good. But that wasn't going to happen to her, she kept on telling herself.

Edward was different.

Edward could be trusted.

She looked at him, his face looking so young and boyish as he squirmed in his sleep, mumbling something inaudible as his hand reached out to her side of the bed, his body only going back to deep undisturbed sleep when it found hers.

Even in his sleep he was always looking out for her.

Or was he just making sure she hadn't left?

She sighed, wishing she could switch off the part of her brain which constantly had to question anything and was perpetually aware of every danger - real or imagined - that surrounded her as she turned to her side so that she could keep looking at the man she loved. Bella used the calming sight of his sleeping form to keep her grounded as her nerves and the good citizens of Forest Park allowed her to nod off for a little while.

The quiet didn't last for long, though. All too soon another one of her new neighbors left his or her home with a rattling garage door and a rumbling engine, jolting her awake again after what felt like only five minutes of deep, blissful sleep. It was a good thing that, over the years, she'd learned to get by with little to no sleep at all since she could feel in her bones that no matter how much she'd try, she was done sleeping for the night.

She sighed, slowly and carefully extricating herself from the almost starfish position Edward had taken up all over her, her bare feet protesting against the cold as they hit the floorboards while she pressed a kiss to the crown of Edward's head before tiptoeing out of the room and downstairs, determined to show how good she could be for him by making breakfast.

In all of that, however, she hadn't considered that after six months of absence Edward's fridge and kitchen cabinets would be completely devoid of anything edible; the empty shelves seeming to almost mock her in her state of exhaustion and disarray.

"Shit!" she mumbled, scratching her head as she tried to think of something else she could do to pass the time until Edward woke up. With cooking out of the option she knew better than to start cleaning the house with someone asleep upstairs.

She'd wake him up, which might make him angry.

Feeling a little lost, Bella wandered from the kitchen into the living room, her idle hands immediately setting to the task of folding up the plaid blanket that had kept them warm the night before as Edward watched the news and she just sat there stunned with all the things she's missed and all the stuff that happened while she had been stuck in the limbo of James' house without a television, radio or even a regular newspaper subscription. Scrunching her nose against the stale smell of disuse that came from the fabric, she draped it neatly over the back of the sofa again, just as it had been when she came in yesterday. She made a mental note to wash it as soon as she had the opportunity because, like everything else, the thing had felt and smelled like it hadn't been used in a long time.

She settled down on the sofa with a book that had obviously been left behind when the bookcase had been moved, the blanket soon finding its way back around her shoulders as she tried to get into the plot. It didn't take her a lot of time, though, to realize why this book had not gone the same way she presumed, the other ones had; the plot so obvious and the characters so bland and uninspiring that the only thing keeping her interest was the fact that she would be even more bored if she'd put it down than she was while reading it.

Bella glanced at the clock. _Eight AM._ Back in Forks that would have been reading time as well. She and James would have just finished their breakfasts and she would have cleaned and put the dirty dishes away before joining him in his study with a book. The book he would have picked for her would have been much more exciting and thought provoking than the one she was trying to read, and before James got too sick to focus on anything except for his own diseased mind, her reading would have been followed by a lengthy discussion and dissection of everything she'd just read.

Bella had learned so much during their reading times; things she'd had never even knew existed or had only heard about faintly. Philosophy, theoretical science, biology, literature, history…there wasn't a topic that he hadn't known something about and not a single area of thought left behind, the books he ordered through his literary agent back in Boston carried her through many lonely nights and her fear of the dark and the unknown stretching out on the other side of the huge windows that seemed to be everywhere.

"There you are!" Suddenly Edward's voice was right there, next to her face. "You know, when I woke up and couldn't find you, I almost thought you'd run off."

She almost dropped the book in her lap from pure shock, wondering why she hadn't heard him coming down the stairs as she tried to figure out whether he was mad because she'd snuck off on her own or just relieved to be seeing her again. "I'm sorry," she muttered, putting the book down in her lap. "I couldn't sleep."

"City noises, huh?" Edward nodded, hopping over the arm of the sofa to sit next to her. "I woke up a couple of times myself. Takes some getting used to being back in the city I guess."

She nodded along with him. "I don't remember it being so damn noisy!"

"You'll get used to it, angel," Edward reassured her, kissing the bare spot between the neckline of her shirt and her throat. "You should have woken me up, though."

Bella rolled her eyes, knowing it was the last thing she would have done. "Why? So you could suffer along with me?" She chuckled, this time for real as she saw understanding dawn on Edward's face. "I only came down here thinking I could make us some breakfast but there was nothing that seemed edible."

"I guess that means I'm taking you out for breakfast, huh?" Edward smiled, one of his hands rubbing along her bare arm to keep it warm while he scratched the center of his chest with his other. "So what are you reading?"

She held up the book, her laughter returning when she caught Edward's grimace as he spotted the title. "I give you credit for trying to get through that one. I think I gave up on page five!"

"So you _do_ read?" Bella teased nodding her head at the discolored spot on the wall where the bookcase used to be. Or so she assumed.

Edward grinned, making her squeal when out of the blue he pulled her into his arms. "Contrary to what my house may say about me, I'm not a complete idiot. I took most of the stuff I had with me to Forks so we'll just have to wait for it to be shipped back."

Bella nodded, remembering the whole wall of books and records in his room back in Forks. "Then I guess it's time to buy a new bookcase isn't it?"

Edward nodded, his hand moving upwards to run through his hair as he took a good look around him. "Along with a few other things I never got round to buying."

"Why?" Bella asked, voicing the question that had been plaguing her mind ever since she first took in the almost derelict state of the house. "Why would you leave the house like this when it's supposed to be your safe haven?" _Why even live here at all, given what had happened right outside the front door? _

Edward sighed, the set of his lips and jaw telling her that there was more to it than just a simple explanation. But if he was going to tell her what that was, the annoying rumbling of her stomach stopped the words just as they were starting to come out. Instead he smiled, patting her leg as he got up from the couch. "How about I tell you over breakfast?"

"Okay," she reluctantly yielded, "as long as you _do_ tell me."

"I wouldn't dare keep anything from you," Edward joked, heading back upstairs after pressing another kiss into her hair.

The smile she had somehow managed to conjure on her face didn't reach her eyes because she knew his words were a lie. After all, hadn't he kept his entire conversation with Tanya from the night before from her?

Bella came down only when she'd made sure it was safe to do so, Edward and Tanya both seated on opposite ends of the sofa as a heavy, awkward silence had settled over them. Neither had mentioned anything about their fight or, apparently, even entertained the notion that maybe she had heard it at all. They just simply acted like nothing had happened and since she, herself, was still too upset to rise up in her own defense, the whole thing had settled as a sordid, rotting secret between them even long after Edward had suggested they watch a movie to slowly ease her back into the world of television and let her pick whatever she wanted from his huge collection of DVDs. _Yet another new word to add to her ever-expanding vocabulary of the modern world. _

It had remained, hanging between them as they huddled under the blanket together, watching the overwhelming visual spectacle on the screen. She'd chosen the movie mainly because it was an adaptation of a book she and James had read and discussed together but as she sat there, watching with her mouth open as wide as a hobbit's, elf or other creature as her imagination sprang to life right in front of her, it was like she was no longer a spectator but sucked right into the action.

It had made her wonder what James would have said if he'd had the chance to watch it. _Or maybe he had? _It also made her miss the old man and his clever insights into the way the author criticized his own times and modeled his own world after a mixture of early western mythology. The movie represented that but, at the same time, completely disregarded the deeper meanings of it all. It confused her when it should have been taking her mind away from the turmoil it had already been there.

It had kept on festering throughout the movie and as they made their way up the stairs, forcing Bella to fake tiredness and retreat to her end of the bed after taking a shower, forgoing Edward's touch and taste because she knew inside that she was too scared to let him take from her and too empty to give him anything in return.

That had been the beginning stages of her sleepless night.

A grimace marred her face as she got dressed, listening to the distant sound of Edward singing in the shower, the sound of his voice so clear and melodic bringing a smile to her face even in spite of herself as she got dressed, her legs still getting used to the constricting feeling of pants instead of the dresses and skirts she had been forced to wear the past years.

It was a constriction she was more than happy to allow, though, since the freedom of movement they gave her far outshone any awkwardness or sense of being nearly naked she felt at first.

And she got to wear her Vans now for the entire world to see.

All day.

Every day.

Bella had grinned triumphantly, glancing over her shoulder at the small pile of clothes lying on top of her little travel case, the green pumps she'd been wearing when she made her escape neatly arranged in front of it. No more uncomfortable shoes or having to check if the edge of your skirt had gotten stuck in your underwear after each bathroom visit. _This_ was what freedom was all about.

After Edward finished dressing for the day, Bella felt both anxious and excited leaving the house for the first time with him by her side, her excitement only growing when a short trip across the backyard brought her to the garage and, most importantly, to Edward's car.

"So this is where all the money went?" she chuckled, appreciatively running her hand along the pristine silver paint job of what could only be described as one hell of a car.

"Yep," Edward grinned, his pride omni-apparent in his features as he pressed the button to open the doors. "By the way, we should get you a car as well, so you can get around easily when I go back to work."

She nodded, though the thought of driving through any kind of traffic like the one she'd seen the day before scared the hell out of her. "I don't think I want a big one like this, though, no matter how pretty it is."

"You haven't even seen it in action!" Edward chuckled proudly, revving the engine as he waited for the garage doors to open. And for once, Bella didn't mind the sound. "We'll get online to look at some models when we get back."

_Ah, yes, the internet. Just another thing she has to get used to. _Bella sighed, listening closely as Edward regaled her with the ins and outs of the neighborhood during their short drive to where, according to him, the best pancakes in the world were to be eaten.

He wasn't kidding.

"Oh my gosh!" she groaned as the heady taste of the thick, succulent pancake dripping in maple syrup hit her palette, her cheeks alighting as she caught the effect of her almost orgasmic taste experience was having on Edward. "This is so fucking good!"

Edward grinned, pushing the second plate a little closer to her as he dug into his own breakfast. "Try some of the bacon."

It was a good thing he'd insisted she'd order her own side of bacon because she got through it all without even realizing it, her stomach so full she couldn't fathom ever eating again after she'd finished. Her nails tapping impatiently against her coffee cup as she waited for Edward to finish his final bite. "Now tell me why your house is almost empty."

Edward almost chocked on his food. "Fuck me! You weren't kidding, were you?"

"I have," she smart-assed back, her full stomach and Edward's easy mood giving her the courage to speak her mind without checking each and every word for possible damage. "And no: I _wasn't_ kidding. You promised me the truth and I want it." Even if it was just a sort of dress rehearsal for her more important questions.

"Very well, then," Edward agreed, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "It's not like it's some big secret anyway. I just…" He sighed and already Bella could see that where it may not have been a big secret, it was something that weighed rather heavily on his mind, her hand unconsciously reaching out to his, their fingers tangling together, as he went on. "When Tanya moved out, she took most of the stuff she brought into the house with her to her new place and, well, it won't be a surprise that she had done most of the decorating."

He smiled a bitter, yet resigned, smile as he absentmindedly scooped up a few drops of leftover syrup with his finger, savoring the taste before he continued. "She didn't even take it all or I would have been left with just the walls and the kitchen sink, I guess. Anyway…" Another long pause rung out as he let out a deep sigh. "With it being so soon after Claire…redecorating was the last thing on my mind, I guess. I still wasn't quite sure if I wanted to move or not and even in spite of that, it wasn't like I was spending much time being there anyway." He shrugged. "I was always at the hospital. By the time I got home, I was usually too strung out to care about anything or even notice much of my surroundings. I was alright as long as I came in through the garage and kept the curtain on the front windows closed. "

"And are you sure now? I mean…about moving or staying?" She knew that this would probably be a good time to mention the argument she'd overheard the day before but somehow she couldn't bring herself to do it. As soon as she was starting to pick out the words to tell him, her throat clammed up and she could feel herself breaking out into a sweat.

"Not really." He shook his head, letting out another deep breath. "I guess that's something we're going to have to figure out together, huh?"

For the first time since overhearing their argument, Bella was able to draw a clear breath. _He _does_ want her involved in the decision making. _Inwardly, she was running around flailing her arms, though outwardly she tried to remain composed. "I could make your place into a home," she suggested, fighting her nerves as she held onto that shard of determination that wanted to fill every inch of input Edward allowed her. "But would you really want to live there, what with everything that's taken place?"

She waited for him to reply but, most of all, she waited for him to bring up his conversation with Tanya which had mainly evolved around the same subject.

He didn't.

"I don't know," he replied, fidgeting around the empty plate with his cutlery. That was driving her mad and she was this close to slapping his hands away when he finally spoke again. "I've never really tried living there after…if you know what I mean."

She thought about that for a few moments, trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle that explained to her what life had been like for Edward after he had lost Claire and then, so soon afterwards, his wife as well. The building resembled the shell he'd been when she first met him. "What's the first thing you think about when you drive up to the house?"

Bella saw Edward's answer in his eyes before he'd forced out the words. "Claire. The accident."

That was such a minimal reply but it told her all she needed to know. "Then I think you have your answer."

He sighed, his hand heavy on hers again as he nodded his head. "It's going to be hard to say goodbye to that house, though. As bad as it ended, it's where she lived…her whole life; where she took her first steps, holding herself up on the handles of the kitchen cabinets, where each month she would scream at me as I forced her to stand still long enough so that I could trace her growth on the pantry door…"

His free hand was clutching the knife in his hand so fiercely it was turning pale white until, finally it relaxed as Edward had fought through whatever war was raging in his head. "But I guess I get what you're saying about having to move on just to save myself. Besides…" His smile was back as he raised her hand to his lips over the table. "We bought the house on the meager income of two medical students. It won't do now that I'm a big hotshot doctor with full control over his trust fund."

"So you'll want a bigger house?" Already horror images were forming in her mind of having to clean something akin to a palace. She wasn't quite sure if she liked that idea.

"_We'll_ pick something that suits us," Edward replied, looking quite intrigued by her panic-stricken look, though he didn't ask how it got there. "This is going to be your home as much as it will be mine, even more so since I'll be working a lot."

She nodded, though really all she was doing was trying not to feel the effect of having to hear that she would be alone most of the time while he was off to work. Well, at least if the house they'd be getting was big, she would have plenty to do.

"And I imagine you'll want to be a little closer to downtown Chicago where all the action happens," Edward meanwhile went on, blissfully oblivious to her inner musings. "I'm thinking maybe somewhere in Bucktown or Lincoln Park…" He let his voice trail off and she could see that he was already making plans in his head. "I'll get on the phone with the family's realtor when we get back."

"Okay." She could feel herself getting overwhelmed again but she went along with it, happy about the change she was starting to see in him. That was like a huge dead weight had been lifted from his shoulders, his smile a little brighter than before and his mood positively jubilant as he threw a wad of cash on the table to pay for their breakfast and escorted her back to the car, one arm always around her shoulders as he kept on firing ideas at her.

As they crossed the streets of Forest Park in search of provisions she could slowly feel herself becoming a little more used to the crowdedness around her and the overwhelming sensory overload the city, with all its advertisements and noises, posed to her ill-trained eyes and ears. Being in the car helped, or so she guessed, since she was always a little ways away from the action and with the quiet hum of the car forming a sort of soothing heartbeat to center her, she'd felt more up to the challenge.

Bella had managed to find almost everything she needed to put food on the table for the next couple of days at a shop called 'Whole Foods'. Edward dutifully trailing after her with a huge shopping cart as she navigated aisles much bigger and better stocked than the ones at the local 7Eleven in Forks had been. On their way back they made a quick stop at a phone store to replace Bella's cell phone that had gotten lost in her escape from James' house before they made their way back, the kitchen already looking a little better with food easily distinguishable on its countertops.

Before she could think about fixing them lunch or starting the job of ridding the house of any remaining stale smells, Edward was already pulling on her arm, eager to get her out of the house again to take her for a tour of his city.

"I can't wait to show you all of the places I used to hang out!" he all but squealed, his face flush with excitement as he backed the car out of the garage again.

Bella found it almost impossible not to be infected by Edward's enthusiasm, especially not as a short drive along the freeway took them to the expensive looking private school he'd attended when he was a kid, a never-ending flood of stories about what kind of mischief he used to get up to keeping her more than entertained and teaching her so much more about the man she loved than she ever imagined.

If only she would have known, back in those early days when she was almost breaking her head trying to figure him out, that all it would have taken was a drive around his home town to get to the core of who he really was.

"And that's where me and Frederick Hall used to pretend we were NBA-worthy just so that we could get the attention of the girls who were always hanging out on those benches across the street," he went on, pointing from the little concrete basketball court to the park across the road, where a few older people were scattered across the seats that used to hold his potential love interests.

"And did you?" she asked, her initial anxiety completely gone now that they had started their quest around town. She had to admit, though, that the thought of Edward trying to impress other girls didn't really appeal to her.

No, she didn't like _that_ at all.

"What do you think?" Edward grinned smugly, steering the car around a bend in search for their next stop. "Though I think my dad's money was a bigger attraction than my skills at basketball."

Bella had the distinct notion that his looks might have been more important than that since, unless Chicago's youth had skills that allowed them to smell money from a distance, there was no way those girls could have known his dad was loaded whereas the looks…they were pretty self-explanatory. She didn't mention it, though, since she'd had a feeling that might have made Edward's head a few sizes too big for his shoulders.

"We're driving around the Lincoln Park area right now, by the way," Edward mentioned, drawing Bella's attention back to the outdoors where row after row of beautiful brick townhouses spanned out in front of her, separated from the roads by tall trees and well maintained little patches of grass and sidewalks.

"It's nice," she muttered, comparing the stateliness and understated class of this area to the more messy and cozy atmosphere of Forest Park. This, definitely, was a neighborhood designed for doctors, lawyers and other white-collared workers. He belonged here, which meant that whatever it took, she would have to learn how to belong there as well. "These buildings…"

"They're amazing, aren't they?" Edward nodded, the pleasure of her approval clear in his voice. "You should see the insides of these places. They're amazing with high ceilings and the fireplaces…I'd always imagined myself living here back when I was in school."

"Then you will – _we_ will," she said, decidedly, willing her hand not to shake as she closed it around his. _At least the houses were older, which meant fewer windows._ "I like the brick," she mused, her eyes drawn to another one of the massive stone structures that rose up from the side of the streets. "It makes you feel safe."

Edward smiled, once more turning the car onto a new road as they drew closer and closer to the city center, Bella's anxiety rising slightly again as traffic around them got more heavy and the buildings grew ever taller.

"This is Michigan Avenue," he announced as they turned onto a wide street. "It's where Carmen takes me when she really wants to torture me." He chuckled at Bella's look of confusion, explaining himself only once he could see she was getting frustrated. "She believes that if I want to be a doctor, I have to dress the part, which means taking me for shopping trips all along this road to the kind of shops that charge enough money to feed a small third world country just for one suit."

Bella's brows furrowed as she stared at one of the shops along the way, figuring that if those shops wanted to market their ridiculously overpriced clothes, they'd do good to put more of them in the windows because how on earth was a person ever going to come through the door if they only had one or two outfits to judge the skills and quality of the designer on?

"I believe she's going to extend that torture to you tomorrow," Edward meanwhile, jokingly added.

She looked up so abruptly she had to rub her neck against the sharp pain her movement caused, her eyes wide with surprise. "What?"

"I called her last night when you were in the shower and she suggested taking you on a shopping trip tomorrow while I have my appointment at the hospital to get to know you a bit better," Edward went on, not picking up on the distinct change of atmosphere in the car his words brought about. "She and Alice have really been looking forward to spending some time together and you need some new clothes to replace what you lost. It will be good."

Once again he was planning ahead without consulting her. Bella scowled, angling her body away from him as she stubbornly focused on the outside world, too upset and angry to react to Edward's plans or even nod to indicate she'd heard them.

Edward, confusing her lack of response for rapt bewitchment with the outside world, went on pointing out little spots along the way that had a special meaning to him, the car rumbling on as slowly Bella's anxiety went down to somewhat manageable levels again. She didn't speak though, as she sensed from the heightening excitement in Edward voice, as they got near their next destination she did start to acknowledge what he was saying again.

She was even getting slightly excited when, instead of just driving past whatever he wanted to show her, he parked the car at their next stop, getting out and taking her hand as he trudged her off into the unknown. "Where are we going?"

"It's just up there." He pointed off into the distance where she could see nothing worthy of their attention. "First I'm going to get you fed because I don't know about you, but I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." He chuckled as, in time with his statement, her stomach started to rumble. "Then I'm going to take you up in the Ferris Wheel where you can really appreciate the skyline and the lake better and then we're just going to do a couple things and walk around hand in hand around the Pier, maybe I'll steel a kiss or two, until it's time to go back for the grand finale."

"Okay," was all she could say in response, her mind too flabbergasted by the foreign information it had to process to produce a more intelligent reply.

Edward kept his word, enjoying her delight when she bit into her hotdog – with the works – the first hotdog she'd had in years since James had never allowed such food in his house – and devoured her milkshake before squealing with delight as the Ferris Wheel took them high above the city where the clear, cold February sky allowed her a magnificent view across vast expanse of water and the stony mass rising up from its side.

"I'll bring you back here in the Spring," Edward whispered in her ear, his lips touching her skin as they had been doing ever since they'd started to enjoy the privacy of their own gondola. "We'll tour the lake by boat – a private boat, mind you – and we'll make love out on the open water after watching the fireworks erupt from the Pier."

Even in spite of the fact that she was still angry and hurt, she could feel a shiver going down her spine, her teeth pressing so firmly against her bottom lip that she was afraid she was going to draw blood. Yet outwardly, she somehow found the courage to tease. "I hope it will be a warm spring day, then, since I don't want my ass to get frostbitten."

He laughed and oh did she enjoy the sight of it, his head thrown backwards and his face so young and boyish as his chest rumbled. "You're definitely right about that, angel. Well, it might be more like late Spring, but we're coming back here, for sure."

The Ferris Wheel operator almost had to tear them out of the gondola by force when the time came, his hands and lips never wavering as they took a short stroll along the pier before heading back to the car again for what he'd said was the big finale.

"Are you sure there's something that can top this?" she asked, her brows arched skeptically as she ruminated on how good it had felt to just be a normal couple. Out on the pier, there had been no stares or jibes because out there, clad in normal jeans and shoes she had been one half of just your average, normal couple. _God, it felt good!_

"Just wait." Edward smiled mysteriously as he pulled out of the parking lot.

It was only a short drive until they pulled up at yet another parking lot, Edward's hand, again, closing around her as he took her for a short walk along one more incredibly broad and busy street until they were face to face with one of the most magnificent, awe-inspiring buildings she'd ever seen in her life.

"What is this place?" she immediately wanted to know, her voice barely registering above traffic even though she was almost yelling.

"The main building of the Chicago Public Library," Edward explained proudly, his pleasure only heightened when he saw the look of pure delight on Bella's face. "I figured that with your love of books, it was the best spot to end our journey for today."

"Can we go inside?" For once she had no trouble matching his enthusiasm, her body almost humming with impatience as they remained standing on the sidewalk.

"Lead the way." He didn't start from the ground floor, the elevator first taking them all the way to the top before he allowed her to take a good look around.

Bella didn't wait for Edward to even finish his sentence before she all but took off into a sprint, her footsteps faltering when she found herself in the middle of a huge open space, so bright and enormous it was almost as if she was still outside. "_Wow_."

"They have all sorts of functions in here," Edward, coming up behind her, spoke. "Mostly charity but every now and then some people even get married in here."

She nodded, immediately seeing the appeal. Hell, if there was any place in the world she'd ever get married, it would be here, amidst the knowledge and passionate words of so many people she'd come to admire. It would be a long time, though, before that would happen. She had a whole world to discover first and tying herself down like that? It was the last thing on her mind.

That didn't mean she wasn't devoted to Edward and their future together, it was just that the idea of seeing it all jotted down on paper in front of the world and the eyes of God scared her too much. She had so much about herself she wanted to find out first, so many things to learn about the world before she could really settle down and become someone's wife.

_Edward's wife_, she corrected herself.

Edward quietly walked after her as she perused the library, her hands reverently tracing the spines of scores of books as she slowly wandered through the rooms, picking up leaflets about membership and volunteer work along the way; two things she really wanted to involve herself in.

"Angel?" It wasn't until they were back at the ninth floor café, separated from the outside only by a glass roof, that he broke his silence. "Will you please tell me what's on your mind? I'm dying here. You've been so distant all day and…I really don't know what to do anymore."

It was then that she realized she hadn't been as candid about her pain as she might have thought, her blush so heated she was afraid the building was going to catch on fire as she scrambled to find words. "I…er…."

"_Please_," he insisted, his hand clenching around her arm as his eyes bore into her. "Nothing you say can hurt me more than having you keep me in the dark."

How could she stay silent when he put it like that? She sighed, finally giving up the fight. "I overheard you and Tanya last night."

No further explanation was needed as Edward's face colored the same shade of red as hers. "Shit! I should have known…you were only one story up and the house has thin enough walls as it is. Damn! Why didn't I fucking think!" His eyes were frantic as his other hand clenched round her almost as if he was afraid she was going to run off. "You have to know there's nothing between us anymore and I-"

She'd stopped him before he could go further down that route, his eyes widening with surprise as she put her finger on his lips to silence him. "I know that. It's just…it hurt to hear the two of you discussing my future like that."

It was clear from the look in his eyes that he didn't understand, his expression almost hurt as he scrambled to explain himself. "We were just looking out for you…making sure the transfer would be as easy as it can be."

She ignored the flash of pain tearing though her heart, knowing that if she didn't speak up now, she never would and she would be lost forever.

"I know, Edward, and I know you love me…I know that in my heart. And I love you, too, with all my heart." She closed her eyes as she geared up to speak the words that had been dying to come out for almost twenty-four hours. She knew that if she looked at him, she'd never get them out.

"But when you make plans like that, without stopping to ask what I want…it's like I'm back with _him_ again."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **

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"_May I ask to what these questions tend?"  
"Merely to the illustration of __your__ character," said she, endeavouring to shake off her gravity. "I am trying to make it out."  
"And what is your success?"  
She shook her head. "I do not get on at all. __I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly__."_

_"I can readily believe," answered he gravely, "that reports may vary greatly with respect to me; and __I could wish, Miss Bennet, that you were not to sketch my character at the present moment, as there is reason to fear that the performance would reflect no credit on either__."  
"But if I do not take your likeness now, I may never have another opportunity."_

_Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)_

**3.**

_It was clear from the look in his eyes that he didn't understand, his expression almost hurt as he scrambled to explain himself. "We were just looking out for you…making sure the transfer would be as easy as it can be." _

_She ignored the flash of pain tearing though her heart, knowing that if she didn't speak up now, she never would and she would be lost forever. _

"_I know, Edward, and I know you love me…I know that in my heart. And I love you, too, with all my heart." She closed her eyes as she geared up to speak the words that had been dying to come out for almost twenty-four hours. She knew that if she looked at him, she'd never get them out. _

"_But when you make plans like that, without stopping to ask what I want…it's like I'm back with him again."_

The look on his face almost broke her heart. It was like she'd just went out and slapped him right in the face. "I…I never…"

She closed her eyes, trying to get over her own pain and anger as she tiptoed and cradled his head in her hands. "I know, Edward. _I know_."

His arms closed around her waist as if he was afraid she was going to disappear on him as he mumbled on. "I was afraid you'd get lonely or overwhelmed, stuck in that house all day with me gone, so I…."

Once again he didn't finish his sentence, but this time she did. "So you tried to make it all easier on me."

He nodded, his eyes closed and his face averted as she chuckled bitterly. "I guess I did it all wrong, huh?"

She sighed, reluctantly sinking down on the heels of her feet again as the muscles in her toes were threatening to give out on her from standing on tiptoe for so long. "You did what you thought was right." She couldn't believe she was actually defending him but in doing so, she saw the truth in the words that had just left her mouth.

And to say it was a big relief would be the understatement of the century.

It had never been intentional. It was just…one hell of an unfortunate convergence of fears and good intentions. "I can't blame you for loving me so much that you want to protect me. I just…I don't want to be left in the dark anymore or feel like I don't have control over my own life. I've spent too long living like that."

"I've been such an idiot, Bella." His smile was faint and thin but at least it was a start… _at least_ it was _there_ as he fidgeted in place. "I guess this means we have a lot of shit to discuss, huh?"

She smiled, feeling strangely elated and hopeful now that the huge weight of her fear had been lifted from her shoulders. "It's a good thing we have all the time in the world then, isn't it?"

His grin was back in full force then, making her heart beat violently in her chest and all kinds of thoughts unsuitable for a public library and that was even before he spoke, the soft, liquid velvet of his voice making her have to close her eyes to let it wash over her in full effect. "How about I take you home?"

She knew his words probably didn't imply an evening spent naked and wrapped up in each other, though she held good hopes for what would happen when they were done talking, but her enthusiasm when she accepted his offer and his hand as he stretched it out towards her wasn't lessened by it in the slightest. There was something quite sexy about making plans for the future – _their_ future together.

Though maybe that was just because with Edward, everything he did was laced with an air of understated sensuality, even heavy discussions and boring plan making.

The excitement that had been there when they had walked up to the library was gone on their way back but so was the awkward tension that had been there like an undercurrent throughout the day.

She had said it.

She'd spoken her mind.

And it felt so good.

Her fears of never being able to find out who she really was, of never being able to decide her own fate and enjoy the freedom she'd longed for so long? They were out there now, in the open, waiting to be discussed and put to bed. Forever, or so she hoped.

Though the look on his face when she'd thrown the ugly truth at him was still lodged in her brain like a splinter and she knew she was going to do her stinking best to never ever see that look on his face again, she also knew that putting it there had been the start of something good, ironic though it may have seemed. It was the start of a huge jump forward for both of them and, she had suspected, the key to making this thing between them work.

And she wanted that. God, did she want it to work out for them!

Without him, she would be lost.

Alone.

She didn't even want to think about it because even the thought made her panic. And it was all unnecessary anyway, because he was right there, next to her, as eager to be with her as she was with him.

She smiled, lacing her fingers with his as they waited for the red light to turn green, her eyes widening when they fell on one of the cars swooshing by. "That's it!" she cried, startling not just Edward but pretty much everyone waiting on the sidewalk around them. "That's the car I want!" Her excitement made her hop up and down like an idiot as the car slowly went out of view, her eyes immediately on Edward as she tried to act normal again. "Can I get one?"

He chuckled, amused by her sudden exuberance. "A Beetle, really? You don't want a bigger car?"

"Nu-uh!" she answered decidedly, shaking her head. As pretty as Edward's car was and as much as it suited him, she wanted something different and this car...it was just that. Different, cute and easy to find a parking space for. "I want that one."

"Then you'll have it," Edward grinned, kissing the crown of her head as the traffic light finally turned green and they were able to cross the road. "Do you want to swing by the dealership on our way back."

Her eyes widened, though not with panic but sheer excitement. "We can do that?"

"Sure." She hadn't even noticed they were already back to where their car was parked until Edward's hand let go of hers as he held the passenger door open for her to get in. "I'll just see if I can find one on my phone."

A few hours later, Bella had become the proud owner of a dark blue Volkswagen Beetle with all the bells and whistles that made her head spin but, as Edward had insisted, were all vital to making it a safe and fun car for her to get around the city.

She'd just have to take his word for it.

For now.

As much as Bella's head was spinning, when they walked out of the showroom afterward, her smile was beaming as she rejoiced in each and every choice she'd been able to make.

What particular model did she prefer?

Classic? Turbo?

With or without a sunroof?

Or convertible?

What color did she want her car to be?

What kind of material should the inside be? Leather or cloth?

What kind of specs did she like?

Her ass had been inside of more cars than she'd ever seen together in her life and in discussing things like air-conditioning, satellite navigation and security systems, she'd found out not only how much further technology had been pushed ever since the 1965 Chevy truck she'd been driving around in Forks in, but also how much the industry had evolved period.

Until she'd come to Chicago, Bella couldn't even remember ever being inside a _room_ that had air-conditioning and now she had it in her car! Along with the most state of the art software and technology that Edward's money had been able to buy.

Another thing she had to get used to: the money thing.

Edward had been throwing it around like confetti, not caring about the price if it meant she could have the best. Sure, there was nothing that could be said against getting the best…only the numbers were starting to make her nervous. God knew she'd never had to worry about money when she'd been living with Aro, not like it had been with Phil or, worse, the years she's spent on the streets in LA, but even though they'd never really discussed it, she knew that whatever Aro had brought to the table probably paled in comparison to numbers on Edward's bank account.

"Talk to me sweetheart." Edward's voice pulled her out of the reverie from which the soft rumble of the engine and the course of her own thoughts had pulled her in. "Are you happy?"

"I am," she replied truthfully. "I love my car. It's so…_perfect_." So ideal, in fact, that she was close to inarticulate when it came to describing it. _She_ picked that one. It was hers _– her own_ – to do with what she wanted and drive wherever the hell she felt like driving. Well, it would be, at least, when she got to pick it up in a few days since all the added stuff Edward had insisted on would have to be installed first.

"But…" Edward insisted, obviously having learned his lesson from their heated discussion at the library.

She sighed, knowing there would be no getting out of this without a satisfying explanation. He was starting to get to know her too well, a thought that both pleased and bummed her out. _No more hiding from him_. "It's a lot of money to spend on a car."

"It's not a lot of money to spend on your safety and happiness," Edward countered, taking a few minutes to weave the car through a particularly busy stretch of road before he went on. "Try to think of the car as another form of freedom: the freedom to go _wherever_ you want, _whenever_ you want." Again he waited a few seconds for her to think about his words. "What is freedom worth to you?"

"Everything!" she answered without pause.

He chuckled. "Then there you have your answer. The money seems like a lot right now but when it comes to your happiness, safety, and especially your freedom to get around, it's money well spent, I believe."

Somehow she felt herself defenseless against his powers of persuasion. And he had a point. She wasn't naïve enough to think that they'd even scratched the surface where it came to getting to know the city but already she could see that a car would be vital in getting around the place. Cars and the money spent on buying them _did_ mean freedom. "I guess when you put it like that…" she reluctantly gave in.

"I knew you'd come around to my way of thinking!" Edward grinned smugly, her heart beating irrationally fast at the sight of him, laughing and joking with her. _They_ were free as well. "Besides, it's not like we can't afford it. You'd better get used to be spoiled, angel, because there's going to be a whole lot of more of that coming your way."

Somehow that didn't seem nearly as bad as the more conservative side of her wanted her to think. It did bring another thing to mind, though, something she'd been wondering about ever since he'd first hinted at the money he had to his name. "Just how rich is your family exactly? That's…if you don't mind me asking."

"I don't." He shrugged but she could see that her question made him slightly uncomfortable even though he'd somehow managed to plaster a rakish grin on his face. "But, babe, believe me, you don't want to know."

"I don't?" She played innocent, not wanting to press the matter if he didn't want to discuss it.

He shrugged, still uncomfortable though she could see that he was starting to ease up a little. "Let's just say that even if I quit working right now, I'd still have more money left in my trust fund than we could ever spend in a lifetime."

"Wow." Bella had a hard time even getting her mind around such a figure, though already questions were bubbling up inside of her. "Then why do you work?"

"Because I love being a doctor." His eyes were sparking with a passion she rarely ever got to see in him. It made her slightly jealous as she realized that she had a rival for his love, but also proud to be part of the life of a man so driven in what he did. "And even if I didn't, I don't want my dad's money to define who I am as a person."

"But you still took the money," she mused out loud, blushing only when she went over her words again and realized that they might be insulting. "I didn't mean…"

"No, it's alright, angel." His laughter was genuine, reassuring her that his feelings hadn't been hurt by her remark. "The money was transferred to me on my thirtieth birthday, as per instructions left when I was born. Refusing it would have been a hell of a hassle and giving it to charity…" He shrugged, a long breath leaving his mouth as he thought things over. "Call me a hypocrite but the way I see it, I've _earned_ that money fair and square through all the days I spent as a kid being closer to my nanny than to my own parents and all the pressure that's been heaped on my ever since I was born to become someone I might not even want to be; someone I _didn't_ want to be in the end."

"So you're seeing it as a sort of damage pay?" It made sense to her almost as much as it didn't but for the moment Bella was fine just _knowing_ what went on in that mind of his. Understanding was something that would come later.

"Kind of," Edward nodded, grinning deviously, "and I have to say I get quite a kick out of spending Dad's money, especially on stuff I know he would think of as extravagant."

"Hey, my car is not extravagant!" Bella pouted, though she was really only acting in an attempt to lighten the mood again. "I bet yours cost a whole lot more money than mine did."

"Yep!" He chuckled. "And you should have seen the look on his face the first time I drove up in it."

"Then what did he want you to do with it?" She had a hard time painting the picture in her mind, though that might have had something to do with the fact that she hardly had any memories of what being a family was all about. Edward's family sounded scary, though. In fact, from the stories she'd heard about them, half the members of it completely terrified her. "I mean, he _gave_ the money to you, didn't he?"

"I think he would have preferred it if I let his financial guys handle it for me…you know, invest it wisely to let my capital grow?" She had no idea of what he was saying but she nodded anyway since she knew that was what he was waiting for. "I also think that he hoped it would be the final nudge – the ultimate guilt trip – to get me to quit my foolish preoccupation with medicine – his words – and finally join the company."

"But you didn't."

"Nope!" Again with the grin. Bella had to wonder what had happened between the two of them to make him hate his father so much. Sure, she had hated Phil with the fire of a thousand suns but that was different, he wasn't blood and he was going to let her be abused by selling her to some dirtbag. "And to this day he still really hates that I turned his offer down." He waited until they were already inside the garage before he chose to drop his next bomb on her. "By the way, we've been summoned to my dad's for dinner tomorrow night."

Edward was out of the car before Bella could even blink; the empty air he'd left behind intercepting her words of shock as immediately her throat constricted with nerves. _I am going to meet his father. Maybe his mother will be there too. His whole family…dear God!_

Eventually she had to get out of the car, her limbs no longer paralyzed with fear as she trudged after Edward, long after he had cleared the pathway through the backyard into the house.

"I'm going to order some food since I don't want to waste time cooking when we should be talking," he announced as soon as she was through the door, phone already in hand. "Do you have anything against Pad Thai?"

She had no idea what that was but if Edward considered it food worth eating then she was willing to give it a try, so she shrugged.

"How about you take a shower while I wait for our dinner to arrive," Edward, more angelic than she'd ever seen him, suggested next.

"Anything to keep me from cussing you out over dropping yet another bomb on me, huh?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, matching him as she stared him down.

In the end, though, the prospect of a shower after a long day on the town was too good to pass up on and by the time she came back downstairs in her pajama's - which were actually an oversized pair of Edward's sweats since she didn't own any at that moment - most of her anger had died down, the fragrant, spicy smell of food making her mouth water enough to rid it of any scathing remarks she might have otherwise made.

"This is not getting you off the hook!" she warned him as she joined him on the sofa, reaching out for the plate of food he had put together for her.

"Keep the milk within close range," he merely remarked, completely ignoring her warning as he pushed the full glass closer to her. "I ordered it mild but I figure that it may still be a little sharp for your taste."

He was right. The food tasted amazing but as soon as she'd taken the first bite an unstoppable heat started to rise inside of her and not of the kind that would end in sexy times on the couch. Coughing, and with tears pouring from her eyes, she reached for the milk, breathing a sigh of relief when it abated the worst of the fire, though her skin was still clammy with the sweat of her first Thai experience. "Dear God!"

Edward chuckled, her eyes narrowing at the pleasure he took in her discomfort. "Do you like it?"

"I like the food," she answered, her voice as sharp as the taste of it. "I don't like that it sets me on fire."

"You'll get used to it," he answered, his laughter ringing out in the silence as he grabbed the remote control, yet another thing that seemed to have evolved since the last time she'd seen one. "Do you mind if I watch the news?"

She shook her head, though truthfully it had disconcerted her ever since she'd first watched the state of the world in full color and moving image a few days ago with Esme that she knew so little of the earth she inhabited. It had been only a few years since she'd devoured every free newspaper she could get her hands on while sulking around the streets of LA, trying to come to grips again with current events she'd known so little of during her years of incarceration at Phil's. So much had happened since then, though, she felt like she knew nothing.

Like she was an alien on her own planet.

She focused mainly on her food as words and images of politics, economy and war filled the living room, trying not to feel sad or disappointed that apparently the world wasn't the beautiful place she'd been so eager to explore for so long.

She ate and drank, the glass of milk being her saving grace whenever the spices started to take over her mouth and sweat glands, only looking up when a story about the good – two people getting married – broke through the monotony of what was wrong with the world.

There was still hope, then.

It was only after they'd found out what the weather was going to be like the next day (dry but cold and windy, no surprises there) that Edward switched the television off again, knowing how tired and overwhelmed the constant abuse of vibrant images and new impressions made her. "So," he hedged, scraping his plate empty of the last remnants of food. "Let's talk?"

She nodded, putting her plate on the floor in absence of a coffee table, her feet drawn up underneath her body as she took a deep breath. "Okay."

Edward took the lead, his voice clear and decided but heavy as he spoke. "Before we start I want to say how sorry I am that you had to hear me and Tanya fighting like that. I won't say it won't happen again since, though she's one of my best friends, Tanya and I seem to be doing half our talking in the form of an argument but if only I'd just stopped to think…"

She stopped him then, his voice dying as soon as he caught her raised hand. "Edward…" She licked her lips, trying to find a way to let him know without seeing that horrible look on his face again. "It wasn't so much the fact that you and Tanya were fighting or even the fact that she was here, hating the fact that she had you first, whether she intended for that message to come through or not…"

A stern look stopped Edward from arguing as his body language screamed that God knew he wanted to.

"I may not have liked it but it's not what got me so upset. It was the fact that the two of you were making plans for me, for my life, without even so much as stopping to ask me what _I _wanted."

"We were making plans?" Edward frowned, scratching the back of his head as he seemed to have genuinely forgotten the things that had kept her awake all night.

_He forgot. Damn him! _She had been in a state of panic and he'd just forgotten all about it! She sighed, trying to lock her anger and frustration inside as she went on to explain. "You were talking – well, screaming was more like it – about how I was going to be bored out of my skull once you got back to work so then you decided to ask your stepmother to find some kind of suitable activities for me."

The word 'suitable' was perhaps spat out with a little more venom than she would have liked but – damn it – the matter was important to her. "Why didn't you ask me what I want? I mean, you of all people should have known how important it is for me to be able to decide my own future?" She sighed. _Well, there went her resolve to sugarcoat her explanation. Oh, well, might as well go in feet first then._

"I was awake all night wondering what else you were planning behind my back."

"And here I go springing a shopping trip and a family get-together on you too." Edward hung his head in shame, his muttered words barely audible as she could see he was finally starting to realize just how painful the past twenty-four hours had been for her, though it was clear it had never been his intention. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you. I only ever wanted to help."

It killed her to see him like that but, at the same, time she knew she had to stand her ground. For her own sake, as well as his.

"I know." Unable to bear the separation any longer she scooted closer, bridging the distance between his body and hers. "That's what made this so hard."

The look on his face changed as he studied her, obviously thinking about something before his eyes widened as whatever thought process had been going on in his head was concluded. "You didn't really doubt my intentions, did you?" he begged, even though he must have known what her answer was going to be. "Back in the library you said…"

She averted her eyes, unable to stop the first tears from falling. "I didn't know what to think, Edward. I never wanted to believe you were that kind of guy but there are still parts of my mind that are hard to convince that not every man is like James or Phil. It's just…all mixed up in my head until there's nothing I can do but panic." Her voice trailed off into sobs as the weight of the past twenty-four sleepless hours came crashing down on her, pulling her under in a torrent of conflicting emotions.

There was a shift in the air, then, the stinger going out of their argument as Edward let out a deep sigh, the tension now gone from his shoulders as he pulled her into his arms. "Angel." His skin was moist as she rested her head against the side of his face.

They sat there for God knew how long, each holding the other up - drawing strength from the other - and both relieved now that they knew even a thing like misunderstandings couldn't destroy them.

"I guess we just had our first fight, huh?" Edward finally spoke into her hair. "Or something like it."

"Our first?" Bella snorted through the remnants of her tears. "Try fiftieth at least."

"Nope." She could feel the movement as he shook his head, his arms tightening a little around her. "Pre-Chicago fights don't count."

"And who are you? The almighty rule-maker?" Her indignation was fake and he knew it, his lips kissing her pout away as they curled up into a smug grin.

His face was all serious again as he scooted back a little, their bodies still touching though no longer depending on the other for sheer survival. "So, I guess the question we should be asking ourselves now is: what do _you_ want to do with your life?"

She took a few minutes to think it over, though truly in her heart she'd known all along what the answer was going to be. "I think I want to go to school…if I'm not too old, that is." It had been the one thing she'd always dreamed of - getting her diploma, going to college and maybe even beyond. It had been her dream back when she was living with Phil and was yanked out of school the day after her mother had died to take care of the household but after James had taken her in her hunger for knowledge had really been kindled by his lessons and wisdom.

"You mean, like getting your GED?" Edward answered, trying to make sense of her request.

"I don't know what that is," she had to admit.

"I think it stands for General Education Development," Edward answered. "It's a test designed for people who, for whatever reason, had to drop out of school. The diploma it will get you is the equivalent of a 'regular' high school diploma."

"So I could get into college if I took that test?" Bella was finding it hard not to get her hopes up, even though the more rational side of her brain was screaming at her not to be too happy before she found out if it was really real.

Edward nodded. "If that's what you want."

"Where do I take the test? What do I need?" She had to bite her lip to keep herself from spewing out angry words when Edward laughed at her enthusiasm. Didn't the man know how much it meant to her to find out she might get to graduate after all?

"Hey!" Edward held up his hand in surrender. "I'm not laughing at the idea of you getting your diploma, all I'm laughing at is how eager you are to go to school when most teenagers would kill to get out of it."

"I'm not like those people," she snapped, impatient and still irritated. "Now tell me: what do you know about it?"

"Not much, I'm afraid." Before her face could fall into disappointment he added, "But I bet that if we got online right now, we'd be able to find out everything we need to know."

Her whole body was buzzing with excitement as her eyes followed his movements as he walked over to the kitchen to retrieve his laptop, the time it took for the blasted thing to boot up almost excruciating as she waited for him to find his way through the World Wide Web.

Here too, technology had taken quite a flight since the last time she'd spotted a computer, which had been in the window of a retail store during her LA time. She'd already seen the advertisements for new, strangely small devices and even as she peeked over Edward's shoulder she could see that things had definitely changed.

For the better, she was eager to believe, if it meant that she could find out how to make her dreams come true.

They spent the next hour going from website to website, Bella's confidence growing to the extent that after some gentle persuasion, she allowed Edward to lower the laptop onto her lap, her fingers trembling as she moved them over the touchpad, her eyes glues to the screen as she drank in one page of information after the next.

He was by her side at all times, answering her questions and thinking along with all the plans she dared to tell to him, even going as far as to utter future prospects she'd never even dared to dream about. Teaching. Writing. Having a career. _Being_ someone.

It was the sexiest thing they'd ever done together.

Well, maybe not _the_ sexiest thing…which brought to mind something else…

It was strange but all their research and plan making had left Bella all kinds of hot and bothered, her blood slowly simmering to a boil until finally, she was unable to resist the call of her more primal instincts as she put the laptop gently on the floor. Out of reach.

"You all done?" Edward grinned, his pride at seeing her find her way in life only stirring her passion to even greater heights. _Yeah, the whole plan making? Just one big round of foreplay._

"Make love to me." She blurted the words out without ceremony or without even stopping to think if they were proper or not. Besides, it was quite enjoyable to watch as Edward went from composted to all kinds of flustered in a mere matter of seconds.

And then he was on her, pouncing like a predator as their bodies connected and fell to the leather cover of the sofa, the fabric creaking as they kissed and pawed at each other like creatures possessed.

"Fuck!" He roared, almost tearing her cardigan off her body in his rush to get her naked. "I want you so much, angel! I've been dying to get inside you all day."

"Then what the hell are you waiting for?" she hissed as his hands were doing all sorts of amazing things to her body while her own were focusing on getting him out of his pants and underwear.

Her jeans proved to be the most trying item of clothing to remove but finally they were added to the heap of clothing that was starting to accumulate as she tore his Oxford away from his muscular chest while toeing down his other clothes.

She didn't know where he got it from, but as she heard the sound of a foil packet being ripped, her heart sped up, her eyes trained to the sexy sight of Edward rolling a condom down his length. After all, even though Carlisle had helped her get some birth control, the pills she took wouldn't be completely effective until she'd have her period in a few weeks.

Better to be safe than sorry because having a kid right now…

_Yeah, not a good idea. _

She didn't waste much time to think about that, though, her hands reaching out to touch his erection, stroking it once, two times, three times as Edward let out a low moan that made her body sing for his, his impatience showing as he gently moved her hands away and lined himself up with her.

And then he was inside her, completing her in ways she'd dreamed of, her eyes squeezing shut as she reveled in the feeling of having him inside of her.

As close as two people could ever get.

"Please!" she didn't even know what she was begging for, the all-consuming sensations too rapid in their succession to put a name to them. All she knew was that she needed something more, something other than just the amazing feeling of having him pound into her and the sound of flesh against flesh; love against love to get her to the highest peak.

"What do you need, baby?" His voice was breathless and low with lust. "Anything you want…I'll give you everything…"

"Just…" Her nails dug into his shoulders as his hand snaked between them, finding the one spot that made her eyes widen and her heart speed up as she felt herself flying towards the high she had been chasing all along; the feeling she was starting to grow addicted to since it was the one sensation she could only experience when she was with him.

"Edward!" she called out his name as _it_ came…as she came; her body convulsing around him as he pounded into her before he, too, succumbed to bliss with a loud groan and a distorted growl of her name.

It was one of the most satisfying experiences she'd had in her life, the fact that she had been living it out right in their living room only adding a more delightful air of illicitness to it. She'd have to clean the couch, though. Quite extensively.

"I never knew research could be so fucking sexy!" Edward spoke, finding his voice again as he lay on her naked chest slowly caressing the skin below her breast. "Is there anything else you need to know tonight?" His voice was still breathless from their activities, his chest moving up and down in rapid succession as he lifted off her, a small whimper leaving her throat at the loss as he lay back on the couch, the computer screen sending a sterile glow up from its position on the floor.

"No," she giggled, almost singing the word. "I think I'm all done for now."

"Good." Edward seemed to be rather pleased with himself as he rose up, disposing of the condom and pulling his boxers and pants back up before offering her his hand. "Then let's get to bed because, angel, I know I have a thing or two I want to get to know before the day is up."

A good kind of shiver ran down Bella's spine as she put her hand in his, allowing Edward to carry her off upstairs in the knowledge that she was in for another sleepless night.

But this time, it wasn't something she'd worry about.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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"_There is nothing more comfortable than a caterpillar and nothing more made for love than a butterfly. We need dresses that crawl and dresses that fly. Fashion is at once a caterpillar and a butterfly, caterpillar by day, butterfly by night."_

_Coco Chanel_

**4.**

At least that morning when she woke up before Edward, Bella wasn't in any doubt of what she could do. Smiling, she threw her legs over the side of the bed, the borrowed t-shirt sliding back down her legs as she carefully tiptoed out of the room, using the downstairs bathroom so she wouldn't wake him up before he had to.

Today was a big day and he needed all the rest he could get to prepare for it.

Rest and strength.

And so she set to the task making her lover a breakfast fit for the day he was facing, pulling out all the preferences her brain could think off.

But if only she knew more about his favorites…

With Aro there had never been a question as to what she was going to make. They had a very strict weekly food schedule to adhere to which provided him with a well-balanced meal plan which would keep him in as fit a state as an immobilized, dying man could ever be.

Here, though, she was like a fish out of water; a stranger in an unfamiliar kitchen cooking food she hadn't prepared in what seemed like years. Aro had never been one for pancakes or bacon since neither were the kind of foods that would be beneficial to his health. They were the only kinds of breakfast foods she knew Edward liked so she wanted to get started, her mind already trying to activate the memories of so long ago as she wandered into the kitchen.

Her joy at being able to do what had been her life for the past couple of years surprised even herself. As much as she had liked trying out new kinds of food, like the Thai dinner they'd eaten the day before, and having it presented to her fully prepared and packed in disposable containers, being back in a kitchen and getting her hands dirty as she took care of someone felt oddly therapeutic.

Besides, it gave her something to do in return for all the things Edward had done for her over the past couple of days.

And, most importantly, the previous night.

She still couldn't believe – didn't _dare_ to believe – that she would really be able to finish high school and maybe even be allowed to think beyond that, just like she'd always dreamed but never expected.

But then Edward happened.

He was made of the kind of stuff that made dreams come true. He'd already gone online the night before to purchase several books and other things which were going to make it easier for her to pass the exam and at the dreaded family dinner, he would ask his brother-in-law – the husband of the dreaded Charlotte, who apparently earned his keep for the family by taking care of its legal matters – if he could get all the necessary documents to enroll her into the program.

It was a good thing she'd had the presence of mind to keep all her important papers with her as soon as that bitch Jane came around since otherwise she somehow doubted if she would have made it out of Aro's house with her passport and driver's license, both of which would be vital in establishing that she truly existed, even if they were the only documents around that she knew of and Aro had had to move heaven and earth to procure them.

Prior to living with him, she hadn't even officially existed, apart from the birth certificate that had to be around somewhere in the archives of the State of Pennsylvania. It was a scary thought, to know you could just vanish…cease to exist officially one day.

It would have been so easy for Phil to have gotten away with murder.

She couldn't think about that, though, or the betrayal of that other man she'd once dared to trust as she sat to work, her thoughts focusing on the love for the only true hero of her story – well, maybe apart from the father she knew so little of.

_Edward_.

As Bella started mixing the ingredients together she couldn't help but smile, her heart now heavy with the good kind of emotions as she thought again about how invested he was in her happiness. So much even, oh irony of ironies, that he had caused her pain, trying to secure it.

She was so happy they'd talked. They were on the same page now, though she wasn't nearly naïve enough to think that this would be the last argument or misunderstanding they would ever have. Still, all of the ways he'd tried to help her out in the wake of their conversation made her heart soar with love and gratefulness. But there was also guilt.

Because how could she ever match his love?

She loved him, that much was true, and she would love and support him until she drew her final breath but would it ever be enough to repay him for the things he'd done for her? Could she ever truly call herself his equal?

She didn't know but she'd be damned if she would let those thoughts destroy her.

Or him.

Or _them_.

Bella would just have to up the ante and do her best to make his life as perfect as she could.

"You know…one of these days I'm going to wake up before you." Edward's voice made her jump, the batter sizzling in the pan as she tried poured out perfectly round pancakes. Phil had always been so mad when his pancakes weren't perfectly shaped.

"Impossible!" she joked in spite of the heaviness that always took over her mind whenever her thoughts went back to the past. She leaned backwards, letting his strength support her as his strong arms wrapped around her from behind. "And God knows it wouldn't be very enjoyable! Everyone knows how grumpy you are in the morning!"

Her breath hitched as she felt his hand creep up along her naked thigh, stopping just below the apex of her legs. "Am I grumpy now?"

She flipped the pancake, her amazement of managing to do so without starting a fire that could rival the one he was kindling inside of her as his thumb inched closer and closer to where she wanted it. "N-no?"

"Then how do you know it will be unpleasant?" His hand wrapped around hers, stopping her from pouring out another pancake as his thumb finally found its final destination. "You know…I could make it _very_ pleasant for you."

She had no doubt he was speaking the truth.

Though she was still rather sore from last night's activities she knew that if Edward wanted her she could definitely bear another round. And having sex in the kitchen sounded wickedly sexy to her, though she did worry about the sanitary situation.

One wince from her was all it took, though, to still his hands, his lips lowering to her shoulder before the timbre of his voice spoke against her skin. "Why didn't you tell me to stop? I'm hurting you."

She shrugged, figuring it was safe to pour another batch of pancakes onto the pan. "It wasn't that bad." She wished there was some way to look inside his head and know what he was thinking and feeling sometimes because here she was, trying to do what she thought he'd like only to have the tables turning on her.

How could she ever make things perfect for him if she couldn't even figure him out?

"Next time please stop me?" he pleaded, his arms strong around her waist. "I already feel bad enough about hurting you the first time we made love. I only want it to be good for you from now on."

"Okay." She nodded even though he probably couldn't see it, her hands mechanically preparing breakfast as if they'd done nothing but make pancakes and bacon for the past few years. Aro would have a conniption if he'd seen her now. "We wouldn't have had any time for _that_ anyway," she went on, trying to shake off her disappointment and the slight note of frustration the withdrawal of his hands had left behind.

"Huh?" She chuckled at his still sleepy face as he stepped away from her and leaned his back against the worktop. As much as she missed the feeling of his body against hers, getting to look at his face was a good compensation.

"You sleep too long!" she mock-scolded, piling yet another pancake onto the stack before pouring out the last of the batter. "If you woke up early like the rest of us sane people, you would have had time for sex _and_ pancakes. Now you'll just have to settle for the latter unless, of course, you want to give your stepmother and sister show."

He grumbled something inaudible, his face all stormy and disgruntled (and rather cute) as she shooed him off towards the sofa with a plate of food and a newly bought bottle of maple syrup while she quickly pushed down half a pancake of her own before disappearing upstairs to get showered and changed.

Her hair still wet, she looked at the meager pile of clothing she had to pick from, the uncertainty of hardly knowing anything about the people she would be spending her day with making it harder for her choose an outfit that would find favor with them. In the end, she settled for the jeans she'd worn the day before topped with a grey, oversized wool t-shirt and a black long-sleeved shirt underneath, a look that was casual but still classy enough to be worn when associating with Edward's rich family, especially when completed by the ballet flats Esme had found for her.

_This will have to do…_ She sighed, her mouth twitching as she put the finishing touches to her hair before joining Edward downstairs.

"Oh, my God," he groaned as soon as he spotted her, half his words drowned out by the partly masticated pieces of bacon and pancake in his mouth. "This is so fucking good!"

She smiled, her confidence soaring as she poured herself a cup of coffee before joining him on the sofa. "I'm glad you like it." At least that was _something_ she was doing right.

"_Like_?" he argued, hardly giving himself the time to swallow before he was shoving a new load into his mouth. "I fucking love this! Why aren't you eating?"

"I already had one," she lied. "Besides, if I eat that kind of stuff every day, I'm going to be so fat the floorboards will give out underneath me if I try to walk on them."

"Then get a membership at the gym," Edward insisted. "I'd rather have you eating and enjoying yourself then see you starving and thin."

His admission came as kind of a shock to Bella, since it was the complete opposite to the mantra Aro had always instilled into her. It was his vision that a woman should always retain a perfect, slim hourglass figure and, since he also thought it unbecoming for a woman to be seen running or sweating, she'd had no other option but to studiously watch her calorie intake.

Not that Aro would have ever tolerated unhealthy food in his house.

Or pretty much anything pre-prepared.

"It was _him_, who gave you those thoughts, wasn't it?" Edward's voice, gruff with barely restrained resentment, broke through his thoughts. "Aro…he – that fucking bastard – was the one who made you think you wouldn't be good enough if you put on a few pounds, wasn't he?"

She nodded, not daring to look at him because she knew what she was going to see. Edward hated Aro, she knew that. As a doctor, he knew what had caused the man to act the way he did but as her boyfriend he hated him for every single bruise she'd ever carried whereas she…she didn't really know how to feel.

Of course she hated the man he'd become when the disease had eaten away every single rational cell of his brain and all that was left was an angry, paranoid, babbling man but, underneath that, there were still traces of the person he'd been before the final stages of his illness had set in: the most erudite and old-fashionedly charming man who'd given her food when she was hungry, shelter when she was cold and fed her hungry mind with knowledge she'd never dared to imagine it would hold.

And for that alone, she could never get herself to hate him, no matter how much she wanted to sometimes.

"Bella." She could feel two strong hands closing around her face, forcing her eyes up and level with his. The frustration and despair she saw, naked and clear amidst the green, made her eyes misty with tears.

"Yes?" Her voice was throaty and unsteady as she labored to keep his gaze when all of her being was screaming at her to avert her eyes and not see whatever his wanted to tell her.

"You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life." They were such simple words but to Bella, they were the world. In that moment she felt beautiful, under his steady gaze of green and with his body so close to hers. "Even if you change…even if you grow to be the size of an _elephant_, I'll still think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. Do you want to know why?"

Mutely she nodded her head, the movement making the tears spill from her eyes. Yes, she wanted to know why. Why he would think her beautiful when no one had ever told her that before.

Well, except for the pimps out on the street who wanted her to come work for them.

"Because the source of your beauty isn't on the outside," he spoke, his voice soft but never wavering as one of his hands gently caressed the side of her face before lowering to her chest. "It's in here…inside your heart. You're so beautiful that it radiates through your skin. Nobody can take that beauty away. Not even you."

For a moment it felt like her heart was going to burst with all the love she had for him, her lips smashing to his as she showed the overwhelming adoration she'd felt for him in the only way possible to her at that moment, her throat too constricted with emotion to speak.

"I don't deserve the love you have for me," she finally whispered, pushing her finger to his wet lips to keep him from talking as she added, "if I had words right now, I could tell you how much I love you but I don't think there's a proper phrase to describe just how happy you make me, not just now but every day I get to spend with you." A sob momentarily halted her words and she took a deep breath before she continued. "You make me want to be a better person."

"That's funny," Edward chuckled, his thumbs gently wiping her tears away though his eyes weren't entirely dry either, "because you do _exactly_ the same for me. I feel like I wasn't really alive before met you; a moonless night, destined for everlasting gloom until you shot through my constellation like a shooting star and made me believe there was life after death."

"What a pair we make, huh?" she joked, needing to lighten the mood before her heart became too heavy. "Two people clinging to one another for survival."

Edward kissed her, his grin slowly seeping into his kiss and making her heart beat faster when they disentangled. "I guess this means we're perfect for each other."

The doorbell rang at that exact same moment, putting a sudden end to their heartfelt admission as they were both left reeling from the enormity of what had just happened.

"That will be Carmen and Alice," Edward sighed, shifting his body away. "Do you want me to go tell them to drive around the block to give you some time?"

She shook her head, figuring that with her heart still strengthened from his love for her, she was as ready to meet the first members of his family as she would ever be. "I'm fine, Edward." She wiped the final tears away, fidgeting with her hair as she wondered what would await her behind their door. "Show them in." _At least these two would be the easiest to please. _

At least, if Edward had been right about them.

"Eddie!" There was a girl around his neck the minute he opened the door, the small body and short, raven black hair telling her this was probably Alice, especially when a slightly older woman- though you wouldn't have been able to tell from her face because she was that flawless – stepped around them , her eyes searching until they found her. She was only slightly taller in size than her daughter, though her features and curves were more rounded and pronounced. She was beautiful, that much was for sure, and she was heading straight for her.

"Bella!" She felt slightly daunted by the joy and warmth with which the woman crossed the space, her arms open and her eyes fixed on her as she engulfed her into a hug the likes she couldn't remember ever experiencing since that day her own mother died. "I'm so happy to meet you at last."

She could faintly remember a church service, what seemed like ages ago, during which this woman had been trying to sneak no-so-subtle looks at her which she, in turn, had made a studious effort to avoid since at the time she had been stupid enough to think that she could live without Edward.

_How much she'd hurt him! _

_And herself!_

"I'm happy to meet you, Carmen," she spoke, resisting the inner voice that told her to run as she gave herself over to the maternal warmth of the woman who had played such a profound role in Edward's history. "Edward has told me so much about you."

"I always knew you were going to be good for him," she whispered before pulling back, leaving Bella with a stunned look on her face as, all too soon, a second body clashed with hers.

Apparently Edward's family liked physical contact.

She wasn't so sure how she'd felt about that.

Bella stumbled at the force of what appeared to be an uncomfortably boney body wrapping around her like a blanket. "Alice?"

A nod confirmed her guess, though the girl made no effort to move as Bella fidgeted uncomfortably until Edward and Carmen intervened, prying her away as bright brown eyes bore into hers. "Thank you for bringing my brother back to us."

Edward, too, was visibly uncomfortable, his hands crammed into his pockets as his lips twitched in anticipation of words that would never come.

"Alice, sweetie?" her mother finally intervened. "What did I tell you about toning it down?"

"Oops!" the girl blushed apologetically, immediately stirring some kind of weird sympathy in Bella as she smiled back. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Bella shrugged, searching Edward's eyes to find that he was totally at peace with the situation again. His calm gave her the strength and confidence to take the lead, the look in his eyes changing from neutral amusement to pride when Bella stepped forward with a smile. "So I guess we have some shopping to do, huh?"

That statement seemed to send the two women in some kind of tailspin, the prospect of shopping obviously not as tedious and torturous to them as it was to Bella as they both squealed with delight. "We'll wait in the car while you get ready," Carmen finally managed to announce, seemingly rational again, as she dragged her daughter off again with a look that spoke meaning at Edward.

"Wow." Bella head was spinning even after five minutes with them. _And he expects me to spend a full day with those two and then have enough energy to last through a family dinner. What the hell am I in for?_

"They are a bit much," Edward chuckled, his soothing hold back around her again as she relished in it while she still could. "But they're both good people. If you want them to back off or tone it down, please tell them. They'll understand."

They would have had to resort to physical torture for her to do so, her whole being still programmed to always please and never displeasure. But she nodded, because she knew he wanted her to. "Will _you_ be okay?"

He had a full day ahead of him, an outtake session with the woman who'd accompanied him during his rehabilitation from prescription medicine first and then meeting with his bosses at St. Mary's to determine his future there. Though he'd met every single requirement they'd made, his career still depended on those two meetings and she couldn't even begin to understand how he must have been feeling.

Not that he showed his nerves, if he felt them.

No, as she expected, he was all reassurance as he stood in front of her, his fingers dancing around hers. "I won't lie and say I'm looking forward to it," he started, a slight twitch of his mouth confirming that his statement was only scratching the surface of what he was really feeling, "but I'm not dreading it as much as I was afraid I would." He shrugged, his mouth pursing before he went on. "I did everything I had to do and complied with every rule they set. Now it's up to them to decide if it's been enough to allow me back…there's nothing more I can do."

She knew that feeling all too well; the sense of powerlessness you felt when you were in a situation that was so completely out of your control that all you could do was pray and trust that the people controlling your fate were worthy of that task. It sucked. "They'll see how hard you've worked," she tried, knowing that though her support would do nothing to alter the outcome of his day, it wouldn't hurt him either, to know that she was in his corner. "And like you said: you did everything they asked you to do. They _have_ to hold up their end of the bargain."

His smile widened, his lips against her forehead as his words vibrated against her skin. "If only you could be on the review board, angel. It would make my life so much easier."

"I wish!" She huffed. "I would make them all see what an amazing man you are but, unfortunately, I have my own cross to bear."

Edward's laughter deepened as his chest rumbled and he pulled her small frame against his. "I think you're the first woman I've met who doesn't like the prospect of a day of shopping."

"I don't dislike it per se. I'm just kind of…_blah_ about it." She shrugged, knowing that no matter what she felt the truth could not be denied and the fact was that she needed more clothes. Badly. "You'll call me, though? As soon as you know more."

"I will." And with a final, lingering kiss, he pushed her towards the door, her lips still tingling as she stepped down from the porch to find a car the size of a tank occupying the street, a lot of her neighbors covertly - or _not_ so covertly - trying to get a good look at it.

"Come, come!" Carmen's exuberance hadn't lessened as she waved her into the backseat like an air traffic controller, the huge inside space not making her feel cramped at all even though there were three people occupying it. "I can't wait to get started. There's so much stuff we need to buy."

She nodded, her head already spinning at the prospect. "I trust you know a good place to start."

"Of course!" Carmen nodded enthusiastically as Alice, crammed into the middle between the two adults, putting her phone back in her purse, a mysterious smile on her lips. "I even took the liberty of making a list of things I thought you might need to help us along."

Bella took the piece of paper Carmen held out to her; her eyes gliding over many of the things she would have known to buy herself but also a lot of stuff she'd never have thought of. "Evening wear?" she frowned, as her eyes fell on the section containing all sorts of fine things. "I hardly think I'm going to have much use for that!"

"Edward is sometimes obliged to attend family functions," Carmen explained, smiling compassionately at the discomfort her new friend was put in because of her words. "They're not as scary as it might look from the outside. True, some of the people you'll be forced to make nice with are horrible, however, I've also met a lot of my friends during those evenings. Besides, I imagine Edward will want to take you out to the theater or the opera."

"The opera?" Now this made her sit up and take notice, the prospect of being able to hear those amazing aria's that had found their way to her heart through Aro's collection of classic records made her sit up and take notice, her sudden enthusiasm warming Carmen's heart even more to this strange young woman who'd captured a heart she'd imagined to be destroyed forever.

"Of course, _querida_, you'll get to see all kinds of things now that you're with Edward." She giggled, basking in the joy on Bella's face though she also felt a pang of sadness as she realized this sweet girl had so little to be happy about in her life, until she met the broken, troubled doctor. "Edward would give you the world if he could; a night at the opera is only the start."

"Then I think I'll need a lot of fancy dresses!" Bella joked, sitting back in her seat as the car pulled out on the street. She was feeling a little less daunted already. "Thank you for helping me."

Carmen reached around her daughter, her warm smile reminding her of Esme's, whom she was already starting to sorely miss. "It's what I'm here for, Bella. Edward is like a son to me and I want to see him happy. There was a time when I never thought I'd see him smile again the way he does when he looks at you. For that alone, you'll always have my gratitude…and my help."

"I think I'm going to need a lot of it," Bella mused, suddenly remembering what Carmen had told her about the business functions she'd have to attend. And, of course, the dinner she would have to endure later that night. She was dying to ask so many questions about what to expect but, at least for the time being, she held her tongue, not wanting to risk things getting awkward by her asking too many questions.

"Alice, put your phone away," Carmen scolded her daughter who, with a guilty look, dunked her cell phone in her purse as her mother turned her attention back to their guest with a deep sigh. "Seriously, most days I'm be glad if I can get her to look up and focus on the world around her for five minutes. She's so caught up in that thing."

"I'm right here, Mom," Alice pouted, grumpily crossing her arms in front of her chest. "And you know I only sent the one message to Jasper to tell him I won't be able to get on Facebook tonight."

_Jasper_. Bella remembered the lanky looking kid, hanging around Esme's house during the short amount of time she'd been living there. He was nice, even though it would always appear strange to her how they could be dating since Alice was basically Jasper's aunt, even if they weren't related by blood.

Then again, from what she'd heard, the Masens, though richer than Donald Trump, were the most dysfunctional family she'd ever met. And that was saying something, given her past.

Carmen and Alice seemed normal enough, their company and easy, laidback attitudes immediately putting her at ease as they drove back to the center of town, regaling Bella with stories about their family and everyday lives.

She got to know them – and even the Masens that weren't there at that moment - with everything she found out, and one more piece of the puzzle that was Edward Masen started to fall into place.

Endearing him to her even more than before.

Bella learned about his childhood and how much Carmen had cared for him in the absence of his real parents; how she'd been more of a mother to him than that cold bitch who'd given birth to him and walked away to live a life of perpetual boredom, slumbering alcoholism and charitable work that didn't even deserve the name.

As she went through the increasingly tedious task of finding and fitting outfits for every single situation she might find herself in, she learned about his father who even his current wife deemed 'a difficult man to love'; a man who was so pre-occupied with the huge corporation he'd built up from scratch, that his family often suffered the consequences. He was a driven man, in everything he did and he demanded everyone around him to be just as dedicated as he was. The trouble with him was, though, as Bella found out, that they had all to be driven towards the same goal. Which was why he and Edward would never get along.

After all, his son had followed his own path towards his dream of becoming a neurosurgeon, much to the father's chagrin.

In between shops, the town car already overflowing with bags, she learned about Charlotte, her father's pride and joy who'd stepped up when Edward had chosen a path of resistance and had become her father's second-chair, working relentlessly and being at her father's beck and call twenty-four-seven though she would never really forgive him for diddling the nanny. She never put a toe out of line, on the outside always the perfect conservative CEO, her husband as successful as her and their kid excelling in whatever activity he'd been told to excel in.

Bella hated her already.

She sounded so cold, so robotic. She had an incline, though, that the feeling would be mutual.

As Carmen and Alice introduced her into the Masen universe, she started to get the feeling that though she'd made two friends who would definitely watch her back and make her feel welcome that night, she would also be in the room with three people who would probably wish her miles away - not that she hadn't gone through hostile situations like that before. It was just…she thought she'd left all of that shit behind her.

Oh, and now she was swearing too. Edward definitely was a bad influence on her.

Or was he?

"Ooh! I love that!" Alice squealed, her mother's face mimicking her enthusiasm as Bella came out of the stall in a blue, figure-hugging dress. "You should wear that tonight?"

"Seriously?" Bella frowned, looking over her reflection in the mirrors surrounding the fitting area. After four or five of these places she was slowly starting to get used to shopping at luxury stores, though it still completely boggled her mind why they offered alcohol when rational decisions needed to be made. _Or maybe they just want people to leave the store with clothes that don't fit or compliment their bodies but cost a small fortune? _

They'd already bought more clothes than she'd ever owned, Carmen and Alice both giving her free range in picking whatever she liked, though their advice on how to combine stuff and make it all look really good had been invaluable.

She was starting to see the appeal in shopping, though only if it could be done with those two backing her up.

It appeared that her style ranged somewhere between 'hipster', 'vintage', 'bohemian' and 'tomboy-rock-chick', all labels that meant nothing to her, though she did like the clothes Edward's credit card bought her.

And the shoes.

And bags.

And lingerie.

And accessories.

In the end, after six increasingly tiring hours, they managed to find everything they needed as well as everything Bella would never have thought and in a quality that Carmen found acceptable, even if it meant that sometimes Bella's eyes bugged out of her face as the shop assistant rung up her purchases.

She'd never imagined spending such amounts of money on clothes. It made her almost afraid to touch the fragile fabrics and intricately crafted shoes and accessories filling the bags and boxes in the trunk of the car. What if she broke something? Or got a stain on it she couldn't remove?

It would be like throwing hundreds of dollars of good cash down the drain.

"You look awfully thoughtful," Carmen remarked as they made their way back to the car to dispose of their latest haul before finding a place to have lunch. "What's on your mind?"

"It's just…the money, I guess," she reluctantly admitted, not wanting to seem ungrateful or whiney. "I'm not used to spending that much."

Carmen nodded sympathetically. "I think I know how you feel. The first time Ed took me shopping I was completely freaking out. I swear, I didn't even dare to wear most of the stuff he got me for the first couple of weeks, I was so afraid I'd tear something or do something else to ruin it."

"How did you get over it?" Bella wondered aloud. "How does anyone get used to wearing something on their body that could feed an entire family for a month."

"Just put it on," Carmen giggled. "You'll feel soon enough that there's a huge difference in comfort and appearance between cheap and expensive clothes. Though I do have to admit that sometimes I'm still shocked at the prices, especially given the work I do."

Like Elizabeth, Carmen had chosen to devote her daytime hours to charity which, as she said, was the only meaningful profession a woman in her position could take up. Unlike her predecessor, though, Carmen didn't chose the kind of charities that would only get her into contact with people as rich and privileged as she was, instead focusing her time and attention to the gritty underbelly of the town she lived in and helping the homeless and underprivileged inhabitants to find their way in life.

It was something Bella, with her past still so fresh in her mind, could only admire more.

Alice joined them back in the car, skipping happily along with her own purchases as Carmen's driver started to look more worried at having to find a space for yet another pile of bags. From Carmen, she'd learned that the driver had actually come into the country as an Iranian refugee, fleeing from the countries prosecution of homosexuals. When she'd met him he'd been a taxi driver, rubbing pennies together to make ends meet and save some money to get his partner safely out of the country as well. She hired him on the spot. He now lived with his boyfriend in a flat she owned and he drove her everywhere she wanted to go so she got to relax or prepare for meetings while he got her safely from points A to B.

"I hate driving," she chuckled, her eyes catching Amin's through the rearview mirror, "And I have to admit that I'm not very good at it either." She playfully swatted at her daughter when Alice snorted in agreement. "Given Amin's background, Ed was quite happy to bring him on board, too."

Bella smiled, already having heard of the first Mrs. Masen's long-standing affair with her driver. "So you're saying this is pretty much a win-win situation?"

Carmen smiled smugly, hooking Bella's arm in hers as they got out of the car again. "Sometimes things just happily fall into place exactly like they did with you and Edward."

"It's funny you should say that," Bella snickered, though it was a wry smile rather than the happy one Carmen might have expected, "Because sometimes it just feels like my life is one big, random mess of puzzle pieces waiting to be fit together."

"We're all here to help you, dear," Carmen spoke, adding her hand to the arm already tangled with hers. "I know you probably want to find your own way without people constantly hovering over you but I also know what it's like to be a stranger in a world you barely understand. You'll have my help whenever you need it."

"Thank you." Bella felt overwhelmed by the warmth and love this woman gave her when she barely even knew her. Carmen's love reminded her of what it had felt like when her mother had still been alive; a sense of security and belonging she'd missed so much through the years.

It felt so good to finally be liked for who she was again, not for the services she rendered. It made her want to be free from the hold Phil and Aro still had on her - the hold that constantly made her want to be whatever she thought the people around her needed her to be instead of her own person.

She knew she still had a long way to go, but she was learning… growing just a little more into herself every day as the realization of finally being free slowly started to become more real.

"I can't wait until Edward sees those t-shirts you bought!" Alice giggled, joining in again after another round of texting. It made Bella wonder if people ever see eye to eye anymore, what with all the mobile conversations going on. "He's going to shit a brick!"

The unusual expression, one she'd never heard before, made her giggle, especially when her lively imagination kicked in. "I hope I'll like the bands, though. It would be a shame to wear a shirt of a band whose music I don't enjoy."

Alice nodded. It had been she who, after finding out that Bella not only liked what she called 'Edward's stuffy music' but also the song Tanya had on when she first entered her car, had insistent on making her buy all kinds of band t-shirts with vibrant colors and images. It seemed like it had been ages ago since she heard that song, but it had stuck, and apparently Alice knew it as well, though she and her mother preferred rap. She'd immediately run off and returned with a stack of t-shirts that all had bands or their album art on the front, claiming no budding rock-chick could go without any of them.

"I'll load some of their stuff on my spare iPod for you to listen to tonight," Alice was quick to offer. "And if you don't like one of the bands, I'd be more than happy to take some of those t-shirts off your hands."

Bella had no idea what an iPod was or how you could load music onto it but she had to admit she was curious about the music of this day and age. Edward didn't really care for it, focusing his attention mainly on jazz and classical tunes but, apart from the fact that what she'd heard of rap music, – angry and aggressive – didn't really appeal to her, she wanted to find out more and see what _she_ liked.

She could remember some of the music that had played at home, in Philadelphia, her earliest childhood memory being one of her father and mother dancing to a song on the radio as she sat in the corner, playing with her dolls. And then, of course, Phil and his country music, the lyrics and melodies of which always made her wonder how a person who seemed to be so moved by the pain of others could revisit it on his own family.

The memories of her pain, but more importantly of the pain she'd seen in her mother, even though Renee had tried to hide it, rolled over her like a tidal wave, her eyes pricking with tears as her hands trembled. It had already been an overwhelming day so far and to add the force of memories she tried so hard to suppress, it became almost impossible to hold it all in.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Carmen's hand was back on her arm, pulling her firmly down into the here and now.

"I will be." Somehow she managed to speak without breaking off into tears, though it was by sheer force of will alone. "It's just memories. I'll be fine once I've splashed some water onto my face. It's all just a bit too much sometimes, you know?"

Carmen nodded, the compassionate looks on both her and Alice's faces making her feel both comforted and awkward. "The restrooms are just over there. Do you want me to come with you?"

Bella followed Carmen's hand to where a corridor tapered out of the main room. "No, I just need some time to get my mind back in order." She needed some space to close the door on her past again and with people around her and the inevitability of questions, she knew it would only get harder to make it work. "Can you order me something if the waiter comes back? I don't care what it is. Just pick something for me that looks good." And with that she all but tore off, tears spilling from her eyes before she could reach the women's restrooms.

Strangely enough it felt good to cry, the pressure that had been building up for some time gone as she dabbed her eyes with cold water in an effort to make the redness go away.

It was only then that she realized she wasn't alone, a small almost feline-like woman with a huge mass of red curls looking at her with studious brownish-green eyes from across the room. There was something in her eyes that immediately put Bella on high-alert; something that made it seem like she was enjoying this and, furthermore, like she was looking to get something out of this situation.

"Can I help you?" Her voice was made abrasive with the intuitive fear she was feeling, her heart pounding in her throat as she watched for the strange woman to react. Instinctively she knew she had to get the hell out of the room but what she also knew was that her intruder was standing right next to the door.

She was trapped.

The stranger's head moved like a bird's and it angled inquisitively, those small cat-like eyes trained to her face through the mirror. "You're Bella Swan, aren't you?" A small smile the likes of which made Bella shudder crept onto her face as she watched shock set in on Bella's face.

"H-how do you know my name?" her hand was over her heart, her body now turning towards the danger it was confronted with – because there was no doubt in Bella's mind anymore that this woman was dangerous.

"It doesn't matter," her enemy spoke decidedly. "What I want to know is how on earth a man as sick as James Harrison could possibly write a literary novel..." She went back to that freaky moving of her head as Bella stared at her like a deer caught in headlights, too afraid to move or even blink, let alone speak. "Unless, of course, he didn't write it himself."

She knew.

Bella's heart stopped in utter shock.

How did she find out?

Did that mean that others knew as well?

Would they believe her?

There was a part of her that saw this as an opportunity to get the truth out and finally get the money she'd worked so hard for; get Jane to pay her what was due. But then there was the other part of her, the bigger, more vocal part, was screaming at her not to trust this person.

The stranger was advancing, a diabolic smile on her face as Bella pressed her body backwards against the sink, her eyes searching for things she could throw to keep the danger at bay.

She was trapped like prey, hunted by a vicious predator.

_Get out, Bella! Get out!_

_I can't._

_The door is blocked._

Fortunately Carmen came crashing into the restroom at that exact moment, her words falling short on her lips as she took in the scene in front of her, her posture immediately going rigid with protectiveness as she rounded on the redhead.

No words were spoken, even though the silence seemed to be screaming with them as Carmen pushed her body in between Bella and her oppressor, the redhead wisely choosing to flee while she still could. "What the hell was that?" Carmen asked, meanwhile making sure Bella had not been harmed.

"I-I don't know," she managed to whisper, still too shocked to put words into coherent sentences. "She was just there…asking me all these questions about Aro and me."

"Did you see her come in?" Carmen went on, her eyes scanning the room for clues. "Did she touch you or give you anything?"

Her words were only adding to Bella's confusion, her eyes huge as she followed Carmen's movements around the room. "N-no, she never came closer than what you saw when you got in but…but how could she have known about Aro?" She was still so completely confused by what had just happened that her mind had trouble adding it all up. "I've never seen her before and I don't think Aro ever mentioned his work to anyone outside of his circle. I don't even think his wife knew what he was working on!"

"I don't know, Bella," Carmen still appeared to be on full alert, her eyes ever watchful as she guarded Bella on their way back to their table where Alice already sat waiting and ready to go. "I don't know how she found out about the book or about you being here in Chicago but my gut tells me there's something iffy about that woman. I think…I think she may have been a reporter of some kind."

Unused to the way modern media worked, Bella had trouble understanding what this all meant. All she knew as they hastily retreated back to the car was that one thing was for sure.

There was going to be trouble.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya!**_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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"_Everybody__today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that have very little time with their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world."_

_Mother Theresa_

**5.**

"How in the hell did this even happen?" Edward paced furiously in front of the sofa with his hands wedged deeply into his hair, as the three women sat and stared at him like they were watching a tennis match. "I _told_ you not to let her out of your sight!"

Both Bella and Carmen flared up in anger at his words but it was Bella who was the first to make her displeasure know, her rage at being treated like a child outweighing her ever-present doubts and insecurities. "There's _so_ much wrong with what you're saying right now that I cannot even…" She growled, her anger forcing her to jump up from the sofa and square up against him – as far as putting her much shorter and lither body in his path could have been called that. "You don't get to waltz in here, start calling us names and acting like I'm a fucking _puppy_! Calm down or get the hell out because you're freaking me out again and I think I've had enough of that for today!"

Bella didn't wait to see the effect of her words, her feet immediately stomping on towards the kitchen as she snatched one of the cupboards open to grab a glass, not quite sure yet if she wanted to smash it or use it to quell the burning of her throat.

Just as she decided that she needed a drink more than she needed to vent some more of the anger her strange encounter at the restaurant bathroom had left her with, a familiar pair of strong arms wrapped around her from behind, her eyes closing almost automatically as she inhaled his spicy, masculine scent. Even though she was still pissed off as hell – with Edward and that disgusting woman who'd accosted her – the nearness of him still made her weak in the knees.

Or maybe that was just the aftereffects of the shock she'd had?

"I'm sorry, angel," his voice hummed as his lips found a sliver of exposed skin at the base of her neck. "I wasn't thinking."

She took a long drink of water from her glass, mentally steeling herself. _Do not give in too easily, even if your entire nature has been trained to do so._ She lifted her chin, clinging onto her fire even if it went against the grain as she grunted out a reply. "You're right: you weren't."

"I already apologized to Carmen," he went on, his voice indeed apologetic as his thumbs rubbed up and down her ribcage, tickling not as much as their movement set her on fire. "With everything that went on today I just completely freaked out when I heard about what happened to you." He sighed, leaning his head against hers as he spoke into her hair. "But you're right. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"You made me feel so small just now, Edward," she explained, trying to put into words what had upset her about his behavior, just like they'd agreed to do after the disastrous argument at the library. They had to keep talking to each other…they had to remain honest, no matter how hard it was. Or this relationship would never work. "It makes me wonder if you even see me as your equal, your _partner_, or as a small child in need of constant supervision."

"Hey." His hands were on her shoulders, molding her body and forcing it to move until they were face to face, his eyes begging for understanding. "That's not the way I meant it, love."

"It wasn't?" Fresh tears threatened to spill and she hated herself from being so emotional. It was like all the emotions she'd kept locked up inside for the past couple of years were now pouring out of her uncontrollably. She hated it, being so weak and fragile. It wasn't her.

She was strong.

She always had been.

She always _had_ to be.

"Angel." Edward sighed, leaning his forehead against hers as his thumb rubbed the tears away from her cheek. "You're the most precious person in my life. When Carmen called me…I thought something bad happened to you and…and I lost it. If you are ever harmed…" He didn't finish his sentence and he didn't have to, his anguish so clear on his face that it didn't need words to be expressed.

It broke her heart, even if she still couldn't forget her own anger. "But I'm here, alive and with no harm done." She knew that when he looked at her then, he didn't just see _Isabella_, but _Claire_; the beloved daughter that had been snatched so brutally from his life in a moment of inadvertency. It helped her understand him a bit better, though it didn't make the way he'd just acted right.

"Thank God," he muttered, burying his face in her hair as he held her close, so tightly that she was almost afraid he was going to break her in half.

They both looked up again at the sound of a throat clearing somewhere in the background, Alice and Carmen looking a little lost in the middle of the room. "We're just going to go now, okay?"

"I didn't mean to scare you guys away." Edward looked as apologetic as a dog who'd just made a mistake right in the middle of the carpet, the whole guilty look making him adorable.

"You didn't," Carmen grinned, having seen that look too often to still be affected by it. "I need to go home and prepare for dinner…that is if Bella still feels up to it."

With three pairs of eyes on her, Bella didn't feel like admitting she'd much rather curl up in a corner somewhere with a book and pretend the day had never happened but she knew she couldn't even if she had wanted to get out of the dinner.

Just like ripping off a Band-Aid, Bella had the sense that meeting the Masens was best done as quick and determined. The more time she had to prepare, the more she'd worry about what was going to happen.

Besides, if she'd pegged Edward's parents and older sister in the right category, any sign of weakness she showed now would only serve to confirm the low opinion they probably already had of her and give them an opening to test her.

And Bella was determined to stand firm.

"I'll be fine," she therefore spoke, surprising even herself by the truth in those words. "I'll see you tonight."

Carmen beamed; her respect for the small, intriguing woman in front of her growing with almost every act of hers she witnessed. The strength Bella showed, even when inwardly she must have been shaking on her foundations, derived nothing but her utmost respect and adoration. As Carmen stood on the threshold she made a solemn vow to protect that girl against any criticism she might face at the dinner table - even if it meant going against her own husband. "Definitely. I hope today hasn't put you off the concept of shopping?"

"No, not at all." Even though Bella didn't feel like going out and doing it again the next day, shopping with Carmen and Alice had been sort of fun before the weird cat woman had put a sudden stop to their day. "Thank you so much for all your help."

Carmen chuckled, waving her hand. "Psah! It was nothing. If I can spend a day walking around town and spending money, I'm more than happy to grab that opportunity with both hands."

After saying goodbye and hearing the car drive down the street again, Bella and Edward were left standing rather awkwardly in their living room, neither really knowing what to do.

"I think I'll head upstairs to take a shower, if you don't mind," Bella finally announced, wanting to wash away the_ ickiness_ her strange bathroom encounter had left behind. "It's about time I start getting ready anyway."

"Do you want some company?" Edward's rakish grin was back in full force.

"Do you mind if I take a rain check?" She felt horrible for shooting him down, especially when she caught the slight twitch of disappointment in his mouth. "I kind of need some time to think right now but tonight…"She let her voice trail off seductively, hoping the prospect of sex was enough for him, even if it had been pushed a little further on the horizon.

Edward understood and let her go with a soft kiss.

Her shower was blissful, the hot rays loosening her tense muscles until she felt complexly relaxed and clean again. Well, at least physically. In her mind she was still trying to understand the fact that someone _knew_ about James.

Knew, and wanted to use it to their advantage.

As she dried off, she was no closer to finding an answer to all her questions than she had been before she started her shower but she was ready to put it out of her mind – for now – as she mentally prepared herself for the meeting with Edward's family.

Another minefield she'd have to wade through.

As she dried her hair she mentally went through every member and what she knew of them, finally coming to the conclusion that at least three people at the table that night were already on her side. The rest, she'd just have to convince that she wasn't some dumb gold-digger.

She chuckled, shaking her head as Edward's eyes raked over her underwear clad body when she emerged from the bathroom. He looked wickedly handsome in a pair of gray colored dress pants and black button up. It made her want to forget they had to be at his dad's in little over and hour and just pounce on him.

And judging by the look in his eyes he wanted to do the same thing. "Tease," he purred, his hands fumbling with the silk of a tie that matched his trousers. _Carmen_. Bella had to suppress a snicker, having found out earlier that day she was responsible for Edward's styling.

"Let me help you." Her confidence soared as she stood in front of him, rising onto her toes as she outwardly focused on tying a perfect Windsor knot though inwardly her whole being was buzzing with the electricity that cackled between the two of them. _How long until we get back home again?_

"Bella," he groaned, his hands balling by his sides as he waited for her to fix his tie, his breath coming in heavy pants as he labored to keep control, only letting go when she stepped back again, mightily smug with the effect she was having on him.

In all her life she never could have dreamed a man like Edward would ever look at her twice, let alone with the all-consuming love and want she could see in his eyes whenever they looked upon her. She wanted to deserve his love, keep it - cherish it - and never give him any cause to not look at her like that again, because in those eyes she felt safe, secure and, most of all, loved.

She was _his_.

And she never wanted to be anyone else's.

"I'll just…warm up the car or something," he muttered, his hasty retreat from the room looking awfully like a fight as she chuckled, quickly pulling on her dress and fixing her hair. When she was done, she looked like a perfect mix of Aro's _Isabella_ and Edward's _Bella_; the dress having a kind of old-fashioned length and style to it, though Aro would have stroked out long before his time if he'd ever seen the blue lace covering the silky material underneath. It was a beautiful dress and it gave her comfort as well, because it gave her back just a little bit of that mask she'd used to wear to hide her insecurity behind.

The shoes, however, were a little less comfortable and it took some time to get used to being so high above the ground, especially when faced with stairs and the polished wooden floors downstairs. She managed to make it through the house and out to the garage unscathed, though, a small breath of relief leaving her lips as she finally slid into the passenger seat of the car.

"You look amazing," Edward breathed, lifting her hand to his lips before tearing out of the garage, the engine revving loudly as it accelerated, the sudden speed pushing her into her seat.

"Thanks," she smiled, slightly nervous both from his rather aggressive driving style and the evening the come. "You don't look too bad yourself."

He chuckled. "Well, I have to get used to wearing a tie again if I want to start back at the hospital next week."

She immediately felt bad. Between what had happened earlier that day and her lust-foggy brain when she spotted him in the bedroom, she hadn't even remembered to ask about his day, though it must have been one of the most important days in his life - or at least his career. "Oh my God, I completely forgot to ask you! They're letting you come back?"

He nodded. "I'll still be on supervised probation for six months and have to consent to the usual random urine and blood test crap but, yeah…they must have seen enough improvement to go ahead with the second part of my rehabilitation."

"That's great news!" She was barely able to resist crawling across the armrest and kissing him, knowing he would probably crash the car and kill them both if she did. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Doctor Adkinson has also agreed to see me as an outpatient," he went on, as Bella tried to remember what he'd told her about the doctor. She was a woman, that was something she didn't like already, and she had the potential with Edward to get closer to him than his therapist in Washington could only have dreamed of. Again, she wasn't so sure if she liked that.

"I thought she ran a rehab-center?" She tried to keep the jealousy out of her voice but, judging by his chuckles, she hadn't really succeeded.

"She sometimes agrees to take on former clients as outpatients to help them get back in the saddle again, so to speak," Edward explained, his hand once again reaching out for hers. "Besides, I may even get to help a few of her current patients with my story."

"That would be nice, I guess." Even if he seemed to be happy, Bella still couldn't get enthusiastic about the prospect of Edward spending a large portion of his free time with this woman, even if she was his doctor, she was still a _woman_. She was quick to change the subject, her mind already too bogged down with nerves to worry about this new threat. "So when is your first shift?"

"Monday," he answered, his attention momentarily fixed on a particularly busy intersection. "They want to get me started right away, no half shifts or anything."

_Only five more days to find my thunder. _Bella bit her lip, not wanting to rain on Edward's parade, because it was obvious from the excitement in his voice that he couldn't wait to get started again. She was happy for him, she really was. Practicing medicine was his life and the way his eyes lit up when he told her about something he'd witnessed or done during his time as a doctor always made her heart skip with pride at seeing the man he truly was.

It was just that his going back to work meant that she would be alone in the house, with little to keep her occupied as long as her enrollment into the GED program hadn't been completed yet. She desperately hoped it would because between cleaning the house and cooking meals, she foresaw a lot of empty hours that would need to be filled somehow. Her shiny new car would be ready to pick up the day after tomorrow, there wasn't a bone in her body ready to venture out into the city alone, especially not after what had happened earlier that day.

She could sense when they got closer to Edward's family's mansion, his nerves making the air in the car feel heavy as they mingled with hers, only the never-ending flood of driving-critique aimed at the poor souls who shared the concrete road with them, piercing the silence.

Even if Edward's behavior hadn't already clued her in, her eyes picked up on it as well as the busy streets got quieter and tapered out in broad, tree-lined lanes with huge houses on either side of them, the cars were more luxurious and the sparse people walking around all exuding an air of importance.

It was like nothing she'd ever seen.

"This is where you grew up?" she asked, her eyes wide as she drank it all in.

Edward nodded. "I guess dad could have moved us to a bigger house in Evanston or Winnetka with more land around it but I think that for a cold-hearted bastard, the guy is oddly sentimental about this house." Edward shrugged, as if it was no big issue that he'd just called his father a cold-hearted bastard. "That and he prefers to be close to Masen headquarters so that he has full control over everyone and everything."

Just then he took a sharp turn right, pulling into a short driveway, lined on both sides by massive rhododendrons that almost obscured the house from view until they were suddenly right in front of it. _Yep. Very small_. Bella gasped, feeling awfully tiny herself as her eyes traveled from one end of the façade to the next. "You never mentioned your father lives in a French chateau," she mumbled, already dreading what she'd find inside.

"It's just bricks, angel," Edward shrugged, helping her out of the car after parking it near an impressive array of luxury vehicles to the side of the house. He held onto her hand even after he'd closed the car door behind her, stopping her for a moment before they'd walk to the front door. "Before we go in I want you to know, to be _absolutely_ certain, that _nothing_ that may happen inside is going to change the way I feel about you."

She nodded, butterflies of all sorts fluttering around her stomach. Edward's statement wasn't exactly making her feel better or more confident about what she would face on the other side of the door, but it wasn't exactly surprising either. "The same goes for me," she mirrored his declaration.

"I love you." He didn't wait for her to repeat the sentiment before he brushed his lips against her in a kiss so sweet it almost brought tears to her eyes, her body wobbling on the too high heels as he wrapped his arm around her and guided her to the front door, the knocker echoing through the vast house as they waited.

"I love you, too," she whispered, her heart beating almost in time with the footsteps approaching the door as she steeled herself against the coming evening, Edward's hand slightly squeezing hers in reassurance.

The man opening the door was so like every butler in every story she'd ever read that there was no mistaking his function. Alice was hot on his heels, though, her smile beaming as she ran down the stairs, bypassing her brother before crashing into Bella who had to stumble a few steps back to keep from falling over.

"Bella! You're here!" she squealed, dancing backwards as she quickly smiled at her brother before turning her attention back to Bella. "Come on. You have to see my room before dinner."

She was already starting to drag her towards the stairs by the time Bella finally found her voice again. "I can't Alice. Your parents are expecting us."

"Dad and Charlotte are still locked up in his study and Elizabeth isn't even here yet," Alice answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world to kidnap family guests ahead of dinner. "We won't be long, I promise. Mom won't mind."

She looked at Edward for help, not wanting to be rude to Carmen or his father but hating having to disappoint Alice at the same time. "I'll tell Carmen where you are." He just shrugged; a gesture that caused his kid sister to squeal as she doubled her efforts to get Bella up the stairs.

The massive oak stairs ended in an equally massive paneled landing with doors and short corridors leading off from it on all sides. Alice navigated the space with no trouble at all, the browns and whites of the landing a stark contrast to the eclectic décor of her room. That was how she imagined the room in which Scheherazade bartered for her life by telling stories in _Arabian Nights_.

"You like it?" Alice grinned. "I did all of it by myself."

"I love it," Bella spoke truthfully, turning a hundred and eighty degrees as she took in the room, from the ceilings which had been covered with brightly colored drapes to the walls that had been completely obscured by dozens of murals, some large, some small, in a wide variety of styles. A huge round bed sat in the middle of the room, a black duvet covered with brightly colored pillows that matched the colors of the eclectic mishmash of furniture scattered around the room. "It's so different."

"Dad hates it, of course," Alice chuckled, sagging down on the bed as she proudly looked around her. "But he hates everything that's out of the ordinary, especially when it has something to do with me wanting to go to art school."

"He won't let you?" Bella asked, her eyes drawn to a pile of sketches lying in a heap on a small, lacquered desk, Edward's face, almost true to life, grinning back at her with that lopsided smirk of his she loved so much. "These are surreal, Alice!" There were others, too, of people she knew: Carmen, Jasper, Esme and a man that had enough of Edward in him that he had to be his father.

"Thanks!" Alice looked a little sad as she came to stand next to Bella, her hand gliding over the cheek of Jasper's sketch before she closed the folder. "We should probably be getting back."

Somehow Bella got the feeling that art school and her father's refusal to even consider it were things that lay very heavy on Alice's heart. She felt for her and most of all for the talent that was dying to burst out and to be shared with the world. She hoped the sweet girl would get what she wanted some way or another as they quickly made their journey back downstairs and into a huge reception room.

"Bella! You look great! I knew that dress would be perfect for you." Carmen's enthusiasm as she greeted her rivaled that of her daughter, the warm hug belying the underlying tension and chill in the room as Bella stepped back and took in its other inhabitants.

Edward was sitting to the back, sharing an uncomfortable looking sofa with a blond man in his mid-forties, their faces serious as they spoke. _That must be Peter_. She felt a little nervous, looking at them and knowing they were probably discussing something to do with her.

For once, it didn't really bother her not to be a part of their discussion, her nerves already so high strung that she was afraid she was going to vomit if she had to be within hearing distance to hear Peter's verdict on the plans she and Edward had so carefully constructed together.

It probably wouldn't really impress Edward's parents and other family members if she did.

And then there was the woman who's face looked familiar, the hard lines and dissatisfied set of her mouth still etched in her memory from when she'd seen those features back in Forks, doing a great disservice to an otherwise very genteel face. Like then, Elizabeth Masen stared at her with barely veiled dislike, though her manners were impeccably friendly to the point that they made the hairs at the base of her neck stand on end.

"Isabella." She rose, her eyes cold as she approached Bella with carefully measured, elegant steps. "I never would have thought I'd see you again."

_And there was blow number one. _Not wanting to show anything but dignity, Bella plastered a fake smile onto her face, her hand clammy inside Elizabeth's icy flesh. "It is nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Masen. Edward has told me so much about you."

"She prefers to be called Bella now," Carmen spoke bluntly, alerting Elizabeth to the one thing Bella never dared mention as she stood by her side like a guard. "I believe I just told you."

Apparently these two women didn't really see eye to eye.

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she stepped back. "Did you? I can't remember but, then again, there is never a want for conversation whenever you are around, is there! Now, _Isabella_, tell me about that uncle of yours. I believe he is something of a writer, isn't he?"

_Ah, blows number two and three weren't far behind_. She could hear Carmen's frustrated groan from beside her as she picked out a chair far enough from the evil old crone who had just about managed to suck all the happy from the room to have to speak up if she wanted to talk to her, hoping this would put a stop to what was already starting to become one of the most uncomfortable conversations of her life.

"He was. I believe he has won a lot of critical acclaim over the years," she struggled to keep from refraining to her old ways of dealing with people who frazzled her, knowing that venom and anger would get her nowhere. "His final book will be coming out this summer, if all goes right."

"You don't know?" Bella realized the mistake she'd made as soon as she caught the sparks in Elizabeth's eyes. "I would have thought your family would have kept you better updated than that, seeing as you took care of your uncle for most of his final years."

"Lay off it, Mother." Edward was suddenly there and, judging from the look on his face (a look that made her feel oddly hot and bothered, by the way) he was furious. "Bella has gone through enough already. She doesn't need you hounding her on top of it."

"I was merely getting to know the girl!" Elizabeth was all innocence as she played the wounded party. "Wasn't I, Isabella?"

"She was." Bella was teeming with rage but there was no other way out than to agree with the vile woman. She had her trapped. Somehow Elizabeth must have found out, or at the very least, suspected something about Bella's true relation with Aro and maybe even about the betrayal she had suffered at her former employer's hands; the fact that she was now using it as a weapon to crack through Bella's defenses making her feel both enraged and frightened at the same time.

_She will not win. _

_Never. _

Edward wasn't fooled, though, his conversation with Peter abandoned as he sat sentry on the arm of Bella's chair, making sure his mother wouldn't be asking any more impertinent questions as the butler handed out gin and tonics and whiskeys in anticipation of dinner.

The small talk that Elizabeth's guerilla interrogation had left in its wake, though, was as uncomfortable and forced as the third degree itself had been.

Edward's father and oldest sister only joined them after the announcement had come that dinner was ready to be served, the handshakes and cold appraisals as she was introduced to both of them immediately telling Bella how they saw her: as an intruder.

It was nothing that she hadn't expected, though it still hurt to be met with so much rejection from Edward's family. With the help of Carmen, Alice and, surprisingly Peter, Edward tried to put her at ease as much as he could.

"Edward told me about your plans," Peter spoke, having been seated to her left, his smile a stark contrast to his wife's icy coolness. "I have nothing but respect for the way you're trying to pick up your life again."

"Thank you," she smiled, feeling close to tears as she picked at her a piece of bread next to her half eaten salad. "It's something I've always dreamed of."

"Oh, yes!" Charlotte crashed into their conversation, her voice loud enough to attract the attention of the others. "You're planning to get your _high school_ degree, aren't you, Isabella? How good of you!" From the way she spoke, you would have thought she was a mother, praising a toddler for a drawing she couldn't make head or tail of. "I would have never been able to stand the looks, going back to finish high school in my twenties."

Bella's hands clenched, completely humiliated by the tone of Charlotte's voice but not about to show it. "I had other priorities during my teenage years."

"Such as?" Elizabeth, sensing an easy kill, chimed in.

"_Mother_!" Edward scolded, stopping only when Bella placed her hand on top of his wrist.

If the old hag wanted an answer, she was going to get it. "Keeping myself alive," she answered coolly, her body shaking with anger as she leveled Elizabeth's shocked stare. "It's hard to prioritize education when you're close to starving and freezing to death or when you're locked up all day by an abusive stepfather."

The stunned silence she left in her wake felt like a victory, especially when Edward's hand sought and found hers under the tablecloth, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the palm of her hand slowly calming her down.

"Well, I think it's admirable to make something of your live after so much adversity." To everyone's shock it was Ed who broke the silence, Edward's hand stilling in hers as he blinked, trying to absorb his unexpected statement. "It is the people who did just that who made this country great."

Bella smiled, her nerves spiking again with the desperate need to stay in this man's good graces as she spoke. "I have no desire for greatness. I just want what has been denied to me so far."

"And what are your plans?" Elizabeth's eyes narrowed like a predator assessing its prey. "I assume you have some sort of future sketched out for yourself."

"For now I just want to take it one step at a time," she answered, perpetually on her guard, "but if it's in the cards for me, I'd like to go on and study literature."

"Stick to what you know, eh!" Peter chuckled, clinging his glass to hers. "That might not be such a bad idea, actually."

"Do you have any idea how or where you want to pursue those studies?" Ed wanted to know, and she could see the wheels in his head were already spinning. "Because if you want to stay in Chicago, I might be able to get you into a good program. The Dean of Northwestern is a golfing buddy of mine and I'm sure that, after hearing your story and seeing how dedicated you are to gain your degree, he would more than welcome you into their literature program."

Bella blinked, not quite knowing what to think. In the past hours, ever since deciding to pursue her GED, she hadn't even dared to think about what she'd do after that, let alone where or how. Having the Masen clan help her along felt both like a blessing and a curse all at once; a blessing because it opened opportunities to her that would have remained closed off without Ed Masen's interference, and a curse because it wasn't fair to buy yourself into a place where other's had only been able to get into by hard work and sacrifice.

But then again, had her life been any different?

Hadn't she worked hard and sacrifice much throughout her entire life?

Didn't she deserve this break?

Apparently, there were more people who saw Ed's remark as being unfair. "So you're going to buy her a spot at Northwestern just like that?" Charlotte cried out. "She isn't even family!"

"She might be one day," Ed answered calmly, like it was only a matter of time before Edward would put a ring on Bella's finger. She didn't know why but that prospect scared the living daylights out of her. _The end of her freedom._ "And in this case, no money would be required to change hands, since he owes me quite a few favors. I have no doubt that he'd be willing to enroll Isabella into whatever program she desired provided she scored high enough on her test."

_Right. No pressure._ Bella smiled, only now daring to look to her right where Edward sat, his face an impassive, unreadable mask. _What is he thinking?_ Trying to get some sort of read on him, she squeezed his hand, his smile when he finally did turn her way too forced to be happy. Or was it just the situation he was unhappy with?

She wished she knew because it would give her some indication of how to act; whether to feel happy and grateful for the opportunities that seemed to be handed out to her like candy, or hurt because her whole future was being decided at the family dinner table like it was nothing.

Charlotte, meanwhile, still vehemently protested, though as Elizabeth finally broke her silence it seemed that she was preaching to deaf ears. "I have to agree with your father on this one," the matriarch spoke, her tone just as level and measured as it had been throughout the night, though it must have cost her no small amount of sacrifice to agree with something that benefited Bella. "If Edward is determined to have this _girl_ in his life, we'd better make sure she gains some sort of position in society that wouldn't cause us embarrassment if someone asks about her."

_Right, not so much help Bella but save her own face_. Bella pursed her lips, not quite sure whether Elizabeth's comment made her want to bark out laughing or feel mortally offended, her head moving from face to face like she was watching a tennis match as she waited for the next person to comment.

"Elizabeth." This time it was Carmen who spoke up, though from the tense set of his shoulders and the way his hand painfully clenched around hers she could tell Edward was only seconds away from exploding himself. Perhaps that was why Carmen had intervened. "I would very much appreciate if you refrained from insulting a guest at my dinner table."

"_Your_ dinner table?" Elizabeth acted as if she had been the wounded party. "That's rich, coming from the woman who stole my husband _and_ my home!"

"Liz!" This time, when Ed intervened, the old crow was quick to back off, though her looks were lethal as she glared at her main course, her oldest child looking so much like her at that moment that it was almost frightening.

It was the final real bust up of the night, a laden silence settling over the dining room as everyone got back to their food. Even when the muttered small-talk started again, the awkwardness remained, everyone so afraid to broach a topic that could potentially be dangerous that nothing much of anything was said.

She wasn't sure but Bella might have actually preferred to go back to fighting since it was less suffocating than whatever was going on at that moment.

Edward was up from his chair as soon as politeness allowed, making the usual excuses about 'it's getting late' and 'things that needed to be done the next day', though Bella knew their schedule for tomorrow was yet to be filled.

She wasn't sorry to be out of the house, though, her feet barely keeping up with Edward's long strides as they hightailed it out of his family home-slash-castle after saying an uncomfortable goodbye to Charlotte, Elizabeth and Ed, and a much more genuine one to Carmen Peter and Alice, the latter uttering the first words Bella had heard ever since Elizabeth came into the house.

"God, I'm so sorry about all of this," Edward groaned as he flopped down in the driver's seat after safely helping her into the car. "If I hadn't been sure they'd show up at our place if we didn't come to them, I'd have told them where to stick their dinner party!"

"And you would have hurt Carmen and Alice by doing so," Bella argued, holding on tightly as Edward tore out of his father's driveway like a stock-car driver. "I had expected worse, to be honest." It was true, though in all honesty she hadn't really allowed herself to think about the dinner party that much, knowing better than to freak out over things that were yet to come. "Your father wasn't so bad."

Edward snorted disbelievingly. "That's because we met him on his home turf this time and he's a stickler for etiquette. Believe me, if we'd have been at Charlotte's he would have been the first to throw stones."

"You don't know that," she countered. "Fact of the matter is, no matter what his motives were, he showed me kindness beyond what he had to. I know you and he don't see eye to eye but at least you have to admit that he wasn't the worst one in the bunch tonight."

"No!" Edward snorted. "You're right about that. Man, I came this close to punching my mother in the face when she talked to you like that."

"Alice seems so afraid of her," she mused, voicing the observation she'd made throughout the day. Whenever Elizabeth was only mentioned, Alice's face grew pale and throughout the evening, being in the same room with her father's first wife, she had all but lost her normal spark and vivaciousness.

"That's because my mother has always made it perfectly clear to her that she holds Alice responsible for her divorce," Edward answered. "And you've seen how she gets when she's against someone."

Yes, she had seen quite enough of that. "But how could she be responsible? She wasn't even there yet."

"I wouldn't say that." Edward chuckled darkly, pausing as he turned onto North Harlem Avenue. "Mother would have been perfectly fine, accepting Carmen as my father's mistress. I don't think there's ever been any love lost between the two of them. They were more like an economic unity, driven by their mutual hunger for money and power, than a romantic one. It all changed, though when Carmen found out she was pregnant and dad wanted to do the right thing and filed for divorce. Mother holds Alice and Carmen personally responsible for the destruction of the perfect image she'd spent years establishing."

"Ah, I see." Bella nodded, torn between her loyalty to Carmen and Alice and the compassion she felt for Elizabeth. The woman had been nothing but a complete bitch to her but she had to wonder what it must have felt like to see your whole life shattered to pieces.

Well, she _knew_ what it felt like and she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy. It must have been what had hardened Elizabeth Masen into the unpleasant woman she was.

"Now can we please stop talking about my family?" Edward pleaded, accelerating up after waiting for the traffic light to turn green. "I've had about as much from them as I can stomach!"

"Okay," Bella nodded, quite eager to stop talking about certain people she'd just made the acquaintance of as well. "So what do you want to talk about?"

His devious, lopsided grin made her heart beat faster, the hum of the engine pulsing through her veins as he finally spoke in a low, husky voice, "You made me a promise earlier today, remember?"

She could feel her cheeks redden as she remembered that promise, on tiptoe and half-dressed in their bedroom, her thighs subconsciously rubbing together in anticipation for the things to come. Because they would be coming, of that she was certain. "Yes," her voice was breathy as lust took over. _Would it ever stop? This feeling…this need to possess and be possessed by him? _

She sure hoped not.

"Good," he chuckled, pulling the car into reverse as he backed it into the garage, his eyes smoldering when they finally landed on her. "Because I have every intention of holding you to it."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page.**_

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_A simple child,  
That lightly draws its breath,  
And feels its life in every limb,  
What should it know of death?_

_William Wordsworth_

**6.**

"_Angel_."

There were worse thing to wake up to than the velvety voice of the man she loved, purring in her ear like liquid sex. Still, that didn't mean that her first response was anything more than a groany, "Huh?"

Not sexy at all.

"You have to wake up, angel." As much as she didn't want to, how could she deny a voice like that? Especially when she knew the looks that accompanied it even without actually seeing his face.

Sex.

Yes, and please.

She never imagined it, but over the past couple of days she had grown quite wanton, a fact that seemed to both thrill and amaze her almost as much as it did Edward.

Not that he seemed to mind, though.

She stretched out, her body still deliciously sore from their activities earlier that night, as she slowly opened her eyes, the room still completely black around her as she blinked to get a good look at the alarm clock on the night stand.

Four AM. _What the hell? _

"Why are you waking me up so early?" her voice sounded as gruff as the rest of her felt, notwithstanding the traces of arousal still left in the wake of Edward's wake-up call. "Did you really want to out-do me so badly?" As much as she didn't begrudge him the opportunity to finally wake up before her, she wasn't all too enthusiastic about the fact that it now had her up and awake at the ass-crack of dawn.

"What?" he seemed completely puzzled for a moment until a look of understanding dawned on his face, his laughter filling the room as he kissed her bare shoulder. "No, love, this isn't about that. If it had been, then I'm pretty sure what I'm doing would be called cheating since I never really went to sleep anyway."

"You…didn't?" Her still sleep-sluggish brain had trouble catching up. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "I just couldn't get over what happened last night, I guess." The tension was back in his shoulders as he lay down beside her, the pronounced muscles of his chest taut with it as he rested his hand on the elastic of his boxers. "You didn't deserve to be treated like that after everything you've already been through. My mom and Charlotte…I really hate them sometimes. They should have known better!"

She sighed, shifting so that she was lying half on top of him, her left leg stretched out across his legs as she moved her hand over the ridges and slopes of his chest, desperate to smooth his tense muscles and take away some of the anger. As much as the behavior of his mother and sister had disgusted her, she felt so sad for Edward, knowing his own family was trying to sabotage his life. "I'm okay with it, Edward, even if you aren't."

"I know," he closed his eyes, "but it's just…it's okay if they hurt _me_, I mean…I'm used to it by now. But you?" Shaking his head he let out a deep sigh, his eyes so full of emotion in the faint moonlight as he opened them again and took her hands in his. "I swore an oath to protect you, that night when you first came home with me, and I won't let my family endanger that."

There was so much wrong with that statement, she couldn't even begin to piece it all together. Sadness overwhelmed her as she shook her head, her fingers finding their way up and gently caressing his face before cupping his cheeks in her hands as she plastered a smile on her face, moving to straddle his waist. "You know...I'm perfectly able to defend myself. But I love you for wanting what's best for me."

"Always. You're my life now, angel, I won't let anyone hurt you." His hands started to wander but his eyes never left hers as he swiftly discarded the wife beater – his wife beater – she'd picked up from the floor the previous night right before crashing in his arms, her nipples pebbling under his touch as she moved, already wet and wanting, over his still cloth-covered erection.

"Bella." She loved the way he hissed her name, his eyes squeezed tightly but not from anger or frustration this time. Well, not that kind of frustration, her bottom lip smarting as she bit it while his hand disappeared down to where she needed his touch. "Fuck, so wet."

"For you," she breathed, her hips moving in time with the passages of his thumb over her clit as she held his gaze, their eyes communicating silently.

_I love you._

_I want you._

_I need you._

There was such power in their look and, at the same time, the intimacy as their eyes held each other spellbound was overwhelming, heating her up from the inside with a love to match the lust his skilled hands stirred as one of his long fingers entered her body.

_So good. _

_So close. _

Finally she threw her head back, a shudder running through her as the pleasure became too great to contain, her insides fluttering as a loud moan rumbled from her chest, the ends of her hair caressing his thighs as she rode out her orgasm.

_So good. _

"I'll never get enough of seeing you like this." His voice drew her back to earth, her eyes clouded by pleasure and a need that would never be filled no matter how many times she'd had him.

Because he was hers, wholly and completely, just as much as she was his.

Days spent with him had given her a feeling of certainty; the confidence to put her hands on him, pushing his body up so that he could move his underwear down his legs and line himself up with her entrance, the leverage giving her just enough power to sink down slowly, her eyes once again connecting with his as their bodies became one.

_There can never be enough nights to sate this need. _

_This need for him._

_For this. _

She slowly released a breath she'd been holding, reveling in the closeness of having him inside her, her body getting used to the intrusion much quicker now that it had become a regular occurrence. She was hyperaware, but only of him; his hands sinking into the flesh of her hips, his legs straining under her ass as he tried to keep himself from thrusting up, the slight sheen of sweat already shimmering on his strong, chiseled chest in the faint light of the bedside light.

_Perfection. _

She laughed, a deep wanton laugh, as finally the waiting got too much for him and with a groan he thrust upwards, driving himself even deeper inside her as his fingers dug persistently, stirring her up as she started to move, her hips gyrating slowly and measurably, controlling her own need to prolong his pleasure.

"Yes, that's it, angel," he hissed, his eyes squeezing shut as he threw his head back in pleasure. "Ride me."

Oh, yes, she'd come to know just what he needed her to do to sweep him up, even if he always seemed to resist her hand and foot. He was like an open book, the letters jumping up from the page in every look or touch.

"Fuck…Bella," he hissed, the tension in his frame letting her know he was getting closer, his upwards thrust more erratic and fast as she held on, sweeping downwards just in time to claim his mouth, her breasts brushing along his clammy chest as she rode him, finally giving in to her own desires as the marathon became a sprint.

And they were both winning.

Her chest was heaving, her mouth uttering words as incoherent as his as she crashed on top of him, her skin sticking to his as their loud breaths permeated the silence of their bedroom. _Just like it was supposed to be. _

She could just feel herself drifting back into a blissful sleep when his laughter stirred her like an earthquake, her body jostled uncomfortable when he lifted up from the bed with a joyous kiss to her hair. "Oh no, you don't."

"No?" she whined, wishing for nothing but sleep now that her other needs were momentarily sated. "Why?"

"Because I have other things planned for us, angel," he chuckled, her half-closed eyes following his naked form – his very fine _naked_ form – as he got up from the bed. "How about I give you a few more minutes to rest while I take a shower and then go and fix us some breakfast while you take yours?"

Her sleepy mind only caught the first half of that sentence, more sleep, as she drifted off again, the distant sound of running water lulling her back into sleep, though some part of her mind kept mulling over the strange fact that apparently his early wake-up call hadn't just been about lust.

All too soon, though, his voice was back in her ear, his hands lacking the fire they'd had just moments ago and he poked and pried until she was awake again. And very grudgingly so.

If she had been more awake or less grumpy, she might have noticed how mighty fine he looked, droplets of water trickling down his chest from his still wet hair and his body clad in only a fluffy towel, wrapped just underneath the faint v-shape of his middle.

But she wasn't.

"I promise it will be worth it," he chuckled as she cursed while schlepping her still bone-tired body into the shower. As much as she found herself unable to sleep later than six in the morning at most, this was definitely pushing her limits. "Oh, and pack an overnight bag while you get ready. Just enough stuff for one night."

And with that he left her, now completely awake and wholly confused about the events the day would bring.

She obediently followed his directions, though, the shower soothing her mind and body as she mulled over his words while cleansing and getting ready for the day, quickly stuffing some clothes and other necessities into a duffle bag as she dressed in some of the clothes she'd bought with Carmen and Alice the day before.

Edward shook his head as he caught her coming down the stairs, his eyes immediately drawn to the image on her t-shirt as she stepped into view. "I'm definitely going to have words with my sister when we get back."

Bella smiled, smoothing the fabric down her chest, the small purple device Alice had handed her before dinner the previous night burning a hole in her pocket as the soft tones of Edward's musical preference filled the downstairs area. She played the innocent, though, as she looked up at him. "What?"

Edward frowned in mock distaste. "Kiss, really? You're a fan of hard rock now?"

She shrugged, swiping the coffee mug Edward had undoubtedly poured for himself. "What's wrong with that? I recall you seem to be quite fond of kissing." Following his suit she grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal into it before taking the milk he held out to her. "No pancakes today?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I've never been much good in the kitchen."

The crunch of the flakes as he scooped another spoonful into his mouth made her stomach rumble as she poured milk over her own bowl. It wasn't the first time she'd had cereal for breakfast since Esme had first re-introduced her to the taste after years of nothing but omelets, freshly baked breads and homemade jams.

As much as she enjoyed the easiness of simply pouring some milk on top of a bowl of pre-made breakfast flakes, she kind of missed the taste and satisfaction of homemade food. There had always been a sense of peace around her as she got up, moving through the house as quietly and inconspicuously as she could, to prepare breakfast while in the distance the sounds of the forest waking up gave a magical air to her actions.

It had been those moments that had been the happiest in her life until she met Edward; the ones where she could fool herself into thinking she was all alone and free to do whatever she wanted.

The times in which she had dreamed up the plans that would now become a reality for her.

Here, in the city, the birdsongs were drowned out by the noise of cars and other people bustling about and though she found herself slowly starting to get used to it, she sometimes found herself longing for the peace and quiet.

"So, what is this surprise you spoke about?" she asked, trying to get rid of the gloom before it could pull her under. "Are we going somewhere?"

Edward merely nodded, obviously enjoying his position of power as he stole his coffee cup back from her. "Yep."

Her eyes narrowed as she leaned back against the countertop, both eating their breakfast standing up in absence of a table. "You're not going to tell me anything, are you?"

He chuckled, drawing out his reply as he rinsed his bowl. "Nope, you'll find out soon enough."

She didn't have to wait long for the second clue to present itself after finding out they would be staying somewhere overnight, the honking of a horn outside their door sounding just as she finished putting the dirty dishes away.

"Go ahead," Edward urged, quickly grabbing both their bags. "I'll go check to make sure the house is locked up while you keep the cab driver happy."

She frowned, wondering how she could possibly do that but shrugged her coat on and went out to meet him anyway, a small piece of paper, folded neatly under the front door, immediately drawing her attention as she opened it.

Walking out towards the yellow car that had pulled up in front of the house, she unfolded the paper, her hand smoothing down the sides as her eyes blinked against the words printed in the center.

_I am watching you, Isabella Swan_

Her heart hammered in her throat, her feet only moving because they had been told to do so before this bomb was dropped on her, as she read, turning the paper around and around again to find out if there were any more clues to be had from it.

Nothing.

No name, no address, no clue.

"What's that?" Edward asked, sliding into the backseat with her after sprouting off directions at the cab driver. His breath hitched as his eyes, too, took in the nondescript printed threat. "Where did you find it?"

"It was pushed in between the door and the threshold," she answered, barely knowing where they were going as her eyes remained trained to the little piece of paper. "Do you think it was that woman who did this?" An involuntary shudder ran through her at the memory of those eyes, brimming with fanaticism and perseverance. She wouldn't put it past that woman to issue another threat if she thought it would bring her closer to whatever she wanted.

"I don't know." Edward frowned, gently prying the piece of paper from her hands. "I spoke to Peter about her last night and he promised he'd keep an eye open for any mentions of your name or Aro's in the papers. He didn't think she worked for any of the local papers, though."

"No?" As much as she was still trying to get to grips with the topics that dominated the news those days, Bella had to admit that she really didn't have a clue where it came to the inner workings of the media_. So much still to learn._

"People around here read his books, of course, but it's not like he's a big celebrity," he explained, her heart beating a little easier as he tucked the paper into his wallet. Strange, how not seeing things suddenly made them appear less threatening. "Peter thinks it's probably someone sent here from the Boston area, where Aro lived and worked before he got sick. There's not much he can do, though, as long as we don't have a name."

"Then what do we do now?" She bit her lip, trying to calm herself down enough to notice her surroundings again.

"We go away as planned and try not to let it get to us," he paused, kissing her temple as a comforting arm wrapped around her shoulders, "and when we get back, I'll make sure Peter gets this note as we plan our next move."

"I guess…" It all sounded so simple when he put it like that, his voice not at all affected by those same words that had completely rattled her. "Do you think Jane is involved in all of this?" It was the one question that had been weighing on her mind ever since her strange encounter, the thought of two of the most unnerving women she'd met teaming up against her being almost too much.

"I don't think so." Edward shook his head decidedly, the certainty in his voice a relief to her. "Jane strikes me as the kind of woman who's only out to secure her own position. Having her father's dealings with you out in the open…it would undermine her claim to his money."

She nodded. _When he put it like that…_

"Seriously, Bella," he went on, pulling her closer. "Don't let it get to you too much. This note was meant to rile you up, don't give the sick fuck that left it what he or she wants."

She had a feeling that deep down inside, he wasn't thinking as lightly of it as he outwardly tried to make her believe but, for her own peace of mind as well as his, she tried to play along and so she nodded, trying to swallow the big fat lump of fear that had gotten lodged in her throat as, finally, she dared to look out the window, her mind diverted as she picked up on another clue. "We're going to the airport?"

"Yup." Edward was back to monosyllabic answers, though his smile spoke volumes as he worked relentlessly to keep her spirits up, his teasing and joking putting her in a much better mood by the time they pulled up in front of O'Hare's domestic departures terminal.

"You're still not telling me where we're going?" She held on tightly to his hand as they entered the terminal, already busy so early in the morning.

He chuckled, his eyes scanning the screens as he confidently led her through the crowd. "You'll find out soon enough."

When she finally did, her mouth fell open in surprise. "Philadelphia?" She looked from Edward to the television screen announcing their destination. "You're taking me to Philadelphia?" She hadn't been there since she was a kid…since that day her mom and Phil had taken her away without as much as an explanation. The thought of going back there, to the only place she'd ever been truly happy and free - apart from Chicago - it made her feel shockingly giddy.

"That was the plan, yeah." Edward suddenly seemed shy and uncertain, his free hand running through his hair as his eyes dropped downwards. "That is…if you want to go. I never really stopped to think that this might be a little bit…much for you, given the circumstances."

"No." She shook her head so violently she was almost giving herself a migraine. "What made you think of Philadelphia, though?"

He seemed hugely relieved, that happy smile she'd come to love so much back in place as he tugged her along with him towards the gate. "Yesterday when Peter and I were discussing the paperwork and stuff that needs to be in place for you to get your GED, we got talking about your past and then last night when I couldn't sleep…" He shrugged, their clasped hands dangling between them as they stopped right in front of their gate, the other people waiting around forgotten as he spoke again. "Shit…you've had such a rough time these past couple of years that I thought it wouldn't hurt to take you back to the times when everything was still good in your life."

And that, right there, was why she loved him. "I can't believe you thought of that. And you arranged it all…last night…while I was sleeping?"

He shrugged, his shyness back though this time not for fear of her displeasure. "As I said…I couldn't sleep and I wanted to do something nice for you after the way my family treated you."

Unable to put her emotions into words she just settled for kissing him, the sound of a throat clearing accompanied, upon inspection, by a very sour looking face indicating that maybe she was taking her gratitude a little too far.

Not that she cared.

No, all she cared about was that an old, sour-face had disrupted a perfectly good kiss that could have gone on for at least a couple of seconds longer.

She flashed a suitably angry look back, Edward chuckling as a voice announced their plane was ready to board first class passengers, putting a stop to the stare-down before it could get really ugly but not before Bella could send another look – this time one of triumph – at person as they proceeded to the desk while sour-face was left behind with the rest of the passengers in coach.

She had to admit that Edward having money did have its perks, though she was still uncomfortable with him throwing it around like rice at a wedding feast.

Their flight didn't take too long, most of the time being spent with her eyes closed, rifling through the music Alice had loaded on the small, portable record player she'd called an iPod. She'd heard of those things, vaguely at least, while living on the streets but never thought that one day she would be operating one.

It was interesting, catching up on some of the music she'd missed through the years. Some of the styles and bands she really liked (which, much to her relief, also included most of the artists she now owned t-shirts of) but others mainly striking her as odd and sometimes even offensive.

Like rap music.

Even when living on the streets and basically bouncing between being scared of the world and being angry at it, she'd never understood the anger some of those rap stars seemed to feel towards the world. Yelling, calling names and propagating violence seemed, to her at least, to be the least constructive kind of way to work through frustration and disappointment.

Why not try to move forward?

Another taxi picked them up from the airport in Philadelphia and brought them to what Edward called a 'boutique inn' near the historic center where he'd booked a room that seemed to transport them centuries back the moment they stepped into it; the polished antique wooden furniture and posh floral wallpaper in stark contrast with the views of the Delaware river and the buildings surrounding it that their private little patio offered.

"What do you want to do today?" Edward's voice crooned in her ear as she leaned back against his chest, his arms shielding her from the cold March wind.

"I don't know," she replied honestly. This whole 'visiting cities just for the hell of it- thing' was completely new to her.

"I managed to find a lot of stuff on the internet," he announced, "including where you used to live."

She sucked in a sharp breath, her mind trying to reconnect with memories that had gotten hazy with time. "You found my home?"

She could feel him nod behind her, the pressure of his lips in her hair soothing her even when her emotions ran rampant. "We could go there today, if you want to, or we could just take it easy and do some sightseeing…"

He left it all up to her and it took her some time, her mind mulling over the pros and cons of diving into the deep without time to prepare. In the end, the prospect of retracing her steps was just too exciting to put it off, no matter how painful the memories of her past happiness might become.

And so, not long after checking into their hotel, they found themselves in another yellow cab, heading towards the outer regions of town where she knew her heritage lay.

"Do you remember much…from those years?" Edward's arms had never left her shoulders as she leaned against him for support, though his voice shocked her out of the almost trance-like state she'd entered the moment the cab had pulled out of their hotel's parking lot.

She shook her head. "Just bits of memories. My mom singing in the kitchen. My best friend Amanda and I playing in the sandbox at Kindergarten. Being proud of my dad as he walked me to school in his uniform." She chuckled, shaking her head at the cloudiness of her own memories. "Looking back at it now, I know that on some of those days he would probably have just come off the night shift and must've been so tired but that was just the man he was, you know?"

Edward smiled, though it was the forced smile of a man who had never had such a fatherly role model to look up to. "The kind of man who wanted to spend some time with his kid before he hit the hay?"

"Yep." She nodded, a little sad that she didn't remember more of him. "He was the kind of man who would always help anyone who needed it. I just….I wish I remembered what he looked like."

"Maybe this trip will bring some of the memories back," Edward offered, absorbing her tension as she started to feel, somewhere in her gut, that they were nearing the scene of all those hazy childhood memories.

And it did, the flakes of memories becoming more pronounced and frequent as they drove through the main road as Bella's eye caught the store where she and her mom used to get their groceries; Bella riding in the shopping cart to keep her from wandering off as Renee dropped her items in around her while humming to whatever tune had lodged in her head.

She was always singing in her Philadelphia memories, which was strange because as soon as they'd followed Phil to Arizona, she'd all but stopped completely.

"That's my school!" she breathed, scooting so close to the window that her nose was almost pressed against the glass as the familiar low, concrete building popped into view as they turned onto another street. _Her street._

She sat transfixed as Edward spoke with the cab driver, their words drowned out by the sounds in her head as she remembered more and more of the life she hadn't allowed herself to think of in so many years - because it would hurt too much to remember the times when she was so happy and free.

But not now…not that day.

With Edward by her side, her hand squeezing his for life, she cautiously entered the playground, the quiet support he offered her was a comfort as every nook and cranny brought back a new memory.

Running out through the bright red double doors to the gate where mom and dad were waiting proudly.

Making a sandcastle with Amanda that rose so tall that they had to stand on their toes to finish the highest tower.

Their tears when one of the older kids kicked a soccer ball right through the center of it and destroyed all their hard work.

Walking between grandma and granddad as they came to get her from school that day, the noses of the other kids in her class pressed against the window as she went out to hear the devastating news about her daddy being shot.

Saying goodbye to Amanda the day after her mom had told her they were moving out to Arizona to be with Phil.

She wondered what had become of Amanda as she spotted two little girls playing in the same sandbox that had been the scene of so many of her adventures with her best friend. Would she still live around here somewhere or had she moved on? What had life brought her? Did she still think about the old days sometimes?

She sighed, a small smile on her lips as she let her gaze wander further down the street, to the neat row of white, wooden one-story houses lining the opposite side of it. "I used to live there; right at the end of this street."

Edward's eyes squinted as he followed her finger, his hand softly squeezing hers in shared excitement as it landed on the nondescript little building almost at the end of the road. "Do you want to go see what it's like now?"

"Won't that be strange?" She frowned, her eyes shooting from him back to her former home. "I mean…if there're people living there right now they could think we'd want to burglarize them or something."

"I don't think we look like the typical burglars," Edward chuckled, tugging on her hand to get her to follow him in the right direction. "Besides, I imagine the people living there today might want to know a bit more about the ones who made the place their home before them."

"Really?" Her brows furrowed deeper as she thought about that, though as unlikely as it appeared to her, she let him guide her back through the gates again and down the streets, her heartbeat increasing the closer they got.

It still looked like it had back then, though in her memory there had been flowerboxes attached to the porch, carrying a cacophony of colors as bright and vivacious as her memory of her mom had been during those years. There were still some plants now, tucked into the corners of the deck but muted green prevailed.

"I remember there being bright yellow blinds in front of the window," she mused aloud, marking the differences the years had made. "And we had a cat that always used to lie on a huge pillow in the corner there." She pointed at the far end of the porch, its two sides shielded by the walls. "And there was a rocker chair somewhere…" A faint memory of Bella sitting on her father's knee, the air spicy with cigar smoke as he rocked them back and forth to the sound of music coming from indoors flittering into her mind.

"It looks like nobody's home," Edward spoke after boldly knocking on the door and peeking in through the window, his disappointment clear in his voice where she was more relieved to not have to see the people who had replaced her and her parents.

"Can I help you?" They both jumped at the sound of a voice, and elderly woman leaning against the side of the porch belonging to the house next door, her voice more a warning than a greeting.

"S-sorry," Bella muttered, her eyes trained to the ground as she fluttered guiltily from one foot to the other. "I used to live here and…"

She could feel the old woman's eyes on her face, the strangely familiar deep blue eyes widening as she clutched her walking cane to her chest in utter shock. "Dear God!" She stumbled backwards, her hands barely keeping her balance as she clutched the railing of her porch. "You're little Isabella Swan, aren't you? In all my life I never dreamed I'd see you again!"

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_**Thoughts?**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without those two I'd never even dare to post. Luv ya! **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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"_I've been walking in the same way as I did_

_And missing out the cracks in the pavement_

_And tutting my heel and strutting my feet_

_Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?_

_No, and thank you, please madam, I ain't lost, just wandering"_

_Adele, Hometown Glory (2007)_

**7.**

For someone with whom old age had visibly caught up, the woman who knew Bella's name moved with a surprising speed. She wobbled down her own porch and up to where Edward and Bella were still standing with a mixture of shock and excitement on their faces before either could blink an eye, the thin, bony hands clenching around Bella's arms before she could step back or even debate whether or not she wanted to be touched by this stranger.

"Let me look at you." Up close the woman's eyes were almost luminescent, causing Bella to swallow nervously as she studied her as if she were a painting in a fine museum. "Yes, I can see it now, clear as day," she mumbled, a small smile breaking through her age-worn face. "You always had your father's eyes – wise beyond their years."

"You still remember them?" Bella asked, the enormity of the moment not lost on her, though she wished she could remember this woman. _She knew her parents._

"Like yesterday." Her answer came quick and accompanied by a sad smile that confirmed, more than anything else, that she also knew how the story ended. "It's been almost twenty years but I can still remember the last time I saw your father walk you to school. It was on the morning of the day he got shot. You were wearing a blue dress and your mother had woven cornflowers from her garden into your hair. You looked every inch the little lady." Her smile grew wistful as she let out a mournful sigh, her eyes traveling down the road as if they were following the memory. "You were trying to pin one of your flowers on his uniform, convinced that it would put the 'bad people' in a better mood when your papa would arrest them."

"And did I succeed?" Her voice was heavy with the tears she was fighting, hearing this lost memory retold. For some reason it had now become of vital importance for her to know if her dad had left her that morning with a silly flower pinned to his uniform.

It would mean that she – well, part of her at least – had been there with him, during those final moments.

Had he thought of her?

Of her mom?

Or had it all been over before he could realize what was happening?

"I'm afraid I couldn't tell you," she replied sadly. "You were out of earshot before a decision had been made but, knowing your father, I imagine he would have given in to your pleading before you reached the school gate." She chuckled, her eyes still far off. "That's just the man he was."

Bella nodded, tears falling from her eyes as Edward's arm wrapped around her, his hand rubbing up and down her back in comfort as he stood beside her.

"Oh, dear girl." The other woman patted Bella's arm, seeing how the emotions of the moment were threatening to swallow the younger girl. "I can imagine it must be so hard for you to be back here but, if you'd like, I could fix you and your mister some tea while I'll answer any other question you might have."

"That would be great," Edward answered as Bella still struggled to keep a lid on her emotions. "But we wouldn't want to inconvenience you, Mrs…?"

"Dorian," the old woman answered. "Edna Dorian. And you're not inconveniencing me at all!" She chuckled as if Edward had just said the silliest thing. "These days I so rarely get to speak to others that any visitor is welcomed like the president."

_Dorian. Aunt Edna. _Slowly shards of memories started to accompany that strange sense of familiarity as they followed Edna back to her house, the shards opening into complete scenes the minute she stepped into the cozy living room, decked out from ceiling to floor in that style that had become reminiscent of old people.

"I remember now!" She smiled proudly, her mind taking her back to afternoons spent sitting on the thick Persian rug, playing with her dolls while Aunt Edna occupied the bottle green armchair tucked into the corner nearest the window, the rhythmical ticking of her knitting needles rivaling the cuckoo clock on loudness. "You used to watch me, didn't you? When my parents were out?"

"Every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon when your mother went to her aerobics class." Edna grinned as triumphantly as Bella did, her hands moved with experience as she set about fixing their tea. "I _knew_ you'd remember."

"My mom took aerobics classes?" Somehow she found that concept very hard to unify with the solemn, hesitant woman she'd become during her final years.

"It was one of the few hobbies she never quit," Edna confirmed. "Must have been because it was set to music and your mother always did love music. What became of her, by the way? If you don't mind me asking."

The caution with which Edna phrased her question made Bella wonder if the older woman didn't already suspect something, still her face when Bella confirmed what happened fell into utter sadness as she listened to the sad tale of what had become of her neighbors. "She died when I was fifteen." Bella shrugged, trying to retain as much distance from her words as she could. "It turned out that following Phil to Arizona might not have been such a good decision after all."

"I always thought that Phil had something not quite right about him," Edna mused, Edward taking the tray laden with tea things and what looked like homemade cookies from her before she could even ponder crossing over from the kitchen into the living room. "I never did understand how your mother could take up with a man like that after being married to your dear departed father. No offense..."

"None taken." Bella smiled, though she didn't feel the slightest bit of happiness as her mind was transported back to Arizona and Phil. "I think my mom just didn't want to be alone and Phil was the first one to offer her that kind of security again." It was strange, realizing that had some other man crossed her mother's path, things might have turned out much differently. She might have turned out much differently.

And she would have never met Edward.

It hurt, realizing how her present happiness was indivisibly connected to her past and the pain of so many others. She'd spent so many hours wishing she could have taken away the pain but then, would fate have changed the outcome as well?

"Your Grandma and Grandpa Swan were inconsolable when your mother took you away from here," Edna went on, "as was I, of course. You were missed by a lot of people."

"They missed me?" Only having heard her mother's side of the story – which might have made the Swans right if not a little cold in their rejection of Renee's choices – she had never stopped to think about the emotions behind those actions.

"We all did," Edna pressed leaning across the coffee table to take Bella's hand in hers as they sat, sipping their tea, Edward once again choosing to remain in the background. "Amanda was inconsolable, too, those first few weeks after you moved away."

"Do you know what became of her?" Bella asked, eager to know the fate of her best friend. "Does she still live somewhere around here?"

Edna shook her head. "She moved to New York for school and I believe she stayed there and got married, though I'm afraid that's all I know of her. Her parents – bless their hearts – moved to be closer to her and their grandchildren after a few years so I rather lost track of them."

"Oh." Bella tried to hide her disappointment by taking small sips of her tea, her fingers almost crunching her cookie in half.

"Your grandparents were around for a little longer, though," Edna went on, eager to lift the young girl's spirits. "I think they always held on to their hope that one day you would come looking for them. In the end, though, your grandfather fell ill and they moved to a retirement community up the Jersey coast."

Bella blinked. In all of this she had never even dared to entertain the thought that her grandparents might still be alive. She knew her mother's parents had died a long time ago, before she had even been born but now, to find out she still had relatives? It came so out of the left field that she found herself completely unable to deal with it.

"I wish I could remember the name of the town…" Edna added while was wracking her brain, her hands clenching around the armrest in frustration as Bella sat, stilled like a marble statue, still trying to blink around the atom bomb that had just exploded into her life. "Unfortunately my mind doesn't work as well as it used to do and it was a long time ago."

"It might come back to you," Edward offered, his professional knowledge kicking in. "I often find that when people don't try so hard, they remember things they'd forgotten a long time ago." He rose, placing one of his business cards on the table. "If you remember, could you give us a call?"

"Of course," Edna nodded, still looking guilty for something that wasn't her fault. "I just wish I knew the answer right now."

"Thank you," Bella managed to force out, her hands trembling as she stirred sugar into her tea long after every single crystal of sweetness had dissolved, her eyes begging Edward to take over because she was beyond her capabilities of control at that moment. "It means…"

She sucked in a shaky breath, a gratefully watery smile on her lips as she looked at the woman who had unlocked a past she'd considered lost a long time ago. How did she put into words what this meant to her?

To have family after all?

To know that they had been out there all along, while she had been abused, living on the streets and at the mercy of a mad man? If she'd looked for them she might even have found them, been safe and loved instead of living with Aro.

But then again, she wouldn't have met Edward.

She felt happiness and relief to know that there were people out there who shared her blood and maybe could tell her more about her father and the kind of man he was. But she also felt an inexplicable anger and jealousy that those people had allowed her life to become what it had become and never bothered to check in and see if their kin – their blood – was doing well.

It was all so confusing…so upsetting; her head spinning as she reeled, clutching and crumpling the phone number at the same time. Did she even want to know the answers to the questions those numbers might lead to ask?

"I think we'd better head back," she heard Edward's voice speak somewhere in the background, barely audible over the loudness of her own thoughts. "I told the cab driver who dropped us here to come back in two hours if we didn't contact him before."

Two hours.

Had it really been that long?

It seemed like only minutes ago since she'd stepped out of that car.

But, then again, so much had happened in the meantime…

"Of course," Edna spoke, her voice sounding equally muffled. "I can imagine this is all a lot to take in."

Bella could feel their eyes on her; tense and worried, and she wished more than anything that there was something she could say or do to put them at ease again because…God, she was making such a spectacle of herself.

She just couldn't pull herself out of whatever stupor Edna's words had put her in, though, no matter how much she tried. Her mind didn't want to cooperate.

"Will it be okay if Bella got in touch with you if she has more questions?" Through her muddled mind, gratitude at Edward for asking all the right questions shone through as she listened and worked to put a lid on her emotions again.

"That goes without saying." She felt the touch of Edward's arm around her shoulders, helping her up as they went on their way again as Edna scribbled her contact information onto a little slip of paper and pressed it into Edward's hands. "It was so great meeting you two. I hope dear Bella will be okay?"

"I think she just needs some time to get to grips with all of this," Edward assured the old woman, his arm rubbing from the top of her shoulder down to her elbow, finally connecting her senses back to the earth again. "I can only imagine how much this had been for her to take in."

"Oh, yes." She heard the rustling of Edna's clothes and the beaded necklaces she wore as she followed after them. "It has to be so difficult for her to be back here, after everything that had happened."

It was only when they were outside again, the cool air swiping her face and clearing her mind just enough for her to connect with the world again, that Bella turned around, surprising both Edna and herself as she took the older woman's hands in hers. "Thank you so much for today," she whispered, the tears that had been threatening to spill all day finally trickling down from the corners of her eyes. "It has meant a lot to me to finally be able to connect with my parents again."

Edna's smile warmed her heart, the thin, wrinkly hands tangling with hers as she shook them. "It's been a joy to see you again. I do really hope you'll keep in touch, even if it's just to allow an old woman to reminisce about happier times when she was still able to walk without assistance."

They both chuckled, though their goodbyes were cut short by the honking of a horn down the street. "We have to go, angel," Edward disrupted them, his eyes apologetic. "I don't want to miss our ride back to the hotel."

As they walked back down the street to the school gate where the cab sat waiting for them, she kept on looking backwards, wanting to ingrain as much of it – the houses, the school but, most of all, Edna, who stood there waving as she clutched the railing of her front porch – into her memory.

And keep it there, never to fade away again.

She didn't remember much of their ride back; only that it felt longer and she was still completely lost in her thoughts. It was late in the afternoon by the time they made it back to their hotel, the streets already clogged with rush hour traffic as they quickly crossed from the chilly street into the warmth of the hotel lobby and up to their room, Edward's arms steering her when her eyes were too distant to really see.

"I'm going to take a bath," she spoke, not wanting to lock him out but really needing some time to think as well. _Could so much really happen in a matter of hours? _It was like her whole life had been turned upside down, a layer added and a new balance to be found in both her head and her heart as, after all those years, she found out that she wasn't the only living witness to her parents' life.

"Okay," Edward nodded, still looking worried and unconvinced by the calm front she was trying to put up, "but when you're done, I'm taking you out to dinner." He held up his hand, already knowing she was going to object. "I know it's probably the last thing you want to be doing right now but I don't think it's a good thing for you to be completely stuck in your own head." It was something Doctor Atkinson had taught him, actually, even though at the time he'd never seen the point to her wisdom. "You need some distance if you want to look at this with a level head."

"Okay." It made sense, even though she didn't really want it to, the desire to be alone with her thoughts so strong that abandoning it seemed stupid and almost masochistic. But if Edward wanted to go out to dinner, she would just have to resign herself to it and make the most of it.

Besides, she'd packed a nice dress so why not wear it?

In spite of the guilt she felt at keeping Edward waiting, she took her time, immersing her body in the warm suds of a bubble bath until the last of the clouds had been driven from her mind and she felt equal to the task of going out and being responsive and...pretty much human again.

The questions, doubts and further confusion remained, even if she had somehow managed to get a handle on them and push them into a far corner of her mind where she could ignore the very double edged feelings the afternoon had left.

She had a feeling her night wouldn't involve much sleeping, though.

The dress she'd packed was mercifully comfortable; looking more like an extra-long deep green, turtleneck sweater than any of the dresses she'd worn during her years with Aro. It still felt strange, after so many years of making her clothes and only having a handful of selections to pick from to now have all these new, fancy pieces in a whole array of styles, colors and varieties. It made her life both more complicated and ever so much more exciting.

By the time she had finished drying her hair (another novelty, since Aro hadn't allowed the disruption of a blow dryer) and finishing her outfit with thick tights and ballet flats she was even starting to feel slightly excited about going out. After all, it would be the first time she could remember that anyone had taken her out to dinner at a restaurant. Well, if you didn't count breakfast two days ago as such.

"You look amazing," Edward's eyes burned as they raked over her body, though caution returned by the time they reached her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, determined to keep things light as she smiled back at him. "You don't look so shabby yourself."

"Even without a tie?" He chuckled, brushing over the black button down shirt as he rose, the combination of the shirt and the dark jeans he was wearing making him look devilishly sexy in a both dressed and casual style. "I managed to get online while you were in the bathroom and found a little place not too far from here we could try out." He shrugged, pocketing his phone as he patted his other back pocket to make sure he had his wallet. "Nothing too fancy, just a nice little Italian place."

Italian sounded good, having already made her first acquaintance with that foreign cuisine through Esme's cooking. It wasn't as spicy as the Thai food Edward had ordered a few days ago but still so flavorsome it made her senses overflow with the richness of the food. Her shoulders relaxed, her smile easy and genuine as she let Edward help her into her coat, her hand automatically reaching out for his as they made their way back down to the lobby. "Can we walk?"

"I think so," Edward nodded with an approving look at her shoes. "It's only two blocks down the road from here. It's cold, though."

Bella shrugged, inhaling the chilly March air as they stepped out of the hotel. "I don't mind the cold." It was true. Back in Forks she'd spent many nights sitting out on the little stone balcony outside her window; an act that felt like rebellion seeing as Aro expected her to be obediently asleep in her bed. The differences between those nights and this one were tantamount, though, and not just because she was in a city on the other side of the country, walking side by side with the man she loved. "You can hardly see the stars out here."

"Really?" Edward looked up, her eyes no longer on the night sky but on the boyish way his brows furrowed and his lips pursed as he studied the constellations. "I don't see anything different about it."

"That's because you never really looked," she chuckled, her own eyes narrowing as she tried to discern the lines and arrangements that had become so familiar to her but were now almost obscured by air pollution and too many lights. "To a city boy, this is the sky you've come to know. To me…it's something that pales in comparison to the real thing."

"Did you spend a lot of time looking at the stars?" They'd slowed their pace, the gruff remarks of people hampered on their ways barely registering as they both stood, staring up , their bodies so close she could feel his warmth even through her thick coat.

"Back in Arizona our room had a huge skylight," she mused, her mind transported back to the huge but badly insulated attic room she had shared with Renee. "When Phil would send us to our room at night, mom would always pull our beds underneath it and point out all the stars and constellations." If she concentrated hard enough, she could still hear her mother's voice, telling her about the zodiac signs and how to find them, using other stars for navigation. "After she died, it was the one thing that made me feel connected to her."

"Then you'll have to teach me when we go back home." As always when he knew she was having a rough moment, his hand was around hers, squeezing slightly to let her know he was there. And that he cared. "That is…if you don't mind me cramping your style."

"You never would, you know," she kept her eyes on her shoes, knowing that if she looked up at him she would cry and she'd done more than enough of that. "It's going to be tough to find a good stargazing spot in Chicago, though; too many lights blinding the heavens."

"We'll find it," he assured her with a certainty she knew wasn't based on fact. It was one of the things she liked about him: his confidence, even when he was pessimistic of his chances at success. He would always try to make it work.

The restaurant he took her to was nice; the atmosphere a lot more relaxed than she would have thought and the cozy exposed brickwork with low ceilings making the main room look more like someone's living room than an actual restaurant.

"You look like a kid in a candy store!" Edward chuckled, glaring at the waiter who seemed to be a little too eager to hold out her chair. As the poor guy scurried off, he did the honors himself, his hand lingering on her shoulder for just a minute until he walked around to find his own seat.

"I am!" she admitted, his jealousy not putting a damper on her enthusiasm. "It's not like I've ever done this kind of thing before."

Edward seemed shocked by this. "You've never been to a restaurant before?"

"When could I have done so?" She shrugged, feeling a little awkward and embarrassed all of a sudden. "Besides, I don't think I would have dared to set foot into one of these places before Aro taught me proper table manners. Which, I might add, don't usually involve growling at the waiting staff." She gave him a pointed look, enjoying herself immensely as Edward blushed guiltily.

Looking around she let out a happy sigh, the sight of so many people laughing and enjoying themselves warming her heart, especially because she now had the chance to be a part of it. "I like this, though, going places and seeing new things."

"We'll go out tomorrow to see a few sights and do some other stuff before our flight back home leaves but this…it's only the beginning," Edward smiled, his hand reaching out for hers over the table as a new waiter brought them their menus and took drink orders; Edward ordering wine with the suaveness and knowledge of a man who'd done so many times before as she just sat in awe, his confidence a major turn on.

His eyes were on her as soon as their intruder had left again. "I'm going to take you places...London, Paris, Madrid…I'd take you on a trip around the world if you wanted to go." He chuckled, lightening the tension just at the point where it was starting to become unbearable. "Just maybe not next week since I have to work and, hopefully, you'll have school."

She grinned, her happiness flowing over at the thought of what was to come and the things yet to explore. "I can't wait to start."

He chuckled, shaking his head as his eyes perused the menu. "I don't think I've ever seen someone so eager to go to school."

She rolled her eyes, knowing he was only trying to rile her up. And she wasn't falling for it, not this time, so she settled on perusing the menu, only to find that she couldn't make heads or tails of it. "What looks good here? I don't think I know what half of the stuff on this menu means."

"Let me help you with that." He grinned, her breath hitching in her throat as his green eyes caught hers over the top of his menu. Why did the man have to be so sexy? How could she ever be expected to act normally when he looked at her like that?

The rest of their stay in Philadelphia passed without any further grief and much quicker than time had ever passed in Bella's life. Having dinner with him, surrounded by other couples, as they laughed and talked and just acted like all of the others only the prelude to a night filled with passionate love and the next day of sightseeing until her head was spinning and her feet killed her.

It was the best day of her life because she got to share it with the man who loved her just the way she was and he seemed to take great pleasure in teaching her about the world, where others may have laughed at her ignorance.

Every day with him was a gift.

And she cherished it.

"What are you thinking about, love?" His lips pressed into her hair as she leaned against his shoulder, her eyes following the movements of the planes around the tarmac of Philadelphia International Airport.

"That I don't want to leave yet." She sighed. "But at the same time can't wait to be home again."

He chuckled, the pressure back on top of her head as his arm wrapped a little firmer around her. "I know just what you mean."

"Are you looking forward to Monday?" There were only three days left before he would be back again. Part of her felt suddenly nervous at the prospect of being all alone for large parts of their days but then again, she hoped she'd soon have stuff to do and school to go to so maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"In a way," he nodded, his free hand fumbling nervously with the straps of his bag. "I can't wait to get back in the OR again and do what I always wanted to do. I'm so eager to prove to everyone that I'm more than the asshole they saw during my last months there…that I'm worthy because of _me_, not because of who my family are."

"But you could have done that at another hospital," she argued, knowing even without hearing him say it that his feelings were as torn as a piece of paper. "It would have been easier if you started somewhere afresh."

"It would have been impossible." He chuckled darky, his hand now clenching around the strap. "When I messed up, I fucked up in a way no hospital would ever overlook if they'd read my file. I stole from them and operated on people while under the influence. If anything had gone wrong…" Edward shook his head. Bella's heart hurting at the self-hate in his voice. "Even if I wanted to work somewhere else, no hospital would ever hire me so soon after it all happened."

"Even if?"

"I've always wanted to work at St. Mary's, and my boss there…" He chuckled, though this time self-hate and loathing were absent. "He, Marcus Donnelly, had always been my hero, ever since he treated me twenty odd years ago after I'd fallen from a tree in the backyard. If there's anyone who can get me through this and help me rebuild the trust and respect I wasted, it's him."

"Okay," she nodded, proud of him for working his own way through the negativity. "Then what's holding you back?"

"Oh, only that it's going to take months, if not years, to do so?" He snorted. "But what about you? Do want to try to get in touch with your grandparents?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. She'd tried not to think about it all day, knowing that when she did, her emotions would immediately threaten to pull her under again. She needed quiet time to get her thoughts in order…a lot of it and she didn't want to let their trip get ruined by her gloominess. "Like you said yesterday, I need to gain some distance and perspective before I make a decision and right now…I still feel like it's swallowing me whole."

"Aren't you curious, though?" He wanted to know, tugging her up with him as their flight was called.

"I don't know," she chuckled, hating to admit that there was so little about them that she did know for sure. "I kind of want to know what they look like and I have a hell of a lot of questions about my dad…but then there's always a part of me that hates them for just letting mom and me rot out there with Phil and then I don't want anything to do with them."

"There's only one way to find out what went through their minds," Edward offered, handing their boarding passes to the gate agent.

"Yeah," she nodded, trudging on after him, "but I don't think I'm ready for whatever they can tell me yet."

"You have time," he assured her, frowning as he pulled his ringing cell phone from his pocket. "Sorry, angel, I have to take this."

As she listened to him answering the phone, she hoped he would be right, though she knew in her heart that with all of them getting older every day, time was a precious thing to waste.

As soon as his safe presence had left her side, Bella started to feel awkward again, suddenly noticing how crowded the space around her was and how much noise all those people produced. Even after days in the 'real' world, it still made her feel completely intimidated and so, so small and fragile.

Get a grip, Bella. Frowning at her own insecurity she focused on Edward, her beacon, for strength, her eyes following as he paced in front of her with his phone glued to his ear. She couldn't make much sense of the one-sided conversation, only that the hard set of his jaw and the shortness of his answers didn't really bode well, his mouth pursed as he broke the connection and pocketed his phone.

"What's the matter?" she asked, hesitant to pop to the bubble of bliss the past twenty-four hours had been.

But then again, the bubble had already burst by the time they'd started to pack their things and headed for the airport.

Back to everyday life.

Edward sighed, running a hand through his hair as his tall frame flopped back down into the seat next to her. "It seems like we'll have to stop by Peter's office before we can go home." His reassuring smile when she looked at him in confusion didn't reach his eyes. "He has some news for us."

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_**Thoughts? **_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. I did, however, tinker with this chapter a little bit after they returned it to me so any faults are my own. **_

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"_They treat me like a fox, a cunning fellow of the first rank. But the truth is that with a gentleman I am always a gentleman and a half, and __when I have to do with a pirate, I try to be a pirate and a half."_

_Otto von Bismarck_

**8.**

"Wow." She blinked, once again her mind completely boggled by words she'd never in a million years expected to be spoken out loud.

She'd known, of course, that Edward had asked Peter to look into the agreement she'd made with Aro; the very agreement that, according to Jane, wasn't worth more than the paper it was written on.

She knew that if she wanted to get what was owed to her – what she'd worked so damn hard for every single day for four of the hardest years of her life – she had a long, dirty battle ahead of her.

She knew Jane wasn't going to give up a single dime of her father's money unless she absolutely had to and, even then, she would fight Bella hand and foot every step of the way.

She knew that even though she had practically written Aro's final novel – and meticulously labored make his style her own so that nobody would notice the words hadn't sprung from the decaying mind of the genius who claimed them, her chances of proving her case were very slim because, well, she had _no_ proof.

What she'd never expected, though, was that she would find an ally in the least likely place she'd look for once.

Aro's family.

The son.

"So you're saying Alec Harrison contacted you…what, out of the blue?" From the sound of his voice Edward had as hard a time understanding what the hell was going on as she did. "Why the fuck would he do that?"

"Honestly?" Peter chuckled, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. "I have no idea. All I know is that somehow he must have found out I was digging around for information about this case and his father's will because one day I'm on the phone with one of my contacts in Boston, and the next I have Alec Harrison's attorney on the line requesting a meeting with Isabella Swan."

"So you didn't actually speak to the man himself?" Bella was quite content to let Edward do the talking as she listened, this whole technical speak of lawyers and wills were too complex for her to keep up with what they were saying.

She caught the gist of it, though.

"I guess he's playing it much the same way you two are," Alec shrugged, downing his drink in one gulp. "Besides, if what you're saying about his sister is true, I can understand how the guy doesn't want to put his ass on the line unless he's absolutely certain he's got a strong hand to play with."

"It makes it damn hard for us to know his intentions, though," Edward groaned, rubbing his hands along his tired-looking face. He'd rejected the offer of a drink, stating he wanted to keep a clear head which Bella thought was the only right decision at the time. Seeing him now, though, she wished he would have taken what Peter had offered, even just for the relaxing quality of the alcohol. She hated seeing him so tense…so worn out. Even if she knew she would probably have to get used to it, seeing his job made pretty strong demands on his mind as well as his physique.

"What do you advice?" she asked, stepping up now that Edward seemed too tired to think. It was getting late – near ten o' clock in the evening already – and they were both dead on their feet after their busy day of sightseeing and their flight back to Chicago, but it appeared she had some energy left in reserve.

"I'd say you go ahead and let me plan a meeting with this man," Peter advice, looking pretty wiped out himself. But then again, he was in his office well past everyone else, judging by the amount of dark offices and deserted workspaces they'd passed. "On _our_ turf," he added pointedly, "preferably even in this office and with a few of my specialists on notary law present to back us up, should Mr. Harrison be tempted to throw the book at us or flood us with all sorts of documents."

She swallowed a sip of her mineral water, the expensive looking crystal glass feeling heavy in her hand as she contemplated his words. "Do you think he will?"

Peter shrugged. "As Edward said: we have no indication of his intentions other than his desire to speak with you. It's best to be prepared for every possible outcome." His eyes were on his desk as his fingers traced the edges of the desk protector. "We may need him, too. I'm not saying our case against Jane is impossible – because it's not – but the way things are standing right now, it won't be difficult for her legal team to blow huge holes in our argument if we went to court. If we can get Alec on our side, then God knows what kind of information he can feed us."

She could not but agree with him, though her confidence was as fake as a three dollar bill as she nodded her consent, the steadiness of her voice surprising even herself. "Okay, then set it up." She didn't particularly like the prospect of having to meet up with Alec, though she had to admit that part of her felt curious to find out what he might want to say to her. After all, hadn't he been very clear in not wanting to have anything to do with his father's life, even going as far as to refuse to visit Aro when he was dying?

They were on their way out again soon after, all three of them worn after a long day as they trudged after each other to the elevator, the grandeur of the downtown luxury offices of Carter, Allen & O' Dowd not as daunting and fascinating as it had been on their way in as their footsteps clicked on the marble floor.

It was her first introduction into the powerful world that had paid for all the houses and cars and other fineries the Masens enjoyed and, from the looks of it, – cool, hard and uncompassionate – she could already say that it was a world she felt terribly out of place in.

And so, so small.

"What a day!" Edward groaned, leaning his long frame against the too small backseat of the cab they were in and they started the last leg of their journey home. The fabric scrunched as his head arched to the side, his eyes studying her face before capturing hers. "Are you okay?"

Was she okay? She had no idea but since she wasn't bleeding, and still breathing, so she figured she had no cause to complain. "I guess so."

"You guess?" He shook his head. "Not good enough. How are you really feeling, angel?"

"Like all of this is growing way above my head," she blurted, her words flowing more easily as she turned away from him and focused on the illuminated streets flying by. "It's like I'm trying to swim across the lake but someone keeps on pushing the shoreline further back."

"Sink or swim, huh?" He chuckled bitterly, causing her to look back again as she just caught his look of self-deprecation before he turned away.

"It's not all bad, though," she whispered, mindful of the fact that their driver was listening. "I loved spending this week with you and I loved our trip to Philadelphia, finding out I have a family somewhere I could possibly get in contact with, and just discovering new things with you or even being made to go shopping with Alice and Carmen. And I'm so excited to start school next week!"

It had been the least challenging part of their meeting with Peter; the part where they discussed her enrollment into the GED program, as well as the possibility of her taking classes and experiencing what it was like to be in school – a _real_ school – in preparation for her exam.

It turned out that sometimes you got to have your cake and eat it too.

At Edward's request, Peter had looked into everything that needed to be arranged and in order for her to start classes and he'd discovered that a new cycle of GED courses would start up in two weeks, giving her just enough time to take the assessment and get her paperwork in order.

Thank God for Aro and his presence of mind to arrange – how she still had no idea – for her to get a passport and a social security number or everything would have taken so much longer.

Being as it was, she now had a stack of forms, all neatly tucked away in a folder in her purse that needed to be completed and delivered at Morton College as she reported there for her assessment test next Tuesday, as well as enrollment into a computer program at the local community college.

She was going places; thanks to Edward, her life was finally back on track.

And for the first time in her life, _she_ was the one behind the wheel.

"It's been a hell of a trip, you're right about that but, man, what a whirlwind it's been!" Edward muttered as the cab pulled up in front of their house, his body visibly protesting against the strain of having to walk, though he still kept her from carrying her own luggage into the house. "Makes me kind of happy that we don't have anything much on our agenda for tomorrow because – _damn_ – I think I'm going to need a vacation to recover from this trip alone!"

"Does that mean you're not secretly whisking me off to Las Vegas tomorrow?" She fake pouted, inwardly relieved to have a day of peace to rest and think about everything that had happened.

"Nope!" he chuckled, a satisfied groan leaving his lips as he closed the door behind them and leaned against the wood. "Only a trip to the car dealership."

"Ooh!" That was enough to make her jump up and down with joy even in spite of her tiredness, the memories of that deep blue, shiny new Volkswagen Beetle that would be all hers starting tomorrow making her forget how wiped out she was.

It all came back to her, though, the minute her head touched the pillow and even before Edward had made his way to their bed, she was already off in a deep, dreamless sleep that lasted throughout the night until her internal clock, perfected over almost four years of staying with Aro, woke her up around six.

Apparently internal clocks took a little longer to adapt to all this freedom than the rest of her.

She sighed, tiptoeing out of the room and downstairs, whipping her hair into a loose bun as she started assembling the fixings of fresh bread. Part of her was jealous at Edward's ability to just keep sleeping, no matter how far the day advanced around him but then she kind of liked these early mornings because being alone in the house gave her the opportunity to get a feel for the place as well.

By the time she'd mixed the ingredients into a bowl and had put in a dry, warm place to allow it to rise, her eyes had fallen onto the thick package sitting on the counter.

_Books_.

_Her books. _

Grabbing a small kitchen knife from one of the drawers she carefully slid through the cardboard, her hands digging eagerly into the package to find the books and study guides she would need to pass her exam.

Her eyes widened as she cracked the spine of the first one; a huge volume that claimed to have all the answers to questions she might wish to ask. As certain as she was of the fact that she wasn't exactly dumb, some of the sections of the book left her feeling scared and uncertain as she struggled to make sense of the difficult mathematic problems and codes and scientific lingo, only to breathe a small sigh of relief when she came to the literature section.

This, she could do.

By the time she had a feeling the bread dough had risen enough for it to go into the over, she had a hard time tearing herself away from the book, the facts stacking up with each question she knew or didn't know the answer to.

That made her only more eager to start school the next week and fill the gaps.

She wanted to learn; be able to open this book and solve any problem or question her eye fell upon in a mere moment instead of breaking her brain on it and still not coming up with the correct answer.

She hungered to _know_.

She smiled, happy with herself and the work she'd done as she quietly pushed the bread dough into the oven and stepped back, her bare feet cool on the wooden flooring as she drifted through the room, her feet and eyes familiarizing themselves with the space and making plans for it. Her hands were itching to get to work on the vast open-plan space that looked like it had been sitting deserted for far too long, her lips pursing into a contemplative pout as she added up all the work she would do to make it a home, even if it would only be temporary as they waited for Edward's realtor to find a new place for them.

A good cleanup, for starters, to get rid of the smell of inhabitation that clung to the curtains and other furnishings and then, when she was done with that, a trip to one of the little shops she'd spotted few days ago when Edward had taken her grocery shopping would fix the gaping voids on the decorative shelves that lined one of the walls.

Once her mind had traveled towards the topic of buying furniture her eyes started to wander along all the other empty spots in their living room. They'd need bookcases, of course, for when Edward's books and record collection would arrive from Forks, as well as a coffee table and a dining room set.

It was funny, how you only realized how handy it was to have tables in your home when you were sitting awkwardly on the sofa, balancing a plate of food on your legs as you reached down to the floor to pick up your glass of milk.

She'd have to talk to Edward, though, before she went out and changed the whole house. If she wanted to make it into the perfect home, she would have to find out what he liked first because what was there…it didn't really give her anything to go on.

She needed something to do to ground herself, though, because with the enormity of stuff happening in her life at the moment, it felt like someone was constantly sneaking around and getting ready to pull the rug from under her.

And speaking about rug…the one on the floor where the coffee table used to sit could do with a good cleaning as well.

Pushing the thoughts of Alec Volturi and her unknown relatives back to the far corners of her mind again, until she was ready to pull them back out and deal with them, her eyes traveled further around the room, suddenly landing on a white something sticking out from underneath the door,

She crossed the room in five big strides, already knowing what it was before she even ducked down to pull the slip of paper from underneath the door frame, her lips pursing as she held the paper in her trembling hands while ingesting the words pressed into it in that same, standard computer print.

_You can run but you cannot hide._

_I know who you are, Isabella Swan_

Her eyes narrowed as the paper crumbled in her hands, anger surprisingly the most dominant emotion as she pressed and crushed the little note until it was only a small pellet in her hand; something that could easily be forgotten or ignored, especially once she'd discarded it in the trashcan and watched it slide down between a banana peel and the remnants of a late night snack.

Whoever it was that had been sending her those notes, she wasn't going to give them what they were after.

She'd rather die than let it get to her.

Or Edward.

They'd discussed the first note she'd received with Peter the evening before and, though Edward's brother-in-law had been very determined in having one of his firm's in-house investigators take a look at it, he'd agreed with Edward and Bella that it had probably been sent by the same woman who'd hounded Bella in the restaurant bathroom. Since that person still hadn't popped up again and no new articles on Aro and Bella's possible involvement in his life had surfaced, they could do nothing but wait. You couldn't file a defamation suit or a restraining order against someone you didn't know. Or so Peter had told them.

She didn't know anything about that, of course, but she did know that she was just going to ignore this whole thing until it went away. There was no point in stressing out over things that were beyond her control and even less in getting Edward caught up in all of it.

The man had more than enough on his mind already what with his family and his job. No need to pile her baggage on top of that.

As if he'd heard her thoughts, footsteps started to amble down the stairs at the pace of a man who was still trying to wake up, his sleepy, rumpled demeanor as he came into view completing the picture as he drifted over towards her, rubbing the final remnants of sleep from his eyes. "God it smells amazing in here." Her body pressed against his as he stood behind her, his arms closing around her waist as she set to work squeezing some oranges. "You know, there's a perfectly good loaf of bread hiding out in the freezer somewhere. You didn't have to do all of this."

"But I like it," she pouted, wishing there was a way to explain to him how doing stuff that had been normal to her for almost half a decade was the only grounding she had in this world without sounding like a pitiful little victim. "Besides, I wouldn't call the stuff that's in the freezer perfectly good. Hell, I wouldn't even call it bread to begin with!"

As much as it had looked and smelled like it, there was something very off about the taste of the bread she and Edward had bought at the store. It lacked the fullness of taste and the firmness of texture that she'd come to know throughout her life. "You know?" she mused aloud as the thought hit her. "I don't think I'd ever had store-bought bread before…not for as long as I can remember anyway."

"And I take it that it wasn't an experience you'd like to repeat?" Edward chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he moved towards the door to pick up the newspaper from the front porch.

"Nope." She shook her head as the timer on the oven dinged to let them know the bread was done. "And just wait until you've tasted this. You'll never want that tasteless stuff again either."

She was right, just like she knew she would be. Still, the blissful look on Edward's face as he chewed around his first bite of pure, freshly-baked whole-wheat bread, buttered and glazed with peach jam made her heart jump for joy.

That was what she loved the most; the satisfaction of taking care of someone and the smile on a face that told her she was doing a good job. It was the truest form of love, truer even than a spoken declaration, or even a ring on her finger. It was the quiet – or sometimes not so quiet – appreciation that made her work worthwhile and the fact that she now got to actually take care of someone she loved made it even better.

It also didn't hurt that she got a decent breakfast out of it either.

She smiled happily, sinking her teeth into her own breakfast as Edward's face hid behind the newspaper again, the feeling of normalcy settling over the room making her feel happier than she had been in a long, long time.

And that was before he took her back to the Volkswagen dealership to pick up her car.

She was basically hopping up and down with excitement next to it as Edward went through all of the boring paperwork, the smell of it alone enough to double her impatience to get behind the wheel.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she sang, dancing around the pretty, blue car, appreciating it's smooth lines and the fact that it was all hers to drive. She couldn't wait. "I love it!" If it hadn't been for the fact that half the mechanics in the garage were ogling them she would have first hugged the car and then landed one hell of a kiss on her lover to show her appreciation but being as it was, she just settled for a peck on the cheek and a wink, saving the more full on stuff for later.

"I'm glad you do, angel," Edward chuckled, taking the keys and the paperwork from the guy who's explained the inner workings of the car to them. "Now hop in so I can get us home again."

_Wait….what?_ "_You_ will drive us home?" She frowned, this thing not going like she expected. It was her car, after all, didn't she get to drive it?

"What do you think?" Edward chuckled dismissively, apparently unaware of why she was making such a fuss. "This thing isn't going to drive itself home."

She shook her head determinedly, her hand clenching around the door handle as if to claim it as her own. "No, because _I_ am." Inwardly she could feel her anger rise at his dismissive behavior. She should have known…the second he suggested taking a cab to the car dealership instead of just driving up there in his that he had no intention of actually letting her enjoy this great gift he was giving her.

How was she ever going to learn how to navigate big city traffic if he wouldn't even let her near the wheel of her own damn car? This was ridiculous!

"Come on, Bella!" Her anger rose as he laughed incredulously, though in his eyes she could also see something else…something deep and fearful; something very close to panic. "You can't be serious about driving all the way across town in this traffic!"

"What?" She cried, her free hand balling into a fist by her side as she fought the desperate urge to punch him. "Then why the hell are you getting me a car, _Edward_? Just so it can sit pretty next to yours in the garage? Or do you only want me to drive it in the dead of night when there's no one else on the road?"

"You're not ready for this." He shook his head, his jaw set in stubbornness as he put another step towards the driver's side. "Now please get into the passenger's seat. People are watching."

He didn't just say that. Her eyes narrowed into the tiniest of slits as she stood her ground. "Well, let me tell you something: either you're giving me the keys and letting me drive us home or you'll be driving this car – _my_ car – home alone while I walk back because there's no damn way I'm getting into any seat except for the driver's seat right now."

"Bella!" he groaned, his own frame tense with angry frustration.

"Yes, Edward?" she snapped, leaning against the door as she crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited while all around her mechanics and car salesmen looked like they only needed a healthy side order of popcorn to make this their perfect form of entertainment.

The epic stare-down that ensued seemed to last forever when, in reality, it was only a few seconds before Edward groaned, a victorious smile creeping onto Bella's lips as he finale ceded, almost poking her eye out as he threw the keys at her and dramatically slugged his way towards the passenger's seat. "Fine then," he grumbled, waiting for her to hit the button that opened the doors, "as long as you're sure you won't crash this thing."

_Did he really just say that?_ For a second or so she just stood there, her brows all the way up into her hairline as she tried to convince herself she hadn't just heard that.

But she couldn't

Because he just _had_, the looks and gestures from the mechanics more than confirmed it.

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, asshole," she sneered at him as she climbed into the driver's seat, adjusting it and the mirror before punching in their address into the GPS with shaky fingers, trying to remember everything the salesman had taught her since God knew Edward was going to have a field day if she failed now.

He had the good grace to look a little guilty, though his body language screamed reluctance as she finally managed to pick up the signal and, following directions from the husky female voice, backed out of the garage and onto the road.

So far, so good.

The roads near the car dealership weren't any more crowded than she was used to, navigating the streets (well, street) of downtown Forks but, as soon as the shapeless voice started to direct her more towards the main thoroughfares, she could feel herself tensing up, her eyes and mind trying to deal with the influx of stimuli and situations potentially needing her attention.

_I can do this, dammit! _She gave herself a little pep talk, trying to remember not to act immediately whenever Ghostlady purred another direction at her since she'd come to experience that it usually wasn't until a few yards down the road that she actually needed to turn left. That was, unless Ghostlady actually though cutting straight through a hedgerow would be the fastest way home.

Which she doubted.

"You're too close to the car in front of us," Edward hissed as she pulled up after the traffic lights in front of them had jumped to green.

"I'm not," she snapped back, knowing there was enough empty space in front of her to park a truck in.

"Well, you're going to be if you keep going at this pace." He leaned in, trying to read the figure on her speedometer which, if he would have managed, would have told him she was still going well under the speed limit and at almost the exact same speed as the guy in the Range Rover in front of them.

"Turn left here," he went on to announce, his voice drowning out Ghostlady's as she gave the exact same advice. "Not so sharp or you'll hit the curb and damage the tires!"

"Shut up, Edward!" she bit back. "Or so help me God, I'm going to stop this car in the middle of the freeway and you can walk the rest of the way home."

The good thing was that apparently, her threat managed to shut him up for the remainder of her journey down the busy freeway, freeing her mind to follow the road and the other people using it. The bad thing about it was that she'd had about as much of his behavior as she could stomach and between her disappointment over the ruined experienced of her first drive in her new car, and her uncertainty about what this meant for the both of them, she had trouble keeping her tears at bay.

If things would get this bad over a car then how on earth would they ever manage to sort out the really big things in their lives?

What also didn't help was the fact that as soon as she'd turned on the car, he'd crawled as close as he could to the door on his side, his hand around the handle as if he sat, constantly poised and ready to jump out should she crash them into…oh, say a lamppost or an oncoming vehicle.

Which there were none on the expressway they were currently cruising along. "Will you just…stop!" she yelled, trying her hardest to keep her eyes on the road where they should be, as her anger finally erupted. "Oh my God, Edward, I've been looking forward to this all day and you just sit there expecting me to fail." Tears marred her view as Ghostlady directed her to leave the expressway for the now familiar surroundings of Forest Park. "Do you have any idea how much you're hurting me by not trusting me enough to know that I wouldn't risk our lives unless I was absolutely sure I could do this?"

She parked the car at the first available spot in a nearby shopping plaza, her hands shaking as she let go of the steering wheel though she wasn't sure if it was from rage, tension or disappointment. "Just because you haven't seen me drive that much since we've been together doesn't mean I'm a bad driver."

"I know." It was the first thing he'd said because, mercifully, he'd kept from sprouting off all of the suggestions and warnings she knew he must have been dying to shout at her ever since she'd told him to shut up.

She might have committed a felony if he'd said anything else.

Being as it was, she just felt sad. "I love this car and I know you've spent a lot of money on it." She went on. "Do you really think I would have been so hell-bent on driving us home if I didn't think I could do it, with your support, that is?"

"Fuck, Bella, I'm sorry, okay?" The tension was still visible in his frame as she chanced a look sideways. His hands were in his hair, pulling at the roots as he sat there, trying as hard to stay in command of himself as she was. "I never wanted to hurt you, angel, and I'm so fucking sorry I did, but it's just…" The look on his face would have broken her heart if she wasn't still so pissed off at him. Being as it was, it just dented it…and maybe it took away a good portion of her anger. "You're the best thing that's ever happened in my life after Claire…and even the smallest risk of endangering you…it makes me go crazy!"

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath as she quietly counted to ten. She'd always know she'd have to make allowances for the enormous loss Edward had sustained but having the consequences of it pushed in her face like that was hard. But she also knew she had to fight back if she didn't want Edward's loss to overshadow their present lives. "I know, Edward, but I can't live my life like this. And what about when you go to work? Do you expect me to just sit around the house all day? Is that why you got me the car?"

"No," he growled, but this time definitely not out of frustration with her. "Look…I know my actions during the past hour or so don't really say as much but I _want_ you to go out and enjoy your freedom. God knows you've worked hard enough to earn it."

"Then what's with the attitude?" she insisted, wanting to hear a satisfying explanation before she could even think about letting him off the hook.

"Seeing you next to that car just now, all eager to get on the road when I knew just how deadly a place that can be…" His voice trailed off. "Fuck!" His breathing was harsh as he took another moment. "I think it was only then that it hit me just how much time we'll be spending apart when I go back to work next week and how much I'm going to have to trust you to still be safe and sound when I get home."

"But you're going to have to trust me soon." Her lips pursed, her heart torn between feeling sorry for him and herself at the same time. "Because it's a reality that's going to be upon us very soon."

"I trust you, Bella," he chuckled bitterly. "It's the rest of the world I have some trouble with."

"Then what do you want to do?" she smiled back, trying to lighten the mood now that the anger and frustration in the car had both tapered down. "Cover me in bubble wrap and tie me to the kitchen sink?"

"If only I thought I could get away with that!" Edward joked back, barely avoiding her fist as she tried to punch him. "But for now I'd settle for you driving me home?"

"I can do that, I guess," she smiled, throwing the car back in gear, "as long as you can at least act like you have faith in my abilities as a driver."

It was only a short way back to the house but soon the tension became unbearable, though this time it wasn't the kind of frustration that came from anger.

Quite the contrary, in fact.

As they got closer to home, the atmosphere in the car started to get constricted again but this time with an overwhelming, heady lust that made Bella almost dizzy in the head, the slightest touch of his hand on hers on the armrest between their seats making sparks shoot through her body like electric shocks; the small growl that rumbled from Edward's chest in reaction to it shooting straight to her core as she hurried to drive them safely home.

It was like the anger that had been so potent in both of them had completely switched to possess, reaffirm and feel alive as soon as they'd addressed what had lain at the base of it.

She'd only just managed to park the car in the garage before his hands were on her, pawing her wildly to lift up her skirt as his mouth crushed to her, her elbow bumping into the car horn as she shifted to get a better angle as behind them the garage door still rumbled down to the ground.

They never made it inside the house. Hell, they only ever made it out of the car because the cramped interior made for impossible angles, a gasp leaving her lips as Edward lifted her out of the car and hoisted her up, her center coming into contact with his hard cock as he strode across the garage, her skirt rumpled and hiked up around her waist, by the time he deposited her onto a small work bench attached to the far wall that had the perfect height for what they were about to do.

She managed to undo his belt and the top button but that was as far as her hands could go. And that was no good. "Off. Now!" she hissed, her hands making a mess of his hair as he pushed his pants and boxers down his legs before yanking her tights down and pushing her panties out of the way, a deep moan reverberating through the silence as he rubbed his hard cock along her slit, coating himself in her wetness before slamming into her with a force that took her breath away.

"So good." Her head fell backwards, hitting the wall with a dull thud as he started to drive into her, his hands digging into her ass as he held her in place.

"Fuck, Edward!" Another deep moan left her throat as his teeth bit down on her shoulder, the fabric of her clothes preventing her from feeling anything but pleasure. "_Oh_, _God_!" Pots of paint, tools and whatever the hell Edward kept sored in his garage crashed down onto the floor around them as she wildly reached for something to hold onto before her hands lodged into his hair, pulling him even deeper into her as his hips slammed against her skin over and over again until the coil in the pit of her stomach was wound up so tight she wasn't sure she could bear it any longer. "Right there…._Oh God, yes_….don't stop."

"You like that, angel?" he chuckled breathlessly, his hands now moving upwards, pushing her sweater up with them as he shook his head at finding yet another layer. "Damn, girl, you're wearing far too many clothes."

Her legs closed around him, the heels of her feet digging into his naked flesh as she kept him close. "Then do something about it."

Before she knew it, he'd torn through her blouse, buttons flying everywhere as he pulled the cups of her bra down. But she couldn't give a damn about the fact that her new garment was all but ruined now, not with Edward's mouth on her as he kept pushing himself deeper and deeper, making her see stars in front of her eyes.

It was an important lesson she learned that day in the garage: as much as she hated to fight with him, she had to admit that the aftermath came with its perks.

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_**Any Way the Wind Blows is in the race for Fic of the Week over on tehlemonadestand. Voting ends today so please head over there and vote for me or your other favorite stories (I'm up against some amazing ones). Copy/paste the link, remove the spaces and replace dots with actual dots. www dot tehlemonadestand dot net**_

_**THANK YOU!**_

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_**Bella's first experience driving her new car was actually based on my first time driving with my mom (who is usually calmness itself) sitting next to me. She's fine now but the first couple of times she was in the car with me, she acted like I could crash it at any minute. *sigh***_

_**Thoughts?**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. I did, however, tinker with this chapter a little bit after they returned it to me so any faults are my own. **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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_**My heart goes out to everyone who was affected by Hurricane Sandy. **_

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_Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). __The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."_

_C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (1960)_

**9.**

"I can't believe I've already been here for a whole week!" She shook her head, emphasizing her disbelief as she nipped from her wine glass, the delicious red wine, the company and the warmth emanating from the candles and the wood fire in the corner making her cheeks flush.

Edward chuckled, leaning back as he motioned to the waiter to refill their glasses. "I could argue that, with the Philly trip, it's technically only been five days but I guess I get what you mean."

"I'm having so much fun exploring the city and doing new things…" Her eyes filled with tears of happiness as she thought back on their time together. Being with Edward…it was the best thing that had ever happened to her. "Thank you."

His smile was as radiant as hers while his hand folded around hers, his thumb rubbing circles into the palm of her hand. "It's my pleasure, angel."

"It seems like I've been here for ages," she muttered, trying to keep her mind from retracing its steps, all those miles away, to the sleepy little town nestled against the Olympic National Park. It had only been a week since she'd left it - not even two since Aro died - and as much as she enjoyed life as she got to discover it right now, she sometimes missed the order and structure of her previous life.

_And the old man_. She hated to admit it, but she missed _him_ as well.

"It's okay to miss it, Bella." As always Edward managed to know just what she was thinking. "Forks and Aro were a part of your life for so long…" His voice trailed off as she knew he was struggling with his very conflicting feelings on this matter. He'd never known Aro the way she had. All he'd seen was the miserable, narrow-minded man he'd become in the end; the one who'd hurt her time and time again, and in the end, betrayed her in the worst possible way. As much as he tried not to show it for her sake, she knew that inwardly he was happy the old man had kicked the bucket.

It hurt, both because a part of her felt she should probably feel the same but also because the other half still knew what Aro had been like at first.

He'd saved her life once, when she never expected to find the types of kindness and solace he'd offered. He'd provided her with food, shelter and education, and if it hadn't been for him she wouldn't be there that day.

She'd never have met Edward if she hadn't followed him to Forks and done his bidding throughout his illness.

Hell, she might not even be alive and if she had somehow managed to survive, none of the chances she had today would have been open to her.

If only he hadn't betrayed her…

_If only._ Life was full of those and if there was one thing Bella had learned throughout her years, it was that spending too much time on them would make even the happiest of people feel completely miserable.

No, it would do her no good to linger on the past, not when there was so much good to be had in the present.

Plastering a smile on her face she met his eyes, the suppressed tension she found in them telling her she'd probably been quiet for too long. "I know it's okay to miss him…and Forks, but, honestly? The whole thing is such a big mess of emotions and memories that I try to keep as far away from it as much as I possibly can."

She shrugged, stalling for time as she raised her glass to her mouth and took a small sip, appreciating the bouquet and the rich, heady taste of the red wine Edward had picked out for them.

"I know you'll probably tell me that it's unhealthy and that I should see someone who can help me with that…" From the look on his face she could see it was the truth and as much as Bella wanted to laugh at the adorable look of guilt he was giving her, part of her also felt disappointed that he didn't think she could handle her own problems; because she could. "…but for now it's all just too overwhelming for me. Honestly, I don't even think I could describe what I'm feeling right now even if you sat me down and gave me all day to think about it."

That was the truth; there was so much conflict going on inside of her during those days that half the time she couldn't even keep up with what she was feeling, let alone put her feelings into words.

But it was clear from the look of skepticism from across the table, that Edward didn't believe her.

"Bella-" he started but her lifted hand stopped him before he could speak any more.

"We've talked about this before, remember?" Bella reminded him, finding it harder and harder to remain clam amidst the panic that was bubbling up inside of her. "I'm not ready to see a shrink yet…I need more time…"

"Maybe you do," Edward mused, the skepticism in his eyes kindling her fire, "but maybe that's just the easy way out."

"And maybe you should let _me_ be the judge of that!" Bella snapped, discarding her cutlery as she took a few ragged breaths in and out, trying to control her raging panic and other emotions swirling inside her. _Please just let me have the peace of my own mind. _

"When I was dragged kicking and screaming to my first appointment with Doctor Adkinson, I would have said the same. In fact, I think I did." He chuckled, holding up his hand to stop her from speaking as he had another point to make. "I was stuck back then and, even more so, because I didn't _want_ to face the facts. I know you're not ready to take the next step and, though I know this looks like I'm staging an intervention, I don't want to force you into doing something you're not ready for but I also want you to know beforehand that I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and watch you get as stuck as I did."

"Don't worry," she sneered, her anger overriding her better judgment as the combination of feeling like she was being backed into a corner, along with the mention of that Adkinson woman – again with that female doctor of his! – caused her hackles to rise, "it's not like I could get my hands on the kind of hardcore stuff you did."

She could immediately see she'd gone too far, even though he quickly averted his eyes, the short, excruciating moment he wasn't able to hide from her, the hurt that flashed across his face was so clear she could feel it on her side of the table.

"I-I'm sorry," she muttered, lowering her own eyes as she tried to blink back her tears. "I shouldn't have said that…it was a low blow." _Damn it!_ Why did she always have to put her foot in her mouth when it came to these kinds of things? Why couldn't she just stay calm and explain to him that even the thought of baring her soul – the most private place she had – to a complete stranger was enough to make her break out in a cold sweat?

She hated herself for ruining the evening because, as the waiter placed their entrees in front of him, that much was completely obvious; the neat composition of quail, wild mushrooms and risotto on her plate not looking half as appetizing as it would have if only she'd had the stomach to act like the grown woman she was.

She would not give in, though. She felt bad – extremely bad – about the way she'd gone about putting it in words, but the sentiment remained the same.

There would be no poking around in her brain.

Not as long as she had lips to seal to stop that from happening.

"Let's just forget about this?" Edward offered, though she could sense from the tone of his voice that as eager as he might have looked to put this all behind them, his heart hadn't been so quick to catch up. "We're both on edge with what's going to happen tomorrow, so it was probably a stupid thing of me to mention it in the first place. Besides, I'm paying too much for this food to let it go to waste because of all this crap."

_All this crap_. Part of her felt relieved to be able to just drop it and move on but another part of her, hypocritically enough, felt oddly indignant that he'd just referred to her issues as 'crap'. She might not be able to face her fears and reopen her past wounds but that didn't mean she wanted to see them marginalized. There would come a day when she would no longer be able or willing to hide from her past and would somehow work up the guts to let all her demons out of the closet. Hell, she even knew that day would come sooner rather than later now that she was no longer in constant fear of her safety or her livelihood.

But was it really so much to ask if she wanted to do so at her own time and pace?

She didn't think so but obviously not everyone agreed.

The rest of dinner passed in an awkward status quo, where they discussed small things but, as per Edward's request, never addressed the huge elephant that refused to stop waltzing in circles around their table.

It was a pity because as amazing as their food was, the snazzy looking high-end restaurant Edward had taken her to as a ways of easing her into his kind of life, as well as, to end the short break he'd been allowed before he had to report at the hospital bright and early the next morning, the tension kept her from appreciating it to its full extent. She'd been so giddy earlier that night as she got ready, putting on one of the fancy dresses Carmen had advised her to buy and giggling as she stumbled down the stairs in impossibly high heels only to stop short on the second-to-bottom step once her eyes fell on Edward, dressed to the nines in a black suit and a crisp white shirt. It should have been forbidden for anyone to look that fine. His hands had been on her throughout the entire ride to the restaurant. If it hadn't been their hands that lay entwined on the armrest, it was his fingers, brushing a strand of hair away from her face or playing with the hemline of her skirt.

It had been a perfect night, until they ruined it.

Until _she_ ruined it.

Okay, their night might not have been ruined completely since they were still speaking to each other and even laughing at times as they enjoyed the food and the excellent wines that were paired with each individual dish. She had no previous knowledge of fine dining - only having learned how to prepare the hearty stuff Phil liked and the classic dishes Aro preferred.

The drive back home was quiet, the air in the car filling with things left unsaid and Edward defied all the speed limits along the way, neatly parking the car next to her shiny new Beetle and jumping out as soon as the engine died. "I'm just going to brush up on a few more procedures," he muttered, his eyes averted as he hid them away from the faint light in the garage, "so if you need me, I'll be in the office. Don't wait up."

She exhaled in a deep, long breath, trying to expel her disappointment along with the used air as she sat in the now quiet confines of the garage, wondering if she should go after him and force him to talk or just give him the space he obviously wanted.

In the end, as she finally made her way in through the back, the closed study door made her decide to just leave things be and wait until he joined her in the bedroom, her body just going through the motions as she picked out her sleepwear and washed and brushed before sliding into her side of the bed.

She'd been determined to stay awake until Edward joined her; her mind fixed on getting him to talk and explaining to him why she had reacted the way she had.

Still, there was no defying biology and it seemed that as determined as her mind was, her body was hell bent on getting some sleep. The past few days of sightseeing, new discoveries and new impressions were finally starting to catch up with her, making her feel more tired than even after staying awake for almost days on end during the final weeks of Aro's life. In fact, it wasn't until well into the next day that she woke up, Edward's side of the bed empty and cold as she blinked against the harsh morning light.

_Shit_.

Bella didn't even flinch as her bare feet touched the icy cold floor, her mind completely fixed on making it downstairs in one piece as she threw open the door, the crash of wood smashing against the wall following her as she sprinted down the stairs.

Empty.

Any ideas she would have had of making up for last night or even finding out whether or not Edward was still pissed off were dashed as she stared around the empty space, almost willing him to emerge from some nook, cranny or kitchen cupboard.

But he didn't.

The only thing she did manage to discover was a note; Edward's elegant script telling her he'd left her asleep because she looked too peaceful for him to wake her, abating the violent beating of her heart as, for a moment, she feared that on top of everything else, he would have found a threatening note from that psycho bitch who had been following her on his doorstep as he headed out on his first day of work without a home cooked breakfast or even an apology from the woman who'd all but spat on his past the previous night.

Yes, the more she thought about her behavior, the more ashamed she became, her hands violently wiping away the tears as she pounded back up the stairs, newly determined to make things right in the only way she knew how.

Working harder.

She threw on some clothes which felt comfortable and rushed back downstairs, foregoing breakfast but getting started on dinner by utilizing the crock pot she'd found in one of the darkest corners of a kitchen cabinet before filling up the sink with water as scalding hot as the taps would give her and added a large splash of lemon scented all-purpose cleaner, already making the house smell fresher than it had before.

She gave herself no pause, dragging all of the cleaning necessities – stepladder, vacuum cleaner and duster first and foremost – from the storage closet before tearing down the curtains and setting about dusting the ceilings and walls and cleaning her way down to the windows and furniture until she hit the floor.

By the time her first load of laundry was done, the muscles in her arms and legs were burning and a sticky, dusty sheen of sweat was covering her body but already she could see the effect as she looked around, a small smile on her lips as she took in the no-longer-tired look of the living room after she'd given it a good cleaning and rearranged some of the furniture to make the most of the space. The smell she inhaled as she took in a deep breath was no longer tainted by any underlying hints of old dust but only fresh lemon-scented air.

It was still strange, being there, in the home he bought with another woman which was now her home too. It didn't feel like it yet, but maybe that had something to do with either the fact that it was half empty or that she didn't really have any stuff to mark it as her own. Cleaning the whole place helped, though. It was like every surface she touched, scrubbed and cleaned was now her territory to reign over.

And it smelled nice.

She'd just hung the newly washed curtains and was making a mental plan of attack for the kitchen while she balanced precariously on the ladder to polish the chrome on the ceiling lights as the doorbell went off, her whole frame going stock still as, for a minute, she imagined it was the scary redhead coming to stalk her some more in surroundings she was only just now started to consider 'safe'.

"Bella?" She frowned, faintly recognizing the voice on the other side of the door but not well enough to put a name or a face on it. "I know you're in there somewhere. It's me, Tanya. Good people…well, I guess."

She was still chuckling nervously at her own joke when Bella finally opened the door, blowing sweaty, dirty strands of hair out of her face as she blinked against the almost pre-Raphaelite looking vision on her front porch.

Yep. That was Tanya Denali alright. _Dear God, why did you have to make her so pretty on top of everything else? I mean, a doctor and a beauty queen too? Wouldn't you agree it's a bit unfair to give all the brains and the beauty to one person while us plain folks are left to gawk and feel inadequate?_

Even though the woman had never really done anything to upset her except for simply being there, looking all pretty and breathing the same air as she did, Bella could immediately feel her hackles rise as she tried to assume a pose of self-assuredness that unfortunately didn't quite work because of her rather haggard appearance. "Can I do something for you? Edward's not here, you know?"

"I know." Tanya smiled, obviously aware of the reaction her presence had stirred in the woman standing across from her. "But I'm not here to see him."

A small frown creased her forehead as curiosity momentarily replaced negativity in the forefront of Bella's mind as she stood and stared, her eyes narrowed and her arms still crossed in front of her chest as she held her ground. "Why are you here then?"

Apparently she'd unwittingly asked something very funny or really stupid because Tanya started to laugh, deep belly guffaws that still sounded completely ladylike on her. _And not a piggy snort in sight. God must really favor her._ "I'm here to see _you_, Bella! God knows you must be bored out of your skull with Edward gone and school not started yet. I came to spring you from this prison and…I don't know, take you out to lunch or something."

Bella's brows shot all the way up into her hairline. "You came here to take me to lunch?" As she spoke, the words sounded even more ridiculous than they had in her head. "Why?"

"I know it's almost Twilight Zone weird but it's not like there's a law forbidding ex-wives to share a meal with their ex-husband's new girlfriend." Tanya shrugged, her body language asking for admittance into the house which, reluctantly, Bella granted by stepping aside. "Besides, I can imagine there's tons of stuff on your mind which you can't talk to Edward or Carmen about – Edward's freaky family being the prime example of that."

They shared a knowing look, the memory of the evening spent having dinner at the Masens' making her forget her decision to not like Tanya for a minute as she realized how good it would be to have a friend who wasn't as involved in that family as Edward and Carmen were. And given the circumstances she'd awoken in, God knew she could use a fresh insight into Edward's mind.

"Okay." She knew she'd probably regret her decision somewhere down the line but what the hell? If Edward could be friends with the woman – as he seemed quite determined be – why couldn't she? After all, hadn't it been Sun Tze who'd said something about keeping your friends close but your enemies closer? Bella wasn't sure which category Tanya fell but at least keeping her close would allow Bella to keep an eye on the ex while using her to get all sorts of information that might be useful later on.

Tanya's eyes revealed her surprise for only a minute until they started to dance with joy. "That's great! You won't regret it, I promise." Her eyes shot around the room, taking in the changes as well as the continuity in the lack of furniture. "And while we're at it, I'll take you to get some tables and bookcases and stuff. I know your hands must be twitching to fill the gaps in this place!"

"Oh, no." More hair fell into her face as she shook her head. "I think I should wait until Edward's free to go and…"

"Honey," Tanya chuckled, "Edward's a dear and very talented man and all that but he's not exactly the most perceptive guy on the planet when it comes to interior decorating. As long as you don't hide the remote control or ritually burn his precious records and books – which haven't arrived yet, judging by the lack of boxes on the floor – I don't think he'd notice any changes, even if you decided to paint the whole house hot pink and covered all the sofa's in sheepskin and leopard print."

"You don't think he'd mind?" Bella 's mind was still too preoccupied with the dilemma Tanya's suggestion posed to even smile at the joke; her desire to make this house into a home for Edward weighing very heavily against her suspicion that he might not like it if she went shopping and bought furniture and other things on her own.

She knew Aro wouldn't have liked that one bit if she took the initiative to change things around on him but then again…Edward most definitely wasn't Aro.

"No way," Tanya replied, the certainty in her voice having Bella almost convinced. "I think he'd only be relieved to skip the furniture store and if he does mind...well, fuck him! He shouldn't be leaving you all alone in this place with only half the furniture in place and not even as much as a fichus or something to liven it up a little." Her spirit made Bella like this woman more and more even in spite of herself, her enthusiasm for the little outing growing by the second, something Tanya didn't fail to pick up on. "So c'mon; let's get some food and spend some cash."

"Can I go freshen up and change my clothes first?" Bella asked looking down at herself, not feeling like getting out in grubby sweats and her hair sticking out at all ends.

Or smelling like lemons.

"Sure," Tanya shrugged, flopping down on the sofa, the sound of daytime television flittering through as Bella dashed upstairs for a quick spruce up, making it back downstairs in a record time of twenty minutes, her hair still half wet from her shower and her clothes sticking to her skin as she thundered back down the stairs.

Tanya smiled, the liking that she'd taken to the strange, almost otherworldly girl even before she had seen her growing into an almost sisterly affection as she watched Bella run around the house, collecting her stuff before coming to an almost roadrunner-like full stop in front of the sofa. _She's so right for Edward._

Feeling a sense of sadness wash over her, Tanya shook her head, for a moment regretting the way things had ended with her ill-advised first marriage. As much as she never wanted to miss or forget a single blissful moment with Claire, she sometimes wished they would have never let things grow out of hand between the two of them. If they'd left the benefits out of it and just remained friends so much pain would have been spared. Her sense of guilt over almost everything that had happened between them still enveloped her almost as strongly as it had when things had first fallen apart between them and though no amount of therapy would ever be able to completely get rid of that guilt, the sharpest edges of it were starting to smooth off just a little now that she saw that Edward was finally starting to move on.

She took in a sharp breath, resolved once again to befriend the strange, wispy creature that had been instrumental to Edward's turnaround, if only to show her gratitude and help her adjust. "Ready?" Bella nodded, shrugging into her coat. "Okay, let's go then. I don't like spending any more time than I really have to in this place."

Bella's eyes widened as she watched how Tanya visibly shivered, the other woman's eyes closing as she took in a deep breath before they opened again as she steeled herself and finally opened the door. With Edward barely ever talking, let alone reacting to his past, it was so easy to forget the horrible history that clung to the house sometimes.

"Seriously," Tanya went on, sighing deeply as she walked in a straight line from the front door to the little red sports car parked along the curb in a pace that looked awfully like a flight. "I don't know why he's still so hell bent on torturing himself by living here. I would have thought that therapist of his would have at least ordered him to move or something."

"You think he's torturing himself?" Bella asked, breathless, as she caught up with Tanya by the side of her car. It was the one thing about his explanation she hadn't really believed. Nobody '_just didn't get around_' to moving out of the home their kid had died in front of. There had to be some other reason.

Tanya waited until they were both in the vehicle before she replied, her emotions hidden behind the same professional mask she used when she had to tell a loved one that her patient hadn't made it. "I bet you already know him well enough to know that Edward has a penchant for being completely masochistic."

"And he still thinks it's all his fault," Bella mused, blushing guiltily when she realized she'd spoken out loud. "I'm sorry, Tanya, I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't," Tanya replied, her voice sad and her face hidden behind her hair as she looked over her shoulder before backing out of the street at breakneck speed. "But if it's all the same, I'd rather not talk about it. It still hurts so much and being back here…"

"Of course," Bella was quick to assent, a terse silence falling over the car as she wracked her brain in search of some appropriate topic to discuss with her boyfriend's ex-wife.

It was Tanya, however, who broke the silence, her nails tapping against the wheel as she waited impatiently for a red light to turn green. "So, I hear you got your baptism of fire the other day?"

"Huh?" Bella looked up, happy to have the conversation going again but a bit embarrassed that she had been so spaced out that she missed most of what Tanya had said.

"Dinner at the Masen's?" Tanya offered. "Now that must have been a minefield. Did the old scarecrow behave?"

Bella chuckled, though in the back of her mind she was still afraid that it was all some big conspiracy to get her to incriminate herself. "She wasn't exactly welcoming," she started diplomatically, "but it's not like I haven't been through worse."

"Please tell me you at least gave it as good as you got?" Tanya pleaded, the car shooting forward as soon as the light turned.

"Putting that mean old bat in her place every now and then was the only thing that allowed me to make it through those nights." She rolled her eyes, probably at the memory of some altercation between Elizabeth and her. "Seriously, I don't see why Ed puts up with her emotional blackmail and doesn't chase that old hag out of his house with the broomstick she flew in on! She may still play a vital part in the business but that doesn't mean she has any business being at the house he now lives in with his new wife and kid! I hope Edward was of more help to you than he was to me. He can handle his mother but it's like he freezes up whenever his dad walks into the room."

That was something Bella had picked up on during the dinner but it had slipped her mind amid the torrent of insults coming from Elizabeth and Charlotte. "I know what you're saying, even though he was pretty good at defending me. Do you know why he acts that way?"

"Not really. You may have found out for yourself that our Eddie isn't exactly open and upfront about the way he's feeling." Both ladies shared a knowing snort before Tanya went on. "I imagine it's because Ed was always particularly ruthless when it came to Edward. Being the only son and all, he was so hell bent on turning Edward in an exact copy of himself that he became almost abusive when it turned out that his golden boy had no talent for the life his father had already mapped out for him."

Bella gasped, her hand clutching her heart at the thought of Edward going through the same things she went through. _Not him. Not Edward too! _"He…his father…hit him?"

"I don't think he ever went that far." Tanya's voice was laced with sadness, the car falling quiet as she parked and switched off the engine. "But you know as well as I do that there's more than one form of abuse."

"No wonder Edward hates him so much." It all made sense now, why Edward hadn't wanted to hear a single word of praise about the man - even though he appeared to have been eager to help Bella find her way in life. He was too little, too late. Too much had happened between them to make things right again.

It saddened her, to know that two people who had so much going for themselves were constantly pulling each other down into a violent maelstrom of negativity. And the worst thing was that they would keep on sinking deeper and deeper until one of them somehow found the strength and courage to put a stop to it.

"But I take it Senior behaved himself while you were there?" She waited for Bella to nod until she went on. "I guess you must have somehow fit into his plan then, because I don't think I've ever heard of Edward Masen Senior making a decision based on his heart alone. If he even has one, that is." She chuckled wryly, her hand on the small of Bella's back as she steered her in the direction of a little hole in the wall place she'd been coming to ever since she was still a first year medical student. "I don't want to tell you how to act around him or to hate him or anything but just be careful around the guy, okay? He can't hurt you if you already expect the worst from him."

She nodded, Tanya's words reminding her of the attitude she had been forced to adapt around Phil and Aro - funny how people like that kept being thrown onto her path.

"But look at me!" Tanya chuckled, scooting back one of the mismatched chairs for Bella as she slid into another. "Here I am trying to take you out of that damn house to lift your spirits while Edward's away and all I do is talk you down."

"You're not," Bella tried to assure her, not wanting the other woman to feel awkward when, really, she wasn't bothered by anything she'd said. "I think it's actually rather nice to talk about these kind of things with someone who's been there…you know?" She shrugged. "Though I have to admit it's still crazy talking to you…what with you having been married to Edward and all that."

"Psha!" Tanya giggled, waving off all of Bella's awkwardness as she leaned back in her chair, allowing their waiter to pour hot tea into two glasses filled with long stems of fresh mint. She was quite amazed at the fact that drinks seemed to appear without any of them ever asking for it but as she cautiously nipped the hot beverage, shouldn't stop the moan of pleasure that escaped her lips at the sweet, spicy taste of it. _Maybe that's why they just hand the stuff out? They know it so good, everyone will like it._ "That's all water under the bridge. Just think of me as a Masen-veteran, sharing my wisdom with a new recruit." She giggled, stirring insane amounts of sugar into her tea as she went on. "This could be like Masen bootcamp or something!"

The comfortable silence that fell in the wake of her statement allowed Bella to finally take a good look around while sipping from the tea. It was funny, how a person looking so crisp and upper class as Tanya did, would ever step into a place like that and just go with the flow. But, judging from the way the owner of the restaurant, a fifty-something woman bearing the deep brown eyes and caramel skin of the Mediterranean, had greeted her like a long lost daughter, she must have been coming here quite a lot.

"What is this place?" she mused out loud, looking around her at the bare brick walls of the small, cozy room that were covered in pictures of vast, sandy deserts and people with faces lined by sun and hard living, and tapestries in vibrant colors that strangely didn't clash with the eclectic mishmash of furniture filling the room. "Moroccan?" She'd once looked through the window of a Moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles and some of the things she saw here looked the same.

"Lebanese," Tanya explained. "I've been coming here ever since I moved and it was right up the street from the place I used to live when I first started my internship. There was something about this place that drew me in…the hominess probably or the fact that the whole family works together to keep this place a success, which means keeping it just the way it is even though they could have just as easy moved into some place bigger or more modern. Mariam, the owner, took pity on me when she saw me come in all by myself and got one of her daughters from the kitchen to keep me company." She smiled, her finger tracing the dents in the table. "I've been part of the family ever since and I still come here whenever I can…though I'm afraid I don't exactly fit in with the regular crowd anymore."

Smiling Bella looked around her, her eyes taking in the eclectic crown that occupied the mismatched chairs and tables strewn around the place. No, between the hipsters, artists, bohemians and less notable patrons who'd just happened to wander in here, Tanya in all her finery stuck out like a sore thumb.

She didn't know why but somehow that made Bella feel more at ease than she had before. Maybe it was because she wasn't the odd one out.

_She_ was the normal one.

"There's no menu here," Tanya explained as their waiter started to bring over food. "I used to get annoyed, when I first came here, that you were just supposed to eat whatever they put in front of you but over the years I've found that _everything_ they serve here tastes amazing. You're not allergic are you?"

Bella shook her head, her senses invaded by an earthy mixture of spices and other delicious smells. "I don't think so."

"So how are things with you and Edward?" Tanya asked as an array of small, spicy dishes was magically placed on their table, accompanied by a stack of funny looking flat bread and a paste Bella wasn't sure about, but after following Tanya's example and scooping some up on a piece of bread, it had a rich creamy, slightly sour and almost earthy taste that made her taste buds sing.

Tanya, meanwhile, had picked up on Bella's prolonged silence and studied the younger girl, her head cocked to the side as she munched on her own bread. "That is…if you want to tell me, of course. If you want the nasty ex-wife to bud out of your business, please tell me."

"No!" Bella blushed, almost choking on a piece of minced meat wrapped in a green leaf of some sort. "I don't mind you asking at all. I was just…distracted I guess. Not that it takes a lot these days to distract me."

"I can imagine!" Tanya chuckled, taking a drink from her tea as she scooped up some beef in tomato sauce with her bread. "So?"

Bella sighed, her debate on whether or not to tell Tanya the truth ending quickly as she realized that Tanya might be the only one who could tell her how she could get herself out of her mess. "We had a fight last night, actually." She smiled wryly as she watched understanding dawn on Tanya's face.

"Oh, dear," Tanya sighed, her eyes telling Bella that the other woman had an inkling of how that might have ended. "What happened?"

Another sigh. "Well, he keeps on pushing me to see a therapist – which I will do, by the way – but in my own time and at my own pace." She sighed, stalling for time by trying some more dishes as empty plates were filled by new, even better looking foods, as soon as they were done with them. "Last night he kept on pushing me and…I'm just not ready yet, so I snapped and I said some things I shouldn't have and…"

"And he went all moody and silent on you," Tanya finished for her, the set of her mouth and eyes telling Bella that she had been around that particular block a few times as well. "And let me guess: the only thing you found this morning when you woke up was a note." She shook her head when Bella nodded. "Damn! I hated when the bastard did that!"

Bella's eyes widened as she scurried to backtrack. "No…it's not like that. He just had to leave before I woke up."

"And on every other morning he would have woken you up and at least kissed you goodbye before he left for his first day of work," Tanya challenged. "Just admit it, Bella. For a man, Edward can sure show the signs of PMS sometimes!"

Bella had to snort at that but bitterness dominated as she sighed. "Any tips?"

"Don't give in just because you're tired of him moping around the place." Tanya held up her hand, stopping Bella from speaking. "Now, I know you're probably feeling guilty for some of the shit you said but if you backtrack now and don't stand your ground on this one, the next time something like this comes around, Edward's not just going to take a finger, he's going to take a whole hand." She sighed, using Bella's tactic of eating to stall for time as she chose her words well. "He means good but sometimes that guy just doesn't know where his boundaries are and if you don't make that inescapably clear to him – and I'm not talking subtlety here, I'm talking sledgehammer-obvious – he's never going to learn."

"And how I'm going to do that?" Bella asked, liking this kind of approach more and more.

"For starters, by buying a new set of furniture for the house," Tanya grinned, looking mightily pleased with herself as she moved the conversation back into easier waters. "Any idea of a style or material you like?"

"I don't know?" Suddenly reality started to catch up. "I mean, we kind of decided to move so I don't know…"

"You got Edward to move?" Tanya's eyes grew huge, her high pitched voice making some of the other patrons look up from their meals. "Why didn't you tell me before? That's _huge_, Bella, I knew you'd be good for him!"

"Yeah, well…" Bella fudged, feeling uncomfortable under Tanya's praise. "It makes finding the right kind of furniture much harder, I guess."

"We'll just get something cheap," Tanya shrugged. "That way when you move you can always sell it with the house or put it on ebay for some student to haul it off to their dorm."

Bella nodded, remembering that Emmett and Jasper would be joining them in the city soon. _They'll probably need furniture too_. "Okay. So do you know some place where we could get this stuff?"

Apparently Tanya happened to be some kind of sage where it came to cheap, nice looking furniture because three hours later they were driving back home, the little red sports car stuffed with all kinds of accessories she wasn't sure she needed as a truck from the Swedish department store they'd visited drove behind them with more crap. Spending Edward's money still felt odd, like it had the day she went clothes shopping with Carmen, but at least she'd only bought stuff that would benefit the both of them.

Give them a home, instead of just a place to live while Edward's estate agent found them a more permanent solution.

_Well, at least it's not as odd as becoming friends with your husband's ex, _because _that_ seemed to be what was happening.

"I still think you should have stuck with letting Edward do all that shit," Tanya grumbled over the loud roar of rock music blasting from the stereo. "It would have served him right for being all pissy and walking out on you this morning without as much as a goodbye."

Bella sighed. That just didn't sit well with her to make Edward assemble all that furniture after a hard day – a first day – at work. "I want it done today, Tanya," she argued, rather proud of herself for finding the perfect reply, "and if I know Edward at all, the only thing he's going to be capable of when he gets home is shoving some food into his mouth before he falls asleep."

"You've got me there," Tanya smirked, fortunately seeing the point in forking over the money for the assembly service if it meant having furniture in place any time soon.

Another few hours later – Bella would never have guessed that it would take no time at all to assemble all of those flat packs – she was alone again, with a house that looked like a home for the first time since she'd stepped foot in it; new throw pillows and blankets sprucing up the sofas and a brand new coffee table and dining room set filling the space. Candles, plants and some strategically pictures made it feel more at home, though she had to admit that she was quite anxious now for Edward's books and records to arrive to fill up the empty shelves of the new bookcase she'd bought.

She felt proud of herself as she looked around, wishing that Tanya would have been there to see the end result, though she understood why the other woman had been in such haste to get away from the house that held such bed memories for her.

That morning, she wouldn't have dreamed of succeeding in what she'd set out to do: making the place into a proper home for Edward and her to live in and for him to come home after a day of hard work. She'd succeeded anyway, finding help, as had become almost a pattern in her life these days, from one of the most unexpected corners imaginable. With some nudging from Tanya, she took initiative for one of the first times in her life and had done something that she'd never been told to do.

And that thought alone made her feel double the pride she would have normally felt.

Still, as she set about finishing dinner in expectance of Edward's homecoming after his first day back at the hospital, there was one thing that kept on gnawing at her mind, spoiling the fun of looking around her and seeing the whole living room come to life.

Would he like it?

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_**Progress is a game of two steps forward and one step back…**_

_**Thoughts?**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. I did, however, tinker with this chapter a little bit after they returned it to me so any faults are my own. **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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_Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain._

_John F. Kennedy (1963)_

**10.**

By the time she could hear the tell-tale rumble of the garage door, Bella's nerves were so frayed she almost knocked a pan off the gas with the wooden spoon she'd been using to stir the stew, her lips pressing tightly together as she felt the blood slowly drain from her face.

_Dear God, don't let him be mad at me for redecorating the entire house. _She continued stirring, counting the heavy footsteps on the gravel as they moved slowly towards the house. _Please, let him like the stuff I picked out. _

Her hand tightened around the handle, making the wood bite into her skin as she continued to drag it around the pot and around again until he was right there, his pace halting abruptly as he entered the main open-plan living area.

She didn't dare look at him, afraid of the anger or disappointment on his face but as loud snorts started to fill the vast and awkward silence that lingered behind the low simmer of the stew, she could no longer contain herself. _Laughter? Why the hell is he laughing? I didn't do anything funny, did I?_

"Holy fuck!" By the Edward was holding his stomach, his long frame almost doubled over as he laughed at some secret joke. "When Tanya threatened to step in if I didn't do right by you, she sure as hell wasn't kidding, was she?"

"S-so you're not mad?" Bella half-whispered, clutching a towel just for the mere sense of protection it gave her. _But really, what good do you expect to come from holding a towel? _

"Mad?" For the first time since he walked in, Edward's eyes found hers, the light mirth fading off into a frown when he caught on to her anxiety. Crossing the distance between them, his arms wrapped around her and his lips found hers in a sweet kiss that made her toes curl, his thumb gently caressing her cheek as he broke away again. "Sweetheart, why the hell would I be mad?"

"Because I completely changed the décor on you while you were off at work?" Bella squeaked, still feeling a little antsy even though Edward didn't seem to harbor any ill will towards her.

"And thereby saved me from a tedious trip to the furniture store on my day off?" Edward spoke, his smile succeeding in reassuring her even more than his laughter had diffused the tension. "No, I don't see why I should ever be mad about that." He shrugged, running his free hand through his hair, the other still wrapped around her shoulders as he seemed suddenly unsure of himself.

"Then you like what I've bought for the place?" she hedged, letting her eyes wander from the new brown wooden dining table and six matching chairs with white upholstery covering the seat and back, to the huge white bookcase surrounding the television and the matching coffee table sitting in front of it.

But those weren't the things she had been most scared about. It was in the little fixtures and fittings; the new pillows and blankets and the plants and art prints that her anxiety lay since they were the ones that put her stamp on the living room as much as if she'd peed against the sofa legs like a dog.

"I don't mind it," Edward muttered, reminding Bella of what Tanya had said about him not noticing she'd changed anything as long as she left the TV alone and the remote control stayed in the same spot it had always been.

"Yeah," Edward went on, scratching his head as he took a few steps forward, breaking their connection as he perused all the new additions. "I believe it's good that you made it your own space since you'll be spending the most time in here." Another shrug as he turned towards her again. "Now, what's for dinner? I'm starving."

Part of her felt relieved and incredibly empowered, being able to make such huge changes and get away with it but she had to admit that part of her was also hugely disappointed that all the hard work she'd poured into this room all day inspired so little enthusiasm in Edward.

"I didn't know when exactly you'd be home so I made us a stew," she quickly explained, swatting Edward's hand away right before he could dive into the pot to steal a quick bite. "There's some fresh bread resting in the oven as well, so why don't you go take a shower while I set the table?"

"You think I smell?" Edward joked, making an involuntary blush stain her cheeks as she was still not used to teasing. To put her at ease again he made an elaborate show of sniffing his clothes and his armpits, the scrunch of his nose finally succeeding in making her giggle. "You're right, I do smell." He leaned in, his lips grazing her cheek before finding her lips. "You take such good care of me, angel."

"I love you, Edward. I'll do everything I can to show it." Her throat constricted as quiet tears of relief and gratitude poured from her eyes, her hands gripping the loose fabric of his shirt until he stepped away, their eyes locking for a second in a look of pure love until he was gone, leaving her to wipe away her tears in peace and set the table to the tune of running water streaming in from upstairs.

That was what living together as a family was supposed to be like; what she'd _dreamed_ of for all those lonely nights before she'd even known him as she lay awake in bed, her door firmly locked and her ears trained for sounds of Aro stirring in his downstairs room.

All she'd wanted was to care for someone and have them reciprocate it in return.

She smiled as Edward tucked into his food with a gusto that betrayed a hungry man, his praise barely audible through his full mouth as she daintily picked at her own meal of hearty beef stew and fresh, still warm sourdough bread. _Who needs food when you could be so full on life? _

"Did you really think I was going to be angry?" he finally asked her, chewing around his final bite of beef.

Bella shrugged. "I didn't know what to think, did I? I know Aro wouldn't have been happy if I had changed the décor on him while he was away."

"But I'm not him, Bella," Edward pleaded, dropping his bread as his eyes locked with hers. "How long until you realize that I would never – _ever_ – intentionally do something to hurt you?"

"I know you wouldn't hurt me," Bella was quick to explain, "but I wasn't sure you'd approve of me taking the initiative to change things around the house either."

"Well then." Edward sat back, his hands folded over his full belly. "For future reference: I have no problem with you changing anything about the house. As long as I have you and something to return to at night that has four walls, a watertight roof and a bed, I'm more than happy."

"So you don't need windows?" For the first time that night, Bella felt at ease enough to tease, her shoulders setting a little straighter and her skin a bit lighter as she stared at him.

"Nah," he shrugged, trying to act all casual even when it was clear from the sparks in his eyes that he wasn't. "Windows are overrated. All that light only keeps you from your sleep."

"So you'd have no problem with me painting the bedroom bright pink then?" she went on, tracing the rim of her water glass with the tip of her finger.

He shook his head, though clearly he would have hated it if she did. "Not as long as you're in my bed."

She sighed; acting all unaffected when deep down she could feel the heat building up between her legs. "I guess that could be arranged."

"Good." Edward smiled smugly, his grin sending pleasurable shivers down her spine, "because I feel like heading up to bed right now. Care to join me?"

Instead of grabbing his outstretched hand like she wanted to – _really_ wanting to – she crossed them in front of her chest, trying to narrow her eyes and act all pissy. "We're not done talking yet."

"We're not?" Disappointment dripped off his face as he sat back down.

She shook her head. "You _knew_ Tanya was coming to visit me, right?"

"I didn't know," Edward defended himself, his guilt written in the puppy-dog look on his face, "but I might have had a hunch she would."

"And it didn't occur to you that I might want to know you were springing your ex-wife on me?" She pressed on, her frustration empowering her to speak more freely than she usually would. "In fact, it didn't occur to you that I might want to be awake to see you off on your first day of work?"

He sighed as Bella turned her back, waiting for him to explain himself while she shut off the gas and bent down to grab the bread from the over, a clean kitchen towel carefully wrapped around her hands to keep them from burning. A lesson she'd learned the hard way.

Only he didn't speak and when she finally turned around, the bread knife hovering over the firm crust of the fresh bread, he was at the table, hunched over with his head in his hands.

She was too surprised to speak, her mind hovering between being pissed off at him for once again shutting down on her and, at the same time, wanting to reach out and cradle him to her chest as she told him everything would be okay. Her heart hurt for him, it truly did, but it also still felt bruised by his actions and the uncertainty she'd carried around with her all day because of it.

Why did she have to keep messing up, even if it was by asking a simple question or defending her right to make her own decisions? Why couldn't she just hold her tongue and count to ten before she lashed out, making the people she loved feel miserable?

She sucked in a deep breath, closing her eyes to regain control over her emotions before opening them again as she set to the task of carefully slicing the bread. "You still hungry?"

He hummed an affirmation but didn't say anything as she proceeded to slice off a few more slices of bread before putting the whole cutting board along with the bread on the table. It wasn't until she'd returned with the stew and started to dish out more of the food that he really spoke, her hands almost dropping his plate from the sudden sound.

"You're right." His voice sounded wary, and not just from a hard day's work. "I should have said something before I left the house this morning. It was just…" He sighed, his eyes on his plate as he pushed his food around. "You looked so peaceful while you were sleeping and I…I didn't want to run the risk of rehashing our fight and having it turn into an argument all over again."

She nodded, bringing another spoonful of stew to her mouth as she waited to find out if he was done talking, her answer coming only when her mouth was empty again. "I owe you an apology."

He shrugged. "Nah, I shouldn't push you, especially when I already know where you stand on this."

"True," she nodded. "But I shouldn't have said the things I did. It was a low blow and you had every right to be mad at me. I just…it's hard for me when you go all quiet. Kinda makes me wish you'd scream and yell."

He looked up, his shock making her giggle, which only seemed to confuse him more. "You want me to yell at you?"

She shrugged, using the food on her plate as a way to stall for time as she thought about her next words. "Not really but…it's what I know best; what I can _handle_." Another shrug as she nibbled on a small piece of bread. "I'm not used to being loved and the way you love me...this is all so new to me and I don't know how to act half the time or how you will react to some of the stuff I do."

"And when I push you or freeze out on you, it makes things even more confusing," Edward finished her thought, nodding as something must have clicked inside his head.

She nodded, feeling oddly relieved to talk about it. That was like a burden being lifted from her shoulders as Edward stepped in to share some of her load. "I know deep down inside that you will never intentionally hurt me, with your words or with your hands, but knowing it and acting on it…it's not the same."

"You're expecting me to treat you badly?" It wasn't a reproach or even a statement made in disappointment, Edward's eyes remaining merely inquisitive, his head slightly arched to the side as he held her gaze, trying to understand.

"A part of me, yes," she hesitantly confirmed, not wanting to disappoint and not able to shut off that hateful little voice in the back of her mind that was still constantly telling her to be on her guard. "I don't want to think like that and I know you're not like _them_, but sometimes I just can't help myself." She sighed, shaking her head. "I guess habits picked up over a lifetime of constantly being on your guard take a little while to shake off."

"And here I went and made it worse by giving you the silent treatment." Edward shook his head in that familiar self-disgust she'd grown to hate so much as he pushed his empty plate away. _Why can't he just see the man he is, instead of the man he used to be? _

"You didn't know," she answered, "And I wasn't exactly forthcoming with the details either." She chuckled, though there wasn't much humor in her laughter. "Just face it: we _both_ went about this the wrong way."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he sighed, his lips pulling into a genuine and quite devious smile that made her heavy heart spark with happiness again. "Now what am I going to do with you?"

She looked up at him through her lashes, her fingers coyly spinning her spoon in figures of eight along her empty plate. "Love me?"

She startled by the sound of his chair scraping along the wood as he abruptly rose, his hand appearing in her line of vision just as her spoon clattered loudly onto the plate. "Come to bed with me." The request itself was relatively innocent but the meaning conveyed by his scorching green eyes turned her insides to fire as she swallowed hard and grasped onto his hand as she nodded.

"I should clean up first, though," she hedged, indicating her head towards the mess of dirty dishes and leftover food on the table.

"Fuck washing dishes!" Edward growled, laughing out loud at her shrieks as he lifted her and carried her bridal style up the stairs, the tenderness in his movements as he sat her on the bed as careful as if she was made of bone China making her heart swell with the love she felt for him. _No, he would never hurt her. She could trust him._

And he showed her. As they made love that night, slowly and almost languidly moving their bodies against each other, the pure love in every gesture and look he shared with her only reaffirmed what she already knew.

His feelings for her were as deep and raw and scary as those she had for him.

They were in this together.

"I love you, Bella Swan," he whispered, his warm breath created goose bumps on her shoulder as he held her close, his lips ghosting over her temple as she fell asleep, her body sticky and completely sated as she basked in the warmth that she had never known until she met him.

"I love you, too, Edward Masen," she whispered, listening as his breath evened out before she followed him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

He made her forget it all; the pain and misery of her former life, Phil, Aro, the fears and the dangers, living on the streets. He even made her forget that the next day, she was due at a community college not far away to start her life as a GED student which meant that only at five AM as she was awoken by the rattling sound of their neighbors' garage door, the nerves kicked in as she shocked awake.

_Holy fuck, I'm going to school today!_

_Eeeep!_

Her eyes were suddenly wide open, her mind kicking in just in time to stop herself from waking up Edward, the disturbance to his sleep as she carefully extricated herself from the starfish hold he'd assumed somewhere during the night relegated to a disgruntled moan as he turned, completely hogging the sheets as he clutched them to his chest before his breath evened out again.

Knowing that selecting a suitably professional outfit for her first day at school would wake him up again, she braved the cold, grabbing one of Edward's old college hoodies and her unused pajama pants to shield her against it as she tiptoed downstairs to clean up the mess they'd left behind the previous night and make some breakfast she knew she was never going to eat. _Well, Edward sure worked hard last night so maybe he's hungry enough for two. _

She was almost done when, as if on cue, Edward came down, his hair still wet from his shower and his skin smelling deliciously like spicy cologne and Edward as he hugged her from behind and kissed her neck, the low rumble erupting from his chest almost making her buckle over with desire. "Good morning, angel," he purred, his gravelly voice in her ear making her close her eyes as she let it wash over her, the splattering of the bacon fat against her skin forgotten as she leaned back against him. "Did you sleep okay?"

She nodded, switching off the gas as she turned in his arms to properly kiss him. "Like a baby." She chuckled, feeling her cheeks heat as she peeked up at him. "It seems you wore me out, mister."

"If it helps you sleep at night, I'm more than happy to volunteer my services." She could almost feel his grin seeping into her skin, his humor infectious as she soaked it up. "I didn't even ask you how it went yesterday." She'd felt so guilty when she realized that as she was scraping the leftovers into a Tupperware container. It had been such a big day for him yesterday but in all the commotion she hadn't even stopped to think about how things went for him, so wrapped up in her own little world. _Selfish girl!_

"And I'm glad you didn't," he spoke, before her guilt could swallow all the joy. He kissed the words away that were edging to tumble from her mouth; his thumb rubbed over her swollen lips as he pulled back. "It went good, don't worry, but it was just so much…I needed some time to process it before I was ready to talk about my day."

She nodded. In all their arguments and misunderstandings it had become clear to her that Edward wasn't the kind of person who spoke his mind immediately. He needed time to think and process everything before he was ready to give his opinion. The good thing about it was that, unlike her and her big mouth, he hardly ever lashed out in anger but the trouble was that his introversion also made him prone to wallowing and brooding; his displeasure festering under his skin until it came to a violent blow-out. "It went good?"

"Yeah." He scratched his head as if he was inwardly taking stock of everything that had happened. "I was held up by a lot of paperwork and shit and had to spend my lunch break talking to Doctor Adkinson but it was good to be back – better even than I could have imagined."

She frowned, trying very hard not to roll her eyes at his mention of Doctor Adkinson – again with the damn doctor! – as she tried to keep her mind on track. "It wasn't weird to be back there?"

"A little," Edward admitted, stacking some of the food she'd prepared onto his plate before making his way over to the table to eat, the rest of his words mumbled around bites of food, "but mostly it was just the same as I left it, only better now that I'm sober again and back on the right track."

Bella fixed up her own plate, knowing most of it would remain uneaten but determined to try and at least put some food in her stomach any way. She needed the energy for her first day at school.

_My first day at school! Who would have thought?_

Forcing her mind back to the topic of their discussion she sat down, gingerly slicing off a tiny piece of bacon as she looked at Edward, who was still stuffing his face like there was no tomorrow. "And your colleagues?" She knew he'd been worried about the way they'd react – peers and superiors alike.

Edward cringed, immediately letting her know that, in this case, his return hadn't been such a resounding success. "Some of them seemed genuinely happy to see me again while others…I guess they need some more time to start trusting me again and realize that I'm not the same person I was last year."

"So you're still sure you want to work there and not some other hospital?" They'd discussed it briefly, on their way back to Chicago. With as many things that had happened to Edward in his home town and as many bad memories that clung to it, it was sometimes really hard to understand why he still wanted to live and work there. Why not make a fresh start somewhere else?

"No doubt about it." The quickness and certainty of his reply left no room for doubt. "It's like a second home for me and it has been for years." He let out a deep breath as he rubbed his face, his plate sitting empty in front of him. "Walking in there yesterday felt like coming home again, you know? It felt so good to be back there and see my name on the board again – even if it was just a scrub in on a routine procedure – it doesn't really matter to me if everyone is glad to see my face again." He shrugged. "They'll get used to it in time and I'll make damn sure I work hard enough to earn their trust again."

She knew him well enough to drop the matter, the tone of his voice telling her he'd shared just about everything he wanted to share about his first day back and his intentions towards the future. "What's on the plan for today?"

His grin reappeared, his whole frame suddenly bursting with eagerness as he sat up straight. "Marcus is letting me scrub in on a Pheo-case." He paused to breathe before he explained himself, realizing Bella wasn't as up to speed in neurology as he was. "It's the abbreviation of a Pheochromocytoma, which is a rare sort of tumor that grows in the adrenal glands and causes uncontrollable high blood pressure. It's a procedure that doesn't come around too often so the fact that he's letting me scrub in…it's kind of a big deal."

"I'm so happy for you!" And she was; her joy at seeing him so boyishly eager and looking forward to his day made her forget her own nervousness for a moment. She'd rarely ever seen him like that, so driven and passionate about what he did, apart from when he was talking about his job at St. Mary's and the change from the broody, uninspired man she'd first set eyes on in Forks was staggering. That made her realize he truly was home here, in Chicago, no matter what had happened.

"How about you?" He stole a few bits of bacon from her plate, munching on them as he waited for her reply. "Nervous about your first day of school?"

She nodded. "I just wish I knew what to expect. I mean, I know there's going to be paperwork to fill out and I have to take a placement exam to find out where I'm at. I just wished I knew what kind of questions I'd have to answer so that I don't fail-"

"You won't fail," Edward insisted, interrupting her before her uncertainty could completely take over. "As long as you're able to stand in front of the mirror at the end of the day and say to yourself you gave it your all, the end result will be good enough, regardless of the outcome."

"Keep telling yourself that when the test points out your girlfriend's a complete dunce!" she huffed, rolling her eyes as she started to assemble the dirty dishes. "By the way, don't you need to get going?"

"Fuck!" Edward hissed with a look on the clock. "Are you sure you'll be okay on your own? It's not too late for me to call Carmen-"

"I'll be fine." She shrugged, the benefits of being able to prepare for the day ahead in silence far outweighing the conversation and support Carmen could offer. Besides, they'd spent the best part of their Saturday practicing driving around Chicago in an attempt to familiarize Bella with the new car and the busy roads, as well as the GPS system built into her dashboard. She had no trouble finding her way around, or any fear of being on the road alone.

"Before I forget," Edward was already halfway out the door before he turned around. "Carmen wants you to give her a call when you are done. She told me she had a lead on a part-time job you might like."

Bella perked up immediately. _A job? Making money?_ That was almost too much to believe, the prospect of having her own money, no matter how little the amount, made her heart race in her chest. "Did she say what kind of job?"

Edward shook his head, shrugging as he looked at his watch before running back towards her and completely dazzling her with one hell of a kiss before he all but sprinted out the back door, leaving her confused and not a little flustered as she listened to the sound of his car leaving.

When the garage door had shut she jumped into action, taking the stairs two at a time as she ran to start her shower; the next hour passing in a constant debate as she over obsessed over every single aspect of her appearance.

It was only when the egg timer indicated she really had to leave that finally, with a big sigh, she settled on a pair of black skinny jeans, a white, elegant tank top and a black jacket to top it all off, her hair in a business-like up-do matching the new leather book bag Edward had surprised her with.

She looked professional and serious but not too much. Or so she hoped. "Okay, then," she muttered to herself, almost forgetting to turn the key in the lock as she made her way down the path towards the garage. "Let's do this."

The roads gave her no trouble at all, the hectic and crowdedness not scaring her nearly as much as it had on her first day in the city, her mind focused on the road she had to travel as opposed to those of the people surrounding her in their cars, as she cruised down the expressway into town, inwardly quite smug as the little time display told her she would be arriving at school at exactly the time she wanted: early enough to let them know she was eager but not so early as to appear overly so.

What she hadn't factored in, though, was the fact that the parking lot next to the community college might not have been as empty on Tuesday at ten-thirty as it had been late-Saturday afternoon, her heart hammering in her throat as she carefully navigated her Beetle through the narrow aisles between the cars in search of an empty spot large enough for her to dare squeeze her car into it.

That was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

A more experienced driver might have taken a chance on a smaller spot, knowing that if you'd turn the car in exactly the right angle, it would slide into the narrow space with just enough room to spare to get in and out. But Bella, wasn't used to city parking, had to drive around in circles for an excruciating twenty minutes until finally someone left, leaving an open space large enough for her to take up, her hands trembling as she tried not to over-focus on the cars to her left and right.

She closed her eyes, letting out a huge breath as she switched off the engine, the door opening all the way with no trouble at all as she stepped between her car and the one next to her.

She had no time to contemplate her own irrational fear of parking, though, as a look on her watch let her know that not only had her window for arriving early long passed, she was now bordering on being late.

_Shit! _

By the time she finally made it into the building and after asking for directions to the small classroom at the end of a long corridor, Bella was panting for breath, her hands carefully touching her hair to see if it was all still in place as her eyes flittered around the room.

She couldn't escape the notion that maybe she had slightly overdressed for the occasion.

Smoothing out her jacket she blushed, keeping her head down as she walked all the way to the back where the only available seats were, the eyes of the others burning into her skin as she stumbled her way to the first empty seat she could find.

The fact that almost every single conversation stalled as soon as she walked past didn't escape her notice. _What have I started?_ _Is it too late to turn back? _

But the thing was, she really didn't want to turn back, not even with the beady eyes following her like she might explode at any moment. She wanted to be there, in that cramped little classroom with all those people because the prospect of possibilities beyond that room would be worth every bit of awkwardness she was feeling.

"Excuse me, miss," a deep, rough male voice sounded from her left. "Are you the teacher?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Jared!" a female voice hissed, followed by the sound of skin hitting skin as the unidentified woman slapped the man upside the head. "Cut it out before you make us all look like a bunch of idiots. If she was the teacher, don't you think she would have stood in front of the classroom instead of sitting there in her seat, looking all high and mighty?"

Bella sucked in a deep breath, her natural defenses kicking in as she stealthily scooted further away from the direction of the voices as she hid behind the few wisps of hair that had fallen from her clip. As curious as she was, and as much as a part of her was dying to defend herself and lash out against them, experience had taught her that it would only end in misery.

_Been there, done that…didn't think it would happen again once I moved. _Apparently the good people of Chicago weren't so different to those in Forks.

"Hey, don't let them bother you," a friendly voice spoke from right next to her, the nearness making her jump as she looked up into the face a kid who couldn't be any older than sixteen-seventeen at the most. _Why isn't he going to a normal school? He looks like he should be. _"Leah's barks are worse than her bites. She just turns into a bitch whenever she feels intimidated."

"Okay," Bella answered hesitantly, trying to scoot back to the middle of her table again so as to put a safe distance between her and Babyface. He might have looked friendly and acted it as well but she knew better than to be fooled by appearances.

"I'm Seth, by the way," Babyface went on. "Seth Clearwater, the bitch's brother, not her husband, thank you God!"

"I heard that!" Leah's sharp voice sounded, making Bella tense again, just as Seth and his easygoing ways were getting her to relax a little. "Just because she is between us, doesn't mean I've completely disappeared."

"Unfortunately not," Seth sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes as he leaned around Bella to catch his sister's eye. "And shouldn't you be prepping for the test? If you want to pull off a miracle, you'll have to find a way to grow a brain first." He scooted forward just in time for the piece of eraser Leah threw at him to bounce off his shoulder and drop to the floor, his voice conspiratorially low as he leaned in. "She can't be bothered taking classes. She wants to get the go-ahead to go straight through to the final exam." He snorted. "She's always had a head too big for her shoulders."

"So you don't think she can do it?" Bella whispered. The lack of faith Seth showed in his sister made her feel oddly related to the sharp, hostile woman sitting two seats to her left. How horrible it must be for her to go into this test, knowing your own family expected you to fail.

"Me, I think she's in for a rough awakening," Seth meanwhile mused, scratching the back of his head as he sat back again. "I mean, she's smart and all that but she's also lazy, spending time she should have spent studying lounging around the house doing nothing."

"I had a fucking baby three months ago, you miserable little twerp!" Leah, obviously having heard his last remark, growled. "It's not like I can balance a book that weighs a ton on my knees while I feed her or change her diapers."

Whatever Seth might have come up with next died on his lips as the teacher – the real one – came in, all conversation around them coming to a sudden stop as she took up her spot in front of the classroom and started to explain the procedures they would follow for the next three days.

It would start with a test – the dreaded placement exam – and then handing over paperwork Bella carried in with her tucked inside a neat little folder Peter had prepared, with the next day commencing with the results and a one-on-one meeting with their study advisors before coming to the grand finale on Thursday, when they'd get the grand tour of the college and meet their new classmates as a teacher would take them through all the need-to-knows before they'd finally start their classes the next week.

All this new information dazzled her, almost as much as it was exciting to finally be where she had longed to be almost her entire life - in a classroom with her peers, one big step on the way towards securing the future she'd always dreamed of.

When the teacher started to hand out the exams, though, all the excitement left her body, leaving a great big lump in her throat behind as her heart pounded violently.

Would she pass the test and prove to be smart enough to even qualify for her GED classes?

Suddenly, she didn't feel so sure anymore.

She was so highly strung that she almost yelped when Seth nudged her, his hulking frame leaning over his desk as he whispered, "We're heading out to the coffee shop across the road when we're done. Want to join us?"

She licked her lips, noting from the corner of her eyes that their teacher was shooting a disapproving glare in Seth's direction, causing her to answer with just a nod. It wasn't like she had anything better to do with her day, as she was sure the thorough cleaning of the upstairs rooms could wait a few hours…or even another day. Besides, it might be fun to hang around Seth and his crazy family a little longer.

For the next hours, her mind was focused on answering the fifty multiple choice questions laid before her to the best of her ability, the part testing her language skills proving to be infinitely less challenging than the math portion of the assessment.

When she finally put down her pencil, the end completely mangled by her teeth from the stress of struggling through the math problems and some of the questions testing her aptitude with words, she had no idea of how she'd done. She thought she might have done okay on the first half of the test but the math?

No, that would never be her favorite.

The rest of her new friends seemed to be of the same opinion as they gathered around a round table in the lunchroom across the road from the college; the simple menu catering to the needs and the wallets of the students attending the school.

Where at first they were all still too overwhelmed by the events of the morning, the atmosphere started to mellow out as soon as the waitress had brought them their coffees, their talk as easy as if they'd been friends for years by the time their sandwiches were put in front of them.

Even Leah wasn't so bad once you got to know her. She and Seth had both had a rough life with both their parents proving to be less than ideal to the task of raising a kid in the poor neighborhoods of San José. Leah had kept it together longer than her brother, who had been in and out of juvenile prison since he'd been fourteen, but in the end, she too had fallen for the charms of easy money, driving her into the arms of a notorious gang leader who left her as soon as he found out she was carrying his child. According to Leah, it wasn't so much that he didn't want the baby as that the little bean she carried kind of threw a wrench into his marriage plans with the daughter of the other local gang leader.

Pregnant and destitute, she'd turned to the only friend (or 'lackey' as Seth called him in a hushed whisper) she had left: Jared Long, the man who had been completely besotted with her since Kindergarten but was always passed over because he wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed and his family was as poor as Leah's.

Regardless of her former behavior, Jared pulled through; getting Leah and her newly released brother out of the city and in with his uncle from Chicago who ran a successful garage somewhere near the college. The only demand Felix – the uncle – had made was that all three would get their lives back on the straight and narrow and earn diploma's before they joined him in the business or decided to move on.

As for Bella, the story she shared with her new friends wasn't so much a lie as it was an omission of the truth. She couldn't believe how easy the story came as she told them she'd dropped out of high school to take care of a dying uncle and fell in love with his doctor in the process. Then again, hadn't she been lying, or at least _pretending_, all her life?

She felt bad about not telling the truth – it was wrong and she knew it – but there wasn't a hair on her head that felt ready to answer the questions the truth would have brought forth. Being as it was, by the time she parked her car next to Edward's empty spot in the garage, she still felt happy about the day's events.

Sure, she might have failed the test but at least she'd given it her all.

And at least for the first time in her life, she'd made friends.

Real friends.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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_New beginnings and new shoots  
Spring again from hidden roots  
Pull or stab or cut or burn,  
Love must ever yet return_

_Robert Graves, Fairies and Fusiliers (1917)_

**11.**

The next day, Bella woke with a big smile on her lips. And this time, it didn't have anything to do with the hot man (in more ways than one, unfortunately, since she just couldn't get used to waking up all clammy, overheated and with Edward starfished all over her) sleeping next to her.

Looking at his fine form was what made the smile stick, though.

He'd been so sweet to her when he came back from work the previous evening, ordering a pizza since Bella had been too high on the success of her first day to have even contemplated cooking or doing anything else apart from picking up one of the books Edward had bought for her and answering a few of the questions and problems locked inside it, only to discard it for one of the many other study guides in front of her after a few minutes.

_So many books, so little peace of mind to study them…_

He'd listened patiently as she talked his ears off, reliving every aspect of her day as she yapped on like a little Yorkshire Terrier, only stopping to eat, drink or draw breath. He'd even smiled, though he must have gotten bored with all the details and descriptions of people he didn't even know about half an hour into her speed-of-light account. He didn't show it, though.

If he had been bored or annoyed that his much needed rest after a trying day at work had gone out the window as soon as he set foot into his own home, he'd hidden it well behind his beaming smile and his enthusiasm to know more – _everything_ – about her day, with Bella only pausing long enough to remember about his big challenge in the operating room by the time she was done gushing about her conversation with Carmen.

Apparently, things had gone beyond good.

She smiled, kissing the bare skin of Edward's shoulder, peeking out from underneath the duvet as she got up, vividly remembering how the tables had turned as she watched the lights dance in Edward's eyes as he told her all about the procedure he'd been allowed to scrub in on and the stuff Doctor Donnelly, one of his supervisors, had allowed him to do.

She hadn't understood much of it, the medical speak completely going over her head, but she'd been more than happy to just sit there and watch him get all wrapped up in his fascination with the job he'd fought so hard for.

He'd made the right decision.

She knew it then, all doubt gone as he told her about his colleagues, peers and superiors alike and how some doctor, Goldberg, had invited him to sit with a group of other doctors that had started out around the same time Edward had. It might not have seemed like something big to anyone else, but knowing what she knew about Edward and about the precariousness of his relationship with his coworkers, that was huge.

Whale sized.

It was hard to tear her eyes away from her love's sleeping form, especially with him looking all cute and sexy as he lay sleeping, but Bella knew that if she wanted to make it to the community college on time that morning, she had to get showered and changed before cooking breakfast.

And if she wanted to get all of that done before Edward would come down for breakfast, she had to get cracking.

Showering did pose quite the conundrum, though, since as much as Edward had stressed that he didn't mind the noise, the thought alone of waking Edward up when he could have spent another few minutes sleeping peacefully went against the grain for her. And it wasn't just her past and the fact that both Phil and Aro had expected her to creep through the house like a mouse if she didn't want to face repercussions in some way, it was the love she had for him and the understanding of how strenuous and long his days at the hospital were that made the shower one of the most uncomfortable ones in her life.

She needn't have worried, though, since as she stepped back inside the bedroom to retrieve her shoes with her clothes sticking awkwardly to her body and the t-shirt she wore underneath her red cardigan not quite in the right place, Edward was in exactly the same position as when she left, his chest still rising and falling evenly in time with his deep breaths.

_Seriously? The guy could sleep through an avalanche as long as it didn't hit his bed. _

Satisfied with the look in the mirror – still upscale but slightly toned down in comparison with the day before after Leah's comments – she tiptoed downstairs, carefully covering her clothes with an old apron she'd found somewhere tucked in the far corners of the pantry as she set to work, measuring out the ingredients for French toast.

A neat stack had already built up by the time Edward came down, the kiss he pressed to her cheek rushed in his haste to get to the food. _Sleep and eat. Now those are two things the man has a talent for. Well, amongst other things…_

She giggled as she put together her own plate, her cheeks heating up as her vivid mind reminded her of just how good Edward was at some of those other things. Proof in point: she was still a little sore from how good he'd been last night.

"What?" Edward asked, picking up on her giddiness, his voice barely inaudible over the pieces of half-masticated breakfast.

She shrugged, though she couldn't wipe the grin off her face even if she wanted. "Nothing." Nodding at his empty plate she was happy to change the subject, steering it into the safer waters of food. "You want some more?"

"Nah," he popped his last bite into his mouth. "I'm good. It was amazing, though."

"Good." She nibbled on her own food, her appetite much better than it had been the previous morning but still nothing compared to Edward's. She'd never been a big eater – how could she be, with Phil barely even feeding her? – and with Aro constantly on her back about her weight and the possible unhealthiness of every single item of food in the house, she'd never grown used to the kind of heavy meals Edward seemed to enjoy.

In fact, it didn't take more than a few bites for her to feel full.

Edward merely shook his head, grinning as she pushed her plate out towards him to polish it off, as if he'd already expected as much when she sat down. "Thanks, love."

She shook her head. "You're going to get fat!" she warned him, though her words fell flat as even she smiled.

"Never!" Edward grinned, moaning around another fork-full of food. "It's why I run, though I have to admit I've been bad about keeping it up since we've returned from Forks."

"So I get to kick you out of the bed as soon as I open my eyes from now on?" Bella teased, breaking out in pearls of laughter as she watched Edward's face fall.

"Yeah, that would probably be best," he grudgingly acknowledged, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His sour smile gone by the time he looked up at her again, though. "Another big day today, huh?"

She nodded, swallowing hard. "I still can't believe Carmen came up with this." Just like she'd promised, she'd given Carmen a call as soon as she'd returned home the day before, her exuberance and hyperactivity finding a grateful outlet as she and Carmen squealed over every single thing that happened, the ease with which not only the other woman had accepted her, a total stranger, into the family as well as the complete absence of any awkwardness on her own side completely surprising her.

But not as much as the surprise Carmen had in store for her as soon as Bella had calmed down enough to listen to it.

Apparently, some of Carmen's charity work evolved around a kid's reading club at one of the downtown branches of the Chicago Public Library and while there on Monday, she'd heard about a part time job opening which she thought would be a perfect fit for her.

She'd definitely thought right.

"Carmen likes you," Edward smiled, his love for his stepmother shining through, "and she knows how much you love to read. I imagine she thought this would be the perfect thing for you to drive away the boredom and get to know a few people."

"Then she was right!" Bella chuckled, though with her nerves seeping through, she thought she sounded an awful lot like one of those hyena's she'd seen when she'd switched on the television and landed on a documentary on the Discovery Channel. "I just hope I make a good enough impression in the interview."

That would take place later in the afternoon, after she'd had her meeting with her study advisor and lunch with Carmen, who had been eager to make up for the failure of the last time they attempted lunch together.

She was looking forward to it, even though the memory of the scary redhead who'd cornered her in the restaurant bathroom still freaked her out, and she wasn't exactly looking forward to having to find someplace downtown big enough to safely park her car in. Talking to Carmen and asking her advice would be great, though, since Bella didn't have the faintest idea of the kind of questions that would be asked during a job interview or the kind of answers she should be giving.

"I've gotta go. Good luck!" Edward spoke, already on his feet as he pressed a quick, sticky kiss to her lips before dashing out of the house, calling out his love for her as he disappeared.

Bella wasn't far behind, quickly rinsing off the plates and the pans and checking to make sure her hair and clothes were still in order before checking and re-checking her bag as she stepped down the back steps and made her way over to the garage; the trek down the garden and the rumble of the garage door already becoming familiar patterns in her life.

The smell of her new car, however, still filled her with a pleasure no chemical scent had any business of causing.

Freedom.

Well, the freedom to make it to your appointments without having to rely on others.

She was relieved when the parking lot near the community college was emptier when she arrived, a lot of students and maybe even some of the teachers choosing to cut their time of arrival a little closer to the start of class, which gave Bella ample opportunity to find a good space to park her car and with plenty of room to spare…and arrive at the office of Ellen McGregor almost an hour before she was supposed to be there.

Which, in turn, meant she got to watch and hear three people walk out of the office bitching and moaning about the 'tough as nails' lady who wouldn't let them cut straight through to the test, the middle one being Leah Clearwater, who emerged from the room with a face that spelled thunder and a mouth sprouting expletives like a bursting piñata.

She didn't even notice Bella until she was almost out of the room, her face having the decency to pink up though Bella suspected her mind wasn't as apologetic about the profanity she'd just spewed. "Oh, hi, Bella. I didn't see you were here."

"I decided to come early,' Bella replied morosely, a little frightened to be face to face with this virago without the comforting presence of Seth or Jared. "I take it your plan failed?"

Leah growled, making Bella involuntarily shift in her seat to be closer to the wall. "That stupid bitch claimed my language skills were too poor to pass the test! Who the hell does she think she is? I'll show the damn bitch!"

Bella swallowed, summoning her courage as she reminded herself of something Esme had said the day before her departure for Forks. _Don't ever be afraid to be honest_.

That was easier said than done, though, especially when pitched against a woman with arm muscles able to snap another person in half without a thought.

Taking a deep breath she blurted out, "Wouldn't it be easier to take her advice?" She blinked a few times, not sure how to interpret Leah's silence and calculative glares. "I mean, wouldn't you get disappointed if she lets you take the test and you fail?"

Leah's eyes narrowed even further, the menacing glare causing Bella to shift nervously in her seat as she begged the little door at the end of the corridor to open up and admit her to the meeting with her study advisor she'd previously dreaded.

Anything to get her out of her mess.

"You know what, Swan?" Bella didn't dare react, the slow, measured tone of Leah's voice still leaving her unsure of the girl's state of mind. "You may actually be right about that."

Only then did Bella release the breath she'd been holding in for far too long, just in time to finally watch the door open again as an older woman made eye contact with her before motioning her in.

Leah smiled, offering Bella her hand to help raise her to her feet. "You'd better go in to hear your own verdict. I guess I'll be seeing you in class, huh?"

Bella nodded, mustering all her courage. "I guess so."

The office didn't seem so daunting when she walked into it but neither did its occupant and she'd heard more than enough about her in the fifty-five or so minutes she'd spent camped out in front of it, so Bella was on her guard as she stepped in, her heart hammered in her chest and her skin perspired with a strange sense of claustrophobia as her study advisor closed the door behind her and motioned for Bella to take a seat. _Let's do this. _

"I see you dropped out of high school halfway during your sophomore year to take care of a deceased relative, is that correct?" the woman asked, after verifying Bella's name and place of birth.

"Y-yes," Bella stammered, her throat constricted as the moment her test results would be revealed grew closer and closer. _Just get on with it already!_

"That's interesting," Mrs. McGregor remarked, "because your comprehension of language far exceeds the level that should be expected of a sophomore drop-out."

Bella didn't know if she was expected to explain herself and didn't exactly feel like baring her soul in front of the stranger but, as she'd also hate to fall short of the mark, she did so anyway. "During the early stages of his disease, my uncle was still well enough to tutor me."

"Ah!" Her comment seemed satisfactory enough to draw a smile from Mrs. McGregor's lips, though it did very little to calm Bella's nerves. "That would explain it." The other woman tapped her pen against the file Bella believed to be hers. "Your math skills leave something to be desired, though."

Bella nodded, swallowing away her disappointment. Of course she'd known this. Bella knew her math skills were nowhere near up to scratch yet but to hear the facts read out to hear so bluntly still made her feel slightly inadequate. "I see," she finally managed to whisper, her throat dry with nerves.

"Yes," Mrs. McGregor nodded, taking off the reading glasses she'd used to peruse Bella's test results, "but still, based on these results I'd say that if you were to enroll into our preparation classes and worked hard both during and outside these classes, you might be ready to take the test in time to graduate late this summer – somewhere around late August or September maybe – and, should you wish to do so, start college at the Spring semester next year. Maybe you'll even be able to squeeze in a few courses beforehand that will allow you to make the transfer just a little easier."

Bella had not even dared to dream of that happening. She'd come to the office expecting to hear all about how inadequate she was and be presented with a plan of action which would take up at least a year before she was ready for the final test. After all, she'd missed a little over two and a half years of high school.

Could she really make up for that in only a few months?

That sounded surreal.

"Are…are you sure?" She stammered, still completely overwhelmed by the sudden acceleration her plans for the future had undertaken.

"I know it sounds very fast but just from looking at your test results, I can see that you've got quite a firm base to build on." She paused, closing Bella's file. "Of course a lot of your success depends upon the amount of time you are willing to commit to this program, pick up new skills and knowledge but, over the years, I've seen quite a few students start off from a level of knowledge similar to yours and finish the program with flying colors."

"Okay." Bella blinked, trying to keep herself in the now as her mind threatened to become lost in the whole ocean of possibility that had just opened up in front of her and the joy and fear that hovered above it as Mrs. McGregor launched into a factual disquisition of the where, when and how. The only things Bella managed to pick up from her speech were that she would be expected back at the college at ten the next day to attend a student orientation program and that her classes would start on Tuesday at eight.

_Good, hopefully that means parking will probably not be a problem for the time being_.

She was still in a daze, shooting off a quick text message – a skill she'd picked up after many tries and lots of swearing – to Edward, who would be stuck in an operating room by that time as she walked out of the building, her feet finding their way back to her shiny blue Beetle by sheer memory as she got in, her mind only catching up with her eyes by the time she'd already started the engine and was getting ready to pull out, just in time to spot the note sitting underneath her windshield.

She got out, reaching around the car door to retrieve it, her subconscious already knowing what kind of note it was from the way it was folded even before she smoothed out the paper to reveal the familiar script.

_You can't make a lady out of a tramp, Bella Swan._

_No matter how hard you try, you will never be free. _

_I will be watching. _

She gasped, her eyes immediately looking around her as her hand frantically sought out the button on the dashboard that locked the doors.

Whoever left the note was near.

They'd seen her go into the building.

They knew what she was doing there.

Was he or she watching her right then?

_Get out of here!_

Instinct took over as she threw the car in reverse and high-tailed it out of the lot, looking in her rearview mirror whenever the traffic situation allowed her to find out if she was being followed.

It didn't look like it.

But could she really be sure?

That was strange. Over the past couple of days she'd almost forgotten about the notes and the redhead; her mind so full of school and the challenges ahead of her that the comparative silence on the note-front had immediately pushed the whole thing out of her head.

They had slipped so far out of her mind, in fact, that the whole debate on whether or not to tell Edward about the notes he had so far been blissfully unaware of, had completely quieted.

Would she tell him?

She had to, didn't she?

Bella pursed her lips as duty and common sense battled her desperate urge to keep Edward happy and as relaxed as he could be during the hours he got to spend at home. All she knew was that she had to tell someone before she went insane.

And wouldn't that be just what Jane was after?

Because that bitch was behind all of this, she could just tell. All throughout Aro's final days Jane had been on her case, accusing Bella of being a money-hungry gold-digger who was probably going to take off with her father's silverware and every single one of his assets she could get her fingers on before his body was cold in the grave.

Funny, since Bella got exactly the same idea of _her_.

Jane would stop at nothing to get her hands on every last dime of her father's inheritance and since Bella stood in the way of that…it was a perfect explanation for the notes, even for the relative quiet of the past few days since Jane would probably have heard about the meeting planned for this Saturday between her brother and the girl she'd spent so much effort into scaring away.

By the time Bella made it into the parking garage underneath Millennium Park, the location where she was supposed to meet up with Carmen, her nerves were frantic, her mind construed an attacker around every bend as she carefully parked her car and got out, her hands clenched around her book bag and her face shimmered with anxiety she quickly made it up, the elevator took her almost straight to the restaurant Carmen had directed.

It wasn't until she spotted Carmen on the phone as she marched in front of the restaurant like she owned the place that she started to feel safe again; relief releasing some of the tension in her shoulders as she quickly crossed the distance.

"Bella!" Carmen's eyes lit up as soon as she spotted Bella coming out of the elevator, quickly ending her phone conversation with a few rushed Spanish words. "My mother," she explained, smiling sadly as she pocketed her phone. "It's hard being so far away from your family sometimes."

"Do you visit them?" Bella inquired, trying not to feel too daunted as they walked into the restaurant. That was still a strange experience to her, even with all the restaurant dining she'd done over the two weeks she'd spent in Chicago, to be sitting there, ordering the thing on the menu you could most make sense of and eating it while under the scrutiny of others.

"As often as I can." Carmen nodded, her Mexican accent thicker now that she was thinking of her homeland. "With the way my life is over here, though, that's not nearly as often as I'd like." She shrugged, sighing wistfully as she allowed one of the waiting staff to help her take her seat with Bella doing the same. "It doesn't help that my mother is one of the most pigheaded people in the world either, since it means she refuses to visit me here ever since she and Ed fell out a couple of years ago." Carmen's smile didn't reach her eyes as she let them wander out of the window to the skaters on the ice rink beyond it. "I think it may be better the two of them keep as many miles between them as well, seeing as Ed sometimes can't stop himself from taunting people."

"Ah." Bella cringed because wasn't difficult to see all the possible horror scenarios that presented.

"It's still tough, though." Carmen took the menu their waiter presented them, rattling off her drink order while Bella merely nodded and asked for the same. They were both done making their choices when the older woman spoke again. "But enough about me. How's it going with you? What did they say this morning?"

Bella's eyes shone again as she remembered the good news, Carmen's happy squeal when she found out making a few of the other diners look up from their plates to see what the hell was going on. "I'm so happy for you, Bella!" she finally exclaimed, reaching out to grab Bella's hands over the table. "For a moment there as I watched you walk up just now, I was afraid the news wouldn't be as good."

Bella waited until the waiter, who'd returned with their drinks and a little notebook to take down their order, had gone again before she answered, knowing that if she could pick anyone to share her burden with, she'd choose Carmen.

The other woman listened intently, probably sensing that with the amount of courage it took Bella to share the secret that had weighed her down for days, interruptions would be disastrous. Even when Bella had finished, with the note she had fished from her car lying between them, it took Carmen a little while to speak and when words came they were in Spanish.

And they were pissed!

Whether her anger was directed at Bella or the sender of the note remained lost in translation.

Once Carmen switched back to English Bella found out her words had triggered the protective 'mama bear' inside of her. "If that woman ever dared to show her face around here I would strangle her with my own bare hands!" Bella swallowed hard as Carmen paused to suck in a deep breath. Carmen shared Bella's opinion that Jane was behind all of it. "To first sick that creepy reporter on us and then try to scare you away! I really hope you and Alec will take that filthy _puta_ to the cleaners!"

"I only want what was promised to me," Bella sighed, the warmth and safety of Carmen's protectiveness unable to wash away the bitterness of the whole situation. "I do want to ask you something, though. Do you think I should tell Edward?"

"Hmm." Carmen tapped her lips with the tips of her fingers, taking the time it took for the waiter to put their salads in front of them to think. "I think you were right about how he would react to all of this – or should I say _over_react, no?" They shared a knowing look, both women realizing just how much hearing about the notes would kick Edward into a tailspin. "I'm not saying it's right to keep this from him, mind you, and I really think you should at least tell Peter so that he can maybe put a few guys on this thing but maybe, for now, it would be better if Edward kept his focus on doing well at his job."

Bella had a hard time catching up but at least she was happy that Carmen and she seemed to be on the same page. She agreed, though, it felt wrong to not say anything to Edward and this might very well come back to bite her in the ass but with these weeks being so important for him to reestablish himself as a doctor, she agreed with Carmen that the distraction of finding out about the notes would be the last thing he needed.

"So now that we have that out of the way, how about we talk about simple, non-stressful things while we eat?" Carmen joked, spearing a shrimp onto her fork. "All this talk of trouble is giving me a headache."

True to her word, the rest of their lunch was spent talking about trivial stuff, with Carmen regaling Bella with stories about her volunteer work and from when Edward when he was a kid, their easy talk carrying over as they left the restaurant sufficiently bundled up to go for a stroll in the wintery park.

"You should really get Edward to take you there sometime," Carmen spoke, smiling as they watched a couple of kids enjoy the skating rink. "I'm sure he'd love to teach you how to skate since he used to be one of the best hockey players in the state."

"Really?" Bella's eyes grew huge. She'd never heard about that before.

Carmen nodded. "Ed hated the thought, of course, but I think our little Ned might have even turned pro if he hadn't already been so dead set on becoming a doctor."

"Is that why he gave it up?" Bella didn't know much about being a doctor but what she did know was that becoming one took an awful lot of hard work.

"I think he read something somewhere about the risk of damaging his precious hands," Carmen mused. "And you know as well as I do that a doctor can't work without his hands."

Bella smiled, trying to put Edward's face on one of the guys passing a puck between them on the far corner of the rink. "He must have missed it, though."

"I know he did, though he never showed it." Carmen chuckled as she laced her arm through Bella's, gently pulling the girl in the right direction. "He was so _determined_, even then."

She loved hearing stories about Edward when he was younger; the way he was before the loss of his baby girl had wrecked through him like a cannon ball. He'd been so full of hope, then, so eager to go out in the world and enjoy every single last aspect of it.

That hurt, to see so much of the old him gone.

They were moving towards a great big blob, rising up from beside the restaurant, the big, reflecting thing getting bigger and bigger until they were right in front of it.

It was huge!

Standing in front of it made her feel so little, and in a way completely vulnerable, as her distorted reflection stared back at her from the mirrored surface.

"They named it the 'Cloud Gate'," Carmen explained, standing quietly next to Bella as the younger girl studied the foreign object like there was going to be a quiz, "but Chicagoans prefer to call it 'the Bean'."

"Bean?" For a moment Bella's attention was distracted from the oddly mesmerizing quality of the sculpture.

"Don't you think it looks just like one?" Carmen giggled. "You'll recognize the shape when you step further away."

Walking through the strangely shaped underpass was like entering an alternate reality; the reflective surfaces covering three of the four surfaces around her made Bella feel confined, confronted and disoriented but not in a way that was unpleasant. There was a strange comfort, and even happiness, to be found amidst the soul-searching their reflection would cause.

That made her feel stronger.

Carmen's distractions where just what Bella needed to keep her mind from going into overdrive as they walked through the magnificent Millennium Park, talking, joking and looking at the art surrounding them as they passed the time until Bella had her job interview.

When she walked into the small, slightly run-down looking building, Bella's hands were shaking and every single cell in her body was telling her to run while she still could.

She did no such thing, though.

_I can do this._

She kept repeating the words over and over in her head as she crossed the short distance from the front door to the front desk, the kindly looking older woman glancing up at her from a pair of old-fashioned glasses as Bella shifted nervously in front of her desk. "Can I help you, dear?"

With Carmen's instructions to look confident and able to the task, Bella summoned every single bit of courage she had as she stood up a little straighter and kept her voice even and strong as she spoke, "I'm Bella Swan. I'm here about a job interview with Mrs. Benjamin."

"Well, Bella Swan." The woman smiled as she held Bella's gaze, the kind eyes studying their subject with a keen awareness that betrayed high intellect. "It seems you have found the person you're looking for."

"You're Mrs. Benjamin?" Bella wasn't sure what she'd expected but the fact that the woman running the front desk would also be the person in charge of hiring new staff was completely foreign to her.

"One and the same." The woman chuckled, rising from her chair. "Now how about we talk while we walk? I always like to dispose of my time as efficiently as I can and I'm sure you're eager to look around."

Bella nodded, pulling the strap of her book bag a little tighter around her shoulder as she ambled after the woman, allowing her eyes to wander over the cozy yet worn-around-the-edges décor of the library for the first time.

So many books.

She was in awe. The reverence in Bella's eyes as they traveled along the rows and rows of books was not lost on the librarian accompanying her as they walked further and further into the library.

"Now, I feel obliged to start with the bad news first," Mrs. Benjamin started, immediately making Bella fear the job had already been given to someone else. "The budget cuts of the past couple of years have hit our world particularly hard. In fact, it's a small miracle we're still open, what with our visitor and membership numbers dwindling." She waited for Bella to nod which, though she had no idea what the other woman was talking about, she did. "If you were to take this job, we would only be able to pay you minimum wage for the work you do."

"I understand," Bella nodded. "Carmen already told me about the wages."

Mrs. Benjamin smiled. "And you're still here. I'm afraid that much can't be said for many others who inquired about this position."

"I love books," Bella blurted out. "Being able to work here and being paid for it, no matter how little…it seems like a privilege."

"Just wait until you've spent your whole day lugging books around this place and, just when the countdown to freedom starts, we're asking you to work overtime!" the kind older woman chuckled, reverently gliding her hand along the spines of the books on the middle shelve. "I know what you're saying, though. I wouldn't have been able to keep working here after all the cuts and workload increases if I didn't feel the same."

They walked as Mrs. Benjamin – Sasha, as she insisted Bella called her – explained what Bella's duties would be if she takes the job. Basically, she would be nothing but a gopher, replacing books and mailing overdue-notices as well as doing other odd jobs the regular librarians didn't get to. She'd be working afternoons, relieving Sasha's grandson, Benjamin, as he went off in search of his big college adventure.

All in all, the job was perfect.

Sasha even went as far as to ensure her she would have access to a little room at the back of the building that was commonly used for storage to do her homework during her breaks or should she arrive early after her morning classes. The endearing way the older woman went out of her way to accommodate Bella's needs immediately making her want to go out of her way herself to please her.

"So, Bella," Sasha concluded as they returned to the front desk, the librarian occupying it in the wake of Sasha's departure smiling kindly as she left. "Are you willing to commit yourself to the slavery of public service?"

Bella chuckled, grasping the older woman's hand in hers. "I would love to."

And that was how she landed her first job.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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"_In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed."_

_Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays: First Series (1841)_

**12.**

_Oh. My. God. I'm going to die. _

Sure, going ice skating with the man she loved had seemed like a good idea in theory, but taking her first few unsteady steps onto a surface that felt to slippery for any living human being to stand on, she wasn't so sure of that any more.

"I swear to God, Edward," she warned him, leaning heavily on him as he dragged them further onto the ice, "if you let go of me, I'll kill you!"

The bastard had the audacity to chuckle, her hands twitching to slap him even though she wore thick wool gloves to protect them from the icy cold.

But she didn't, somehow managing to restrain herself, since the danger of knocking him and, as a result, herself, out of balance was too big to risk.

Instead, she had to settle for merely glaring at him, her hands digging into the many layers of clothing covering his arms as she held on for dear life. "I hate you; did I mention that?"

"You lie!" Edward grinned smugly, completely surprising her by using the leverage of her hands to reel Bella closer and kiss her deeply, the wobbling of her unsteady hold on the ice counterbalanced by his own strong equilibrium. Bella was gasping by the time Edward withdrew his lips from hers, her eyes glassy as he went on, "And if you think I'd ever let you fall, angel, then you don't know me very well." His grin nearly ended her, though her mind was once again fixed on surviving this 'ice-skating thing' as he started to pull her further towards the center of the ice again. "I won't let you get hurt, love. I've got you."

It was hard to keep her balance after those words; the effects they had on Bella's heart almost rendering her incompetent of any rational thought or actions.

It was a good thing he had her, then.

Edward kept smiling, the cold obviously having no grasp on him as he patiently guided her further and further onto the ice, his calm, clear voice telling her how to shift her balance from foot to foot and press slightly against the ice to create momentum in her movements. _Look at me, I'm actually skating! _

"Nooooooo!" No sooner than a slight sense of smug satisfaction had taken hold of her, a tiny imperfection in the ice made her wobble violently, her feet losing their touch with the slippery surface below them as she crashed into Edward's strong frame, her hands grasping so violently in their panic that she managed to pull him out of his balance and sent both of them crashing onto the ice, their skates tangling as she landed on top of him.

"Oomph!" The look on his face as he tumbled down would have been priceless if Bella hadn't been so busy bracing for impact and thinking she was going to die – or at the very least break a bone or two. His mouth was wide open with shock and his eyes as big as saucers as they looked first surprised, then afraid and finally, fierce with determination as he made sure to angle his body in a way that had him absorb most of the blow as they slammed into the icy surface.

"Are you okay?" He looked almost frantic as he scrambled up, seemingly disinterested with all the ice and snow sticking to his clothes and beanie hat as he checked her for apparent damage. "Oh, shit! I'm so fucking sorry, angel, I should have seen this was coming! I promised you."

Again, the look on his face when she broke out into deep heaves of belly guffaws with the odd snort mixed in between for good measure, would have been priceless if she would have managed to open her eyes through the tears that rolled down her cheeks in swiftly cooling little ice crystals. But she wasn't paying attention.

Well, not to anything he said anyway.

The way he looked, though, his clothes askew and his normally so serious and flawless frame looking like winter had just thrown up all over him, combined with the priceless faces he had made going down, was enough to make her forget the slight throb in her knee, where it had slammed into the ice, or the coldness underneath her bum as she sat up.

Her erratic behavior only made Edward more worried, his face unsure as his eyes remained worriedly locked on her.

In spite of the guilt she felt at making him worry, it still took quite some time until she had calmed down enough to speak, her chest hurting from the cold air and her giggles as she finally opened her mouth to speak. "I'm sorry."

She twitched her lips, watching as her words washed over his face, making the tension seep away like a tidal wave. "It's just…the look on your face when we went down? It was priceless!" She could feel the giggles rise up in her chest again but this time she fought to keep them down. "I'm okay, though, but seeing as you're the one who broke my fall, I think I should be the one asking you that same question."

Finally, Edward brushed himself off, reaching out his hand for her as he got back on his feet. "I'm fine," he shrugged, like falling was no biggie to him. "It's the first thing they teach you in hockey practice. If you can't fall…" He chuckled, running his hand over the rough fabric of his beanie. "Well, you're in for a world of hurt."

Bella nodded, looking on as two kids half her age skated around them, passing as puck in between them as they navigated the ice at a dazzling speed like it was the most natural thing in the world. She envied them almost as much as she feared for their health.

Hell, if that were her, she would have already ended up in the ER with either a concussion, a broken bone, or a slashed artery. If it really was one of _those_ days, a combination of all of the above.

"Did you used to do all of that?" she asked, nudging after the boys as they started another circuit along the rink. "Carmen told me you used to play."

Edward nodded. "I used to love being out on the ice." Bella smiled as his eyes got that faraway look they always took on when he remembered happy childhood memories. "It may sound strange but after a while, the cold doesn't really bother you anymore. In fact, it's the best thing in the world: stepping out of the dressing rooms into the cold open space of rink, the weight of your stick in your hands, testing the ice beneath your skates before pushing off…" He chuckled, forgetting he had a hat on as his hand made to run through his hair.

He was quiet for a while, lost in his memories while his eyes keenly followed the boys engaged in a good-natured scrimmage, both of them laughing loudly as the guy in possession of the puck tumbled to the ground. "Carmen used to be there for every match I played, always wearing this almost fluorescently yellow coat, hollering these Spanish cheers I couldn't understand so that I had no trouble finding her in the stands. I don't think she ever missed a match."

"I can just see her there," Bella smiled, swaying gently on the ice in Edward's arm as he steered them safely around the groups of people gathered in one of the more crowded patches. That was another thing she'd missed growing up; something as simple as having a hobby and getting to see your parents all proud and happy when you performed. "I bet you could have heard her from a mile away."

Edward chuckled. "Yeah, she was definitely very passionate about cheering me on." His smile turned wry as his thoughts turned sour. "My parents hardly bothered to show up, though. I remember coming home from a game once all high on having scored the winning goal when I found my mom awake and listening to music in the library." His lips pursed as he remained silent for a moment. "I was surprised when, instead of being proud of me, she seemed more annoyed that I had the audacity of ruining the aria she was listening to by yapping all about my day."

"She was angry?" Somehow, even with what she had known about Elizabeth Masen, Bella found it hard to fathom how a mother could ever get pissed off about her own child's enthusiasm. The thought alone that any mother would ever hurt her own flesh and blood like that made her sad beyond reason, her heart going out to the man next to her.

"I didn't see it at first, even going as far as to plead with her to come see the next home game…" His dark chuckle already made Bella fear the worst. "I only shut up when she rose from her chair, her face as dark as a storm cloud and started laying into me about how ice hockey was a barbaric sport, how she hated my father for ever allowing me to practice it, and how she wouldn't be found dead at one of my matches. I was thirteen back then, and though I never told Carmen about what happened I'm almost sure she must have found out one way or another because the next match, lo and behold, who do I find in the stands, sitting awkwardly next to her? My dad."

"He came?" Bella's opinion of him, already higher than the one his son had of his father, rose even further as she listened.

Edward nodded. "I don't know what Carmen did to make him give up his precious time to go see his kid's game but he was there, staying for almost the entire time – which we won, by the way – until he got a called somewhere near the end. I know, because I couldn't stop looking…I just couldn't believe he was _there_, you know?"

"He must have cared about you after all." Bella made sure to keep her tone level and her words as plain as possible, knowing how fierce Edward could react in matters concerning his dad.

"Me, or Carmen," he remarked, his voice not without bitterness, though his following sigh communicated his desire to put this matter behind them. "How about we go get some hot chocolate before heading back? I don't know about you, but I'm done skating for the day."

Bella nodded, her hands completely frozen and her cheeks stinging with the fierceness of the cold outside. "Sounds good."

Edward's mood began to thaw a little as they made their way back, exchanging their skates for shoes (which suddenly felt weird to her after having been on the ice for so long) before heading over to Park Café for drinks, his cheeks flushed and his eyes still vibrant and shining from the exercise out on the ice and his enthusiasm to share his favorite childhood pastime with her as he ordered their drinks.

That did her good to see him playful; so alive and full of energy and happiness.

Especially after the way he'd came home after his first full week back at the hospital early yesterday evening.

It was only when he drug himself in – _literally_ – through the backdoor and crashed onto the sofa; completely worn out and already half asleep, that Bella had realized how much he had kept up a front during the week. Was so he could make it through or so that she wouldn't worry and focus on her own exciting week? She couldn't be sure. Perhaps it was a combination of the two or maybe it was for a completely different reason.

All she knew was that she needed to be there for him, all but spoon-feeding him his dinner before dragging him up the stairs and into bed, her experience where it came to undressing people coming in handy as she wriggled him out of his suit and into a pair of sleep pants, his breaths already deep and even as she quickly dashed back downstairs to take care of the mess in the kitchen before joining him, his sleep undisturbed as she sat next to him above the sheets, a small reading light illuminating her study books as she immersed herself in one math problem after another until her eyes started to droop closed too.

That was one of the most intimate nights they'd spent together, even if he had been completely passed out.

Her heart had hurt, though, to see him so worn out, and she'd felt incredibly guilty for only being focused on the huge steps she'd taken in her own life that week, instead of stopping to wonder how hard it must have been for him to be back at the hospital. She'd missed him during the days, even though her own time had been filled to the brim with her GED orientation. It was still strange and new, being in that house all alone, waiting for Edward to come back.

She felt as empty as their home without him.

Bella didn't know much about being a doctor, but from what she had picked up over the days she'd spent with Edward, she knew that his day wasn't nearly over by the time he scrubbed out of his final procedure of the day. There were always post-op procedures to go through and a lot of paperwork had to be completed, documenting both Edward's actions in trying to save live and the patient's reactions to them.

And then there were the meetings with Doctor Adkinson, scheduled every other day right after the end of his shift and the prep work he had to do for next days' procedures (which, seeing as he had been doing little brain surgery over the past half year, was considerable).

Was it any wonder it had taken so much out of him? No.

He'd been so apologetic when he came down sometime around eleven in the morning after having slept for over fourteen hours, her heart breaking all over again as he rattled off his apologies for not being considerate enough to stay awake long enough to ask her how her day had gone.

She'd been quick to quench his uncanny penchant for self-reproach, shutting him up with a stack of pancakes and using the silence as he ate to make it clear that love, care and devotion were all two-way streets and that she'd rather have him sleep off the strain he seemed to have been carrying around with him than to keep him awake with boring old stories about school.

"Bella!" She was startled out of her memories by Edward, waving his hand in front of her face. He chuckled at her no doubt startled look. "What were you thinking about, angel? You looked like you were miles away."

She grinned back at him, talking a sip from her hot chocolate; the soft taste of whipped cream mingling with the spicy bitterness of the dark, flavorful cocoa. "I was thinking about school, actually."

"Of course." Edward's laughter deepened, his chest shaking along with his head. "You know…I don't think I've ever met anyone quite as eager as you are to go to school."

Bella merely shrugged, thinking back on the day before, when she'd first toured the college and met up with her teachers and classmates. "I can't wait for Monday to roll around." Monday would be the start of her first, real week of school and work, though she wouldn't actually be going to school or to work until Tuesday. She had a lot of planning to do around those days, though, so that she would still be able to keep a nice, clean house for Edward and have a proper meal on the table every day when he got back from work while also being a kickass student and assistant-librarian.

"I noticed!" Edward replied, stirring the darker liquid on the bottom of his cup into the rest of it. "I saw your books sitting on the bedside table this morning. It seemed like you made quite a head start last night."

"I wanted to see if I could do it on my own," she explained, the urge to prove herself and the things her mind was capable of still as strong within her as when she'd picked up her thick study guide.

"And did you?" As always, Edward had a keen interest in her progress; never steering, judging or reproaching as he listened to her answers. He just wanted to know because he cared.

"I managed to solve at least some of the more difficult math problems on my own," Bella answered, feeling the same deep mixture of frustration and satisfaction well up inside of her. "There's still a lot of work to do, though. A lot of that stuff completely boggles my mind!"

"You know…I used to be rather good at math so how about we take some time to work through some of the more difficult problems tomorrow?" He suggested, sitting back as he placed his empty cup back on the table. "Only an hour or so, just to get through some of those difficult sums. We may even do it on your laptop so that you can get another bit of training on that thing as well."

"I'd love that!" As much as part of her didn't want to spend her final day of resting with her head glued to a computer screen doing homework, she did see the benefits that could bring her. If she really wanted to pass the test in time to start college next year, like her study advisor had said, she would have to pull out all the stops, and if Edward could help her…all the better.

As for her laptop…she was just starting to find her way around that thing. With some help from Alice, whom she'd met on Friday afternoon following her orientation class, she was starting to find her way around the basics: starting the damn thing, logging onto the internet and using a search engine to get to anything she might want to know and even using a word processing program.

She was still very much a beginner, though, her mind already having forgotten most of the things Alice had showed her when she powered up her laptop later that night to log onto her student e-mail. Complete and utter failure had ensued and she'd been forced to shut the thing down when a series of wrong actions had left her with an operating environment communicating with her in Chinese and a keyboard emitting loud bleeps instead of listening to the commands she gave it.

Maybe she just wasn't fit out for modern technology.

Or maybe it would just take time and patience to learn.

It was a pity, then, that she had neither time nor patience on her hand.

"I think we'd better head back home," Edward sighed, his thumb tenderly rubbing a bit of cream that had stuck to Bella's nose away.

He didn't need to explain himself. Bella could feel her face falling as tension set into her frame.

They had a dinner to get to; one that could very well determine the fate of her claim to Aro's estate.

Alec.

He was here.

In Chicago.

Her nerves rose as she prepared herself, adopting a look as businesslike as she could with a simple black dress and a professional looking chignon of the sort which she'd worn a hundred times before at dinnertime with Aro. Then mentally, as she sat down next to Edward, letting the mellow jazz of his preference wash over her and clear her mind as he drove them into town for their meeting.

Instead of meeting at Peter's office, Alec's camp had insisted on neutral ground, only agreeing to make the trek from Boston to Chicago if Bella would agree to meet them at a swanky, downtown restaurant.

Peter had expected it, but still, the added pressure of other diners and the formal setting made Bella feel even more nervous.

"Are you ready?" As always, Edward was her beacon, his confidence and strength giving Bella what she needed to get out of the car and cross the sidewalk to the front door of the restaurant where Peter was already waiting for them.

"Good evening Bella, Edward." Peter smiled warmly as he shook their hands. "I hope you don't mind me bringing a guest along?"

Bella frowned, following Edward's gaze and subsequent incredulous chuckle to find Carmen standing off to the back of the lobby chatting with the maître d'. "Carmen is joining us?"

Carmen looked up, probably having heard her name; her face breaks out into a huge smile as she quickly said something to the maître before rushing over to Edward and Bella to envelop them both in a warm hug. "I hope you don't mind me crashing your party but with Ed being away on business, it was either this or stay at home watching those horrible Kardashian girls, so I practically begged Peter to let me tag along."

"What about Alice?" Edward asked in good-natured jest. "Or did you forget about her?"

"Of course not!" Carmen replied passionately, fake-slapping her stepson on his chest. "Your sister has been glued to her computer screen since six-thirty, Skyping with Jasper. I doubt she'd even notice I was gone."

"You left her there with a webcam and a boy on the other end of the line to do God knows what?" Edward scowled. "Are you _insane_?"

"She'll be fine!" Carmen chuckled, shaking her head at Edward's over protectiveness. "And what do you think she'd do if I forbade her to talk to the boy and hid the webcam…as no doubt you would have done?" She waited a few moments for a guilty look of admission to travel over Edward's face. "I'll tell you what she'd do: she'd sneak around my back and find a way to communicate with the boy anyway, just like you did when your father expressed his displeasure of Tanya." Edward was already starting to look contrite by the time Carmen went in for the kill. "And look how much that helped! A year later you and your new wife were the proud parents of a little girl!"

Bella giggled as Edward's face almost turned purple with embarrassment, his shoulders pulled up almost to his ears and his face as dark as a storm cloud as he grumbled in displeasure. "I still don't like it."

"Let's face it, Eddie," Carmen smiled. Placing her hand on Edward's elbow. "She's growing up. It's far too soon and way too fast for me, but it's not like I can stop her. The only sensible thing we can do is to teach her how to go navigate the route to adulthood in the right way and be there for her when she has questions."

"Guys?" Peter butted in hesitantly. "I hate to break up the family heart to heart but Alec is probably waiting for us."

And just like that, the nerves that had died down somewhat as Bella listened to Edward and Carmen's bickering in rapt fascination, were back with a vengeance.

"Come on." Edward took her left arm as Carmen's linked with her right, the two people in Chicago she loved and trusted the most, flanking her almost like a sentry guard.

That made her feel safe even as they walked up to a table to find the male version of Jane, those familiar icy blue eyes immediately seeking her out with a piercing gaze that held on for a little too long for comfort.

"Miss Isabella Swan?" he asked, rising to shake hands with them. Unlike with Jane, she didn't feel the overwhelming desire to pull back the second her clammy hand met his cool, firm handshake. "It's strange to finally meet you when I feel like I know you already from the stories I've heard."

"It's Bella," she answered, pressing her lips into a small smile as she went around, shaking hands with Alec's wife and legal representative before she sat down on the opposite end of the round table, waiting for the rest of the party to follow suit before she went on. "And I fear that between your father and your sister, the imagine you have of me is probably not very accurate."

To her surprise, Alec chuckled warmly. "Oh, yes! Had those two been my sources, I would definitely say my opinion of you might have been somewhat skewed but fortunately for both of us, I had more reliable source material to go on." He waited to see if Bella would connect the dots on her own, explaining only when he noticed she didn't. "My father's manuscript?" He chuckled as understanding dawned on Bella's face. "Or should I say _yours_?"

For a moment, Bella panicked, her eyes flashing around the table to gauge the reaction in Alec's wife, lawyer and finally himself before she could even think about answering. Luckily, noting his client's discomfort, Peter spoke up, his voice even and self-assured. "I take it this manuscript is why you contacted us?"

Alec made eye-contact with his lawyer for a moment, waiting for his legal man to nod, before he spoke. "Indeed, Mr. Carter." His eyes returned to Bella as he went on. "I feel your client has been very ill-treated by my family."

Bella barely managed to suppress the urge to snort but next to her Edward had no such luck, the loud sound startling her as her face flashed up to his. "Well, that's the understatement of the year."

"Edward!" Carmen hissed, glaring furiously.

"No, he's quite right." Alec shifted uncomfortably but his voice remained calm. "My father and sister have always been people that put their own needs and desires far above those of others, no matter how much damage they may cause." His lips pressed into a hard line as he paused, maybe struck by memories like Bella was at that moment. "It was why I decided to break all contact with them a couple of years ago."

Bella nodded, remembering what Aro had told her about how his son had ceased all communication with his father when he found out about the illness running through his family. She'd always suspected there might have been more to it than that, since it seemed awfully cruel to just dump your dad like that when times got tough.

Alec's final words still lingered as their waiter interrupted the conversation by putting their drinks in front of them and taking their orders; Peter's suggestion that all formal conversation would be suspended until after their desserts were eaten was met with agreement across the table, though the lump in Bella's throat was still so present she doubted she could get any food passed it.

The others didn't appear to be as bothered by it as she was; Edward digging into his food with gusto next to her as conversation flowed easily now that the heavy topic that hung above them was momentarily ignored.

Alec wasn't that bad, or so Bella found out over dinner. Sure, she still didn't trust him and probably never would since there was so much of his father and his sister in him but by the time their main course was put in front of them, she realized she wasn't afraid of him anymore.

She was just eager to find out what he wanted.

Because she knew instinctively that no child born from a man as cold and conniving as Aro had shown himself to be in the end, would ever do something just out of the charity of his heart.

Especially not when there was money involved.

The thing was, though, that Bella couldn't be sure if this was all some elaborate ruse to get back at his sister and spit on his father's grave or if somehow underneath all that kindness and charity, Alec didn't have some sort of hidden agenda.

"Now." No sooner had coffees and pieces of mouthwatering pecan pie been brought out to them than Alec took the lead again. "I'm sure all of you are wondering why I wanted to meet?" He chuckled, sitting back as he obviously enjoyed the attention he got from all eyes around the table. "I assume it wasn't just a morbid curiosity that made you accept my offer, no?"

Bella chuckled, nodding at him as her fingers played nervously with the ear of her coffee cup while she felt Edward reach out for her free hand underneath the table. She latched onto him as if he was her only lifeline.

"When I heard what my father and sister had put you through, I was disgusted," he explained, directing his words straight at Bella. "I already knew my father had lost all touch with reality but to find out my sister's greed was so deep that she would go along with his plans?" He shook his head, his thin lips curled with disgust. "I could hardly believe it."

His lawyer chimed in when it seemed like Alec had become too lost in his own thoughts to get to the point. "What my client means to say is that, with Ms. Swan's permission, we would like to go public about the protagonist of Mr. Harrison's final book and Ms. Swan's involvement in the creative process." His eyes swept across the opposite side of the table to gauge the reactions in 'camp Swan'. What he saw must have been encouraging enough to go on. "Of course this would mean Ms. Swan would get full recognition on the title page as well as her fair share of the revenue, the details of which to be negotiated in separate proceedings with the legal and financial representatives of the publishing house of which, by the way, my client is a major shareholder." He allowed for some time for his words to sink in, searching approval in his clients eyes before he added, "they are very much interested in working with you, I believe."

"With me?" Bella managed to pant, the offer was so far beyond what she wanted that the nerves it caused took her breath away. "But I only want the money Aro promised me in my contract. I-I don't need anything else." She just wanted the money to build her own future and pay her way instead of mooching off Edward's dime; anything else would seem like robbing Aro and becoming exactly what Jane had accused her of.

_Gold digger. _

And what was that about Alec working for the publishing house that published his father's work when he'd made it pretty clear on more than one occasion that he didn't want anything to do with Aro or anything his old man stood for? Bella couldn't make sense of it, the offer so unexpected and coming from such a strange place, her mind just spun trying to come to grips with it.

All the uncertainties and inconsistencies…they scared her.

Alec remained quiet, merely gazing intently at her from across the table in a way that made Bella feel even more uncomfortable as the lawyer addressed her question in the calm and easy way that instantly made her realize they'd expected as much to come from her. "This is our offer, Ms. Swan. Take it or leave it."

Peter only had to take one look at her, Edward's arm now fully supporting Bella's small frame as she reeled from the shock and the feeling that something was terribly wrong about the offer, to step in, his voice sounding far away in Bella's buzzing ears as he spoke in that same even, calm tone that seemed to be standard for those in the legal profession. "We thank you for your offer, gentleman, but seeing as it exceeds our expectations by so far, I'm sure you would allow us some time to consider this deal and study the fine print of the contract I'm sure you have prepared for this meeting."

"Of course," Alec's lawyer gallantly conceded. "We will be in town until Friday awaiting your answer. And do not trouble yourself about dinner. It has already been paid for."

Edward and Carmen took that as their cue to stand, guiding a still numb Bella between the two of them as they left much the same as they had come, Carmen making sure Bella was safely seated in Edward's car before she took her leave, Peter following soon after with a promise to call the next day to go over the contract and strategize their next move.

Or whatever the hell that might have meant.

Bella, meanwhile, stared out of the window, the memories of past years violently clashing with new fears about her future as she went over Alec's proposition in her mind.

Would she be wise to take what they offered, seeing as Alec had made it very clear that it was the only thing they were willing to give?

Or would she be delivering herself into the arms of yet another oppressor?

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_**Thoughts?**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**_Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. _**

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**_Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. _**

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"_I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"_

_Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865)_

**13.**

"So you're going to take the offer?" Alice peeked up for a moment, her eyes narrowing as she studied Bella before they dropped down to the huge sheet of paper again.

Bella nodded, making sure to keep her posture straight and her face modeled to the same expression Alice had spent after what felt like hours crafting it into. "I still have the feeling I'm walking headlong into a trap but Peter says the contract is legit, so I guess it's the best option to go with."

"What does Edward say?" Alice mumbled, the pencil stuck between her lips impeding her speech as her eyes narrowed in focus, her fingers softening some of the shapes and lines she'd drawn onto the huge sheet of paper set up on an easel in front of her.

Bella made a face, blushing apologetically as Alice groaned softly at the change in expression. "He's letting me decide this one on my own and says he'll support me in whatever option I go with." Bella grimaced, though she made sure not to show her displeasure on her face. For once, she hated this new-found freedom of hers.

What if she made the wrong choice?

It wasn't without some irony that she wished this time Edward would butt in and pick whatever option he thought would be the best one, the weight of her decision balancing heavily on Bella's shoulders. As much as she loved him for letting her decide on her own and standing by in whatever road she chose to travel, sometimes having all these options really sucked. "I know that if we go to trial, it will be a long process and more than just my name will be dragged through the mud."

Bella sighed, following the same route of reason she'd traced over and over again for the past couple of days; making up her mind one way or another only to change it minutes later and she'd grab her phone to call Peter. "I'd hate to see Edward, or any of you, dragged into this and it seems like with Alec's proposal the chances of that happening will be smaller."

"I can see why you don't want to go through all of that." Alice nodded, though her brows scrunched up in deep contemplation. "You shouldn't discard one option because of us, though. I'm sure my dad's lawyers will have no trouble crushing whatever little schemes Jane is concocting."

"I just want it over and done with." Speaking the words made Bella's mind up even more, her determination strengthening as she nodded. "The sooner I can close the book on him, the sooner I can get on with my life."

"Hmm," Alice mused, tapping her pencil against her lips as her eyes glanced from the paper to her subject and back again. "I guess I can see the truth in that."

"I just hope the rest of the world cooperates, for once," Bella muttered, hoping, that Peter had been right when he said that there were no backdoors or hidden traps buried in the contract Alec's lawyers had presented them. She knew his reassurance should have put her mind at rest. After all, Peter was one of the city's top specialists in contract law and he and his partners had gone over the document with a fine tooth comb.

Still, her life had already known so much ugliness and betrayal that Bella found it hard to put her faith in a single document and just hope for the best. After all, wasn't that how Aro's betrayal had come about in the first place?

There had been something about Alec that made her wonder if the man didn't have a hidden agenda after all – some secret plan he was hatching, which involved Bella taking the first step into his trap by signing the contract.

It was too easy.

He'd made his offer too fast.

There was too much money thrown at her for no apparent reason.

"Are you really sure you're sure?" Alice asked, after the scratching of her pencil against the paper had been the only sound in the room for some time except for the soft background noise of a singer named Adele (Alice claimed that it was the best sketching-music in the world). "You look torn."

"I've _been_ torn!" Bella chuckled, shifting slightly to get comfortable again. _Who would have known that lying on a soft bed with pillows everywhere could be so uncomfortable?_ "I don't know. It's just with school picking up and everything else…I don't want to worry about whether or not the Harrisons are working another scam on me but with Alec's deadline running out in less than a day, I don't really have much choice, do I?"

Alice nodded sympathetically. "It sucks!"

"I know! And now I'm sick on top of everything else too!" As if the tension of her first week of school hadn't been enough to cope with, she had been feeling queasy ever since she came home from class on Tuesday afternoon. It wasn't a full blown sickness. There was no fever or cold or anything else that would force her to miss a day of school or even retreat to her bed. It was just this nausea and sudden sensitivity to all sorts of smells and tastes and an 'off' feeling that irked her.

Edward had agreed with her that it was probably just her body reacting to all the changes, most importantly in her diet, and finding a new way to cope with the stress, but with her job at the library starting up in only four days, that was the last thing Bella needed in her life.

It was funny how she kept saying that every time something happened, and yet, she was still there; living, breathing and better than ever…well, apart from the nausea.

She would rally, just as she'd always done.

"At least you'll be having some fun tonight," Alice changed the subject, her hands keeping up with their task like a pro as she chatted with her model.

"Yeah." Bella felt her lips pull into a smile as she thought about Seth's birthday party later that night. The three of them – Seth, Leah and Bella – had gotten closer during their first week of class, even meeting up afterwards for drinks and to pour over their homework together. It helped that Leah's strengths and weaknesses were exactly the opposite from Bella's so the two women which meant, though her behavior was still a little abrasive at times, Leah knew that they needed each other if they wanted to pass their exam as soon as humanly possible.

"I still can't believe my stuck up brother is going to a high school party!" Alice giggled, obviously choosing to ignore the fact that everyone attending the party would be well over twenty.

"He's actually very eager to meet my friends." Her smile widened as she thought about Edward's unexpected enthusiasm when she asked if he wanted to tag along. He knew it was the first time she'd be going out at night so she kind of expected him to say yes just because he wanted to be there for her but then he'd completely blown her away by being far more eager than she could ever dream. It seemed that all her stories about school and the new group of friends she was starting to build around her had stuck.

That made her feel proud and so, so happy, both to be crafting a life for herself independent of his family and friends and for being able to share all of it with him.

She felt like she could finally be his equal in something.

For the next half hour, as Alice perfected the homework assignment she'd been given in her art class, Bella allowed herself to drift away to a world where there were no dangers; where GEDs and other diplomas were given away like candy on Halloween and where she could just spent her days frolicking around in a field of flowers with Edward and just be happy.

Just thinking about him made her mind delve into the naughtier avenues of her imagination, the frolicking soon changing to a horizontal variety as she shifted, her body heating up and her mouth falling slightly open from the delicious vista passing in front of her mind's eye before she realized what she was doing.

She was fantasizing about having sex with Edward.

While lying in the middle of his kid sister's very large and very comfortable bed.

_Right_.

"I'd ask why you're blushing but I'm afraid of what I would hear!" Alice giggled, brushing her fingers over the page one last time before she stepped back to critically assess her own work. She must have liked what she saw because, after a minute or two of quiet appraisal, her face broke out into a huge grin. "Not bad, Alice Masen. Not bad at all."

As much as it kind of freaked her out that Alice was referring to herself in the third person, Bella's curiosity made her drift over to the easel, her body stiff from lying in the same pose for almost an hour as she stepped around the paper with baited breath, her mouth falling open from sheer shock as she looked at the reflection of her own form captured on a simple piece of paper. "This is…_amazing_, Alice!" she breathed, rendered completely speechless by the attention to detail and the finesse of the image.

That was her and yet it was nothing like her at all. _That_ woman, who looked so much like the person Bella had seen when she looked into the mirror every morning, looked bold, confident…sensual even, in the way her bottom lip was pieced between her teeth and her body loosely lying back on the pillows.

That woman wasn't who she was.

She was who Bella _wanted_ to be.

More than anything.

She didn't notice she was crying until the first tears started to drip along her cheeks, shock making her giggle like a half-strangled hyena as she quickly wiped the moisture away. "Sorry," she apologized to Alice who looked rather shocked and…thoughtful. "My emotions have been all over the place ever since I arrived in Chicago. Your family must think I'm nuts."

"Nuts? No." Alice smiled back, leaning backward to grab a tissue from her vanity. "But if you keep this up, they're definitely going to think you're pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Bella snorted. "God, no! Having a kid is just about the last thing on my mind right now so thank heavens _that's_ not what's bugging me." It was a good thing she'd just had her period or she would have freaked out over Alice's words. Having children was something she might think of somewhere way further down the line, when the dust had cleared up and she'd done her fair share of discovering the world, but even then, she didn't really see herself as being someone's mom.

"Have you and Edward ever discussed it?" Alice asked as she and Bella made their way back downstairs. "You know? Having kids?"

Bella shook her head. "Not really." Probably because the thought of babies made both of them break out into a nervous sweat, though for different reasons.

Fortunately Alice picked up on the fact that Bella had discussed the b-word about as much as she was willing to (and then some) and quickly changed the subject, her voice prattling on about small, insignificant stuff as Bella slowly came down from the shock of the younger girl's word vomit.

_Thank God she is wrong. _

She was still kind of rattled by Alice's words when she drove home but on a different front, she suddenly felt herself oddly resolved, her fingers having pressed the buttons on her dashboard before she knew it. Even when she listened to the monotonous beeps of the ringing phone, there was no doubt in her mind, her voice calm as she spoke to his assistant before waiting to be put through.

"Bella?" Peter's voice was friendly as always with nothing to indicate he was frustrated with her for putting this off until the very last moment. "I take it you have made your decision?"

"I have." Even with the absence of doubt, Bella was surprised how calm her voice sounded as she answered Peter's question. _Yes, this is the right decision._ "I have decided to accept his offer."

"Great!" From the sound of Peter's voice Bella derived that he was as relieved that she had taken the offer as she now felt. "I'll set up a meeting with Mr. Harrison and his team for tomorrow if that's okay with you?"

The call ended after Bella had assured him that was fine, the nagging feeling she'd expected to hit her once everything was final stayed away completely, much to her own amazement.

Maybe that had been the right decision after all?

She had no plans to actually spend it, except maybe on her education, just having the money sitting there, allowing her to be able to contribute to her and Edward's expenses would be great and, even though she knew he'd probably fight her before he let her pay for the groceries or anything else, she couldn't wait to tell Edward what she'd decided.

By the time she pulled into the garage, almost nothing was left of the tempestuous mood. In fact, as she walked into the house, throwing her keys into the bowl next to the back door, running her fingers through her hair as she thought about what to make for dinner, she realized that life was pretty good. Her first week of school had been amazing, though her brain had been so overloaded with all the new impressions of having so many people around her and getting used to all sorts of new technology that she had to take naps during the afternoon after her classes were over to keep herself from keeling over from sheer exhaustion.

She'd never been around so many people before – well, not as far as she could remember – and having to memorize all the names and the stories that came with her new classmates was homework in itself, though it was a huge relief to know that she wasn't the only one around who'd had a bit of a rocky road behind her. Her class was full of stories, ranging from ex-gang members and teen moms to those who had been too sick or injured to complete their regular high school curriculum.

Some of them had found their way to the community college that housed their classroom with the same eagerness that had made Bella take the gamble; knowing that it was their only shot at a better future. They were the ones who, like Bella, grabbed every single opportunity of improving their skills with both hands, asking more questions than their teacher could come up with and forming an impromptu study group after the second day of class as they hung out at the diner across the road. Others came because they had to; forced by parents, lovers or circumstances to attend the classes. They were mostly the last ones to saunter in with an unhappy look on their face and their participation never higher than the merest minimum of efforts.

Some of them scared her; their disapproving looks making her feel like she was worthless and their gruffness when she asked for help soon making her avoid them altogether. Still, she was determined not to let them get her down. The pact Leah and she had struck to help the other get ready in time for the tentative deadline they'd set for themselves making her feel focused and determined.

She was going to do this.

She was going to prove to herself and everyone who'd ever doubted herself that she was good enough.

And everyone who doubted her would just have to shut up and deal with it because she wasn't going to back down – not this time – or allow anyone to stand between her and her goal.

It was still a lot of work, though, especially since she had to combine her schoolwork with keeping the house clean and, of course, the afternoons she spent at the library, replacing returned books to their original spots and doing all sorts of odd jobs. It was fun, though, especially because Sasha and Siobhan made it so; their enthusiasm about books and their infinite knowledge on them making the boring work more fascinating than it had any business being.

Plus, it didn't exactly hurt that during her break times or when things were slow, she had unlimited access to hundreds of books and millions of words waiting to be devoured.

Bella chuckled, putting pots and pans on the stove as she measured out the ingredients for a quick meal. Sometimes her life was so good it was hard to believe that it wasn't a dream.

But it wasn't.

She was really there, living out all the fantasies she'd concocted in the cold loneliness of her room in Forks. And to top it all off, there was Edward, loving her in a way she had never knew before.

She was still feeling oddly jubilant, her hips swaying along to the music she'd put on as she mashed potatoes, not even hearing Edward's arrival until he too dunked his keys into the bowl on the hallway table.

"Honey, I'm home!" he sang jokingly as he walked into the room, his feet taking him in a straight line to Bella. "How was your day?" He hugged her, resting his head against hers as he tried to swipe a few baby carrots.

"It was great!" Bella smiled, reliving Alice's computer lessons as she told Edward about it. "You know, I think I'm finally starting to get a hang of it." Where modern technology had mostly scared her four weeks ago, three weeks of modern life and, of course, Alice's patience, had finally managed to get her to switch on a computer, use the internet and type up an essay using a word processor without being afraid the blasted thing was going to explode on her.

In fact, she was even starting to see the appeal of it.

"That's great!" Edward chuckled. "Before you know it, you'll be as hooked as the rest of us."

"I don't think that will ever happen." She chuckled, leaning back in Edward's arms as she put the knife down. As much as she was starting to catch up with all the news she'd missed and slowly came to understand the state of the world at large, she still didn't see the appeal of watching television for hours on end or training her eyes to the bright screen of her laptop. She preferred to actually do something with her time or, when there wasn't anything to do, curl up with a book that was far less likely to make her eyes prick with the strain of keeping of with all the brightness and flashes of color and motion. "Though Alice is showing me how to use my new Kindle next week, so who knows what might happen?" Even after more than a month of living with Edward and his family, it never ceased to amaze her how expensive presents just seemed to be showered all over her like they were nothing.

You need something to work on for school? We'll get you a brand new, state-of-the-art laptop you don't even know how to use.

You like music? How about an iPod that could hold more songs than you could ever play in a lifetime?

Reading is your hobby? Why strain your arms by lifting heavy books when there's money to be spent on an e-reader?

Though she knew that both Edward and Carmen could easily spare the money, that still got a little bit too much sometimes, when Carmen stopped by with a boatload of clothes she just happened to come across on one of her shopping trips that she thought Bella might like or Edward dropped another 'little' present in her lap.

She was excited about trying out her Kindle, though, since that was one piece of technology which seemed to be tailor-made to her wishes. _All those books right under my fingertips…_

"What time does Seth's party start?" Edward asked, stepping back as Bella went back to putting the finishing touches on their dinner.

"Not until eight-thirty so we have time," Bella replied, her eyes focused on her work as she started to cut up some beans and onions. "If you want to grab a shower before dinner, there's just enough time. I'll hold off on doing the vegetables until you're done so they don't get all mushy."

"That would be great, angel." The pressure of his touch was back against her as he leaned in, his lips hot on her neck as he kissed her before retreating upstairs for his shower.

The last few minutes seemed like a very mundane sequence of events but still they filled Bella with a happiness and fullness that no one who was used to this kind of life would ever appreciate. Everything was still so new to her; being loved, appreciated and happy. That was exactly the sort of thing Bella had dreamed about for years, when comfort, love and freedom had seemed like unattainable things to her.

Sometimes her new life with Edward was still too hard for Bella to believe it was real. Part of her expected to wake up in the morning to find herself back in her bedroom at Forks or even in the backroom of Phil's ranch; a larger part of her was still afraid of retaliation whenever she made a bold move or disagreed with something Edward had said.

She needed time to heal and get used to the fact that her previous life had been the exception, not the rule and that she'd just been plain unlucky with the people she'd encountered in her twenty-two years.

Well, except for Edward, of course.

Slowly but surely she was learning to trust him, convincing herself that he really was the kind loving man she saw in front of her and not just another wolf in sheep's clothes. She was taking more risks; standing up for what she wanted even when it didn't overlap with his desires and sometimes even plain old snapping at him.

_Yes_. She giggled, dunking the vegetables in the frying pan as soon as she'd heard Edward come out of the shower, the look on his face earlier that week when she'd all but bitten his head off for disrupting her studies still fresh in her mind.

He hadn't seemed to mind, well not once the shock had worn off, though she had been so startled by her own actions that she'd been bent out of shape for the rest of the night.

"What's so funny?" Edward was back, freshly showered and smelling of soap and man as he swiped yet another carrot from the pan.

"Go on like that and we won't have any left!" she scolded, slapping his hand with the wooden spoon as he went in for another piece. "It'll be finished in a few minutes so go make yourself useful and set the table." She grinned proudly as he set out to do as he was told, her order one she wouldn't even have dreamed of making in Phil or Aro's house, not even in a playful tone.

But with Edward, everything was different.

She was slowly starting to see that now.

"Peter called me just as I left the hospital," Edward announced, just as they tucked into their food. "You took the offer?"

And just like that, the old uncertainty was back, her mind frantically wondering if she should have run her decision by Edward first. Bella blushed guiltily, hiding behind her hair as she tried to get a scoop on whether or not he was mad. "Do you agree?"

"Of course," Edward answered, continuing the shove food into his mouth as no outward signs of anger or disappointment could be detected. "I told you, I would have agreed with whatever option you went with. I'm proud of you for making the decision all on your own."

"I'm glad it will be over now," she mused, picking at her over roasted chicken. "As much as I sometimes miss Aro, it hurts to think about the way he betrayed me and I want to move forward now. I don't want to keep on living in the past."

Edward nodded, obviously seeing reason in the words Bella thought were just a jumbled mess. "It will be easier to close the door on your past when everything is finally resolved. Besides, I quite like the thought of your name being on the cover of his book, seeing as it was your life he used to mold his story on."

That was something Bella hadn't even thought about, though once Edward mentioned it she realized he was right.

It was _her_ story.

And now it would have her name.

"I hope this won't mean I have to do other book stuff." She frowned, recalling a TV program that had played in the background a few days before as she was doing her homework. In it, a writer was being asked questions about his book and his own life and work by someone else.

"We'll discuss it with Alec tomorrow," Edward assured her. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

After dinner, Bella rushed upstairs to shower and change while Edward took care of the dirty dishes, her skin still steaming from the hot spray as she dashed into the bedroom in her underwear to do her makeup. _Shit! I'm running late._ Sending a quick prayer up to the heavens for a steady hand, she hunched over the little vanity table, one hand steadying her frame as she applied mascara with the other.

"Are you almost do-" She hadn't heard Edward make his way up the stairs, her eyes capturing his through the mirror just as he stepped into the room, his voice stopping her as the green of his eyes deepened with lust as a single curse fell from his lips. "Fuck."

She blushed, though her eyes never shifted from the mirror, her body trembling as he took a few measured steps in her direction, goosebumps breaking out over her skin as one hand connected with her skin, his fingers tracing along her spine until they folded around the soft flesh of her ass.

"Edward." She was gasping for breath, the air too heavy to relieve her as Edward's eyes turned positively feral. She had to bite her lip to keep herself from moaning out loud, wetness already soaking her underwear as she held his gaze until it all but incinerated her. _Fuck!_

Her reflexes kicking in just in time to grab the edge of the vanity as he suddenly pulled her against him hard, her almost naked bum connecting with the rough fabric of his jeans and the hardness it covered.

"Do you feel what you do to me, angel?" His hot, sexy voice poured out of his, Edward's hips moving against hers to make his point even more clearly in case she hadn't caught it before. "We're going to be very late to Seth's party now."

She whimpered, her eyes almost crossing with lust and desire as she pushed her ass against his groin, his chuckles as he leaned over her, his hot lips connecting with her skin only spurring her on as he reached inside the top drawer, pulling out a little foil wrapper.

_Yes!_

From her vantage point she couldn't see what he was doing but the tell-tale sound of belt being worked open and a zipper sliding down followed by the sound of fabric hitting the floor made her buckle involuntarily, her hands bracing against the vanity as she watched while Edward opened the foil packet with his teeth, the wrapper swirling to the ground in slow motion as his hands disappeared from sight.

And then he was inside her, slamming home with a forceful thrust that made her scream, her head rolling backwards though she still forced her eyes to stay on his as his fingers dug into her hips while he pounded into her from behind.

"This…is…going…to be…fast…and…hard." He grunted, his words confirmed by forceful thrusts as he hit her spot over and over and over again until she saw stars, sending her into a frenzy as she screamed out all sorts of incoherent things her ears didn't even pick up on because her whole being was centered on pleasure.

"Look at me, Bella," he growled, his pace picking up as he too seemed to be getting closer, their eyes locking through the mirrored glass as he reached underneath her, the merest pressure of his thumb against her clit enough to send her off again.

"Fuck!" She didn't even know who the curse belonged to as he followed after her, his cock pulsing in the thin barrier that stood between them as finally their gaze broke, her body slumping against the vanity as he slowly pulled out, putting her underwear back in place with a wicked grin on his lips that made her heart flutter all over again.

They were late to Seth's party, both of them wearing shit-eating grins as they walked into the downtown bar hand in hand, all outward traces of what they'd been up to erased though Bella swore she could still feel his presence on her skin.

It felt illicit somehow; like she was carrying his scent – their scent – on her skin as she walked into the bar, her shoulders set a little more confidently than she would usually feel when put into a completely new situation like this.

It also helped that once they got closer, his hand was then planted firmly on the small of her back, guiding as he followed her lead towards the small circle of her new friends.

"Bella, you came!" Bella had a hard time keeping herself from giggling as Seth dashed towards them, taking her by surprise as he scooped her up in a big bear hug.

"I did," she smiled, hearing Edward chuckle knowingly beside her, as he finally put her down. "Seth, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Edward."

The men exchanged pleasantries as they shook hands, Seth leading them towards a huge booth somewhere near the back where most of their group had already set up, introductions being made all around as the new additions to the party scooted into their seats.

After hearing so many stories about them, Bella was happy to meet Felix Long, Jared's uncle who had taken the three youngsters in when their own families in San José had messed up completely, offering them a place in their home on the one condition that they all earned their high school diplomas and never, ever, associated with gangs or criminals again.

He was a special kind of guy, the way he blended into the group with a natural ease but at the same time, paid keen attention to what those around them were saying speaking volumes of his kind, laidback nature; exactly the kind of person Seth needed in his life to keep him grounded.

Over the days, Seth had told her a little about his own past; the bad neighborhood he'd grown up in and the wrong crowd – including his own brothers – that had lured him into the petty (and not so petty) crime that had had him locked up in prison for the past three years.

As he spoke to Edward, though, nothing of his former self was visible anymore except for the tattoos that peeked out beneath his shirt. He really was as changed a guy as he claimed to be; his prolonged stay in prison being just the kind of reality check he'd needed to realize that gang life wasn't for him.

It was great to see the two of them together, having fun from the way they both kept smiling and bumping each other's shoulders as they spoke animatedly about something the background music drowned out. She had been a little worried initially about whether or not Edward would mesh with her friends, seeing as their backgrounds were very different, but looking at him now she realized that all her worries had been for nothing.

It filled her with warmth and even more love than she already felt, her heart throbbing with gratitude as she saw how her new friends embraced him into their midst and he just blended in as if they'd all known each other forever.

"You and Edward arrived just in time." She startled as out of nowhere, Leah's voice sounded in her ear. "When Emily arrived with a boyfriend in tow, poor Seth looked so crushed I was afraid he was going to curl up into a corner and die." Leah chuckled sadly, her eyes narrowing in anger as they shot across the table to where Emily and her posh looking boyfriend were schmoozing over an elaborate looking cocktail.

It was no secret that Seth had fallen head over heels for the aloof, unavailable ice queen who walked into their classroom each morning with her nose so high in the air that Bella sometimes feared she was going to scratch it on the ceiling. It was clear that Emily thought herself way better than the people she was forced to keep company with but somehow, though Bella doubted she'd ever said a nice word to him, Seth had lost his heart the minute he saw her during their first day of introduction, referring to her as his 'future wife', though that prospect seemed far off now.

"I don't know what that bitch was thinking, bringing that schmuck along to Seth's party when she knows my bro has a thing for her," Leah growled, her hands clenching around her beer almost as if she'd throw the thing in Emily's direction. "I have half a mind to strangle that ho with her own damn braid."

Bella giggled at the visual that offered. Having worked as a model for the past couple of years, Emily took pride and joy in her long, blond hair, carefully braiding and unbraiding it as she poured over her assignments in class, much to the annoyance of Leah who had more than once slapped her brother as he'd sat starting mesmerized at the girl in front of him.

"How are you holding up?" Edward whispered, the feeling of his breath on her skin making her shiver as her mind was transported back to their bedroom and what transpired there just an hour ago.

She used the time it took their waitress to distribute their drinks to compose herself before she spoke. "Surprisingly well," she replied honestly. She'd been a little nervous, stepping into the bar, not quite knowing what to expect and how to act in this kind of setting but, to her surprise, she had taken to it easily, the relaxed atmosphere and the relative seclusion their booth offered from the rest of the bar combined with the fact that most of the people she was around were already familiar, easing her mind in no time. "I'm having fun."

In fact, as she looked around her, grinning at the friendly peanut fight that had broken out between Seth and Santiago – a guy who had worked himself from crappy job to crappy job throughout his late teens to support his mom and three baby sisters after his dad ran out until he finally had enough money to make his dream of earning his GED come true – on her one side and the tentative flirting of Kim Song – a political refugee from North-Korea – who seemed quite determined to finally make Jared realize that there were other women out there than Leah who, in turn, was chatting up one of the bartenders, she had to conclude that this was one of the happiest places she'd been to for as long as she could remember.

Yes, she concluded, snuggling into Edward's side as she listened in on his and Leah's heated discussion about politics, maybe she was cut out for this kind of life after all.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. **_

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_**Some visuals for this chapter can be found on the IPoH blog. There's a link to it on my profile page. **_

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"_Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the rest is in the hands of_ God._"_

_George Washington, __speech to the Constitutional Convention (1787)_

**14.**

"_Angel_."

Bella groaned, slowly opening one eye as her skin shivered against the pressure of hot lips on her cool back, the warmth of his presence in the bed replaced by the surrogate warmth of the sheets being pulled on top of her as Edward hopped out of the bed.

"I'm just going for a quick run, okay?" he whispered. "There's water and some aspirin on the bedside table. Take those first when you're ready to wake up and then a nice warm shower and you'll feel much better. I promise."

"Love ya," she croaked, trying to angle her face so that she could look at him as, once again, she attempted to open her eyes but with her body resisting every single movement, she soon gave up.

"I love you, too," he chuckled, pressing a final kiss into her hair. "I'll be back soon."

"Okay," she mumbled, already half back to sleep as her face sank into the pillow; the blissful black taking her away from her first experience of what was already shaping up to be a killer hangover.

This, definitely, was one normal human experience she could have done without.

By the time she woke up again – hours later – she felt a little better, the bottle sitting on the bedside table, flanked by two little pills, reminding her of Edward's words.

Yeah, a shower also sounded pretty damn good too.

Swallowing the pills as she waited for the water to heat up, her mind was transported back to the previous evening and the fun she'd had at Seth's party. Over the past couple of weeks she'd seen scenes like that in some of the television shows and movies she had watched with Edward but even though those scenes had seemed like a lot of fun, she'd never thought she would enjoy a friendly get-together as much as she had loved meeting up with her new school buddies.

And there she'd been; having friends and meeting up with them in a bar for a great night out just like any other normal person would.

She still had a hard time believing it.

And what was even better was that she got to see Edward interact with them; so causally and naturally that she almost grew to envy his immaculate social skills.

There had been something sexy about seeing him get along with her friends, seeing him let loose and just hang out like a normal couple and, especially given her inebriated state at the end of the night, she'd been all over him in the car on their way back. The fact that Edward had made it back to their house without folding his car around a tree or another obstacle seeming almost a miracle now that she remembered how she'd basically been dry-humping him as he drove.

Her body still felt sore in all the right places from the way he'd taken her, hot and fast in the driver's seat of his car; the chinks in her neck speaking volumes of the awkward positions they'd ended up in before he'd carried her back inside the house and up to their room for a second round, that time making love to her at a languid pace until they both crashed back against the mattress, sated and completely worn out.

Yes, she definitely liked going out with friends if it meant she could literally go out with a bang at the end of the night.

The side-effects still sucked, though.

Sighing happily as she got under the shower, she allowed the hot water and the medicine to do their work, her hands pruning but her headache nowhere near as bad as it had been when she first woke up by the time she finally stepped out of the steamy bathroom, leisurely dressing herself in some comfy clothes that still looked good enough to go out in.

After all, as much as part of her wanted to crawl back under the covers and pull Edward in with her, they had quite the program to complete that day, which meant that her sweats would have to wait until she got back that night from going house shopping and meeting up with Alec to hash out the final details of their deal.

As much as she was dreading that last part of her day, the first one made her excitement grow, bringing a slight spring back into her tired step as she hopped down the stairs, eager to start their search for a new place, free of tormenting memories.

The look on Edward's face as he came into view made her feet stop their descent halfway down the stairs, her heart hammering in her throat as panicked sweat broke out all over her body at the sight of him.

She'd expected teasing and humor, maybe even a bit of compassion. After all, how often did you get to see your girlfriend wake up with her first hangover ever?

She hadn't expected anger and disappointment, though as her eyes followed the movement of his hands on the table, it soon became clear where these feelings came from.

A small slip of paper, the creases barely visible where it had been folded in half, containing those same nondescript letters Bella's eyes had encountered before.

_Shit_.

Bella's heart broke, guilt and shame overwhelming her as she finished her descent with lead in her feet, her sock-clad feet padding over to the table as she pulled back a chair; the scraping of wood against wood so deafeningly loud in the heavy silence that it pierced straight through her soul.

"Why didn't you tell me?" There was a lot less accusation in his voice than she'd expected but the fact that it was replaced by defeat made it even worse. "I assume there's even more of these notes somewhere?"

Bella felt awfully small, standing in front of the dining room table, watching Edward's long fingers fiddle with that awful scrap of paper. She felt so guilty, knowing that what she'd thought would be a good idea, had instead turned out to be a terrible mistake.

She could see it in his eyes. _Oh, those eyes. _

Her heart sank even deeper as she nodded, just barely able to choke out a reply. "Yes."

"Why did you hide them from me?" He was definitely angry, she could hear it more clearly in his voice and, what was even worse, disappointed.

_Oh, no!_

"I know it was wrong to keep this from you and it's been killing me every step of the way but I didn't want you to worry about me on top of everything else that was going on…you know, at the hospital and stuff," she muttered, keeping her eyes firmly trained to the rug so that she didn't have to watch the effect of her words on his face. She couldn't take more of his anger and disappointment or her heart would break.

She knew she deserved it, though.

"Don't you think that this is the kind of stuff I want to worry about?" Edward's voice rose along with his anger, every single word slamming into her like the blows she knew she deserved. "Dammit, Bella! Didn't you ever stop to wonder that whoever is sending those damn notes to you might not stick to just words?" He paused, his breath coming out in ragged, enraged pants as Isabella shrunk further and further into herself, waiting for the final blow. _It would come. It always came._ "Don't you realize what it would have felt like to me if you got hurt because of this and I didn't even know what the fuck was going on?"

By then tears were starting to roll from her eyes, the splat as they hit the floor piercing through flesh and bone as she blubbered her way through an apology. "I'm so sorry, Edward, I really am," she sobbed. "I just thought it was the woman – that redhead – sending those notes and she only did it to rile me up…get me to crack and tell her about Aro and the manuscript. I thought that if I just acted normal, like she wasn't getting to me, then she would get bored and go away."

_This will be where he asks me to leave. _As she crawled further into herself, she was sure of it. _He's so angry…I'm sure he will punish me for this._

_No, this is Edward_. The other half – the hopeful half – of her brain chimed in. _He will never hurt you._

_Like you would never hurt him?_ The pessimistic side of her wasn't so ready to cling to hope. That had been the side of her which kept on reminding her throughout all those perfect days that lay behind her that all of her newfound happiness could all be over in a snap of a moment. The only thing she had to do was mess up. _It's only fair that he returns the favor. Look at what you did!_

Time lapsed, achingly painful moments passed as she stood there, silently hoping he would just make up his mind and get it over and done with. _No denying the inevitable. _

In the end, there was no outburst or pain, just a deep sigh. "Bella." The way he spoke her name – equal parts disappointment and frustration – brought on a fresh wave of tears, her shoulders shaking as in the distance she heard the sound of a chair scraping backwards down the laminate flooring before his footsteps got closer. _His disappointment…it was too much. _

Suddenly his arms were around her and the relief of being wrapped in his hold, his strong hands splayed along her back, making the sobbing only grow worse, as she held onto him for dear life, her tears soaking through his shirt as she blurted out one apology after the next. "I really didn't think…you were already so tired…I didn't want to add my crap to your load…and Carmen said…_Oh, God_, I really messed up, didn't I?"

"_Angel_." Because his hands were cradling her head, she was forced to look up, his eyes no longer angry, though still disappointed and weary as they held hers. "I won't lie to you and say you didn't mess up because, well, frankly, you did." He chuckled humorlessly as her face fell again, his lips pressing to hers in reassurance. When he pulled back, though, the serious look in his eyes told her he meant business. "I know you meant well but, _Bella_, if we want to do this…if we want to make this work, we have to be completely honest with each other." His lips pressed together as his thumb caressed her cheek. "Especially about the bad bits. And even when those bad things seem to come with the worst kind of timing."

Bella sighed, her voice still shaky though her tears were starting to dry. "I know." She sighed, burrowing into his shoulder, which at that moment was her favorite place on earth. "I think I knew that even when I decided to keep all of this a secret but it's just," she paused, thinking about the best way to explain her thoughts. "Everything is still so new to me and sometimes I feel like I'm already weighing you down with all my questions and uncertainties. I just wanted to do this on my own so that you could focus on your job."

"Silly girl," he chuckled, his face buried into her hair. "I love helping you out, no matter how big or small your problem is." Leaning back, he kissed her temple, his eyes searching out hers as he went on. "I know I don't tell you this enough but I'm so proud of you, Bella. You're coping with all of this and still trying to make my life easier on top of all of it. I _want_ to help, even if it's just by supporting you and showing how much I love you."

"Oh." She blushed, pride, awkwardness and the warmest and fuzziest of feelings making her heart burst.

"Yeah." Edward chuckled, pressing another awkward kiss to her cheek before he stepped away, her body already mourning the loss of his presence though her heart still leapt at the sight of him standing there, all awkward and lovely as he scratched the back of his head.

"So how about you go get some breakfast while I make a quick call to Peter to update him on this whole thing? We've only got half an hour before we have to leave and I want to get things rolling with this note-business before that sick fuck decides leaving messages isn't enough and hurts you."

_Ah, yes! The appointment with their realtor_. She nodded, immediately snapping into action as she headed over to the kitchen, pouring some breakfast cereal and milk into a bowl and carrying that and a fresh cup of coffee back towards the dinner table while covertly trying to catch as much of the one-sided conversation Edward was having as she could.

Thirty minutes, a phone call and a dig through her stuff to retrieve all of the notes she'd received later, and they were on their way. Edward's mood was considerably lighter now that he and Peter had devised a tentative plan of attack as he navigated the streets of Chicago to take them back to Lincoln Park.

Peter, his firm's PI and the Chicago Police department would handle it; take the weight off their shoulders, even though it would be a while before Bella would truly feel safe again.

Probably as long as it took them to catch that sick little red-headed bitch.

"How did you find out about the note anyway?" Bella asked, voicing the question that had been plaguing her mind. "They're usually tucked into the recess between the front door and the threshold." That wasn't a place where he would normally look, given the way he still avoided the porch and the front of the house like the plague because of the painful memories of Claire that side of the house brought forth. In fact, there had been a note or two slipping past his attention like that.

"I had to cut my run short because…erm…" He looked adorable, his face flushed with embarrassment and his teeth clenched around his bottom lip quite like she would do when she was nervous. "I had to use the bathroom, so I decided to go in through the front."

"Ah." She giggled, even in spite of herself. Apparently, the demands of Edward's bowels overrode any other sentiment.

"The note was tucked underneath the door just like you said," he went on, pausing as he navigated a busy intersection. "I spotted it as soon as I opened the door."

Bella nodded, feeling guilty all over again. It sounded like all of the times she'd been the one to find those notes.

"Hey." His hand was on her thigh, though his eyes never left the road as he turned off the expressway and into the Lincoln Park neighborhood where they would meet up with their estate agent. "It was an honest mistake, Bella." He smiled, his face flashing to hers for a mere moment before his attention was back on traffic. "I may have preferred it if you'd told me about it right away but it's not like it's a capital offense or something."

Bella sighed, not allowing herself to feel the ease Edward was quite obviously trying to give back to her. "I just wish it never happened."

"So do I, angel," he replied, this time with a sigh of his own, "but we have to face the fact: this won't be the last time one of us messes up. It's how we work out the kinks together that's important, and how we keep stuff like this from happening again."

"I guess you're right." She nodded, letting his words sink in. Like that first argument they'd had, back when Edward had mistakenly tried to protect her from the overwhelming array of choices before her, Bella realized that these arguments offered new possibilities for them, as well as, defined the scarier moments in their lives together. With all of the things they'd gone through together, it was sometimes hard to remember that they'd only been a couple for a very short time so they were bound to run into some trouble and misunderstandings along the way.

That didn't make what she did right, though.

Of course, she'd had the best intentions in mind but something that Edward had said really stuck with her, making her see just how shortsighted her decision to omit him had been.

What if whoever had sent those notes had hurt her?

"We're here," Edward announced, pulling her out of her downward spiral before she could sink all the way to the bottomless pit of self-reproach as he pulled up in front of the first house they would be viewing that day.

Bella smirked, her first look at the house already sending off a bad vibe. Still, she cheerfully linked her hand with Edward's as he helped her out of the car, knowing that it was his money that would be buying their house, which meant that his say would be the deciding factor.

"What do you think?" He immediately threw her for a loop, his eyes keenly trying to read her expression as they stood in front of what – Bella had to admit – was a very fine and stately townhouse.

It just wasn't her kind of house.

"It looks nice," she hedged, her voice cautious as she forced herself to focus on its redeeming features. "I like that it has a patio on the first floor." A vision of waking up on a crisp, sunny spring morning and throwing the doors open to take in the splendor of the neighborhood started to form in her mind, making her thoughts towards the house a little warmer.

"It's not what I had in mind either," Edward chuckled, his laughter deepening at the look of surprise on Bella's face. "Oh, come on, love. It's not like you're all that difficult to read! I could see what you were thinking as soon as you set eyes on the place."

Bella blushed, thanking the heavens when right that moment their realtor made his appearance, emerging from the house with the open, friendly look and those all too familiar grey eyes that immediately betrayed his kinship to Peter.

"Alistair Carter," he introduced himself, after shaking hands and friendly shoulder claps with Edward. "My brother has told me so much about you." _Of course, the strange little uneducated ex-bum the wayward son had schlepped with him all the way from the middle of nowhere had to be the topic of conversation around these parts._ Bella didn't really know where to look, settling on another appraisal of the property just to keep from having to look at Alistair's face as he went on. "I have a wide variety of homes for you to take a look at today so I want you to be as open and vocal to me as possible. Help me help you find the perfect home."

"Bella had some issues with this one right off the bat!" Edward chuckled, tugging her towards the front door making Bella's cheeks turn positively crimson as she hid her face in embarrassment. She knew he was only teasing her but still…this whole house hunting thing was starting to make her feel uncomfortable already.

Why couldn't Edward just pick out his own house and be done with it?

"Can you tell me why that is?" Alistair was all professionally attentive as he led them in, the door closing heavily behind them.

"The house is too close to the street," Bella muttered, "and I don't like the dark window frames. They make it look oppressing." Inside, she was already starting to take note of the interior and what she saw there didn't really please her either.

"Go on," Alistair urged, already picking up on her hesitance and, like Edward, his hand quietly squeezing hers, urging her to make her opinions known.

"It's all so dark in here," she went on, their footsteps echoing across the green marble as they progressed further into the house. "It makes the house feel so much smaller than it really is." Because, in fact, the place was huge, though the large rooms, high ceilings and many windows didn't do much to brighten up the dark, almost prison-like atmosphere the cold stone flooring and darkly painted walls conjured up. It made her feel like walking into a grotto instead of a nice, cozy family home.

"Walls can be painted and floors changed," Edward mused, making Bella wonder if maybe he had lied when he told her this wasn't the place for him either.

"It seems like a shame," Bella whispered. She didn't know a lot about interior design but she knew enough to know that those oppressing dark green floor tiles were made of marble and, therefore, incredibly expensive. "I'm sure, though, that if you like this place I could learn to love it as well."

"I don't want it if you don't," Edward stated, as if it was a mere fact that her opinion weighed equally as heavy as his, "but even if it had been just me, I wouldn't buy this place."

They walked around a bit more, using the place to cue Alistair in on their likes and dislikes before getting back into their cars and traveling the short distance to the second home, which was the complete polar opposite from the first.

On first appearances, the place had looked like a contender to both of them but as soon as they stepped inside, Bella could feel Edward's dislike of the place rolling off him in waves. "You don't like this place?" she whispered as another marble floor – white this time – made their presence known throughout the house.

Edward smirked, leaning in to answer her as a few steps away Alistair droned on about the history of the house and the way the present owners had tried to update it. "It looks like a laboratory."

Bella nodded, knowing how he felt. Where the first home had been too dark, this one was so bright on the inside, it almost hurt her eyes; the pristine white walls and floors sparsely decorated with modern furniture.

"This is not the look you're going for either?" Alistair hedged after they'd toured about half of the property and Edward's frown had carved deeper and deeper into his forehead.

"I don't understand why people buy this kind of place if they don't like old homes," Edward growled, looking at the 'updated' gas fireplace as if it had done something to offend him. "They've completely killed all the character of the place."

"So you're looking for something a little more classic?" Alistair tried, making eye-contact with Bella to see if she was on the same page.

She was. As much as she appreciated the easy job she would have, cleaning all those straight, flat surfaces, she had kind of fallen in love with all the warm oak and elegant moldings of the houses Edward had shown her on his computer.

During the next few hours, Bella started to feel more and more like Goldilocks. Though the houses Alistair showed them kept getting better and better, there was always something wrong, making them unacceptable to either Edward or Bella and, as a consequence, to both of them.

The third one was too small. _Well according to Edward at least. _

The fourth one didn't have a large enough backyard.

The fifth one had a garage that would hold only one car. _Imagine the fights!_

The sixth one was too close to the expressway.

If Alistair was getting tired or fed up with all of their demands, he didn't show it, his enthusiasm still as present as it had been during their first visit to a prospective home as he pulled out his BlackBerry, announcing that he had one more house in store for them. "It's not even 'officially' on the market yet," he grinned conspiratorially. "We only added it to our portfolio yesterday, but, I think this one might be a real winner."

Bella frowned. _If that's so, then why didn't you show us it in the first place? You know, before my feet started killing me or feeling like I'm going to scream bloody murder if I so much as see one more slab of marble. _

Edward's face had the same look, his frustration at not being able to find the perfect house as plain as day after their third attempt and only growing throughout the day, though he seemed perky as he grabbed her hand again and made for their car. "Well, then you'd better show us the way."

Bella had this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as she stood in front of the house, looking up at the three storied building, partially hidden from view by a pair of tall trees, with balconies on both the first and the second floor and lots of windows letting in light and fresh air.

It was perfect!

"I think I like this one," she blurted out, her caution thrown to the wind four houses into their search when she realized that Edward wanted her input as much as he seemed to value his own opinion.

Edward nodded, his eyes appreciative as they traveled along the façade. "So do I."

On the outside, the place had everything they wanted; set back from the road, which was a quiet, residential street lined by trees and impressive looking properties, with a quirky little tower on one side making it stand out from the rest of the properties and, as Alistair had assured them, a spacious garage and a nice sized backyard.

"Let's go in?" Bella offered, taking the initiative as she followed Alistair down the pathway leading up to the columned front porch.

_This is it._

She'd known it as soon as she'd stepped out of the car but the feeling of coming home was strengthened as they walked in; the oak paneling topped with warm, magnolia walls immediately making her feel like home, the theme of warmth and space continuing throughout the house as they discovered room after room until they finally stumbled upon the piece de resistance on the second floor.

A library.

Bella's mouth fell open as she gazed upon the shelves, her mind so full she didn't even hear Alistair prattling on about neighborhoods, schools, low crime rates and high community spirits behind her as she looked around. She could already imagine herself sitting there, mentally adding a comfy reading chair to curl up in and all of Edward's books that were sitting in boxes inside their garage added to the shelves. _Maybe even some of mine? _

That would be her dreams coming true.

"We'll take this one." Bella let out a squeal as she heard Edward say the words behind her, her arms around his neck as her lips crashed against his, her happiness knowing no bounds at the thought that all of this house – all of this _amazingness_ – would be theirs.

A fresh start.

A better place.

"Great!" Alistair seemed equal parts proud and relieved as he stepped back, allowing the couple a few more moments of privacy inside their new home until he bothered them with the details.

As Bella soon found out, which wasn't much of a bother, apparently, when you were a Masen and had people like Peter and his gang of highly specialized legal professionals around to tend to mundane things like checking paperwork and ironing out the details.

All that would be required was a signature.

And a lengthy wait as the paperwork would need to be processed, the deal closed, the old inhabitants moved out and the house perfected to their tastes.

Still, the signature on the paper, written in Edward's neat and elegant script, signaling that they were now in escrow, was a big start.

The same thing applied to Bella as she read over the contract that would finally secure her claim to Aro's estate one final time before signing the document with a trembling hand.

"You won't regret this, Isabella," Alec assured her, though it still took a lot of effort for Bella to keep her body from acting on instinct and recoiling from his touch as he shook her hand. _There is something still not quite right about this man. I wish I knew what it was. _

She pressed her lips together in a nervous smile, reclaiming her hand as soon as she could without being impolite. "I just want what's been promised to me," she whispered, feeling uncomfortable under the amount of eyes that were trained to her at that moment. "I don't need anything else."

"You're entitled to much more than that sick bastard of a father of mine promised you," Alec growled, his resentment towards his father clear in his every word and gesture. "I know you did more than just type up the words he dictated so his final novel is as much yours as it was his and you deserve the credit and the fruit of your labor."

She didn't quite understand what he was saying but she nodded anyway, knowing that having her name on the cover of the book would be the key to get her what was owed.

She looked up as Alec's lawyer approached, whispering something in the man's ear as he pointed at the clock, causing Alec to give Bella a sad smile. "Well, as much as I would like some more time to get to know you better, it seems like we have a plane to catch and my boss has been very clear on the fact that he will fire me if I don't show up to his dinner party tomorrow night."

It seemed strange to Bella that Alec's boss would lay such a claim to his employee's weekend but, since she was rather relieved to have him out of her hair, she didn't say anything other than a quick goodbye.

"We'll be in touch with you and your team to smooth out the details," Alec finally announced, his footsteps already retreating out of the room by the time Bella realized what he was saying.

"Wait." Her eyes immediately shot up to Peter's in panic. "Does this mean I have to meet him again?" She really didn't want to; Bella guessed she had to be grateful for the opportunity he'd given to her. The man just rubbed her the wrong way. The thought alone of having to deal with him over and over again gave her the creeps. "There wasn't anything about that in the contract." Her heart was hammering in her throat, her eyes shooting from Edward to Peter as her anxiety got stronger by the minute. "Can he do that? Can he force me to see him?"

"No." She wished Edward's voice had been more certain as he tried to reassure her, though his touch as his strong arms wrapped her into a protective hold did a lot of good. "He can't force you to do anything you don't want to. Right?"

She followed the direction of his question, her eyes landing on Peter's face to find much more of the certainty she needed there. "Edward's right, Bella. He can't force you to meet him if you don't want to but…" Bella cringed. _Of course there was a 'but'_. "I can imagine he, or someone representing his publishing firm, will want your input on some final edits or something else to do with the novel so they may try to contact you at some point."

Edward's arm tightened around her as he picked up on her unease while Peter, too, did everything he could to put her at ease again. "But let's not get ahead of things. There's no certainty that Alec will be in touch with us again and even if his company wants your input, I doubt he will be the one to contact you given his position and his attitude towards his father. For now, let us just focus on the here and now because I've got some news for you and I've heard the same thing goes for the two of you as well?"

"If you're asking whether or not our house hunt was a success," Edward answered, smiling wide as he guided Bella over to one of the comfortable looking sofas tucked into the corner of Peter's huge office, "then that's a big fat 'yes'. Your brother did some great work for us today."

Bella giggled, knowing that Edward's opinion of Alistair hadn't always been as favorable throughout the day as it was since their hunt for the prefect home had been a success.

"I'll tell him you said that," Peter smiled, putting the two signed copies of the contract – one for his records and one for Bella to take home with her – into two separate folders and shifting one across the small table towards her. "I'm glad you two found a place to make a fresh start…and I'm not just saying that because of the commission my firm will be charging you with for doing all the paperwork."

Edward chuckled. "Yeah, you've been making good money off of Bella and me, haven't you?"

"You always were my favorite Masen," Peter joked. "Well, apart from my wife, of course."

It was only when Peter mentioned her that Bella was reminded of the fact that this friendly, forthcoming man was married to one of the coldest and most unpleasant people Bella had ever met. It seemed so strange to her, that a man like Peter could find happiness with such a shark of a woman but, then again, perhaps she and Edward made for rather a strange pair as well, in the eyes of outsiders.

"Alistair will get in touch with you Monday to go over the contract and get everything in order," Edward nodded, all business again, his tension thick in his shoulders as he angled his head, searching confirmation in Bella's eyes first before going forward. "Did you have some time to think about the other stuff I told you about?"

Bella smiled, grateful for the way Edward veiled his question so as not to put a greater strain on her nerves, though of course, she was in no uncertainty about what he was referring to.

Peter nodded. "I called in a favor with a buddy of mine on the CPD," Peter paused and then clarified for Bella, "the Chicago Police Department…" She nodded and he continued. "To get some information on what our next step should be and he was quite adamant that you need to come in with this and file a complaint before things really get out of hand."

Bella nodded again. "So I just go to the nearest police station and tell them what's been going on?" she asked, not quite sure of how this whole complaint filing business went.

"You can do that if you prefer," Peter nodded, "but my buddy is also willing to take on this case as a personal favor and his boss doesn't mind as long as we go by the book on everything. He's already partially up to speed with what happened so no time will be wasted to get the asshole that's been harassing you and the working relationship the Masens already have with this guy will make him extra motivated to solve this case as quickly, and with as little nuisance to the family, as possible."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly as she looked at him, reminded by his words that Peter's loyalty lay first with the Masen family as a whole and then with its individual members. Where did she rank in that hierarchy?

Not very high, she feared.

"I guess he's the one to go with then." She could hear the same hesitance in Edward's voice that she felt, though considering Peter's words, he left them with little choice.

"Good." Peter seemed satisfied, adding a printed sheet of paper on top of the file. "This is where you can contact him and when he can be reached." He folded his hands on top of his stomach, leaning backward in his seat as all business slipped from his face, the Masen family lawyer replaced by the man he was in his off-time. "Now, let's discuss some more pleasant things." He leaned forward again, his excitement infectious as he smiled. "I have news for you, Bella."

"So you said," Edward chuckled, his grip on Bella easing up since the difficult part of their meeting was seemingly out of the way. "Well?"

His eyes never wavered from Bella's face, the anticipation making her heart beat a little faster and louder as she waited with bated breath until, finally, he spoke. "I've found your grandparents."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. **_

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"_For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack."_

_Rudyard Kipling, The Second Jungle Book _(1895)

**15.**

Waking to the blaring sound of your alarm clock at eight in the morning never felt good, but as Bella's eyes shot open and her hand reached out to kill the alarm, 'not feeling good' was one hell of a euphemism for the way she was feeling at that moment.

_This is not good at all._

_Bad._

_Very bad._

_Dear God!_

Clutching her hand over her mouth she managed to make it to the bathroom just in time to dispose the meager contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl, her bum making contact with the cold tile floor as she sat back.

Wiping her mouth, she winced against the foul taste and the still-lingering queasiness of her stomach. _What the hell is going on here?_

For a moment Alice's words from over a week ago bounced back to the forefront of her mind but just as quickly as they came up, she flung them back into the dark corners.

_That can't be it. _

_I got my period, didn't I?_

_It's simply impossible. _

She groaned, lifting her body off the floor as she dragged herself over to the shower, brushing her teeth as she waited for the water to warm up. _You sure picked one hell of a day to get sick, Bella._

As the warm shower soothed the soreness and washed her ickiness away she at least held onto the blessing that Edward was away at work. No need to have him fussing all over her just because she seemed to have contracted a particularly nasty stomach bug that just didn't want to go away.

It was probably something that had to do with the stress she was under, she concluded, her eyes following the suds into the sink as she rinsed out her hair. With the police investigation into the sick son of a bitch who send her all those notes still underway but so far yielding nothing but the end of the harassment – _and thank God for that!_ – her studies kicking off for real, Alec's parting threat of more dealings with the Harrison family still lingering in the back of her mind, the prospect of their move as they waited for the current inhabitant to vacate what would be their new home, and the and the letter she'd written to her grandparents still sitting on the side table in the living room, waiting for the moment when she'd worked up the nerve to send it, she had enough on her mind as it was.

But then, Ed had called her late yesterday afternoon with an invitation - well, it had been more like a summons – to his home for tea and 'to get to know each other a little better'.

Like Edward, Bella had been wary from the get go, instinctually sensing that Ed Masen probably had no need to get to know the complete nobody his son was dating if there wasn't some kind of agenda hidden underneath his invitation to tea.

But what was it?

Edward had been as stumped as she was and even more suspicious of his father's motives, causing Bella to have to use every bit of persuasion she could muster to keep him from taking half a day off to accompany her. Not that she didn't want him to – far from it, in fact – but she knew he had a procedure planned for that afternoon that he had been prepping for and looking forward to for almost a week now.

She wouldn't let him miss it not even if Beelzebub himself had invited her for tea and light refreshments.

Which might, actually, not be that far off the mark.

Instead, she managed to convince him just like she, in turn had been convinced, with the promise of Alice and Carmen's presence and Charlotte and Elizabeth's absence, two facts that did indeed make much of her worries go away.

But not her nerves, though.

Where Bella knew that with his wife and daughter in the room with him, Ed wouldn't try any funny business if he liked his balls attached to his body, the presence of the two women did nothing to make the man appear any less formidable and intimidating to her.

Being face to face with him in a room wasn't something she looked forward to, especially not given what had just happened.

_Let's just hope you'll be able to keep from puking all over Carmen's nice China and delicate little finger foods because_,_ God knows_,_ that's not going to do anything to impress him_.

And she desperately wanted to impress him.

For all the progress she'd made over the weeks, Bella was still acutely aware of the differences in upbringing and social position between her and Edward. Sure, with the contract between her and the Harrison's signed, sealed and archived she had the prospect of at least gaining some sort of financial independence, but Bella knew that was only one part of the problem. She had no name or family or anything else that Ed and Elizabeth probably would have wanted to see in their son's partner and, though Aro's lessons had given her all the factual information on art, music and literature, she lacked the social skills she needed to participate in any of the family's society events without having to fear embarrassment.

She wanted to learn, though.

Most desperately.

She wanted to be able to stand by Edward's side through any function or dinner party his family dragged him off to and to truly be his partner; share the load instead of being an awkward lump of lead wrapped around his ankle.

She wanted to belong in his life, even when it came to those aspects of it he resented so much.

But right now she would settle for making it through lunch with his dad without stumbling on her words or vomiting all over the table.

Which might be more of a challenge than one would think.

By the time she made it down the stairs, her stomach seemed to be settling just a little. Still, Bella didn't want to tempt fate by testing it too much as she settled for a breakfast consisting of hot tea and dry crackers while she skimmed through their daily newspaper. Reading it helped her get a grasp for the world around her, more so than watching the news did since the television still distracted her too much with all its colors and noises. It also helped that reading through the local political section would aide her in passing the exam on government and the constitution that was required to earn her GED.

By the time she'd had her fill of the paper, it was already time for her to leave the house, the promise she'd made to Siobhan to come in for a few hours extra to help them sort through some books marked to be offloaded now both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because the distraction would keep her mind off the imminent meeting with the _pater familias_ of the Masen clan, a curse because it cut heavily into the time she had to prepare herself for said meeting.

Ah, well. There was little she could do about it.

A promise made should always be honored.

As she drove into town, her stomach still revolted against her from time to time, mostly because some nasty smell hit her nose through the car's protective shell or when she navigated a turn at too high a speed. Mercifully, though, she managed to keep what little she'd eaten inside, since she had no desire to revisit her breakfast or defile her car.

Besides, she needed her strength.

Smelly or not, the scent of many books hitting her senses as she stepped into the library didn't have the same effect exhaust fumes or the garbage truck had had on her. Bella felt herself calm down, her shoulders dropping and her face relaxing as she stepped inside the now familiar surroundings of her part-time job.

She loved it there.

Books, and the knowledge hidden inside of them, had been the only things that had made her life with Aro bearable for a long time. He'd educated her in the ways of the world; proper speech, etiquette and argumentation but everything else she knew about the world and its history had been unlocked by the fascinated study of as many of his books as she could get her hands on.

Being surrounded by them felt like coming home again, like all those familiar names of writers long dead were those of her relatives and loved ones.

Because she loved them.

"Bella!" Siobhan's face lit up as soon as she saw the younger girl come in. Over the past few weeks the old librarian had seen the girl blossom out of shear love for the work she was allowed to do at the library. No menial a task had been looked down upon and never once had she heard the girl complain, even though she was worked to the bone at a very meager pay.

_She's a pearl, that one_, Siobhan nodded to herself as she rose up to greet her new favorite worker, _even though at times she seems to be swallowed by the weight she's carrying on her back_. "Thanks again for coming in, today," she spoke warmly, pulling the younger woman in for a quick hug, because God knew the poor girl seemed in need of one. "Everything's already been set up in the break room. I believe Benjamin left a note saying what needs to be done and how far he managed to get on Friday."

"Thanks, Siobhan." Bella smiled, shrugging out of her coat as she looked around her, the aisles holding her beloved books serenely, empty except for a few scattered visitors. "I'll stop by before I leave."

Making her way through the stacks, Bella quickly found her way to the break room, though at the moment one would be hard-pressed to find a clear spot to eat their lunch, given that ninety percent of the flat surfaces were occupied by books.

As Siobhan had explained to her, the library did a run-through of its entire catalogue every couple of years, clearing out all books that were damaged, supernumerary or, in some cases, hadn't been borrowed in more than a year. Normally either Siobhan or Sasha would have dealt with the tedious task of picking through the books and trying to decided which ones should be kept, given to charity or put into the 'books for adoption' container near the door but seeing as the two librarians had their hands full dealing with their regular tasks and Randall was too busy with school to do all of the work himself, the task now fell to Bella to help out in sorting through the piles.

It was something she loved to do, or so she found out, as she spent her morning organizing the books into three piles to the tunes of Alice's iPod, docked into a device Randall had set the two of them up with.

He was a nice kid, that colleague of hers. He'd earned his job only because Sasha, his mother, was afraid that he'd land into some bad company if he had too much free time on his hands but, though he had no real passion for literature, he had grown to love either the job or the money it gave to him because he was never grumpy when they worked together. On the contrary, as they got more familiar with one another, they had even come to set up a few study meetings in the break room where they helped each other with their homework and Randall told her stories about his high school life.

As she'd hoped, her chore had put Bella's mind off the tea-party she had to attend the alarm sounded, telling her it was time to leave and drive back to Oak Park, her arms groaning under the weight as she took the 'adoption' bin with her to place by the door, her nervousness returning as she said a quick goodbye to Siobhan before making her way back to the car.

Oddly enough, though, the nausea kept at bay.

_Thank God. _

She made a small detour on her way to the car, her heart hammering in her throat and her fingers trembling as she drew the small, rectangular white envelope from her purse and, squeezing her eyes shut against the fear of being rejected, slid it through the opening in the mailbox, praying that her family would be as happy to find out about her as she had been about them.

She felt empty, somehow, as she took her place behind the driver's seat, the weight of one issue pressing on her shoulders momentarily lifted as she threw the car in reverse and followed the instructions of her trusty GPS until, only a few minutes into her journey, the shrill ringing of her phone interrupted the soft, soothing commands of her driving assistant.

"Edward?" Even after weeks of trying (and failing in some instances) to use her phone, Bella still marveled at the piece of technology that seemed to be able to do just about everything but the dishes. "I thought you were in surgery?"

"It got pushed back an hour," Edward announced, his voice weary with fatigue and its own tension as it echoed through the car from the speakers. "I'm just about to scrub in but I wanted to check in before that to see if you're still alright."

"I'm fine, honey," she assured him, even though in the pit of her stomach she felt anything but.

"Are you sure?" Edward's skepticism made her wonder, for a moment, if he was on to her. "Because I could always-"

"No," she quickly interrupted him. "There's no need. I'll be fine with Alice and Carmen on my side so you go do your thing. Besides," she added for extra weight, "can you imagine what Carmen would say if she found out you didn't trust her to keep me safe?"

She could almost hear Edward cringe on the other end of the line, the awkwardness making her chuckle as she spoke again. "Don't worry, Edward. Even if your dad is in rare form as you fear, I imagine I've had far worse from Aro over the years. There's nothing he can say to me that could ever chase me away."

"I wish I had your certainty," Edward sighed as Bella picked up on the muffled sounds of people talking on the other end. "Besides, I've stood by for long enough, watching you get hurt. I have no intention of ever putting you in a situation like that ever again."

"Just trust me, Edward," she insisted. "I'm a different person than the one I was back in Forks. I won't let him hurt me, even if somehow Carmen and Alice let it get that far. Now go and be a doctor. I'll be fine."

"Call me as soon as you leave?" he begged. "I'll probably still be in surgery but leave a message so that I know you're okay. I'll probably be home late with all the post-op stuff."

"Okay," Bella nodded, relieved since she didn't know how long it would be until she would be home and she still had dinner to make. "Have fun saving some lives in there!"

"Thanks, angel," he chuckled. "I'd tell you to have fun as well but, then again, I know where you're going and…my dad isn't exactly a jokester or anything."

This made Bella giggle, the mental image popping up of Ed Masen – businessman extraordinaire and serious almost to a fault – cracking jokes and goofing around being something she could hardly imagine.

By the time she'd finally wiped the image from her mind of a fun-loving Ed Masen, she was already pulling onto the streets that housed the Masen family headquarters, the enormous mansions and large, sumptuous gardens still taking her breath away, though her dread also grew as the wrought iron entrance gate swung open and the tires of her Beetle crunched along the gravel driveway.

_This is it. _

_You can do this, Bella. _

_You're strong. You're a survivor. _

_Edward loves you, no matter what his father's opinion of you may be._

She sighed, opening the car door to find Carmen and Alice already walking towards her, the happy, carefree expressions on both women's faces a far cry from the tension that had been there the previous time she'd visited this place.

But then again, both reasons for the tensions were away now; Charlotte at work, and Elizabeth living the high life on the French Riviera.

Even after weeks in Chicago, Bella still struggled to make sense of Edward's family and, most of all, the way they treated each other. From a distance it had seemed to be more like a business venture than a warm familial bond and, the more she got to know them, the more that image was confirmed. Within this family everyone had their place, and personal or emotional problems always had to take a backseat.

Take her initiation into the family.

Both Carmen and Alice had had to suffer hosting the two people they hated the most in their home because both Elizabeth and Charlotte held important places in the family. Charlotte, of course, as the vice-president of the company and Elizabeth as the spider who'd spun her web around the family so fantastically that not even a divorce could oust her from her position.

Elizabeth had brought so much into the family, coming from old money, whereas the Masens had still been relatively new kids on the block when her marriage to Ed had been brokered. She was the face of the family in the world of upper-class society and charity work; a position that might not seem so important at first glance but was of vital essence to the position of both the family and the company in town and country, relying on her name and family contacts to move the Masens upwards and onwards.

No matter how much Carmen may have wanted to see her gone, Elizabeth had maneuvered into a position where she could not be driven away, except from her home.

Bella still wasn't quite sure whether to admire the way Carmen had learned to deal with this impossible situation, or call her crazy for dealing with it and not running for the hills along with her kid.

"Bella!" She was wrapped up in a group hug as soon as she left the car, the combined love of Carmen and Alice making her wobble on her feet for a few moments until she gave herself over to it.

"Don't worry, sweetie," Carmen whispered in her ear. "I managed to force his reasons for inviting you out of him this morning so I know that what Ed wants to talk to you about is only good stuff. I promise."

Bella nodded, swallowing hard as her nerves immediately returned, her hands clammy and her stomach once again unsettled as she walked into the house, arm in arm with her friends. "O-okay."

"He's not here yet so you can relax," Carmen comforted her, immediately aware of her guests discomfort. "He got held up at the office so he asked us to get started on tea. He'll join us as soon as he's home."

"Alright," Bella whispered, following along as Carmen led the way into the sitting room, the tension in the large, opulent room a lot less than when she set foot in it a few weeks ago.

"You look pale." Carmen wasted no time letting her keen eyes scrutinize the girl as she poured tea and motioned at the ornate tiered stand, laden with delicious looking refreshments. "Alice told me you've been feeling poorly. Is everything alright? Edward still treating you good?"

"I'm fine," Bella shrugged, Alice shrinking under the look she sent her. "Just a little nervous I guess and…and I just can't seem to get rid of this stomach bug I picked. It'll be better once the stress dies down."

"Well, even if you don't want to worry Edward, I'd still really like you to see a doctor," Carmen begged, looking about as anxious as Bella felt at that moment, "or, at the very least, take a home pregnancy test just to rule that out. With the way it's been going on there's a possibility it could be morning sickness, you know."

"I already told Alice that's not it," Bella bit back, feeling like she was put on the spot.

"Then it won't be that much of a nuisance to take a test, will it?" Carmen countered. "Even if it's just for _my_ peace of mind?"

"Fine," Bella growled, drowning her sorrows in tea and scones.

"I'll go with you if you want? I know buying a pregnancy test can be a bit awkward and taking it is not something you should be doing on your own anyway…" Carmen offered, smiling like she knew exactly how Bella must have been feeling.

Which she didn't.

No one could.

After all, most people would have been ecstatic at the slight chance of welcoming a baby into their lives, whereas Bella?

Lukewarm would have been an exaggeration of her feelings.

Scared to death would be closer to the mark.

She wasn't ready to be a mom.

Hell, she wasn't even _fit_ to be a mom at this point; too broken on the inside to be entrusted the care of a frail and innocent little life.

Fortunately for her, Ed came in at that moment, halting the miniature reenactment of the Spanish Inquisition as he kissed his wife and daughter and, much to Bella's shock, reached out to shake hands with her.

"Isabella." His smile wasn't a very warm one but, given what she'd heard about the man, that might not say as much as with most other people. "You are well, I assume? And Edward?"

"We're both doing good," Bella answered, wringing her hands together in her lap.

"You should be, for the amount of money you've been spending over the last couple of weeks." Edward chuckled, but if it was a joke, he was the only one laughing, Carmen hissing something under her breath as Alice merely smiled encouragingly at Bella before glaring daggers at her father.

"Though I suppose something can be said for my son finally leaving that hovel he seemed to have grown so attached to," Ed mused good-naturedly, trying to right his faux-pas. "It was no place to live for a brain-surgeon trying to make a name for himself."

Bella nodded, though she knew his father's approval had been one of the last things on Edward's mind when they bought the place. He was right in saying it wasn't the right place for Edward to live, though Bella's conclusion was based on a different reasoning than Ed's.

"But that's not why I asked you to come here," Ed went on, like his wife forgoing pleasantries as he cut right to the chase. "As you probably assumed."

Bella forced her lips into a tight smile, her stomach rumbling violently as she waited for whatever announcement Ed wanted to make. _It doesn't matter_, she consoled herself, rattling off the same pep talk as she had in the car.

But then it did.

"Last time you were here, you indicated you had a desire to further your education by pursuing a degree in English Literature once you'd gained your GED, is it not?" He waited for Bella, who was flabbergasted and even more nervous, to nod before he continued. "I promised you I'd take the matter up with the Dean and I have."

_Does that mean?_ Bella's throat felt as dry as the desert at noon, making swallowing a painful undertaking as she waited for him to resume his explanation.

For a moment, the magnificent Ed Masen seemed a little ill at ease but he was quick to correct himself, sitting up a little straighter as his cold blue eyes followed Bella's every move. "I have to admit the Dean was a little hesitant to let someone with as little credit as you in without a good reason but, after I explained to him your unique situation and eagerness to prove yourself, he was willing to offer you a spot under the condition that you score at least 675 on each individual part of your final test and complete a few additional pre-college courses at the community college."

Bella gasped, already knowing that was quite a steep challenge. With most of the students earning no higher score a score of 500 out of the maximum of 800 for each individual test, let alone earn a higher credit, it would be quite a steep challenge, especially with her limited abilities in math and science. "I guess I have my work cut out for me then," she muttered. _Could it be done? God_,_ I hope so!_

"I know you'll make it, Bella," Carmen assured her, smiling warmly. "You're a smart girl and I know you're willing to work as hard as it takes to make this happen."

Carmen's trust made her feel warmer on the inside than any amount of tea could ever do as she nodded at Ed, sensing he had more to say.

"That being said," Ed, just as Bella suspected, went on, "I trust you will meet every demand they set for you and, apparently, my trust threw enough weight into the matter that he will allow you to qualify for early acceptance into the Spring semester, provided, of course, you keep your end of the bargain." He placed a folder onto the table, Bella's heart beating like a drum as she spotted the Northwestern logo on the top. "Everything you need to know is in here. When you're done filling out these forms you can hand them over to Peter to take care of everything else."

"Thank you." Bella had tears in her eyes as she reached out for the folder, the promise it held so big she could barely wrap her mind around it. It was every dream she never dared to dream and more, and she knew she'd pretty much jump through a burning hoop if it meant she could make it come true. "You have no idea what it means to me."

Ed smiled uncomfortably, getting up from his chair after downing his tea. "I'm just doing what is in the best interest of this family." He patted his wife's arm, nodded goodbye to his daughter and Bella as he sauntered out of the room again, leaving Bella completely overwhelmed and flabbergasted.

It was some time before she came back to her senses, the tea in her cup turning cold long before and the tray already cleared by the time she became aware of her surroundings again, Carmen and Alice chatting animatedly without burdening her in the distance as she slowly allowed herself to be happy.

Things were really happening.

Dreams really came true.

By the time she left, she was almost starting to believe it, Carmen once again pressing the matter of the pregnancy test as she said goodbye to Bella prompting the younger woman to make a quick pit stop at a small pharmacy on her way back home, even if it was only to be done with the topic once and for all.

Best to do it now, when she was still riding the high of Ed's unexpected announcement.

Still, her hands were trembling as she made her way into the house, the little plastic Walgreens' bag weighing heavily in her hands as she bypassed the coat rack and the downstairs rooms to run up the stairs, determined to put this matter to rest once and for all.

After all, she _knew_ she couldn't be pregnant.

Right?

Struggling with the directions a little, she somehow managed to hit all three of the tests she'd bought, setting them on the counter next to the bag she'd dumped there in her haste to be done with it, her feet anxiously pacing the floor and her heart beating into her throat as she waited for the egg timer to chime.

It couldn't be.

She was sure of it.

It was impossible.

She knew it.

And yet, there it was.

Through her tears Bella let out an almost hysteric cackle, her heart dropping as three little pink plus-signs hit her like a freight train.

_I can't believe it._

_It's impossible!_

Just when she thought she was slowly starting to get her life in order and find her way through the mess of free life and all its options and confusing relationships, life threw another curveball at her.

_I should have known_, she thought to herself, shaking her head as she lifted one of the three identical cylinders that sat on the sink in front of her and rechecked the little window, just like she'd already done a dozen times in the past five minutes or so. _I've never been allowed an easy life in the past, why should the present be any different? _

The trouble was, if all of her recent studying of normal human behavior was to be believed, she should have been ecstatic. There were scores of women out there who would kill to get this kind of news or were being torn apart waiting for it. Great, now she felt guilty as well. It wasn't the end of the world or the end of her life; quite the contrary in fact.

Why the hell wasn't she happy?

She should be.

Shouldn't she?

"Oh, God!" she sobbed, the tears that had been threatening to spill forever now finally dripping from the corners of her eyes; the floodgates whooshing open as she curled into a ball on top of the closed toilet seat and rocked back and forth as the enormity of the things that had been set in motion completely engulfed her and made her feel more lost than she had any business feeling.

_I should be happy._

_Why can't I be normal?_

It was that little nagging voice of guilt, summing up all the things she had in her life that she should be grateful for, that did her in. It wasn't the fear of failure or the sense or the weight of having to be whole and responsible when she still sometimes felt so broken on the inside now resting on her shoulders. It was the guilt she felt towards herself, to Edward, to all those women who could never be in the position she was in at that moment and, most of all, to….to _it_; him or her.

She didn't know how long she sat there, rocking back and forth on the cold tile floor, but it had to be long judging from the stiffness in her bones and joints, when the sound of the garage door rumbling open made her finally pull her head from her knees and look around her, her eyes immediately falling on the unlikely display on the bathroom counter where the folder with paperwork and other information Ed had given her just peeked out from the top of the bag she'd nervously dunked into a corner what seemed like ages ago; two different paths her life could take but never both at once.

"Bella?" His voice still had that same effect on her, no matter how often she heard it nowadays, her heart beating a little bit faster as her whole being became alert. Alert, and in a state of panic.

_Do I tell him now?_

The thought alone freaked her out but then again it didn't seem right hiding something like that from him.

That wouldn't be right.

It was too late anyway, his feet already thundering their way up the stairs as she still struggled to untangle her stiff body from where it had sat, struck dumb and numb with shock perched on the lid of the toilet seat. _Let's just hope he doesn't see them right away. _

At least in that she was lucky, though, realistically, she should have known that Edward was still too caught up in those early stages of being in love to notice anything different about a room she was in, his eyes immediately going to her as soon as he'd opened the bathroom door and widening in shock at what he saw.

"Fuck!" his footsteps accelerated as Edward rushed to her side, his strong arms enveloping her in that protective cocoon of man she'd grown to love so much (though after a tough day at work even Bella had to admit that the stench of sweat was starting to prevail over the musky, masculine woodsy smell that was his natural odor). "What happened, love?" His eyes were frantic as his thumbs gently wiped away the tears. "Did my dad say anything to you? Charlotte? He. Did _he_ leave another note?"

She shook her head, her voice shaky as she breathed out her reply. "N-no."

No, it wasn't any of that. All those things she could have born because, as tiresome and frustrating as they were, she'd grown used to the three most prominent thorns in her side.

This, however, was something completely different; something that would shock him as much as it had her. Especially considering his past.

Would he even want this?

Did _she_?

She'd never really stopped to think about it, not in the weeks before all of this happened and not even in the minutes that had passed since she'd known.

All she knew that this news had just thrown a wrench into all of the plans she'd made for her future, just when earlier that day she had seemed so close to making her dreams come true.

She'd never dreamed of this. Why would she have, when it seemed so far off and unattainable to her that a journey to the moon would have been more likely to be in the books for her?

Well, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but anyway…it was unlikely.

"Bella." Edward's voice pulled her back into the present, his eyes still wild with worry as they stared at her, so deep green and with love that she still had trouble taking it all in. "Please, talk to me, angel. You're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she muttered, finally finding her voice as she drew in a deep breath and took a leap of faith, hoping that speaking the words would make it more real, even to her. "Well…not at least…I'm pregnant."

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_**Thoughts? **_


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing. **_

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"_All the absurdity and hope are the stimulants to create. You make art to find a little hole to go on. You go through the whole to find the world again, and the absurdity is that still, somehow it is the same . . . Hopelessness and hope are the same."_

_Karel Appel. _

**16.**

"_Bella." Edward's voice pulled her back into the present, his eyes still wild with worry as they stared at her, so deep with green and love that she still had trouble taking it all in. "Please, talk to me, angel. You're scaring me. What's wrong?" _

"_Nothing's wrong," she muttered, finally finding her voice as she drew in a deep breath and took a leap of faith, hoping that speaking the words would make it more real, even to her. "I'm pregnant."_

"Y-You're pregnant?" Edward looked as dumbstruck as Bella had felt when she had first seen the result on the pregnancy test, though in a completely different manner. She could see it in the way his eyes started to glow and his whole face took on a look of awe. He wanted this. He was made for this. "Are you sure?" He couldn't seem to believe it, but not in the way this truth had been impossible to believe to Bella.

She nodded, feeling even more miserable and inadequate for not feeling the same as he did. "I just took three tests."

"Fuck!" His hands rubbed his face, momentarily obscuring his expression from Bella's eyes as he obviously needed a minute or two to process the bomb she'd just dropped on him. "You're pregnant!"

"Yeah," Bella muttered, bitterness, fear and uncertainty still battling for dominance inside of her. _He wanted this. He's already half in love with this intruder stuck in my body. Even after everything that had happened in his life, he wants this baby. I don't. What the hell is wrong with me?_ "That's what it said."

His hands dropped, his smile so bright it would have warmed her up from the inside if the reason behind that smile had been anything else. "We're going to have a baby, Bella."

Before she could say or do anything he'd lifted her up in the air, her feet hovering above the tiled bathroom floor as he spun them around and around moving them from the cold of the bathroom into the warmth of the bedroom and depositing her gently on top of the covers, his head buried in her hair as he set her down and muttered, "We're going to have a baby."

The way he said the word – _baby_ – his lips testing the sound as if he still couldn't believe it but really, really wanted to at the same time made her die a little on the inside.

Why couldn't she feel the same?

By all intents and purposes she should be, she knew that almost instinctively. She should have been ecstatic to know that together they had created a new life; a perfect life unmarred and unscarred by the big bad world it would be born into.

But that was just it.

She _had _been.

She'd been kicked and burned and scarred by life until she thought there was nothing left inside her worth kicking and burning and scarring anymore. She'd been lost and given up until Edward found her and brought her back to life.

This was _her_ chance; _her_ life, _her_ opportunities, _her_ freedom to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do in life.

And now, she felt like all of those opportunities had been reduced to nothing; a nice, juicy carrot dangled in front of her face only to be taken away again as soon as this alien growth inside of her had made its presence known.

His footsteps drew back slightly and already she was feeling the loss of his nearness as her body

cooled again to the chilly air. "You're not happy."

She looked up, unable to grasp from the tone of his voice if he was disappointed or angered by her lack of enthusiasm. His face was as unreadable as his voice had been, though shock pretty much prevailed. "It's too soon," she whispered, the tears that had already been so superfluous trickling from her eyes again as they locked with his; the understanding and love she found in them making her feel wholly undeserving and inadequate. "I can't…I can't do this…not now. It's too soon."

_Why can't I be like him? _

_Why can't I be normal and just be happy about this? Or even accept it?_

"Angel," he breathed, his strong arms pulling her into a fierce hug. "We'll make this work, I promise you."

She knew his promise was a genuine but deep down inside she just wanted to believe it so much that she couldn't find it in herself to care; her body giving over to the exhaustion of the day that lay behind her. "I'm just so scared, Edward," she sobbed, clinging to him for dear life as she felt him move them, her feet obeying mechanically as he slowly shifted backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed. "I only just managed to make some sort of plan for myself and now…it's all slipping away from me, and I don't know…"

"Shhh," he cooed, molding her body until they were side by side, face to face, his fingers stroking her wet hair out of her face. "It will be alright. Not a lot will have to change, actually…" His hand ran through her hair, his nimble fingers softly running through the tangles as he appeared deep in thought. "We've already got the house and it's more than big enough to accommodate a nursery and even a little playroom for when he or she is older…"

Edward nodded, and the happy sparks in his eyes were making her feel a strange mixture of duplicity and jealousy so strong that she had to avert her eyes. More than anything she wanted to feel those same elated emotions he felt, but at the same time, her own disappointed feelings were too strong to push aside.

"Money will never be an issue." He chuckled as his fingers were playing with the ends of her hair. "Our baby will never want for anything, and with you still being home to care for it, we won't have to resort to babysitters or nannies." He shook his head, his displeasure over his parents' parenting decision clear even though she knew he'd grown to love Carmen like a mother. "I won't make the same mistakes again that Tanya and I made when we…when we had Claire." His voice faltered for a moment as his words lingered on his first child, a pang of compassion breaking through the haze of panic that had taken hold of her, until she realized what he was saying. "Our baby will be loved by _us_, not by a substitute."

And there it was, the end of her college dream, because if she heard his words right, there was no way he was going to allow her to go through with the plan they'd made together and abandon their baby to the care of another while she chased her own dreams.

"I…don't…" She felt desperate, locked in her own vortex of fear, crushed dreams and uncertainty as she scrambled to find the words to express her feelings without hurting his or making him want to leave her.

"We should get married, too," he went on, oblivious to what was going on inside her head. "I wanted to take that next step with you before we started our family." He laughed, a shudder running through her as his hand reached for her stomach. "Well, it will be better down the line, too, in case something happens and I'm not there. I don't want there to be any shadows hanging over our family…I want to take care of both of you. So what do you say?"

"No." The word had left her lips before she could check herself, the blurted out the answer to his half-assed proposal not being the way she would have voiced her refusal had she been more in control of herself. The answer, though, would have been the same in any circumstance.

His face fell; it was like he hadn't even stopped to think about what she would want or take into account that this might have been the answer he would get. "No?" His brow furrowed, though Bella couldn't say whether it was in anger or just utter confusion. "Why the hell not?"

_Anger, it was._

She sighed, nervously licking her lips as she tried to put her feelings into words. "I know you want to and I can see why it may be good if we were married before it's born but I just…I don't want to give up my freedom yet. Not like this anyway." She inhaled a sharp breath, her eyes shooting anywhere but his face because she knew what she would find there and it would destroy her. "I only just got it back and now it seems like it's all being taken away from me again - just like that. I can't…" She paused. "I can't deal with all of this right now. Please don't ask it of me."

"Oh, come off it, Bella!" Edward groaned, his body shifting away from her feeling like a slap in the face. Though part of her knew she deserved it. "You know I'm not like Aro or Phil. I want to marry you because I love you, dammit, not tie you to the fucking kitchen sink! I want to take care of you and our baby and know that the both of you will be taken care of even if something were to happen to me."

"And I know all of that, okay?" Bella cried back, her arms hugging her torso to keep her heart from falling apart and scattering into a million pieces. _Why can't he understand? Why can't I make him understand?_ "Don't you think I know? I just need some time for God's sake. Just to wrap my head around all of this and find out what it means for the future."

"We don't _have_ time," Edward answered, his voice calm and dangerous, more so than his anger would have been had he lashed out. "In a couple of months we're going to be parents and if we want to be prepared for that and give our baby everything he or she deserves, we need to start acting _now_."

"This is all moving so fast," she whimpered, hiding her face behind her hands. "I just found out I got into Northwestern today and now everything has been turned upside down. Please…I just need some time to grasp this and accept the fact that I won't be able to go ahead with my plans for some time..."

"It seems to me like you don't fucking want this baby," he snarled, his eyes spewing fire at her as she violently shook her head, her denial, however, doing nothing to abate his anger as he spoke on. "Do you? You keep going on and on about your life and what you want, but what about this life growing inside of you? Or do you just want to end it and go about as if nothing ever happened? Well, I'll be damned if I ever let that happen, I'm telling you now! I'd rather raise this baby on my own than have you abort it."

"I don't _want_ an abortion!" she yelled, her hand pulling at her hair. "Do you really think I could do that? Do you really think I'd let this innocent life suffer for my mistakes?"

"I don't know what to think anymore," he growled, his shoulders sagging as he shook his head. "Look, it's late and we're both so tired and far beyond reason right now that it's no point discussing this any further." He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands as he got up from the bed. "I know we're not anywhere near done discussing this but right now I just want to eat something and go to bed."

Bella nodded, breathing out a breath she'd been holding for God knows how long. Part of her wanted to feel relieved that at least for now the fighting was over but the rest of her knew that this was only the beginning.

Things were never going to be the same.

"Do you want anything?" he asked, hovering in the doorway, his frame turned away from her and still radiating anger and disappointment, even though his voice was calm.

She shook her head. "I already ate at your parent's house and I'm still full," she lied, knowing he would press if she spoke the truth. _If only for the baby._ "I think I'll just go to bed."

As she listened to his footsteps slowly descending as he made his way down the stairs, she felt more lost and lonely than she had in weeks, the enormity of the situation still pressing down so heavily on her that she couldn't see any way out of it.

Mechanically, she got out of the bed, pulling on her nightclothes and brushing her teeth before ducking under the covers, her pillow soon wet with tears as she lay still and tried to empty her mind; tried to quiet her thoughts by just clearing them of everything, just like she had done countless times before.

That didn't help, though.

Not this time, though after what may have been seconds, minutes or even hours, her breathing evened out and her mind became quiet enough to at least pull her into a state of half-sleep, half-wake.

It was some time later that Edward came in, his movements fast and hushed as she heard him shed his clothes and get ready for bed, her position facing away from him keeping her wakeful state hidden from his view as he positioned himself as far away from her as he could, the cold, vast space between them in the bed speaking volumes of the distance that had come to life after their discussion.

He must have been tired after his day at the hospital because, unlike Bella, who spent most of the night laying stock still and wide awake in bed, his muffled snores soon let her know he'd fallen asleep as she lay there, her tears dried up and burning with exhaustion as she listened to him with growing fear.

She just couldn't escape the thought that maybe this was the beginning of the end for them.

He was gone, the next day when she woke after a short night of restless sleep filled with nightmares about crying babies and failed expectations but at least there was a note lying next to her on the pillow to take away some of her worry and uncertainty.

_I'm sorry for saying all those things last night. You were still in shock, just like I was, and I didn't take that into account. We'll talk when I get back tonight._

_I love you, angel,_

_Edward_

She smiled, her fingers caressing the ink on the paper as she read it again and again, allowing his words of love to take away some of her fear as she drank them in until she had the entire note memorized before she got up and set about getting ready for school.

Over the days, her morning sickness (at least she now had a name to put to all the puking she had done over the past couple of weeks) had started to become a fixed marker during her morning. So routine that she didn't even bother with coffee or heavy breakfast foods, settling instead for chamomile tea and a small bowl of oatmeal, waiting until the food had settled in her stomach and seemed to want to remain there, before she packed her school things into her bag and made her way out to the car, shooting off a text message to Edward on her way to the garage to let him know she'd read his amazing words and felt the same.

_Thanks for the note. I'm sorry_,_ too._

_I'll see you tonight._

_Love you,_

_Bella_

The words she'd pushed into that little device were only scratching the surface of what she was really feeling, her heart still so full after reading Edward's words after what had happened the night before.

Her feelings were so different than what they had been.

He'd been right. They had both been shocked and tired and in no state to discuss anything, let alone something so important as this…their baby, their future together.

She was still torn up inside and the shockwave that had pulsed through her system still hadn't worn off completely, but in the refreshing light of day and after what little rest she'd had, she now realized that having a baby might not be the end of the world. She was still able to do everything she'd initially set out to accomplish and it would only take some more time before she'd be ready to do them but if others managed to do it, why couldn't she?

She was still scared, though.

Terrified.

She wasn't anywhere near ready to be someone's mom; she knew that in her heart. She was broken on the inside and a newcomer in a world other people were so familiar with they had long ago started taking it for granted. How could she ever take care of an innocent little life? Nurture, love and steer it in the right direction when half of the time she had no idea where the hell _she_ was going?

It was too big of a responsibility.

Too steep a challenge.

She had Edward, she knew that. She knew he would support her with his love and wisdom and keep her from venturing in the wrong direction. He would always be there for her and show her what she had to do. And, judging from his behavior last night, he already loved their baby so much…

But would it be enough?

Would _she_ be enough?

"Girl, you look like you're a mile away." Bella was shocked out of her thoughts – the thoughts that had kept her company throughout her drive and most of the morning class – by Seth's voice. "Don't let Molina catch you daydreaming or he'll have your ass and it would be a shame if I had to knock his teeth out for calling you out."

Bella chuckled in spite of her. "You don't have to do that, Seth."

"I know," Seth grinned back, "but I guess you can take the boy out of the Norteños but you can never take the Norteños out of the boy. Besides," he grinned, flexing and relaxing his muscles, the tattoos popping out from underneath his shirt moving along, "I think I need a bit of target practice. These puppies are starting to get a little rusty."

It wasn't very often that Seth referred to his gang past, and with his tattoos covered by his clothes and his cute babyface still looking so innocent, no one would have guessed that he had been heavily involved in trading drugs to support his gang's lifestyle ever since he was fourteen and been in and out of juvenile detention ever since. It was a miracle he'd never killed someone or done something else that was truly unforgivable but it hadn't been for lack of trying, or so he claimed. His deadbeat mom and gangbanger family smoothed the pathway for both children from an early age.

It was only after Felix had intervened and taken them out of their environment and, subsequently, their lifestyle that Seth and Leah found out that there was more to life than what they'd seen of it so far.

In a way, they were just like her, Bella thought, though they had been locked into a different kind of prison.

"Then you'd better fight it," Bella pressed, "because if you get send back to prison, who's going to eat the oatmeal cookies I planned to bring to school tomorrow?"

"I'm sure there'll be plenty of takers," Seth smirked, nodding over to a few guys in the seats in front of them who looked like they could hold their own against a full jar of cookies. His face turned pensive after a couple of seconds, though, his lips pursing as he tapped his pencil against them. "Oatmeal you say, though? Hmm, that might just keep me on the straight and narrow until tomorrow's class."

"Good," Bella giggled, ducking her face down as Mister Molina's stern gaze fell on her. "And I promise I'll be a good girl and stop daydreaming in the middle of class so that you won't have to resort to violence."

"Deal!" Seth whispered before following Bella's example and settling back into the world of introductory science.

It wasn't until their class was finished and they were walking out in the direction of the parking lot that they spoke again. "So what was all that about?" Seth asked, scratching the back of his head. "You're usually all chipper and putting us all to shame in class. Is something wrong?"

Bella sighed. "Edward and I had a fight last night and it was just…really awful."

"Really awful as in: this is going to be prime material for the best make-up sex ever or as in, please Seth call some of your old buddies because I want to have this asshole taken care of?" Seth joked, but underneath it all there was a serious undertone. He might have been although and wearing his past life on his sleeves (literally), but deep down inside, Seth was a good guy with a huge and extremely loyal heart. He'd do anything for his friends, even if it would end him up in jail.

"I'm hoping for the first," Bella answered with another deep sigh, "but right now I'd settle for just a good, long talk where we straighten things out."

"I'm sure you will, Bella," Seth nodded good-naturedly. "That guy really loves you and you know what they say…love conquers all."

His comment made Bella smile, even though in the pit of her stomach she still felt the uncertainty lay as heavy as ever. "Do your gangster buddies know you're such a sap?" she joked, her footsteps halting as she reached her car. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

Seth nodded, walked a little further to where his beat up old Volkswagen Rabbit was parked. "Call me if shit goes wrong at your place, m'kay?"

With a fake promise to do so, she was off again, for once thanking the heavens for the mundane task of sorting and storing books all afternoon as it allowed her mind to freely wander while her hands mechanically set about their task.

Her shift was over before she even knew it, another message from Edward telling her he'd pick up some food on his way back brightening her spirits as she drove home, quickly sprucing up the place with a wipe down of all flat surfaces and a fast vacuum of the carpets and wooden flooring before the tell-tale sound of the garage door rumbling upwards told her Edward was back again.

_I can do this_. She reminded herself, nervously righting her hair and her clothes as his footsteps came closer. _We can make this work if we want to. _

And she wanted to.

The fragrant smells of pizza preceded Edward's arrival in the living room and as he set down the box on the sofa, guaranteeing a safe amount of space between the two of them for their conversation, Bella caught a look at his appearance.

Haggard.

Exhausted.

Tormented.

Hopeful?

They were both nervous, or so it seemed, muttering common pleasantries as they took up their spots, chewing around an acceptable amount of pizza with notable difficulty with the air surrounding them as heady as the cheese topping it, before Edward finally took initiative.

"Do you think…" He was hesitant, the caution in his voice matched by his eyes.

"Yes?" she encouraged him, trying to push away the tears and the guilt. She had to remain strong now. For him, and for herself. _You can do this, Bella. For him. _

"Can I ask you a few questions?" His voice was stronger, his eyes trained to hers to gauge her reaction every step of the way, waiting for her to nod before he went on. "And do you promise to tell me the truth, even when you think it will hurt me or make me angry?"

She swallowed thickly. There were few things she wanted to do less but even so, she'd seen this coming and she guessed she owed him this much. "I promise." Her lips were as dry as her throat, the skin stinging as she nervously licked them.

"Okay." He suddenly looked as nervous as she felt; his body taut and coiled like a spring as he sat on the other end of the sofa. "What did you feel when you first realize you were pregnant?"

"Panic." It didn't take her long to answer, the feeling still so overpowering that voicing it seemed like the smallest matter in the world.

"And then?" he encouraged her, his green eyes open and holding nothing of the reproach or anger they had the previous night. He seemed to genuinely want to know what went through her mind.

She took in a deep breath, organizing her thoughts as she became resolved to answer him as best as she could. She owed him that much after their argument. "I felt…so afraid and crushed."

"Crushed?" He frowned, his eyes relaying his confusion as they impatiently pressed her for an explanation.

"I just got back from talking to your father and I was so happy. When he gave me that envelope, it was as if a dream I didn't even dare to think about was turning into a reality and finally starting to become real right in front of my eyes. I'm only just getting my life back on a track and this time it's following a direction _I've _decided to follow, not one that had been decided for me." Her breath was shaky as she inhaled. Shifting slightly she gathered her courage before she went on. "I know it's selfish and coldhearted and all of that. I _know_ I should be happy – ecstatic even – because of this news, just like any regular, normal human being would have been. It's just…" She'd promised herself she wouldn't cry, to talk calmly and collectedly without falling apart or using her tears and distress as emotional blackmail.

"Did you want an abortion?" Edward spoke, his voice strangely without accusation or anger. "When you first found out, did you want to end it?"

"No." Strangely enough, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind, her quick and certain answer surprising even Bella as she spoke, voicing her thoughts as she organized them inside her head. "I wished it wouldn't have happened but I would never go as far as to…as to make it go away."

"That's something, I guess." She looked up, the relief she'd heard in his voice equally clear on his face as he nodded, his brows furrowing as he thought about his next question. But there was also something else, something he tried to keep hidden underneath his smooth mask of outward calm that immediately let Bella know that underneath that calm he was feeling all sorts of feelings he didn't want her to be privy to.

That scared her, more so because she had reason to suspect that all of the anger and reproach she felt she deserved was hidden somewhere within all of that.

She did that to him.

"Did you ever want kids?" he asked next. "Not now, since you obviously don't, but further down the line?"

"I think so." She felt more certain of it as she stated her words on her lips. "I like taking care of people since I feel that, right now, it's the only thing I'm really good at, so taking care of a baby and making sure it has everything I missed growing up - yeah, it's something I saw myself doing somewhere down the line, when I'd had some time to explore life, find out what I wanted and become whole again."

His brows furrowed in confusion as his eyes stared hard at her as if attempting to pull an explanation from her by sheer force of will. "Whole?"

She chuckled humorlessly at his confusion. "I know I'm not normal, Edward. I've spent years living a life not so far removed from slavery, and you know as well as I do, that it's left its scars on me." She sighed, ducking further into her sweatshirt as if it were a protective cocoon. "In my mind I wanted to fix all of that before I ever started to think about having the responsibility of a baby."

He nodded, obviously seeing the truth in her statement. "So what do you want to do now? What do _we_ do now?"

She sighed, the feeling of being lost again, just as she thought she'd found her way home, creeping back up on her. "I don't know."

"You don't want to get married," he went on, stating a fact though Bella could faintly pick up on the glimmer of hope shining through in his voice.

She shook her head, her heart breaking at the thought of dashing that hope but she just…couldn't. _Too much. Too soon. _

"Never?" He was cautious, guarded about his heart, and she hated that he had to be that way even if it didn't change anything.

"Not never," she muttered, pleased that at least in this she could give him some hope. "Just, not now."

"And you're still determined to start college next year," he confirmed, his body sagging backwards when she nodded, his hands rubbing his tired face.

"If I could," she whispered, her voice faltering from her crushed hope, tears, and sheer exhaustion. That seemed impossible now; a dream so far away that even the memories were starting to fade, though for a sweet moment, it had seemed so real. "If it's possible…I'd like to, but only if we can make it work with a baby…" She shocked herself, somehow automatically adding the little intruder growing inside of her into her plan-making. But she guessed that was what she would have to get used to.

The naturalness of her own actions still took her aback, though.

Was that what maternal instincts were all about?

"So you don't want to get a nanny?" Edward meanwhile asked, his voice pulling her back from her thoughts.

"If you mean do I want to have a sort of permanent person on hand to look after the baby whenever we can't, then yes," she spoke, cautiously and weighing her words carefully before she spoke them. "If you mean do I want someone to take over the care of our baby while I'm off living the high life, then no."

It was odd how protective she felt towards someone who wasn't even there yet. She might not have been particularly overjoyed to find out about her pregnancy but that didn't mean she wanted to pretend this baby wasn't happening. It was, and she would do everything in her power to give it everything she never had in life, loving parents who were there and always cared, being the first and foremost. "I don't know how we'll manage, though," she added, her voice low and grieving over the lost chances in life because she knew very well from what she'd read about course loads and college life (though that was very little, to be honest) that you couldn't be a college freshman and a full-time mom at the same time.

Something had to give, and she knew in her heart what that had to be.

"We might be able to work something out," Edward, ever the hopeful one, suggested. "I know of quite a few people who didn't start out their college years with a full course load so, though, of course, I'll have to talk with my dad about the particulars of his deal with the dean, you may be able to start out with just a few subjects so you can be a mom and still make your dreams come true."

For the third time in two days, a shockwave rumbled through her system, the hope that had been dashed flickered back to live as she slowly let his words sink in. "Do you really think that?"

"It's definitely not unheard of," Edward shrugged, his hand reaching out towards hers in reassurance. "And even if Northwestern doesn't want to cooperate, I know there's bound to be a college around here that will." Her hand clasped around his as if it were her only lifeline; which, to some extent, wasn't so far from the truth, she guessed. "It may take you longer to get there, but if this is what you want, we'll find a way to make it happen."

The tears that flowed from her eyes right then were tears of happiness, the hope she'd scarcely dared to entertain now kindling into a full-fledged fire, setting her insides aflame as she scooted across the distance between them, bridging the gap as their lips connected, her body sighing with relief at being joined again in some fashion.

Everything was going to be okay.

She still scarcely allowed herself to believe it but the proof was starting to get more real by the second and, even if it was just an illusion, the feeling of being wrapped in Edward's arms felt too good to think about anything else.

"How about I pick out a movie while you fetch us some drinks?" Edward suggested after what may have been hours of being wrapped up in one another, reestablishing their bond, and just basking in the fact that they were unbroken, in spite of everything. "I think we've earned a night of vegging out in the couch."

She couldn't agree more.

When they went to bed a few hours after their talk, the air between them had been cleared almost to the point of a blue sky. There were still some quite sizable and ominously dark clouds they'd need to take care of though, but as Edward reached out for her she fell into his arms with a relief and sense of hope she never would have dreamed of feeling the previous night, when all hope seemed to have evaporated and a solution as unreachable as the moon.

"I love you, angel," Edward whispered, his face almost completely obscured by the dark as his fingertips traced the sliver of bare skin peeping out over the neckline of her pajama top. "I know you need some more time to come to terms with all of this but I promise you I'll do everything in my power to make this work."

"I know." She still felt guilty for having disappointed him with her lack of enthusiasm over their pregnancy and she knew that, even though he did his best to hide it, underneath it all, Edward was still hurt and angry with her over it. He tried, though, as she would too. She had to, because without him life wasn't really worth living, she'd realized as much in the twenty-four hours that lay behind her. "I love you, too, Edward, and I know I'll grow to love our baby as much as you already do." The words felt foreign, spoken more from a wish than from an actual belief that they would come true.

She could feel his smile even if she couldn't see it, the hand not wrapped around her shoulder slipping down to rest on her still flat stomach. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to. She already knew how much he had grown to love their baby ever since he'd found out it was there, and as she lay there, listening while his breath slowly evened out, his hand on her stomach relaxed as his fingers pressed into her skin, and for the first time since finding out she was pregnant, she felt some of that same spark that had alighted in his eyes.

She sighed, placing her hand next to his on her stomach as she tried to imagine what it would be like, holding her baby and getting to be there as it grew up and enjoying the world in a way she had never been allowed to.

Panic was still the undercurrent running through her imagination but as her mind conjured up the image of a newborn child with his eyes and unruly hair, she had to admit that image wasn't so bad after all.

This baby may have been the end to some of her dreams, but perhaps it would not be the end of all.

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_***bites nails* Thoughts?**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do."__  
_

_Henry Ford_

**17.**

"Am I too late?" Edward panted breathlessly as he crashed into the examination room, a nurse hot on his heels to stop him.

"Did you get held up in the pit?" Doctor Amun, an old friend of Edward's from the time they were doing their first internships together and who had now become their OB, asked. "We were just wrapping up."

"Shit!" Edward cussed, listlessly throwing his body into the seat next to Bella's as he smirked apologetically. "A guy was brought in with a GSW to the head just when I was getting ready to leave, and with Donnelly on lunch break and Howard in surgery, I had to take it." He sighed, mouthing 'I'm sorry' to Bella as he ran his hand through his hair. "Is everything okay?"

"Don't worry," Doctor Amun reassured him. "As I was just telling Bella, everything is as it should be at this stage in her pregnancy. The fetal heart-rate was strong but as for anything else…well, you know it's still in its early days." She waited for Edward to nod with him already knowing most of the things the doctor had painstakingly explained to Bella while pulling her to the wringer with her weight, urine sample, pap smear and, most of all, lots and lots of questions. "I gather that she is about eight weeks along so you're looking at a late-November to early-December due date."

"And their mother?" Edward asked, in full doctor mode as he brought Bella's hand to his lips.

"In great condition," Doctor Amun answered with a smile. "Her weight could be a bit better – which isn't so surprising since she told me she's been throwing up – so I've asked the front desk to add a meal plan to the informational packet you will pick up on your way out. Other than that, I don't expect any problems at this point. Her blood pressure is good, and from what I can gathered, Bella is perfectly healthy, apart from her morning sickness."

Bella grimaced, remembering how, earlier that morning, she'd had yet another unfortunate meeting with the toilet bowl right after breakfast. "It's going to pass, right?"

Doctor Amun nodded. "Usually it stops once you get to the second trimester of your pregnancy so you should be fine in a couple of weeks. There're some pointers on how to minimize the effects in the information packet which also has my number on the cover in case you have any questions or the nausea gets so bad you're unable to hold in _any_ food or feel the effects of it throughout the entire day."

With a few more tips and general remarks, which Bella assumed were mostly for Edward's sake since their doctor had already discussed most of these things with her earlier during the visit, they said goodbyes, picking up the packet at the front desk where they made their next appointment which would also include their first ultrasound.

"I'm so sorry, angel. I promise I'll be there on time next month," Edward sighed, the look of apology back again as he hovered awkwardly while Bella punched the date and time into her cell phone's calendar (she was starting to get better at handling those things every day). "Early even, just to be on the safe side."

"Don't make promises when you don't know if you can keep them," Bella smiled, wanting him to know she understood where he was coming from. "You're a doctor. When you're on duty, your patients have a bigger claim on you than I do."

"But I should have been there," Edward argued, his eyes not meeting hers as he trudged on after her into the generic hospital corridor. "This was our first prenatal appointment, Bella. It's a huge thing! What kind of dad will I be if I can't even make it to my baby's first appointment?" The dejected look on his face broke her heart, his lips pursed in self-hate as he walked next to her.

"The kind of dad who understands his duty and his responsibilities, I guess," Bella shrugged, her hand clenching around his arm as she stopped him, rising to her tiptoes as she cradled his face. "If we raise this kid anywhere near good enough, he or she is going to be proud of you for all the hard work you put in to making people better. So stop beating yourself up about it. And you _were_ there, got it?"

He smiled, one of his hands folding over hers as his other arm snaked around her hips. "Look at you," he grinned, her heart beating violently at the sight of that lopsided grin of his that never stopped making her feel all flustered, "being all understanding and mom-like."

"Mom-like?" Bella didn't know whether to be amused or insulted, though for now her mind seemed to settle for panic and extreme discomfort as she felt her body slowly turn to stone. In the past couple of days she had come a long way towards accepting the fact that all of this was, indeed, happening, but being happy about it…No, she wasn't quite _that_ far yet.

Edward seemed to pick up on the sudden change in the atmosphere around them, his awkwardness returning as he shuffled from one foot to the other. "Yeah…well….How about we get some lunch before I have to get back. You have time for that, right?"

She nodded. "Do _you_, though?"

"I've got a surgery planned for this afternoon but I don't have to scrub in for that until one," he answered. "So I have some time as long as we settle for cafeteria food." He shook his head, chuckled. "I'm a lousy date, I know!"

"Hey!" Bella joked back, "I spent the best part of my life having to cook every damn meal I ate so I'm not about to be picky when faced with the prospect of having someone else do all the hard work."

His other hand dropped, pulling her in close as his laughter deepened, his lips still parted when they pressed against her forehead. "I don't deserve you, angel."

"Well, you're stuck with me." Bella shrugged. "Whether you like it or not."

"I love it, actually," he growled, kissing the top of her head, one hand wedged in the back pocket of her jeans as they made their way down several floors to the main hospital cafeteria.

It felt right.

Almost like the old days.

Still, Bella was no fool. She knew that though things might look right and feel right, that didn't mean they _were_ right.

Because they weren't.

As loving and attentive as Edward had been ever since they'd kissed and made up, she knew him well enough to know that underneath the surface, things were far from alright. In fact, he was suffering and the fact that he didn't reach out to her?

That was killing her.

More so even because she knew that she was the cause of it.

There had been times, over the past couple of days, when she wished he would just lash out at her; give her the ugly truth and tell her how it was so that she knew where she stood.

She knew he'd never do that, though. He was a better man than that.

The kind of man who kept everything bottled up inside until it killed him.

The kind of man she wasn't sure she deserved.

So she waited, unsure of what exactly she was waiting for.

For him to snap?

For her to come to terms with everything that was going on inside her body?

"What was this like the first time?" she asked, suddenly curious about Edward's experience. "When Tanya was pregnant with Claire?"

"I don't know," Edward chuckled guiltily, rubbing the back of his head. Though it hadn't missed Bella's attention how he still cringed a little – almost like she'd slapped him – whenever Claire's name was mentioned. "I missed her first doctor's appointment as well."

Bella snorted. "Is this a pattern I see emerging here?"

"Hopefully not!" He growled. "It's why I was so pissed off when I was late for this one. I promised myself I'd do better this time... and I thought I had everything sorted out!"

Bella sighed, knowing that at least part of the broodiness and somberness he'd been trying to hide from her over the past couple of days had to do with Claire and the uncompleted grieving process he was still wrestling with.

"You did the best you could, Edward," she answered softly, snuggling into his side. "As I'm convinced you'll do this time. Seriously, you're much better at this than I am, so if you think you're going to fail…" She sighed dramatically, pressing her lips together before she opened them again to speak, "then what the hell am I going to do?"

"You'll be a great mom, Bella," he reassured her, just as he'd done every time she started to freak out over the past couple of days. "You just need time."

"I hope so." She bit her lip, staring out in front of her as they waited for a team of nurses to maneuver a bed through the narrow corridor and into a room.

She still felt like a complete failure, and as woman and a would-be mom over her inability to love the child growing inside of her as much as it deserved to be loved, as much as Edward already loved him or her.

She was getting there but the process was so slow and the guilt stacking up a little higher every day so heavy that it threatened to swallow her.

Edward did the best he could, though she knew he must have been sorely disappointed in her lack of enthusiasm; immediately swinging into action by calling in a lot of favors at work to get them an appointment with the top OB/GYN in the city, even though Doctor Amun's website had stated that for the time being she hadn't been taking on any new patients.

He'd also called his dad and the university to make sure that Bella could still start school as planned, but with a lighter course load to accommodate her new situation in life, he even set her up with an appointment with an Academic Advisor to map out a plan tailored to her needs.

The frequent dropping of the Masen name probably had something to do with the university's willingness to accommodate her, Bella assumed, but she wasn't about to look a gift horse into its mouth.

Not when that would be key in making her dreams come true.

Edward's hand on the small of her back brought her back to the present as he steered her through the maze of hospital corridors towards the main cafeteria, the scents of all sorts of foods hitting Bella's senses long before she walked through the double doors of the entrance.

"Are you okay?" he asked, holding her clammy hand as she tried to absorb the multitude of smells; some quite pleasant, others absolutely disgusting.

"I will be in a minute," she muttered, swallowing around the nausea as she took deep breaths in and out.

"We'll just get our food here and go someplace quiet, and not quite so smelly," Edward suggested, tugging her along to the huge self-service area.

He kept his promise, carrying their tray of food around the hospital to a nice, huge sunroom where the subtle undertone of fresh flowers and huge potted plants surrounding them with a freshness and intimacy that felt much better than the crowdedness of the cafeteria.

"Do you come here often?" she asked, as he put down the tray in between the two of them on the bench. Now that her nausea had gone down again, she was starting to actually feel a little hungry, her fingers tearing at the onion bagel she'd picked out as soon as he'd put the tray down.

"Not much," Edward answered. "I don't usually take the time to have lunch and if I do, then most of the times it's because I'm in a lunch meeting upstairs or in the cafeteria."

"So you could say that this is pretty much _our_ place, huh?" Bella smiled, immediately seeing a vision of her and the baby coming to this place during Edward's lunch hours to surprise him with a home cooked lunch. She had to admit the thought kind of moved her in an unsuspected way.

"You could say that," Edward chuckled, digging into his own food.

The peace and quiet that fell over them as Edward devoured his food and she nipped at hers was soon disturbed by the ringing of Bella's cell phone, her brows furrowing at the unknown number flashing across the screen as she brought it to her ear.

Edward's anxiety over this unknown caller only grew as her eyes widened, her stammered responses leaving him none the wiser except for the fact that this was something big and required some sort of meeting.

When Bella ended the call she was still completely bawled over, her hands shaking as they tried to find the red button before pocketing her phone. "I expected to hear something from them," she muttered, biting her lip, "but not this soon."

"Who?" Edward was on pins and needles, his frustration almost making him tear his hair out at the roots as he waited for Bella to come to her senses again. "Who was on the phone, angel?"

"My grandmother," she mumbled. "That was my grandmother…my dad's mom. She wants me to come over for a visit this weekend."

"That's great, Bella!" Edward was quick to jump on board, though inwardly he was slapping himself for the favor he'd promised in exchange for time off to accompany Bella to her prenatal visit. _And look how that turned out_. "Do you want to go?"

"Yeah." She nodded hesitantly, looking up with eyes filled with promise. "I think I do. As much as I don't know what to think of them, I want to know why they never contacted me. Why they never checked up on us."

"Then you should go," Edward nodded, "even if I can't come with you this time."

"What?" It had never occurred to her that maybe Edward couldn't be there for her.

"I had to call in a few favors to get out of a procedure I was supposed to be in this morning, so I traded with Liam and now I'm on call this weekend," he explained.

Bella's face fell. She knew enough about hospital procedure to know that this meant he couldn't leave the city. "I'm sure they'll understand…"

"No," Edward vehemently disagreed, taking her hands. "I want you to go, angel. This is important to you. Maybe Carmen could go with you…would you be comfortable with that?"

Bella didn't have to think about it for long, the disappointment of not having Edward by her side lifted slightly by the comfort of having Carmen there for her. "If she wants to come…then I guess so."

Which was how, a couple of days later, Carmen and Bella found themselves saying goodbye to a very distraught Edward as they scrambled to catch an early evening flight into Philadelphia.

"I promise I'll take very good care of her," Carmen promised, trying to reassure Edward and, perhaps, get the man as far as to let go of his woman.

"I should have just told the hospital to stuff it," Edward muttered, his forehead resting against Bella's as his grip on her intensified. "What kind of man lets the love of his life and his unborn child out of his sight?"

"The kind of man who knows his responsibilities," Bella reminded him, her speech awfully similar to the one she'd held just a couple of days ago. "And it's not like you're throwing me to the lions anyway. You're leaving me very well cared for. If there's anyone who should feel guilty it's me, condemning you to a weekend of fast food and a cold bed."

"It will be warm again soon enough," he tried to smile but she could see his heart wasn't in it.

"That's right, baby," she nodded, angling her face to kiss his lips, "and maybe this time apart will be good for us, anyway. I mean, maybe it will remind us of just how good we are together."

He nodded, the look in his eyes telling her he knew what she was referring to.

The gap.

The vast abyss of things unsaid that still hovered between them.

"We'll talk when you get back?" It was more like a plea than a promise, breaking her heart in two as she stepped back and watched the light go out of his eyes.

"We'll talk when I get back," she promised, burrowing into his hold one last time as she drank in his comforting masculine scent, "and before that, on the phone."

"Come on, Bella." Carmen, whom up until then had been a quiet observer stepped in. "We're going to miss our flight." She shot Edward a sympathetic look as she tugged Bella out of reach, her heart breaking over the two lovers now separated by an ever-increasing gap as she made Bella go through the motions of checking in and getting settled into the plane.

"We're going to be just fine." The motherly movement with which Carmen brushed a strand of tear soaked hair out of Bella's face as the plane took off into the skies comforted Bella even more than her words did. "I know it's tough leaving Edward behind since it's the first time the two of you have been apart since you arrived but try to look at this as another step into your growth process." She smiled encouragingly when finally Bella tore her eyes away from the disappearing Chicago skyline to look at her. "I've always found that, as important as it is in a relationship to spend time together, it's just as important to sometimes be apart for a couple of days…just to be reminded of why it is you want to spend your days with him. And, of course, it won't hurt that you'll have some great stories to tell him when you get back."

"I guess if you look at it from that way," Bella muttered, still not feeling utterly convinced. On the one hand she was looking forward to the trip. She couldn't wait to meet her grandparents and find out more about who her mom and dad were. Her trip to Philadelphia had brought back a lot of memories but there was still so much she didn't know; it saddened her that her own parents were basically strangers to her.

And she missed them.

So much.

Especially now.

She just wished Edward had been there with her, steering her through the maze of her emotions and talking her from the ledge when she felt like the magnitude of the world surrounding her would swallow her whole. But maybe he had been right, just like Carmen. Maybe the distance would do the both for them some good and give them the time to think, separately from each other, and finally bridge the gap.

"I just wish I could love this baby as much as he does," she muttered, only realizing she'd spoken the words out loud until they were already out there.

Carmen, of course, had been told about Bella's pregnancy. She was the only family member they'd told but Bella suspected that even if they hadn't, Carmen would have figured it out by now. "You know," she mused, "when I first found out I was pregnant with Alice I reacted pretty much the same way?"

Bella eyes widened with shock, her heart skipping a few beats as she tried to ascertain that she had, indeed, heard those words correctly. "Y-you did?" She had never seen or imagined Carmen to be anyone but the amazing and devoted mom she was to Alice and, in a way, to Edward as well. Hearing there may have been a time when Carmen had been the opposite was nothing if not a shock to Bella's system.

Carmen nodded. "I never told anyone about this, actually, and I planned never to tell a living soul because…really, what good would it do? You look like you desperately need to talk to someone who understands, though."

"I'll keep your secret," Bella promised, taking Carmen's hand from the armrest between them.

"I know, honey," Carmen chuckled, though her eyes were already miles away. "I was very young when I came to work for the Masens," she started, her Mexican accent picking up a little at the memories of those early days in Chicago. "I was fresh out of school and so excited to be living in this strange city…in _America_." She chuckled. "I was so naïve. I knew so little about the world I was trying to make my own."

"Kind of like me," Bella mused.

"Yeah," Carmen smiled, "we're a lot alike in that respect, I guess. Anyway, I soon found my way in the city but I'd never made any real friends outside the family. Esme and I were pretty close back then, which wasn't so strange since we we're about the same age and me and Edward…well, he was my little sunshine." Her smile deepened, her eyes sparkling when she thought about him. "Charlotte hated me pretty much right off the bat, though. Just like her mother."

"And Ed?" Bella asked, feeling quite excited to be given this inside peek into the Masen family.

"Ed spent most of his days at the office," Carmen shrugged. "In that aspect not much has changed, I guess. I never really spoke to the man until I went looking for him. In a way, he kind of scared me at first."

Bella could definitely see where Carmen was coming from, even though it appeared as rather comical to her that his future wife was scared of him. "You went looking for him?"

"Back then, Edward still really craved his dad's approval and went out of his way to get it, even though it always ended up with a little boy crying in my lap because he was disappointed yet again." Bella's heart broke, hearing Carmen talk about that, though she held her tongue, waiting for Carmen to go on. "This one time, though, Edward had a piano recital at his school and his dad had promised him he'd come so often that even _I_ started to believe it. I thought that maybe because it was at Edward's fancy private school, Ed might actually think he'd gain something from showing up or something…" Her sigh told Bella all she needed to know even if she'd already suspected as much. "The look on little Edward's face when he came out and saw that empty chair where Ed was supposed to be sitting broke my heart."

The sheer anger in her eyes and fight in her voice made Bella subconsciously move a little further away in her seat as she waited for Carmen to finish her story, her heart hurting for poor little Edward. "I hightailed it into his office as soon as Edward was asleep that night – I was so angry I didn't even feel intimidated by him anymore and I gave it to him straight." She chuckled, crossing her legs as she sat back in her seat. "You should have seen the man, Bella! He looked as if I had come right out and slapped him in the face before taking a dump right over his important paperwork!"

A few people looked up as Carmen was starting to get a little louder, causing both women to blush as Carmen continued in a slightly more hushed tone. "We talked that night – well, as soon as I'd calmed down – and I found out there was much more to the man than just a grumpy, coldhearted bastard and…and we fell in love." She gave Bella a mischievous look. "Crazy, _no_? But underneath it all, there's a side to Ed he never lets anyone see. It's the side of him I fell in love with, though God knows he hadn't made it easy for me to keep on loving him at times."

"When you became pregnant?" Bella guessed, surprised when Carmen shook her head.

"No, he really came through for me then," she answered with a watery smile. "I was so afraid when I found out. Back then Elizabeth already knew of our affair but she never really cared because she was going at it with her driver as well. Charlotte and Esme hated my guts, of course, but they had already flown the coop so we'd kind of come to a sort of status quo."

"When I found out I was pregnant I thought my life was over…_literally_. I hated the baby at first but I didn't want an abortion either, and I knew – well, I suspected anyway – that Ed would never let it come to a divorce between Liz and him over this…she was simply too important to his life to cast aside and the damage a divorce would do to his reputation…" Carmen shook her head, the scars of all her worries still visible on her face. "No, he'd send me packing, back to Mexico where I'd have to face my catholic family and the judgment of every single person in my town. I was already starting to show when I finally worked up the courage to tell him…Hell, I'd even already packed my bags because I was sure he'd throw me out."

"And yet here you are," Bella muttered, thinking out loud.

"_Si_," Carmen's smile turned radiant as her mind lingered in the past. "Just when I thought that all my hopes and dreams were shattered, Ed came and turned my life around, giving me everything I never knew I wanted and allowing me the time and space to come to terms with everything that had happened and just being there for me when he knew I needed him. It may not have been the ideal way to go about things but I'm happy, Bella. It was a hard fight and some days I'm still fighting it, but it's worth it. You'll _know_, the first time you hold your baby in your arms."

Bella nodded, seeing the hidden meaning behind Carmen's words. She, too, would have to trust in the people around her to help her turn something that seemed like the end of all her plans into a new beginning. She had the capability to love her child.

She knew that in her heart she was already starting to feel it but she just needed that extra little push.

All the talking and the thinking had left her exhausted by the time they finally pulled into the little inn Carmen had booked for them a couple of hours later, her mind barely allowing her to go through the motions of check-in, a quick call to Edward and a soothing shower before she crashed, waking up hours later after a much needed night's sleep.

It was still dark when she opened her eyes, the foreign sounds of a strange house and the nearby ocean, pulling her out of her blissful sleep as she sat up and blinked, taking in the décor of the snug little room surrounding her, her heart already starting to pound in her throat as she remembered where she was and what she'd set out to do that had brought her there.

She had barely made it to the toilet in time.

It was starting to get light by the time she'd puked the final contents of her stomach out, the feeling of wooziness remaining in the background as she quickly brushed her teeth before hopping in the shower, her pale face staring back at her in the mirror when she put the finishing touches to her hair as a knock on the door distracted her from her nerves about the impending meeting with her family.

"It's me," Carmen's voice spoke on the other end. "I come bearing gifts."

The gifts Carmen spoke about turned out to be oatmeal, fruit and a fresh pot of ginger tea, which made Bella frown since they were basically the exact same foods that were on the meal plan her doctor had given her.

"Yeah," Carmen chuckled, pouring Bella a cup of tea as she cautiously tried some of the oatmeal. "Edward faxed it over, in case you didn't already suspect it. He knew you'd never ask for anything if it wasn't on the breakfast menu so he ordered me to make sure you stuck to your meal plan."

"He actually did that?" Bella chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief, though the thought of Edward still making sure she and the baby were well taken care of even when they were miles away warmed her heart.

She missed him.

Her bed had been cold that night without his presence to warm her both inside and out.

"He's really excited about the baby, isn't he?" Carmen asked, her keen eyes scrutinizing Bella's reaction. "And it makes you feel guiltier than you already felt."

Bella nodded, putting the spoon back down as the guilt made her stomach revolt again. "Why can't I just love my baby like everyone else? Something must be wrong with me!"

Carmen knelt in front of her, taking both Bella's hands. "You love this baby, Bella. I think deep down inside you already know you do. You just need some more time to come to terms with it than some people, but knowing where you came from, is that really so strange?"

"But I want to be normal!" Bella cried. "I _want_ to be like everyone else!"

"You're one of a kind, Bella, you'd better embrace it," Carmen smiled sadly, "but you know what needs to happen if you really want to get things in order in your head. And heart."

Bella sighed, though the idea of going to see a therapist wasn't so frightening and disgusting to her anymore as it had been only a few weeks ago. "I know."

"I know a few great people whom I work with through various charities," Carmen spoke again, "they specialize in dealing with cases of mental abuse and symptoms like those you're suffering from. Do you want me to hook you up with some names when we get back?"

Deep down Bella still wanted to scream 'no', just like she had done every time Edward brought this up. Things had changed, though. She didn't just have herself, or even Edward, to worry about. She had a little one growing inside of her who deserved to have a mother who was at least mentally stable and able to love her child. "I-I'd like that."

"No you don't," Carmen chuckled, "but you know what's best in the end. Responsibility sucks, doesn't it?"

Bella grinned along with her, picking at a few pieces of fruit. _Edward wouldn't like it if her meal went untouched_. "Yeah, it does."

Carmen waited until Bella had soldiered through a sufficient amount of food and seemed to be holding it in until she suggested they take the show to the road and head over to nearby Toms River where Bella's grandparents lived, which, of course, triggered another round of vomiting, though Bella wasn't sure whether it was morning sickness or just nerves.

"Do I look okay?" she asked, nervously brushing over her hair to see if everything was still in place, as they stood in front of the unassuming little bungalow that belonged to Bella's grandparents. "God, I don't look like I've been puking for the most of the morning, do I?"

"You look a little pale," Carmen acknowledged, "but nothing that can't be explained away because of your nerves. Do you want me to knock?"

She nodded, waiting with baited breath in front of the cute yellow front door until footsteps moved towards the door and it opened, revealing a woman unknown but so familiar that Bella felt the urge to just step forward and hug her.

"Isabella?" The woman, breathed, obviously feeling the same as only seconds later Bella found herself engulfed in the arms of the frail old woman who'd met her on her doorstep. "Isabella. Bella. Bella. My little darling…I never thought I'd see you again in this world."

Bella let her tears have free reign as her grandmother rocked them from side to side, both women completely overrun by their emotions as they basked in a reunion that had been years in the making.

"Come in!" Her grandmother finally managed to pry herself away. "Your grandfather can't wait to meet you!"

Bella cast a glace backwards to Carmen, who was already starting to draw away. "Call me when you want me to come pick you up, okay?" she pressed, nodding at Bella's grandmother before she turned and headed back to the rental.

Walking into her grandparents' home there were pictures everywhere; most of them of people she didn't know but some of them…

"That's my dad, isn't it?" she muttered, coming to a stop in front of the photograph of a young man with dark hair and dark eyes that twinkled brightly, his neatly pressed uniform identifying him as a police man.

"It was taken on the very day he joined the force," her grandmother nodded proudly, though there was a hint of sadness in her voice. "We were all so proud of him that day. Your mother too."

"They were already together back then?" Bella's eyes shot back to the picture. _He looks so young. _

"They were high school sweethearts," her grandmother explained, love and pride was still vibrant in her aged eyes. "True love, in a way you only read about in romance novels. When that picture was taken, your mother was already three months pregnant with you."

_Three months. Not that much further along than I am right now_. Bella blushed, wondering how her mother had felt during those days.

Her grandfather was seated in a wheelchair close to the window, his hair grey and his frame frail, but his eyes and the rest of his demeanor immediately reminding her of her dad. "You are very welcome here, Isabella," he greeted her. Motioning for her to come over and grabbing her hands tightly in his. "I wish we could have come to you instead of having you go through all this trouble but, alas…" He sighed, his eyes casting down to the metal frame that supported him. "My health doesn't allow it."

"It's no trouble," Bella assured him, sitting down in a seat close to him as her grandmother bustled about in the kitchen making tea. "I was so happy you were willing to see me."

"As were we," he spoke, tears shimmering in his eyes. "When your mother broke off all contact with us, we respected her wishes. We were so sorry to watch you go and missed you terribly but we knew Renee had to go on with her life, no matter how much we disapproved of her choices…"

"It's all water under the bridge." As she spoke the words, Bella wanted them to be true so much she could feel it in her bones. They had suffered the consequences of her mother's decision just as well as she and her mom had. As hurt as she still was that they had never reached out to her, looking at them now, she realized there was probably more to their behavior than met the eye. "We're here now."

"That we are," her grandfather spoke, reaching out for her hands again as he wheeled himself a little closer. "I hope we will somehow be able to make up for the time that was stolen from us."

"I hope so too," Bella nodded, her eye falling on a picture of her father sitting on the small little table next to her, her breath stopping when she noticed the woman standing next to him. _Mom._

She didn't even realize her grandfather had left her side until he wheeled up to her again carrying a thick, leather-bound album he presented to her. "You may want to take a look at this."

She knew she should probably wait; to get to know her grandparents before she delved into the past, but her need to know where she came from was too big to pass up on his offering, her hands shaking as she opened the cover, revealing a picture of her parents on their wedding day.

"They look so happy," she muttered, the pang of her heart bittersweet as she looked at the happy couple shining up at her from the page.

"They were, my sweet child," her grandmother, joining them with a full tray of tea, spoke. "In all the years they were together, I can't remember them ever having a fight or even a small disagreement. They were meant to be."

Bella nodded, easily seeing the love between them as she uncovered page after page of her parents' life, their smiling faces telling her all about their happiness she needed to know. It was the same look, the same feeling she felt every time she looked at Edward.

"Here," her grandmother offered, turning the page. "This was taken right after you were born, at the hospital."

The picture she was pointing at took Bella's breath away; the pure love dripping off the page taking her completely aback as she looked at the now familiar faces of her parents, holding a little bundle in their arms, their attention fixed on their newborn child and their happiness so profoundly it almost leapt off the page.

Seeing that picture, witnessing the love between the three of them, stirred something inside her she'd never felt before; a love so deep and profound it could not be broken by anything.

"They loved me," she muttered, though her words weren't directed at anyone in particular as her hands traced the lines of the photograph.

With her eyes still trained to the picture she could feel the tears starting to drip from her eyes but, when one of her hands left the paper, it didn't reach up to wipe the tears away.

It reached for her stomach.

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_Love is like a Rubix Cube, _

_There are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, _

_But when you get it right, _

_It looks perfect no matter what way you look at it."_

_Brian Cramer_

**18.**

"Your parents loved you very much," her grandmother spoke softly, sitting down next to Isabella on the small sofa. "I remember what it was like when they first brought you home from the hospital like it was yesterday." She giggled, her wrinkled hands folding around her teacup. "They wouldn't let you out of their sight, not even when I assured them that after having had and raised three of my own babies I was pretty good at handling them."

"Charlie all but growled at me when I went to pick you up without his express consent," her grandfather chimed in, the laugh-wrinkles deepening around his eyes making him look even more like the memories she had of her dad. "They loosened up a little over time but even then…" His voice trailed off as his face took on an overwhelming look of sadness. "I know our Charlie would have been so disappointed that we gave up trying to reach out to you and your mother after the two of you went away. It's a weight we have both been carrying with us for years now."

"Then why did you?" Bella asked, not in accusation but simply because it had been a question that had been tormenting her for years. She wanted to know.

She _needed_ to know.

Her grandmother took over then, taking Bella's hand and squeezing it gently as she exhaled a deep breath, gathering her strength before she spoke. "Our hearts broke when your mother announced she was leaving Philadelphia to live with that new man of hers. We'd seen enough of that Phil character not to trust him or his motives and we loathed letting you go…but we were powerless to stop it. Your mother was so in love that she wouldn't hear of any of our doubts about Phil."

"We tried to talk to her, even after she moved out to Kansas. We called and wrote and did everything in our power to keep in contact with the two of you…until one day the phone was disconnected and the letters started to come back unopened," her grandfather, Charles senior, explained. "We should have searched for you and Renee; made sure you were alright even if your mother apparently wanted to cut all ties with her old life, but we decided to walk away. It hurt too much." His eyes glassed over with tears as he stared out of the window, off into the bleary light of day.

Kansas. It was strange, how all the memories of that first house Phil had taken them to – the tiny house in the suburbs of the big town – had completely slipped from her mind; eradicated by the memories of the place he took them to after the first arguments with her mom had started…the place in the middle of nowhere…the house in Arizona.

It was no wonder her grandparents hadn't been able to find her. They didn't even know where she was.

"We had to let you go, for our sake," her grandmother began again, the pressure of her hands increasing as Bella looked into her eyes. "The uncertainty was really starting to get to us and when your grandfather had his stroke and ended up bound to his wheelchair…we had to let go." Tears glistened in her grandmother's eyes as she bowed her head in a mixture of shame and regret that all but broke Bella's heart. "But not a day has gone by that we haven't wondered what became of you or regret the way things had gone. You were always in our hearts, Isabella. You _and_ your mom." She could see the truth in her grandmother's clear blue eyes. The truth, and her sorrow.

That alone made her heart feel like ten times its normal seize, both for sorrow because of what had happened and the overwhelming happiness of finally finding out where she belonged – finally no longer being that lost piece of a puzzle anymore but actually fitting into the bigger picture. "I believe you," she muttered through her own tears as her grandmother enveloped her in another warm embrace. "It's just that life has been so tough…"

"Tell us," her grandmother pressed, her hands on Bella's shoulders as she pleaded with the younger woman to understand her grandparents' need to understand. "We need to know everything…even the worst of it."

Bella sighed. "Okay," she reluctantly acquiesced. "But you both have to know that I don't blame you, even though you blame yourselves… not for anything. I never have, I think, though I've always wondered..."

Then she told them. Everything, even things she'd never discussed with Edward.

And it felt…cathartic. Like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders that she hadn't even realized was there. It made her realize that she was not just the product of her abusive upbringing at the hands of Phil but that the love of her mom, dad and grandparents was still there, somewhere, only just now starting to get unlocked as her grandparents' stories made her remember all those little things from her past – _happy_ things – that she'd thought had been lost forever.

Even though most of her years had been loveless, she _had_ been loved.

She still was.

Knowing that…it was the best thing ever since it freed her of one of the biggest burdens from her past and once she'd never really come to understand.

"Oh, darling," her grandmother sighed, squeezing Bella so close she was beginning to feel out of breath by the time Bella had reached the happier chapters of her life's story; Edward's chapters. "My dear, dear girl. If only we had known."

"How could you have?" Bella smiled sadly, shaking her head. "Phil did everything he could to keep you out of our business and even if you had continued, we were somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Arizona. I doubt if you'd have ever found us. He made pretty sure you _wouldn't_."

She could see her grandparents weren't convinced but for now at least, they were willing to steer their conversation back into much easier waters, regaling Bella with stories about her parents until it became time for her to leave again.

"I'm glad you came," her grandfather spoke, his old eyes misting over again as he hugged and patted her on the back as if she were a child. That felt so good. "I hope this trip hasn't put you off visiting us again someday."

"Now why would it have done that?" Bella asked, smiling as she leaned in and kissed Charles Senior's cheek. "I'd be happy to come back any day, if you'd have me."

"You're most welcome here whenever you wish to drop by," he spoke. "And I'm sure that when they hear about this visit, your uncles and aunts will want to meet ya as well."

Bella nodded, still completely overwhelmed by the fact that not only did she have grandparents – blood – but she had uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews as well. _A whole family and I never knew…_

"We'll call," her grandmother promised, wrapping her up in one last hug as Carmen waited patiently in the car. "Hell, I might even get your Aunt Roseanne to teach me how to work the computer if it means staying in touch with you."

"We'll make it work, Grandma," Bella promised, hiding her tears in the old woman's hair as she clung to her for life. "I'm so happy to have found you."

"As are we, darling," the old woman spoke, wiping Bella's tears away before stepping backwards, knowing that if she didn't take the first step, Bella would cling to her forever. "Now go back to that man of yours and tell him you love him."

"I will!" Bella grinned through her tears, the prospect of seeing Edward again, even if it was still almost a day away, softening the pain of walking away from her grandparents as she slowly walked to the car.

"I take it the visit was a success?" Carmen spoke, cranking up the music in quiet understanding as Bella cried all the way back to their inn. There was so much information to digest; so much of her life that she had never known about. It was…overwhelming for lack of a better word.

But so, so good to know.

She had a _family_!

It was like some of the pieces of the puzzle were finally sliding into place; the stories from her grandparents not only helping her get to know who her parents were but also teaching her a lot about herself.

_You can't know who you are, until you know where you've been. _

She slept much better that night; a dreamless sleep brought forth from sheer exhaustion pulling her under until the alarm woke her up at eight the next morning, her stomach's protest much milder as she got ready for the trip back home.

_Edward_.

She smiled, running her hand along her collarbone as she stood in front of the mirror; one towel wrapped around her wet hair, another around her body. Her own touch was a poor substitute for his, though the thought of being separated from him by mere hours instead of days made her skin break out in goose bumps all over.

Carmen had been right all along. Looking at her face, all flushed with anticipation, her heartbeat speeding up at a mere thought, she knew just how dependent she was on him for her own happiness. Without him by her side, everything just seemed so gray and bland. He was her color; the spark that made her whole life worthwhile and exploring the world an exciting quest.

She missed him.

God, she missed him so much!

Smiling, she walked back into the bedroom, giving her hair another good squeeze with the towel to get as much water out of it as she could before she cast it aside, her hands reaching for her cell phone as she typed a quick message to Edward.

_How is work treating you?_

_I can't wait to be back._

_Love you!_

_B_

Losing the other towel, she quickly got dressed, her hand hovering over her stomach a little longer as a secret smile pulled at her lips. She couldn't wait to be home and share her epiphany with Edward; that little flash of _something_ she'd felt when she looked at the picture of her mom and dad holding her in that hospital room igniting that one spark inside of her she had been wishing for.

She was snapped out of her happy thoughts when her phone alerted her to a new message, her skin feeling cold as her hand reached out to see who it was from, though deep inside she already knew.

_Work is hell. I probably won't be able to pick you up from the airport. :(_

_Counting down the hours until you're in my arms again._

_Love you, too, angel._

_E_

Her shoulders dropped with disappointment as her face fell, reading the message. _It doesn't matter_, she told herself. _You'll get to see him in a few hours, whether he's there to pick you up at the airport or not. You'll be in his arms tonight. _

Her movements as she finished getting ready were less excited than they had been before, her sighs as she stuffed her things back into the small carry-on reverberating through the quiet of the room as she cast another look outside at the splendid views.

"Sorry to leave?" Carmen asked, as they checked out a little while later.

"Part of me, yes," Bella answered, following Carmen out the door to the rental. "It was great, meeting Grandma Mary and Grandpa Charles and finding out so much more about my parents and the rest of my family but…"

"You miss Edward," Carmen smiled encouragingly as she started the car.

"The body cannot live without the heart," Bella shrugged, reciting a line she'd read somewhere in a book as she absentmindedly played with a lock of her hair while looking out of the window. "Aren't you excited to go back to Ed again?" It still took a lot of effort to imagine Ed Masen as an ardent lover or even anything that involved him showing emotion, but she had believed Carmen when she told Bella that there was more to her husband than met the eye. Even if only because Bella couldn't imagine a passionate woman like Carmen staying with a dispassionate man like Ed for so long, no matter how much money or fame his name brought into her life. She's just wished Ed would have shown some of this hidden character of his to his children before it tore the family apart.

"I am excited to see him again," Carmen smiled, "though it will be some time before I see him, I'm afraid, since he's out on a business trip until Tuesday."

"You didn't want to go with him?" Bella asked.

"Not really," Carmen shrugged, the car's engine revving as they turned onto the main road. "Those business trips may be exciting to him but, to me, it's just one boring parade of luxury hotels, the company of airheaded trophy wives and nothing to do all day but have your toenails painted and wait for the men to come back. I have better ways to spend my time than that." She smiled a little insider's joke. "Besides, I think Alice was quite happy to accompany her dad this time, seeing as the trip took them to Seattle."

"Seattle?" Bella frowned. "You mean…"

"I'd be very much surprised if that Jasper Cullen she'd been raving about hasn't managed to find an excuse to meet her there," Carmen giggled.

"And you're okay with that?" Bella gasped, instinctually covering her stomach with her hand to protect her unborn child against any vibes of promiscuity unconsciously exuded by her all-but-in-name mother-in-law.

"It freaks me out," Carmen confessed, "but it has to happen sometime and Alice is at that age where it's only natural for girls to start noticing boys." She sighed, looking like she was still trying to convince herself. "Jasper sounds like a nice boy and I know his father and Esme raised him well. He won't hurt my little darling girl and…well," she chuckled, "the fact that she shares a suite with her father should be enough to put her off doing anything stupid."

Bella suddenly wished her baby was a boy because she wasn't so sure if she could be so calm at the prospect of her child exploring things like sex. _But why not? Why protect your children from engaging in an act so pure and pleasurable? Why not make sure they are ready and able to make the right choices?_

She frowned inwardly at debate with herself as they pressed on, making good time on their journey back to Philadelphia and the airport.

"You said it was sometimes hard to love Ed," Bella spoke, more thinking out loud than actually weighing the propriety of her question before she blurted it out, a blush staining her cheeks as she went on. "Did that have something to do with Edward?"

Carmen nodded. "Among other things." She sucked in a shallow breath, her eyes on the plane as they waited for their flight to start boarding. "I know Ed had his own hopes for Edward and that it hurt him to see that his son never felt any inclination to make those hopes and dreams come true, but that doesn't mean I agree with the way he treated him." Another sigh. "Far from it, in fact."

The smile she managed to conjure on her lips didn't reach her eyes. "Over the years I've tried to make both of them see reason and forget the strife that lay behind them but they're both so stubborn!" Carmen growled, a string of Spanish curses following. "And then, of course, there's always Elizabeth, adding fuel to the fire."

"Then why do you still allow her into your home?" Bella frowned. It had always seemed so strange to her, even coming from the background she came from, that Elizabeth could apparently just come and go as she pleases in the house that didn't belong to her anymore.

"Liz serves her purposes," Carmen remarked, the look in her eyes making Bella realize that underneath all this kindness, the woman still had a killer-instinct that made Bella slightly fearful. "If it wasn't for her, I would be the one forced to sit on all those charity boards and attend all those boring old social functions." Carmen cackled dangerously as she rose, their flight ready for boarding first class passengers. "No, let her think she triumphs over me while in fact she's allowing me to do what I love most: get involved into the lives of the people who need my help and actually make a difference while she just pretends to care. At the end of the day, we both know who the _real_ Mrs. Masen is on paper and who is just clinging on to the name and its fame."

"Wow!" Bella chuckled, hooking her arm with Carmen's as they walked towards the gate. "I never pegged you to be so fierce. Remind me to never get on your bad side!"

"If you want to be a Masen, you'll have to learn how to grow tough skin, Bella," Carmen warned, her eyes deadly serious and slightly sad. "You've seen enough of this family to know that both from inside and out, there are people lying in wait for you to mess up or show your weakness."

_Being a Masen sounds an awful lot like warfare!_ Bella nodded, hiding her fear as Carmen prattled on, the many misconducts of Elizabeth Masen keeping them entertained for most of their flight as well as the drive back home.

"It looks like Edward's home," Carmen giggled, flashing a knowing smile at Bella as they waited for the driver to fetch Bella's belongings from the trunk and open her door.

Bella blushed, though the illuminated windows made her heartbeat accelerate wildly and her impatience travel to new heights as finally the car door opened. "Thank you so much, Carmen." She spoke, pulling her into a warm hug. "I had an amazing time."

"As did I," Carmen beamed. "Call me any time you want a repeat."

Bella promised, waiting until the car had disappeared around the bend before she finally made her way down the front yard and up the porch steps, Billy Holliday's soft voice greeting her before she even put her key in the lock

_I put a spell on you, because you're mine. _

The music along with the knowledge of who would be waiting behind those doors made her weak in the knees, her hand trembling as she turned the key in the lock and just stood there, gaping in awe at the sight that greeted her.

Edward stood, his back to her and his hands clenched around a glass of what appeared to be whiskey, his head angled towards the stereo as his hips swayed to the rhythm.

_Dear Lord! Is he trying to kill me? _

She let the door fall into its lock loudly, scaring the shit out of Edward whose face snapped up to hers, a blush making him look even sexier as he stood there, scratching the back of his head with his other hand. "I guess this means I'm busted?"

Bella chuckled, shrugging her shoulders. "When did you get home?"

"About ten minutes ago." His face took on an intensity that went straight to her core as he looked at her, the music swelling as the tension became too much to bare. "Dance with me?"

Bella swallowed hard, forgetting for a minute that she barely knew how to dance as she nodded mutely, stumbling forth into his hold.

His lead was powerful, one hand on her, his the other in her hair as he held her to him with a gentility that made her eyes tear up.

"I put a spell on you, because you're mine," he crooned in her ear, his breath ghosting over her skin, putting out the burning heat his words left behind as he swayed them both to the beat, his hand on her hip bunching the fabric of her dress at her hips as he pressed himself against her, allowing her to feel his need for her.

"You missed me." She could feel her smile almost splitting her face in two as she buried her face in his chest, soaking up his spicy masculine scent as she reveled in his closeness.

"Of course I did, Bella," he chuckle into her hair, his hand dropping hers as it came to rest just above her ass. "I need you…like I need air to breathe."

"You have me," she whispered, her voice lost in a sea of lust as she looked up at him, catching the intense look in his eyes just before his mouth crashed to hers, the force of their collision sending them flush against the wall as his hips moved against hers, driving her insane as they rubbed against where she needed him most. "_Edward_!"

"Yes, angel?" he purred, accommodating her as she frantically unbuttoned his shirt.

"Take me." She wasn't afraid anymore to ask for it, the weekend behind her having stirred not only love but also determination as her hands finished their task, not really stopping to familiarize themselves with his sculpted chest before she started to unbutton his pants, thanking the Gods for the accommodating presence of his wool slacks as she managed to get them free and out of the way, her body overcome with need as she curled herself around him. "Please."

"Whatever my lady desires." His voice set her on fire, both inside and out, her breath leaving her chest in a loud gasp as he lifted her up, ripping her panties out of the way as he lined her pussy up with his thick, hard cock and pressed into her, both of them groaning with the pleasure of being united again as he started to pump – in and out – her back pressing against the cool wall as her lips pressed to his.

"_Edward_," she moaned, her hands clawing at his hair as she clasped her legs even tighter around his waist, holding him to her as his pace intensified, his hand sneaking in between. "Oh, God, yes!"

"I love…you," he panted, his forehead slick as it rested against her, his breath mingling with hers and he drove into her furiously until his head fell backwards in pure pleasure, his movements stilling as he spilled inside of her, the intensity of his pleasure combined with the ministrations of his hand pulling her over the ledge along with him as she called out his name.

"I love you, too," she breathed as they both sank to the floor, his body still joined with hers as they landed in a slick, sated pile on the cool wood floor, both completely unconcerned with appearances or anything else belonging to the 'real world' as she stroked his hair while he placed sweet kisses all over her face.

And the void was no more.

Before long, Edward's kisses to her temple started to pick up again, preceding a deep sigh as he stood, her body already lamenting the loss of his as he reached out to help her up. "I made plans for us tonight," he announced, brushing a few locks of hair away from her face. "That is, if you're not too tired?"

Bella shook her head, a small frown betraying her curiosity as she cocked her head sideways. "Where are you taking me?"

"To the opera." Edward's grin widened as Bella gasped with excitement. "I managed to get us box seats for tonight's performance of _Madame Butterfly_ at the Lyric. A town car is coming to pick us up in a little over an hour, so…"

"I'd better get ready," Bella muttered, her cheeks still flushed with excitement as she all but ran up the stairs, her clothes carelessly discarded on the floor as she struggled to get in the shower as fast as she could.

She smiled, remembering her conversation with Carmen a few weeks ago, when she had imprinted the need for fine evening dresses on Bella during their shopping trip. It had seemed like such a waste of money and a beautiful dress to her at the time, since Bella had never foreseen an occasion arising in which she got to wear it, but now…

She sighed a happy sigh, pulling the beautiful blue gown out of the garment bag that protected it deep inside her closet. The fabric felt so smooth and soft against her skin and the beaded cap sleeves and belt shined with the precious details attached to the chiffon. It was a dress fit for a princess and as she put it on, she truly felt like one.

She felt beautiful.

The finishing touches – hair, a little bit of makeup and some earrings – were done in no time at all. During her years with Aro she had learned how to style her hair in an elegant chignon up-do in no time at all and since she never really learned to care for make-up, she kept it down to the bare minimum: a bit of mascara to make her eyes pop and some lip-gloss to protect her lips from her nervous habit of biting them.

"My, my," Edward sang, whistling in appraisal as his eyes traveled from top to bottom over her form as she stepped out of the bathroom. "You do clean up nicely, Miss Swan."

She swallowed with difficulty, lust heating her blood as her eyes took quite the same journey as his had, drinking in the sexy sight of Edward's lean frame clad in a tuxedo.

_God Almighty._

"What are you staring at?" he teased, righting his bow tie. "It almost looks like you're planning to have your way with me later on this evening."

Bella smirked, biting her bottom lip as she felt her cheeks staining deep red with a blush. "If it wasn't for the fact that I really want to go to the opera, Doctor Masen, I'd be having my way with you already."

The sheer force behind his gaze as his eyes captured hers made her stumble backward and grab hold of the vanity table for support, her breath making her chest heave violently as he stalked up towards her and pressed his lips against hers until they were both breathless. "Later, angel," he promised, his voice husky with need as he took her hand. "The car is waiting."

They ate a quick but lovely dinner at a nice little Italian place near the opera house that, apparently, held a great tradition of pre-opera Masen family dinners. It was great, seeing Edward laugh and joke with the waiting staff as if he'd known them for yours, which probably wasn't so far from the truth. He was so relaxed again, as if the tough week that lay behind them didn't happen.

As if the whole weight had been lifted from her shoulders and, subsequently, from his as well.

Bella wasn't stupid; she knew they needed to have a good long talk about where they stood. Their hopes and fears and the changes they'd soon need to make to their lives to adapt to their new future. All of that needed to happen…but not now.

That night they would just pretend that the void had never existed.

They would just be happy.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, his arm wrapped around her shoulder giving her more warmth than the thick wrap she wore to protect her from the cold.

"About how big this place is," Bella muttered, staring in awe at the huge columns and opposing façade as they crossed from the sidewalk into the Lyric Opera of Chicago. "And how happy I am."

"I'm glad." His hand rubbed her shoulder, pulling her body slightly closer to his (if that was even possible) as they made their way inside, Bella's eyes were huge and shining with awe as they traveled the lobby and made their way up the stairs to where their seats were located, the view from halfway up the stairs allowed Bella a glance of all the people assembled below; some dressed as opulently as she was, others more moderately as they mingled with their companions, their muted conversations and pearls of laughter rising up towards the high ceiling.

"Is it always like this?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on the spectacle below.

"It's a game," Edward answered, his fingertips gliding over her bare shoulder. "People like you and me come here because we enjoy the music and the fun of a night on the town. People like my parents, however, mostly come here to see and be seen." He chuckled darkly. "Or even do business."

Bella frowned, not seeing how any business could be done in the dark and under the social obligation to be silent throughout the performance.

"Before the performance and during intermission is when people like Ed and Liz do their most effective lobbying," Edward smirked, his touch suddenly filled with tension as he sucked in a sharp breath and motioned his head in the direction of a small group of people standing somewhere near the stairs. "As you can see."

Bella's hands grasped the railing a little tighter as she identified Liz's haughty features amidst the crowd. "She's here," she muttered.

"Don't let her get to you," Edward soothed, his hand on the small of her back as he was quick to get her up the stairs and away from the offending presence of his mother. "With a little luck, we won't see her again tonight."

Bella held on to that, her mind soon distracted as they entered their box, the muted lights, beautiful paneled walls and the sound of the members of the orchestra tuning their instruments so overwhelming to her senses that she stumbled when it struck her, on her first step inside the room, Edward's steadying hand on her back keeping her from falling flat on her ass as she clung to him to steady herself.

He smiled, quietly offering her his arm as he guided her to their seats, sitting backwards as Bella remained perched on the edge of her seat, her eyes glued to the orchestra pit, trying to identify as many of the instruments as she could with what she knew of their sounds.

Living with Aro, who had been a great lover of classical music, she had developed a profound appreciation for the genre as well as a certain knowledge of it, seeing as Aro always loved to lecture her on the background of the operas or single arias they were listening to, their most famed performances and the instrument heard most prominently throughout the movement.

Never in her wildest dreams, though, had she ever dared to imagine she would be right in the middle of it, soaking up the splendor and the excitement of a live performance.

She was all but bouncing in her seat when the lights went off, her own enthusiastic applause mixing with that of others as the conductor made his way up the front before the music started.

And then, everything around her just fell away.

Except Edward's arm around her.

In rapt fascination Bella watched and listened as the young Japanese girl, Cio-Cio San, fall in love with the American officer Pinkerton, the sweet tunes of the flutes and violins caressing her skin like the sweet scent of orange blossoms, though soon the storyline got darker as she said goodbye to Pinkerton who had to return to his native country, leaving her behind, pregnant and destitute.

She spent the intermission in a daze, both agreeing to remain close to their seats so as not to run the risk of crossing paths with Elizabeth as well as give Bella the time to digest the first act.

There was no more happiness after the curtain came up again, Bella's hand folding protectively around her stomach as the brass section picked up and along with the timpanists set a haunting atmosphere as poor Cio-Cio San found out that she had been betrayed and that Pinkerton had only come back to lay claim on his child, his new American wife in tow as he staked his claim.

"Bastard," Bella muttered under her breath, her thumb caressing over the soft chiffon that covered her soon-to-be-bump, tears rolling down her cheeks as Cio-Cio San was faced with the ultimate choice: allow her son to go with his father to enjoy the riches and prospects of life in America or keep him with her, knowing he was the only thing she had left to live for.

When Cio-Cio San finally said goodbye to her son before killing herself, knowing she could not live without her heart Bella felt as if a piece of her had died along with the soprano on the stage, her tears falling on the jacket of Edward's suit as he embraced her as around them the audience erupted in a voracious applause.

"Thank you," she whispered, rising to her feet to pay tribute to the amazing performers on the stage.

Edward just smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead as he held her close. "You feel it now, don't you?" he muttered, his question, as cryptic as it may have been, needing no further explanation for her.

She nodded, blushing, her heart opening at the huge, radiant smile on his face as she confirmed, "Yes. I'm starting to, at least." Their fingers mingled together over the area were their future was growing.

The electricity between them as they progressed slowly towards the exit was enough to illuminate the entire building, the masses of people surrounding them completely forgotten as they both basked quietly in the intimacy of their bubble, barely able to wait to get home.

But, as always in these kinds of circumstances, real life had to interfere in the form of the last person either of them wanted to see, her sharp voice putting both of them on edge as it sounded from just behind them. "Edward, _Isabella_. Well, I never thought I'd see either of you here tonight."

* * *

_**Thoughts?**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_You can't always get what you want,  
But if you try sometimes, well you might find  
You get what you need."_

_Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, 'You can't always get what you want' (1969)_

**19.**

"Edward, _Isabella_. Well, I never thought I'd see either of you here tonight."

His grip on her tightened as his whole frame tensed, poised to strike, while he slowly turned around, angling his body so that it was halfway in front of her in a sort of protective stance that, she had to admit, was really rather hot. "Mother." Coming from his mouth, the word sounded almost like an insult which, combined with the glare on his face, Bella assumed it was.

"What?" Elizabeth spoke, her hand in front of her chest in a completely fake attempt to look shocked. "Am I not allowed to greet my son anymore?"

"Of course you are, Mother," Edward gritted, his hold on Bella becoming almost painfully strong. "So there, you've done it. You've greeted me. Now please allow us to get on our way. It's been a long day."

"I cannot believe what I'm hearing right now!" Elizabeth huffed in an artificially affected tone, her eyes flittering around as if to call upon the other people milling about for aide, though the shock in them was genuine. "I thought you had been raised better than this but I guess, considering the company you're keeping these days, I might have anticipated the considerable drop in your manners."

"My manners are perfectly fine," Edward grumbled. "Yours, however, the last time we met, were quite appalling."

"I did not know the girl you foisted upon us," his mother answered, the way she went on about her as if she wasn't there, standing right beside her son, making Bella squirm uncomfortably. "How was I to know she wasn't some kind of gold digger who was only after your wealth and the family's position in society? One hears such horrible stories these days…" She let her voice trail off suggestively, the knowing look she directed at Bella as fake as nearly every other look and gesture she'd shown so far. "But at least, considering you're here and, from the look of the two of you as you made your way out of the auditorium, your companion has some understanding of culture at least."

"I'm not a complete savage," Bella blurted out, unable to remain a quiet observer in her frustration, "and, come to think of it, I'm neither deaf nor a mute, so if there's something you want to say to me or ask, I'd be very much obliged if you posed your questions to me directly." Her eyes narrowed, a small jolt of pleasure empowering her as she noticed how Elizabeth couldn't completely subdue the guilty blush that was threatening to shine through. "And to answer your question: I may not have been allowed to finish my formal education but that does not make me a complete philistine either. My mentor inspired me with a very deep love for all varieties of classical music."

"How dare you address me like that!" Her outrage at being called out was the first genuine emotion Elizabeth portrayed and immediately Edward's grip, which had slacked a little ever since Bella started fighting for herself, intensified again.

"I don't believe I have said anything untoward," Bella merely shrugged, guiltily enjoying the effect she had on Edward's mother. "In fact, ever since I've met you, you have done nothing but insult me. If, out of the two of us, anyone has a reason to feel indignant, it's me."

"I know the game you're playing, missy." Elizabeth's eyes narrowed into tiny little slits. "You tried to weasel your way into my family by sinking your claws into my son in the hope his wealth and position would rub off on you, but now that you realize this family's assets are protected against conniving little girls like you, you're trying to defame us all with your little book."

Bella frowned, the shock of the accusations flung at her making her take a little involuntary step backwards into Edward's protective embrace. "I-I have no idea what you're talking about," she stammered, one hand pressed against her rapidly beating heart.

"Don't play the fool with me!" Elizabeth hissed in muted outrage. "I know all about that vile, pedestrian author….this _Aro Volturi_'s last novel."

_Oh no!_ Bella closed her eyes, Elizabeth's accusation suddenly making more sense. With everything going on in her life, she'd almost forgotten about Aro's book coming out soon and the effect it may have on her life.

"Do you really think this family wants to be associated with a disgusting little street rat like you?" Elizabeth spat. "Ed and I have spent years building our reputation in the finer circles of Chicago and beyond and I will not stand by and let you destroy all of our hard work."

"No, I guess not." Somehow Elizabeth's final insult had reawakened the fire inside of her. _How dare that woman look down on me? She who has been born with a silver spoon in her mouth and has had everything in life handed to her on a silver platter while I have broken my back to fight for every bit of happiness that's come my way!_ "Even though you seem to find no fault in associating yourself with thieves, frauds and people that are downright cruel – the kind of people who would deny a starving girl on the streets of Los Angeles the discarded remnants of last night's dinner service – as long as they have enough credit to their name."

"And this is who you chose to consort with?" Elizabeth hissed, her cheeks now stained a deep red with outrage as she turned her attention back towards her son.

"I do," Edward beamed, his eyes leaving his mother's form for only a second to reassure Bella. "In fact, I'm pretty damn proud of her right now."

"Then you are not the boy I raised," Elizabeth scolded. "I wonder if maybe I had stepped up when you first got into trouble at the hospital that all of this may have been prevented. If I had refused to let that little Mexican hussy elbow her way in and take over my role, maybe you would have known where your loyalties lie."

"You are mistaken, Mother," Edward sneered, his voice low, dangerous and – she couldn't deny it – sexy. "I have never had any interest in your interference in my life and you've certainly made it more than clear to me from almost the day that I was born, that your interest in my life only extends as far as you can use me as a means to an end."

"Well, have I never-" Elizabeth started to protest.

Edward was quick to interrupt her, though, his anger by no means used up, though he was still careful to keep his voice as low as his rage allowed him. "For years now you have done nothing but insult me, my friends and my family, and I've had enough." He exhaled, his nostrils flaring as he calmed himself before speaking again. "I won't have you insulting the love of my life every time you see her and I won't stand for the way you treat me any longer either. If you can't accept me for who I am and who I chose to spend my life with, then I have nothing more to say to you."

Bella stumbled as Edward used his hold on her to manipulate her body, turning the both of them away from his mother's offending presence and once again towards the doors, disregarding the small crowd that had assembled to watch Chicago's society queen duke it out with her wayward son.

"I wasn't kidding back there when I told you I'm proud of you, angel," his voice was right at her ear, his words a whisper on her skin as they crossed the short walk from the Opera House to the car, her shiver not just from the cold. "It takes a lot of guts to stand up to Liz."

"I was just so angry with her." Her voice faltered as Bella spoke the words, her indignation at being treated like a child and having the woman insinuate that she might have been after Edward's money once again welling up inside her like a tidal wave. "That woman…she just….ARGH!"

"It's a common reaction," Edward chuckled wryly, helping her into the car before walking around to his side. "Apart from the Ass-kisser Army, I think most people around town hate her guts. Looking back on it, I despise myself for defending her for so long."

"Well, you certainly saw the light!" Bella joked, snuggling into his side as the driver started to take off towards home. "The way you stood up to your mom? I have to admit I found it pretty…distracting." Her fingers danced over the fabric of his bow tie, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt as their lips touched once, twice, three times before finally giving over to the electricity, both of them breathless by the time they pulled apart.

"You are my light, angel," he muttered, gently caressing her cheek as the world flew by unnoticed behind the tinted windows of the car. "You're one of the best things that ever happened to me. You made me see the stuff I've been blind to all my life and I realized that just shutting up whenever my mom or dad is out on another rampage again or being willfully blind to their hatefulness is just not enough. If I want to be happy and protect the happiness of the people I love, I will have to fight for it."

"I didn't teach you that," Bella muttered bitterly, the fear of not ever being good enough churning away in the pit of her stomach. "Hell, I can barely even protect myself, let along inspire others with a fighting spirit." She wished more than ever that she could live up to the picture Edward had painted of her but deep down inside she knew damn well that it was only a mirage. Whatever he saw in her, when she looked in the mirror she still saw a broken spirit, desperate to cling on to whatever little hope there was left in her life. It pained her, to not be more whole for him.

"You really don't see yourself clearly," Edward assured her, the conviction shining in his eyes almost rubbing off on her.

"Then maybe you can lend me those rose-tinted glasses of yours one day," she joked, trying to make light of the situation before she'd break out in tears.

Or in fight.

Edward snorted, his rumbling laughter causing her body to vibrate against his chest as she lay back against it again. "I think you're the first one who's ever called me an optimist!"

"There's a first for everything." She smiled, in spite of her lingering feelings of inadequacy, her eyes half closed so that the lights outside the window started to blur into one big pretty shimmer as she drank in his strong, masculine scent. _Safe_.

"Hmm," he mused, absentmindedly running his hand through the hair. "By the way, the realtor called while you're away. The previous owners finally moved out so we're all set to pick up the keys to our house on Wednesday."

_Our house_. It made her smile when he referred to it as theirs. It was true enough that they were already sharing their current house, and Bella had even put her stamp on it, but try as she might, the house would always be _his_; the one he bought with his former wife to live in with his former family. Crazy as it may have seemed (even to her) Bella still felt like an intruder of some sort, like she was borrowing another woman's future prospect.

The new house would be a fresh start. With new furniture (Edward was vehemently declining to take any of the old stuff – _junk_, he called it – over to their new place) and colors on the walls and curtains that they picked out together, though Bella suspected that she would probably be doing most of the work herself when it came to that.

It was _their_ fresh start.

And she was more excited than ever to start it up.

She didn't even notice they were getting close to home until the car stopped, the driver coming around to her side to open the door causing her to shiver against the sudden cold as she got out, her body protesting against the strain of having to be on its feet again in uncomfortable shoes.

"Let me help you with that!" Edward grinned, leaving her no time to debate the lasciviousness of his look before he lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder, making good use of his hands in freeing her feet, the cold nowhere near as uncomfortable as the tight, unyielding leather of her shoes had been.

He deposited her gently on the living room sofa, closing and locking the door behind him after waving their driver off with a light chuckle. "I think you had quite the effect on the man."

"What?" Bella frowned, her hands stilling on her feet as she tried to rub away the pain. "I never noticed."

"I know!" Edward grinned proudly. "Poor man."

"You don't really think that," Bella chuckled skeptically, knowing from previous experiences how jealous Edward could be if another man so much as looked at her. She had to admit she kind of liked that. It made her feel wanted - beautiful even - to have this amazing man think that he could lose her to another.

It was foolish too, of course, because she wasn't nearly insane enough to ever leave him.

"Nah, you're right," he shrugged, stretching his tall frame as he lay back against the pillows. "So, are you very tired?"

Bella snorted, arching her brow. "You're a bit forward tonight, aren't you!"

"I wasn't talking about that," Edward snickered back, the cutest blush pinking his cheeks. "Though maybe later…" His voice trailed off as the suggestive movement of his eyebrows made her flush.

"Then what were you talking about?" Bella inquired, her brows furrowing as she gave him a look of curiosity.

"Talk?" Edward suggested. "You and me? I know it's late but I'm game if you are."

Bella nodded, knowing that this was long overdue, her excitement at sharing her little Jersey Shore revelation returning now that the rush of her first opera visit had died down. "I'm game," she replied softly, flashing him a smile that, she hoped, would reassure him.

"Okay." He looked relieved, the boyish look on his face both endearing and heart clenching as Bella's eyes followed him across the room as he rose. "So how about you go put on something warm and comfortable before you and the baby catch pneumonia while I go grab us some snacks?"

"Yes, Doctor Masen," Bella grinned, kissing his cheek in passing as she schlepped her sore feet up the stairs, pulling the pins out of her hair on the way up. She was back in no time, the yoga pants and oversized sweatshirt she'd snatched from Edward's drawers feeling a lot more comfortable against her skin than the beautiful dress she'd worn that evening as her skin sang with the freshness of being scrubbed free of makeup.

Edward was already sitting down with a beer in his hand as she gingerly made her way over to the other side of the sofa, her hands stuck into the pouch, clenching around the little piece of history she'd brought with her from her grandparents'.

"So how do we do this?" Edward asked, still looking and sounding a little nervous.

"I dunno," Bella chuckled. "You were the one who suggested it."

"I know." Edward ginned apologetically. "But…shit."

Wanting to aide him along, Bella tugged the picture out of her sleeve. "Here," she spoke, her voice as reverent as the way her hands carefully folded around the little rectangle as she presented it to him in the hope it would speed things up a little.

"Is that…" Edward's eyes flashed to hers in shock and maybe a little awe.

She nodded, her smile splitting her face in two. "My mom and dad."

"And you." He smiled, his index finger ghosting over the little baby Bella in the picture reverently making her heart thump almost painfully.

"Yes," she whispered, feeling a tear drop form her eye. "And me."

"Did your grandparents give you this picture?" he asked, his eyes once more traveling from the image to the real woman sitting across from him and back again.

Bella nodded. "When they saw how moved I was by it."

"Moved?" There was a glimmer of hope in his eyes as he studied her, his face carefully composed.

She nodded again, her eyes on her lap as the hand remaining in the pouch of her sweatshirt – Edward's sweatshirt – gently rubbed her stomach. "It made me realize something." His eyes sparkled as they caught her tender movements.

"Go on," Edward urged, his hand settling over her free hand as he waited, his impatience rolling off him in waves.

She took in a deep breath, organizing her thoughts before she spoke. "Seeing the love my mom and dad had for me made me realize just how simple it was….that it had been there all along; that one piece of the puzzle that always seemed to be unattainable because I was trying too hard…or because I was too scared to love my baby – _our_ baby."

"Afraid?" Somehow sensing her need, Edward carefully scooted closer until their bodies were touching, cautiously at first and then his arms were around her, pulling her against him.

Sighing, Bella relaxed in the safety of his arms, allowing the tears to fall freely. "I don't remember ever having felt that kind of love," she whimpered, motioning to the picture Edward had now carefully placed on the coffee table. "There are flashes of memories but they are so fleeting, so incomplete…"

"But your mom was with you in Arizona," Edward spoke, remembering what she'd told him.

"We always had to be careful out there," Bella explained. "Phil never liked it when she showed me more affection than she did him and we never wanted to risk him hurting either of us…" her voice trailed off into sobs as she fought a losing battle for control. "I'm so afraid I can't love this baby like it deserves to be…that I'll fail in my duties as a mom."

"Oh, sweetheart," he sighed as she sobbed until the front of Edward's shirt had become completely soaked. "The fact alone that you're afraid something like this is going to happen tells me you won't."

"But you don't know!" she sniffed, feeling so helpless and insecure in that moment.

"Maybe not," he assured her, "but I know _you_ so I know you're stronger and more capable of loving someone than anyone I've ever met. I have faith in you, angel, even when you don't."

"I need help," she whispered, fully admitting it to herself for the first time. "There's still so much inside of me which needs to be fixed." She shook her head. "I can't just think about myself anymore. I have to be as whole as I can be for the sake of our baby."

He didn't gloat or betray any sort of triumph over getting his way. Instead he just held her as he pressed kiss after kiss to the crown of her head until her tears slowly faded. "Do you want me to give you some names?"

"Carmen." The one word was enough to explain it to him in full.

He chuckled. "I guess I should have known she had a hand in this."

"Are you angry?" She pulled herself up, wanting to look at his face. "I didn't mean to discuss this with her before I spoke to you, but she was there and…"

"I'm incredibly happy that she was," Edward assured her. "Try as I might, I know there are things you need to discuss with another woman – you know, girl talk and all of that – and Carmen…"

"She's kind of awesome," Bella filled in. "I'm still scared, though. I'm finally starting to really love this baby the way you do but…"

"I'm scared too," Edward admitted, shocking the blazes out of her.

"Y-you are?" she stammered. "B-but you seem so sure of what to do…of what you want."

"Of course I scared." He leaned back, one hand freeing itself to rub his face. "Hell, with my track record, I shouldn't even be allowed anywhere near a small child, let alone _father_ one."

"From what everyone told me, you were a great dad, Edward." It broke her heart to see him so filed with self-hatred again. She'd hoped he had moved beyond that, even if she guessed he might never fully move beyond what had happened to Claire. Or even _want_ to.

"A great dad doesn't lose sight of his kid, Bella," he growled, angry with himself and not with her. "A great dad makes sure his baby girl is completely safe and happy before falling asleep."

"A great dad strives to provide the best possible life for his child, even if it almost kills him," Bella countered, "and that's what you were doing that day – that's what both of you were doing that day. It was just that fate had other plans."

"Then fate can go to hell!" Edward cried, his eyes blazing fire as he jumped up, his anger too great to contain. "What kind of fate – or God, for that matter – would allow pretty little girls like Claire to die when there're more than enough assholes around on this planet who don't deserve to live?"

"I wish I knew," Bella muttered, keeping her eyes as close to Edward's as she could. "I wish I knew why this happened to you or what I could do to undo it but I can't…and neither of us will ever know."

"Then what am I supposed to do, Bella?" His anguish tore straight through her heart making her eyes fill up with tears again as she said a quiet prayer for strength. For him. "How am I supposed to stop this from happening again; to be a dad who isn't paranoid twenty-four seven of the dangers lurking around the corner? How am I supposed to stop this kid from hating me when all I want to do is lock them in a cage as soon as it leaves your body so that I can know it will never come to harm?"

"We do what every parent has to do…we try our best and pray for luck." It pained Bella that she had to be the strong one at that moment, especially since deep down inside when she felt anything but strong. She had to be there for Edward, though, just like he had for her. She had to give strength to him, even though God only knew she had no place to draw it from. "There's no knowing how this will end but that doesn't mean we're going to screw this up. We'll do whatever we can; learn from our mistakes and the mistakes the people around us have made in the past and be the best set of parents we can be."

"When did you become such a kickass mom?" Edward joked, his eyes watery and his voice unsteady.

Bella chuckled, shrugging her shoulders. "It's amazing what a little traveling can do to a girl, isn't it?" It still felt strange and so new to be this connected to the little person growing inside of her and, she had to admit it, half the time the idea alone of loving someone so much scared the wits out of her.

After all, she may not have had his horrible experiences but still…Edward's fears were her own.

What if she lacked the talent to care for this life that had been entrusted to her?

What if something went wrong?

Her eyes were still on Edward, studying his face as it slowly evened into calmness again, his breath controlled and his eyes, though still shimmering, clear again. "Have you spoken to Doctor Adkinson about this?" Deep down, Bella shuddered at the mention of Edward's therapist. She didn't know why that was; whether it was just the fear of what that doctor stood for or the fact that she – the doctor - had been privy to all the deepest darkest fears that Edward would never breathe to another living soul.

"Not yet but I know I probably should," Edward nodded, rubbing the back of his head. "It's a lot to wrap your head around, you know?" He exhaled loudly, his posture tensing a little as he sucked in enough breath to speak again. "Sometimes I barely think I'm making a dent in my grief for Claire and now I'm going to be a dad again."

"It's scary to be responsible for someone's happiness when you still feel broken on the inside," Bella muttered, wondering how, in all of her turmoil, she could have been selfish enough not to pick up on the fact that Edward was going through all of this as well.

Had he been so great at hiding his fears? Or had she been so wrapped up in herself that she didn't even stop to think about him? She never thought about how the baby affected him. She was ashamed to admit that.

"I'm so sorry I've gone about this so….ass backwards." She sighed, smiling bitterly as she thought back on her behavior. "It's true that the news came as a complete shock to me but I should have stopped to think about you and how you were feeling." She shook her head, her eyes fixed on a little round stain on the coffee table. "I failed you…and I failed myself, too."

Edward's hand underneath her chin focused her attention back up and on his eyes, wanting her to know he meant every word he said when he spoke. "You didn't fail, Bella." His lips pressed into a tight line when Bella tried to shake her head, the hold his fingers had on her chin tightening to stop her. "Look, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was hurt by your initial reaction to finding out about the baby, but I think that right now, I'm starting to realize that your reaction came from pretty much the same place as the one I've been struggling with: fear." He gently rubbed a tear away that had started to trickle down her cheek. "We've both been struggling with it in our own ways but we can't go on with that if we want to make this work…if we want to be the kind of parents our kid needs and the best partner and lover the other deserves."

Bella nodded, her hands mimicking his as they touched his face. "We need to help each other," she whispered, her voice overcome with emotion and love for this man, sitting next to her, baring his beautiful soul to her.

"And not pull away when the going gets tough," Edward added, smiling guiltily as he leaned his forehead against hers. "We _will_ make this work, I promise you. I love you, Isabella Swan, far too much to ever risk losing you."

"And I love you, Edward Masen." Her voice almost faltered as her emotions spilled over the brink. "I gave you my heart but you gave me the world."

His breathing became more labored, every breath a promise that slowly set her on fire and made her shiver when he finally looked up at her with scorching eyes. "Come to bed?" the huskiness in his voice going straight to her center as his words finally resounded in the cackling electricity between them.

Her throat was too constricted to get any words out so she just settled for nodding furiously, taking his outstretched hand as he stood, the slow pace he set, taking them up the stairs, setting the stage for their lovemaking and leaving her breathless and panting for release by the time he finally started to peel away her clothes, item after item carelessly thrown aside as he deposited her on the bed with a gentle care as if she were made of fine China.

"I love you," he repeated his words from before, his eyes hungrily drinking in her naked form before his lips connected to her before trailing a searing path down her chin, her throat, down the valley of her breasts before hovering over her stomach, tears falling from the corners of Bella's eyes as he pressed a sweet, tender kiss just below her belly button. "I love both of you…so much."

They were both crying when he finally entered her, the overwhelming stress of the past few days and the relief after their talk coming to a peak as they finally connected, his tears mingling with hers on her skin as he hovered over her, bringing them slowly to the boil before they exploded together as words of love and pleasure fell from their lips while their hands and legs tangled in a desperate need to get even closer together than they already were.

A lazy smile tugged at Bella's lips as she lay on her back afterwards, Edwards face buried in her cleavage as he slept with his hand sprawled out over her stomach. Gently placing her hand on top of his, she had never felt more connected to Edward and to their unborn child than she had in that moment.

"I love you." The words she whispered into the cooling air around them had been uttered by her many times before.

But now, for the first time, those simple words were directed at two people instead of one.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_Stories are the only enchantments possible, for when we begin to see our suffering as a story, we are saved."_

_ Ana__ï__s Nin _

**20.**

"He's adorable, Leah." Bella's heart beat a little faster as she watched little Embry Clearwater toddle around the small grassy area at the back of the Lowe's yard.

"Yeah." Leah sighed, her hands wrapping around her coffee mug as her eyes followed her son. "Though a lot of that cuteness fades the first time your kid throws up all over the place!" She huffed, her nose scrunched up. "Or when you're trying to study and he's trying to make you play 'fetch' by throwing his pacifier out of his playpen and screaming bloody murder until you cave and go get the damned thing only to do it again as soon as you've parked your ass back behind your desk."

Bella chuckled. "Okay, I can see your point, I guess." Still, as much as she felt for Leah, the picture her friend had painted sounded kind of cute as well. Not that Bella had the guts to admit it out loud because, as friendly as the two of them had become, there were still times when the girl scared the living daylights out of her. "He looks like you," she remarked, changing the subject back to safer grounds. Smiling quietly, she couldn't help but wonder what her own baby would look like. Would it be a boy or a girl? Red-haired like its daddy or brown-haired like her? And what about their eyes?

"Thank God for that!" Leah sighed, interrupting her musings. "All I needed was for him to look like his dad and come out brandishing a gun in one hand and a stolen car radio in the other."

"Was it really that bad?" Bella shuddered. She'd been lucky enough to escape the worst of the gang violence during her days on the streets, but that didn't mean she hadn't seen her fair share of it over the years. It was one of the things she missed about being in Forks – one of the very, very few things. Back in the small town nestled in the woods, she had been so blissfully unaware of the big, bad world around her that it had been almost shocking to watch the news those first few times and be confronted with the darker side of human civilization yet again.

"I tried to keep out of it as much as I could." Leah shrugged, plucking at a loose thread on her hoodie. "But it's tough, you know? Growing up around all of that and having your mom, couple of stepdads, and all of your brothers knee deep in that kind of shit. It's like you can't hide from it, no matter what you do."

"But you got out of it, didn't you?" Bella encouraged her, feeling a strange sort of kinship to the brusque woman sitting next to her.

"Only because Jared practically yanked me out by my hair," Leah shrugged, calling her little boy back to them as the cold air slowly started to creep up on them. "As much as I wanted to get away, I didn't have the guts to actually open the door and walk out, and then when I got pregnant…" She exhaled, wrapping Embry up in her arms as they rose from the back porch steps. "I never wanted Embry to be a part of it but the prospect of having my baby under a bridge appealed even less."

"And Seth?" Bella asked. Somehow she couldn't imagine him wanting to bring a baby into the lifestyle he'd been living.

"He was still so wrapped up in his own little world back then." Leah's feet dragged as they walked back up the stairs to the bedroom she and Embry shared, the little boy pouting adorably as she deposited him back into his playpen before sitting on the bed next to Bella, a pile of discarded books between them. "Our mom kinda collects husbands and for number three she decided to think outside of the box and go for a blue-collar Native American who didn't have any idea of the shit he'd just landed himself in until after they were married." Another dark laugh escaped Leah's lips as she withdrew into herself further and further. "He got himself killed not long after Seth was born when he did something that royally pissed off my uncle."

"That's terrible, Lee!" Bella gasped, the jumbled memory of her own father losing his life pulling at her heart.

"It's what happens when you're caught up in that kind of lifestyle," Leah dismissed, portraying the toughness of a woman who had learned not to think too long and hard about the pain in her past. "And it's not like my mom was devastated or anything. She married husband number four – another bona fide Norteño Mexican this time – only six months after my dad got killed and then she popped out kids numbers seven and eight not long after. Like the world needed more deadbeat criminals!"

She huffed, shrugging deeper into her oversized hoodie as her eyes drifted back to her son, who'd settled in his playpen chewing on his toys. "Anyway, Seth idolized the shit out of the whole rotten gang of them and since he felt like he had to prove himself even more than others because he was only half Mexican, they had him running jobs as early as twelve years old. He didn't even see what they were doing to him - what he was doing to himself - until the first time they ordered him to rough a guy up."

Bella gasped, unable to imagine sweet, good-natured Seth doing such a thing. "Oh no!"

Leah chuckled. "Hard to imagine, huh? He was a different guy back then, though, all tough as nails and full of attitude. To this day I still think it's a blessing things went completely bad for him not so long after that and he got himself arrested for the third time, since they put him in this special program that time around, getting him as far away from his buddies as they could. Visiting him…it was the first time I saw him smile in ages and since I'd just found out I was pregnant around that same time…I knew we both had to get out of dodge while we still could; before they'd order him to kill someone or try to yank my baby into the fold."

"But Embry's father…" Bella frowned. Leah had always been very open about her kid's dad being a gang member, which was kind of strange since she seemed to hate the whole lifestyle so much.

"Turns out I'm about as smart as my mom when it comes to guys," Leah snorted self-deprecatingly, "and Jorge…he was _some_ guy. Being around him was like being on drugs. You tended to forget everything around you, including the fact that he was a thug and I wasn't supposed to get caught up in Norteño shit."

"Does he know about the baby?" Bella asked since it seemed so unlikely that a father would just walk away form his own flesh and blood.

"He did," Leah smiled sadly, her voice faltering for the first time since she started to speak. "He took a bullet to the face when I was in my second trimester." She let out a long breath before she went on. "It's ironic, since I still miss him like hell but I know that if he'd have been alive right now, I would have never been able to walk away when I did. He wouldn't have let me even if there was no way we could have ever been together officially, since he was kind of already married." She shrugged apologetically. "As I was saying: I'm not that smart when it comes to guys."

"Fortunately for me, though, you're much better at math!" Bella chuckled, sensing that Leah was in desperate need for a change of subject.

"Yeah," Leah grinned, rolling her eyes at Bella's blatant attempt to lighten her spirits. "I suck at life but at least I kick ass at math!"

They settled back into their work again after that, with Leah doing her best to prepare Bella for their impending math and science tests as best as she could before switching up as Bella tried to get Leah to comprehend the intricacies of writing an essay.

After a while, Embry started to fuss a little, prompting Leah to lift him out of his play pen and lay him down on the bed next to her, the ease with which she kept her son entertained with one hand while writing down answers with the other making Bella forget what she was supposed to be doing – boring old math – and look on in awe. "You're a natural."

Leah snorted loudly. "Not really."

"Then how do you know what to do all the time?" It completely boggled Bella's mind, having seen Leah's interaction with her son all day, how her friend always seemed to know what Embry needed even if the little boy lacked the vocabulary to make it known.

"Most of it is just instinct," Leah explained, her voice making it seem like it was no big deal at all. "Even though they might sound the same to you, there are different ways a kid can scream, which basically boils down to being hungry, having a crappy diaper, being bored or in pain. So that kind of gives you an indication of what you're supposed to do to get him to stop. The rest of it is trial and error - if you do something and the kid stops screaming you remember it for next time, if he goes on you try something else."

"Right," Bella chuckled, fighting the urge to put her hand on her stomach – a nervous trait she'd picked up in the past week or so – as panic welled up inside her. What if her instinct didn't work? What if the baby kept on crying and she wouldn't know how to stop it? What if she did something wrong?

"You'll figure it out soon enough," Leah chuckled. "Look at me? I already had my appointment set up at an abortion clinic – paperwork filled out and everything – when I decided to keep this little monkey, and during my pregnancy half the time I was scared shitless and still not sure whether or not I'd done the right thing in going through with this." She giggled as Embry cooed, his high pitched voice mixing in with hers as she went on. "I'm not saying everything will magically work out as soon as they put the little crying, pooping bundle of joy into your arms but I am saying that it's not as bad or scary as you might think beforehand."

"H-how did you know?" Bella stammered, only now finding her voice again somewhere in the shock. She and Edward had decided to keep the pregnancy a secret for now, at least until they'd told his family; which wasn't something she was looking forward to, by the way. She could just imagine the look on Charlotte's face when she found out about their happy news.

Let alone the accusations that would fly from Ed's and Elizabeth's mouths.

"I don't know." Leah seemed quite pleased with herself for having guessed right. "I think it's a combination of things: the way you looked all freaked out that one day in class – you must have just found out around then – and have been drinking tea instead of coffee ever since kind of put me on the trail and I did notice you making a dash for the bathroom once or twice over the past couple of weeks. The thing that really sealed it for me, though, was the way you've been looking at Embry all morning." Embry let out the most adorable sound at the mention of his name, his hands grasping at his mom's chest as he wriggled as long as it took for him to be back in her arms. "You have that whole mom-to-be look about you: unable to wait until you have your own little monkey to take care of but scared to death at the same time."

"Sounds about right," Bella muttered.

"Don't worry, though, your secret's safe with me," Leah assured her, slowly nudging her son over to Bella's side of the bed so that her friend could get a first 'practice-round' at being a mom. "And you're welcome to babysit any time you want to get some experience in parenting, by the way."

"I'll keep that in mind!" Bella chuckled, her eyes and attention completely taken up by Embry as the little boy started to paw at her hair and yank it not so softly.

Later on as she drove home, going over the events of the day, she was surprised at the similarities between her life and Leah's. It was true that they had become friends over the weeks but deep down inside she'd still harbored some bitterness over their first meeting.

It was gone now, that much was for sure, as soon as Leah had started sharing the story of her past. She wondered…

Over the weeks Bella had debated telling her friends the truth about her past over and over again but each time decided against it as it was just too much. She was still trying so hard to fight her troubles and be strong. She couldn't bear the looks of pity she knew she was going to get when she told them the truth.

And yet, Leah had…

She envied Leah's guts most of all. She had the courage to tell her story and make herself vulnerable through it but also having the guts to walk away and drag her little brother along with her before he did something truly unforgivable. It couldn't have been an easy ride, that much had been as clear as day from Leah's story. As friendly as Jared's family had been, opening their home to them and helping them get settled, it had taken a while before they had been able to trust the two strangers that had come with their cousin. What also didn't help was the fact that Jared had still harbored feelings for Leah that she couldn't return, no matter how hard she'd tried over the years.

They were good now, though, with Leah helping out with the garage's paperwork and in the home, giving Jared's aunt a little more down time and Seth and Jared pitching in at the garage whenever they didn't have school work.

They had found a way to make shit work for them.

Bella smiled, feeling oddly optimistic as the roads and signs outside got more familiar as she neared the house. If _they_ could make it work, then surely_ she_ would to find a way? She knew she was already halfway there, and was starting to adapt to her new life and even enjoying it as she'd dreamed she would. It was just that the other half was kind of tough to get around.

Which was why Bella needed help getting beyond her past, and was why she was scheduled for her first session with a Doctor Heidi Sorenson the following week.

Yeah. She still wasn't completely sure how she felt about that.

On the rational side, she knew she needed help to move past what had been done with her, and with a baby on the way, her need to move past all that and be a normal, balanced human being and parent had suddenly become acute. It was the irrational side of her, however, that was screaming out at her not to go; not to open up her soul – the only private place she'd had for so long – to a complete stranger and let her dig around in it.

There was no stopping it now, though, at least not if she didn't want to crush Edward and his happiness at her finally caving to his superior wisdom. That smile…it made it all worth it. If she could make him happy and know she would be taking all of the necessary steps to make sure her baby would have the happy childhood she had so sorely lacked, then it would all be worth it in the end.

She frowned, pulling up to the garage, as she noted a strange car sitting in front of the side Edward always used. The wheels of her Beetle crunched against the worn asphalt driveway as she made a sharp angle, turning into her usual spot before shutting down the engine, her frown still there as she watched the unknown sedan disappearing as the garage door rumbled down again.

Maybe one of the neighbors had guests?

As soon as she walked into the house, though, the multitude of voices told her it wasn't the neighbors that were visiting, a small frown creasing her forehead as she recognized one of the voices talking animatedly with Edward.

Tanya.

Bella's frown deepened as she tried to remember if there had been some sort of get-together she'd forgotten about. These days, if she didn't write stuff down as soon as they were decided, she was just as likely to forget it as she was to somehow remember.

Over the weeks, she and Tanya had spoken over the phone a few times and Bella knew she and Edward had met up for lunch on a few occasions. Therefore she knew Tanya was a good person and a great and very valuable friend to Edward, no matter what lay behind them. As much as she'd been wary of Tanya's presence in the beginning, she knew that she had nothing to fear from her.

It was still weird, though, Edward being so friendly with his ex and she even beginning to like the woman. With as little as Bella knew about relationships, she knew this wasn't the way people usually went about it and even though she actually thought of Tanya as a friend and knew any romantic feelings between the two had long ceased to exist, she still felt kind of threatened by the beautiful, educated woman she heard giggling over the sound of two men speaking.

"Bella!" Tanya's eyes lit up, her nimble frame hopping up from her spot at the dinner table as soon as Bella shuffled into view. "We were waiting for you!"

_Right_. Bella's frown deepened as she submitted to Tanya's hug. "What are you doing here?" She could hear Edward chuckled at her bluntness somewhere in the background, her eyes still on Tanya as she waited for an answer. "Did we set something up that I forgot about?"

"I ran into Edward at the hospital this afternoon and kind of strong-armed him into double-dating with me and Craig tonight," Tanya explained. "I hope you didn't make other plans?"

_Nothing but a quiet night at home after a full day of mind-numbing math problems_. Bella smirked, not really feeling like going out but lacking the guts to say so as she flashed Edward a stealthy glare. "Just let me go upstairs and change real quick," she acquiesced with a sigh, forcing her face into a smile.

"Nothing too fancy," Tanya urged, "and oh, you haven't met my husband Craig yet, have you?"

The man who rose to shake Bella's hand looked like a picture out of some gentleman's magazine, handsome and suave with his hair neatly combed back and his crisp suit and tie – though maybe a little too slick and suave for Bella's taste. "It's a pleasure to meet you," she spoke, shaking Tanya's husband's hand.

"Same here." Craig looked a little less slick when he smiled, his face opening up as he released Bella's hand again. "You've reached almost celebrity status in our house. Tanya's been talking about you almost non-stop since she met you."

_Weird_. "Right. Well, I'll be back as soon as I can. Does anyone need anything from the kitchen?"

She went upstairs after they'd all reassured her they were fine, keeping her promise and being back downstairs in little over fifteen minutes after a change of clothes, a splash of cold water to her face and a quick touch up of her hair and make-up.

Truth be told, their night was fun. Tanya took them to this odd little place that served Nigerian food – another first for Bella – that was as quant and cozy as the Lebanese restaurant she'd taken Bella to for lunch weeks ago. Conversation flowed easily, with Edward and Tanya sharing stories about their internship and some of the strange patients or maladies they'd consulted on, though they carefully avoided any mention of their former intimacy. Craig was a great guy, too, once you got to know him. He worked for this big accountancy firm – hence the outfit – and made a killing in cash each year but underneath all that, he was just a country boy at heart; his stories about growing up on his family's farm in Vermont making Bella laugh and want to hop on the next plane to rural America.

Still, there was something Bella couldn't put her finger on, some undercurrent of tension keeping their conversation from ever really being laidback.

She wondered what it was.

Back in the car on their way back home, she could see Edward tensing up as she voiced her suspicions, immediately confirming that whatever the tension was, Edward knew all about it.

"It's nothing," he tried to dismiss, his hands clenching around the wheel.

"Oh really?" Bella huffed. "Then why are you turning all constipated-looking on me right now?" _Wow, spend one day with Leah and her abrasiveness will rub off!_ Bella blushed, immediately regretting her harsh words. "At least…Look, I know something's going on so you might as well tell me before my mind goes off and starts imagining all sort of things."

Edward sighed, his frustration manifesting itself in driving even faster than he usually did. "Okay."

"Okay," Bella repeated, waiting for him to start explaining.

"So you know Tanya came to see me at work today, right?" He waited for her to nod her affirmation before he went on. "She did have some business at St. Mary's but the real reason she came in was the anniversary of Claire's…accident coming up next month." Edward's knuckles turned white from gripping the wheel, his voice frail and hurting as he mentioned her name.

It broke her heart to hear how Edward's voice was preciously close to breaking as he forced the words out, her hand searching out for his as she waited patiently for him to continue. "Anyway, she was trying to get me to come to the memorial – just like she does every year." From the tone of his voice, Bella knew better than to argue with Edward's decision, even though she wondered if his avoidance of everything that had to do with Claire wasn't hurting him more than embracing it would. "Once I'd finally convinced her I wasn't going to go – again, just like every year – we got to talking and somehow the subject of babies came up."

"You told her?" It seemed strange to Bella how Tanya had never mentioned it throughout the night.

"I kind of planned to," Edward answered, the sadness in his voice telling her there was a 'but' coming up, "but then Tanya started talking…telling me how she and Craig have been trying to start a family but having no success so far and how Tanya's eating herself up with guilt because somehow she thinks it is all her fault; like she's being punished for moving on after Claire." If Bella's heart wasn't already breaking, Edward's sigh would have done the trick. "She's having a set-back at the moment which was why I went along with her suggestion to go out. She needed the distraction."

"Of course." Knowing this now, Bella was almost ashamed of her initial reluctance but most of all she felt so guilty. To know that Tanya was struggling so much and going through so much pain being unable to conceive when she didn't even want her baby at first. She wanted to help but she didn't know how.

Their evening went great, even though Bella could see the truth of Edward's words about Tanya reflected in the sad undertone of every look and gesture she caught from the other woman. That made her double her efforts to keep their conversation light and happy throughout dinner, something Edward and Craig both seemed to jump at, as they shared stories of their pasts and fun anecdotes about their work.

Craig, though a little stiff at first, turned out to be a great guy once he had a couple of beers in him, his stiff demeanor hiding a guy who was into extreme sports and could tell stories about water rafting that made Bella fear for her life even in the safety of the quirky little restaurant Tanya had selected for them.

"So how was your day?" Edward asked as they made their way back home. "Did you make progress?"

Bella nodded. "I'm finally starting to think that maybe this test isn't going to be the disaster I feared." She made a lot of leeway on some difficult areas in math she just didn't seem to be able to come to grips with. Of course that didn't mean she was in any way close to solving the whole mystery, but at least she was starting to feel she was getting closer.

"Who knows?" Edward joked. "You may even get good at it."

"I don't think so!" Bella giggled. "Just like I'm never going to like it. I just hope I'll be good enough in the end to pass that portion of the test, though I know I still have a hell of a long way to go." It was difficult, trying to cram years of schooling into months, especially when you didn't possess the aptitude to pick up new skills as fast as some of the other people in class did.

Right now, even though she'd already come a long way since she'd started, she knew she wasn't anywhere near ready to face any of the sections in her study books that where up to the level required for the final GED exam.

"And what about you?" Bella asked, not wanting to discuss math any more than she had to. "Were your bosses suitably impressed by you coming in on the weekend to catch up on things?"

"I might have scored some brownie points, yeah," Edward chuckled, "but in my line of work it's kind of expected of you to come in and check on your patient when they're this close to such a big procedure."

Bella nodded, knowing that Edward was scheduled to perform some big surgery on Monday which was going to take up his day and which had had most of his colleagues turning green with envy at the prospects of studies and articles that came along with it. She didn't understand much of what it was about but seeing the excitement in Edward as he tried to explain all about it was enough to make her excited for him.

Edward was a ball of nervous energy the next morning, rising bright and early and trying to be all stealthy about it (which, of course, meant that he made enough noise to wake up the entire street). She smiled, pretending to still be asleep since she knew he wouldn't be up to talking at that moment; his mind already focused on his job and needing no distractions.

She somehow managed to fall asleep after Edward had left, her body starting to get used to the different rhythm and needing more sleep now that it was growing a new life inside it.

It was why she loved Mondays and Fridays so much, since with no school and work she was allowed to indulge in a much slower pace, seeing as the only things she had to do all day were cleaning, grocery shopping and doing some homework; all of which were things that didn't really cause many problems.

Her dreams of an easy, stress less day only lasted as far as noon, though, when a knock on the door disturbed her halfway through cleaning out the kitchen cabinets, her hands still clad in yellow rubber gloves as she opened it to reveal the last person she would ever expect to be making a social call at her house.

"Alec…I mean…Mr. Harrison," she stammered, her hand clenching around the doorknob as she resisted the urge to slam the door shut in his face.

"Alec's fine," he chuckled, seeming to quite enjoy the shock his unexpected visit had caused. "I'm sure you're quite surprised to be seeing me here?"

Bella nodded, her throat closed up with nerves. What should she do? Call Edward? Peter? The cops?

If only she knew.

"May I come in?" he asked, completely undeterred by the reluctance in the woman standing across from him as he smiled, making Bella shudder with distrust.

Everything in her was screaming at her to tell him no but on the other hand, there was that damn curiosity of hers that was wondering what the hell he wanted so, after what seemed like hours, she stepped aside, giving him a wide berth as he walked into her home and sat on her couch, declining drinks but keeping a safe distance from her at all times.

_Well, that's something at least_.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here, are you not?" He smiled, still seeming quite pleased with himself, as he watched Bella fidget on the seat furthest away from him.

"I assume this is not a social call?" Bella, once again hiding behind that strength that seemed to come out whenever she needed it most, answered.

"Correct," Alec nodded. "With my father's final work coming out in only weeks and already proving to be a huge hit in pre-sales and publicity, we – the publishing house I work for – are looking to maximize the impact of his story."

He let that thought linger, though Bella wasn't sure why since she had no idea what the hell he was talking about. "You want me to do interviews or something?"

"I know you're not particularly fond of the idea of being in the public eye and coming out as the true writer of Aro Volturi's final novel, but it's what living in this world is about and what being a part of the publishing universe entails," Alec spoke, his tone almost teacher-like, as if it was a pre-prepared speech he was rattling off.

"But I never _wanted_ to be part of that world," Bella answered, shaking her head vehemently. "I was never supposed to be part of it."

"You _became_ part of it when you signed that contract and allowed us to put your name on the cover," Alec reminded her, finally revealing the trap she'd walked headlong into. She knew it. She knew there was something about him that screamed dishonesty. "You're part of this world now, Isabella, whether you want to or not but…" He paused, undoubtedly wanting the effect of his words to be as big as possible. "Personally I'm not convinced that having you do publicity will be the best way to utilize your talents and, fortunately for both of us, my boss seems to agree with me."

Again, Bella was lost in translation with her panic flaring as she scrambled to put two and two together. "What are you saying?"

"Through _Cracked Concrete_ we have all learned about Daisy's life on the streets of Los Angeles," Alec mused, reminding her once again how Daisy – the protagonist of Aro's final novel – was really her. "I am sure that after reading all about her trials and fairytale ending-" Bella had to chuckle there, knowing how dissimilar the ending – Daisy falling in love with a rich and charming restaurateur who used to leave out food especially for her and escaped the streets by marrying him – was to her own escape from the streets. "They will want to read about what got her there and seeing as Daisy is you…"

Bella swallowed as Alec's voice trailed off, the prickles of nervous sweat tingling all over her body as Alec finally revealed his endgame. "You want me to write a book for you," she gasped.

"I know how big a share you had in my father's final novel so I have no doubt in my mind that you have it in you to write, especially since this book will stick relatively close to home for you. Besides, you will be well supported by our editing staff and I can assure you that the advance you will get for this novel will well-exceed what we are normally willing to pay for a first-time novelist," Alec pressed on, truly believing his words had any sway with her.

"I know you will probably need some time to think this over and discuss it with your partner and legal representation," Alec continued, really working hard to bring this on home, "which is why I'm leaving this folder with all the details as well as my personal contact information with you…" He put a folder on the table, reminding Bella of the previous time Alec had left her like that. "If you have any questions or anything else, don't hesitate to call."

Bella nodded, her mouth set hard as her mind mulled things over; the pros and cons screaming her into a killer migraine.

Alec, meanwhile, sat back, looking like the king of the castle as his beady little eyes peered at her from the sofa. "So what do you think, Isabella? Will you think about it? Will you give the people the story of Daisy's past?"

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_**Thoughts?**_


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."_

_ Jim Morrison _

**21.**

It was only five in the morning but Bella was wide awake, her heart beating rapidly as she tried to regain control of her breathing, her skin clammy from the remnants of the strangest, creepiest dream she'd ever had.

Creepy, but also comforting in some strange way.

She sighed, carefully extracting her body from Edward's hold as she sat up and reached for the glass of water on the bedside table, her body still on edge as she lay back again, pulling the sheets up against the cold.

Closing her eyes she was immediately transformed back to _that_ place; a huge room that seemed to have no beginning or end, or even colors or furniture to let you know which way was up. It was just a vast open space, not hot, not cold…not much of anything to be honest.

It was an in-between - a rest stop between this world and what lay beyond.

And she was there.

Holding a baby.

_Their_ baby, Bella was somehow one hundred percent sure of it.

"_Claire?" Unlike the first time she'd been in this place, this time she was actually able to form words._

_The little girls' green eyes opened, curls the color of burnt orange hair danced around the porcelain skin as she smiled as spoke with a wisdom way beyond her years. "I will take care of him until you can." _

_The baby in her arms gurgled and started to fuss but somehow the little girl knew exactly what to do to lull him back to sleep even though she could have been no more than eight or nine years old; a little cherub holding an even tinier cherub as her eyes, so much older than the rest of her, sought to reassure the grown woman standing before her. "This is meant to be." She nodded, smiling as she looked back up at Bella. "Don't be afraid, Bella. Everything will work out as it should."_

The surety of her voice washed over Bella like a warm blanket but almost as soon as she gave into it, the room was gone, her eyes blinking against the early morning light as, once again, she lay awake feeling oddly empty and, yet again, slightly freaked out.

Was her mind making things up or had this strange experience been real somehow?

It couldn't have been but still…

Twisting onto her side she watched as Edward's chest moved steadily up and down with his deep, even breaths, his face relaxed and so much like _hers_ had been. And yet, Claire had been so unique that it seemed almost impossible she had made it up. Still, since she'd never even seen a picture of Claire or knew what she looked like, there was no telling if the girl in her dream had really been _her_.

Even if, deep down inside, Bella knew she was without a shadow of a doubt.

Part of her suspected the strange dream was probably a figment of her subconscious, sprung from the shocking revelation Edward had dumped on her the day before, like it was no big thing that the anniversary of the terrible accident that had taken his little girl's life was coming up.

Bella had felt so guilty at first, never even bothering to ask when Claire died or where she was buried. Edward's somber, brooding mood made sense to her now; it was him grieving in his own way even when, after three years had passed, he still wasn't ready to open up about his feelings. Well, at least not to her. For Bella had a sneaking suspicious that perhaps good Doctor Adkinson knew a whole lot more about how he was feeling than the woman he shared his bed and his life with.

The woman who was carrying his child.

That hurt.

It sometimes made her feel like an outsider, like he still wasn't letting her in completely, into the place where his deepest pain and darkest fears were buried and where she could help him the most. But how could she, when he didn't even tell her when he needed her? Was she just supposed to read his mind or somehow sense it by a mere gesture or look from him?

He could be such a hard man to love sometimes.

And the trouble was he didn't even know it.

She sighed, silent tears running along her cheeks as she turned herself away from him, her hand rubbing her belly as she tried to regain control of herself before her panic spiraled out of control. A muffled groan sounding next to her made her jump as Edward stirred, his hand reaching out into the space she'd just rolled away from until he found her, his body turning until it was wrapped around her, making everything so much better with his touch.

_It will all work out, Bella_, she spoke to herself, _you just need to talk to him; tell him how you feel before this whole thing will start to swallow you whole. Who knows? Maybe it will be the key that will finally get you in there? _

She managed to nod off a few times after that but the deep sleep she craved eluded her and as soon as the first of her neighbors' garage doors started to rumble she got up, knowing there would be no more sleep for her.

Making her way downstairs, she quickly got the kettle on to fix herself a big pot of tea as she grudgingly opened her books, knowing the smartest thing to do at that moment was to get as much extra math done as she could to prepare her for the test she would be forced to endure in only a few hours.

She had long given up on trying to get stuff done by the time Edward made it down the stairs, his face still sleepy and his eyes half closed as he stumbled over to the table, planting lazy kiss on her cheek before sitting down in front of the French omelet she'd prepared.

"You're up early." His voice was still grainy with sleep, his nose scrunching at the tea she put in front of him.

"You can always go back to coffee, you know," Bella assured him. "I won't mind."

"Nah," he shrugged, taking a sip as if to assure her he was still okay with his decision to not drink coffee at home as long as she couldn't have any. "It doesn't seem fair to me to have this whole place smelling like coffee when I know you can't have any. Besides, if I'm really hard up I can always get some at work."

"Lucky you!" Bella grumbled. Of all the things she'd had to give up because of her pregnancy, coffee had definitely been the hardest.

_Especially_ in the mornings.

"You still haven't told me why you were up so early, though," Edward insisted, the determination in his eyes to find out the truth only increasing when he caught the way Bella's lip disappeared in between her teeth as she nervously tried to come up with an escape.

"I had a weird dream," she finally admitted with a sigh. Here we go. "It kind of freaked me out and I couldn't fall asleep again so I figured I might as well get up and do some math revisions."

Edward chuckled. "Who would have thought you'd be doing math in the middle of the night?"

"It wasn't the middle of the night," Bella grumbled, "and if it hadn't been for that damned test, I would have set fire to the blasted study book ages ago."

"You'd never burn a book," Edward called her bluff, portioning off a huge bite of omelet. "So, are you going to tell me what this 'weird' dream was about?"

"No?" Bella tried, already knowing he wasn't going to leave it at that.

"Bella," he chuckled, shaking his head. "You know I'm only going to keep trying until you spill the beans, angel, so make this easy on both of us and just give up now before I have to bring out the big guns."

As much as Bella wanted to find out what 'bringing out the big guns' entailed, she decided the best thing to do was just listen to him and give up.

After all, hadn't she made a promise to herself that morning to get him to open up?

This might be her moment.

"Okay," she ceded with a not-completely-fake dramatic sigh. "But don't say I didn't warn you." It wasn't even a joke. She knew that, no matter how veiled she brought it, mentioning Claire out of the blue just like that was probably going to go over like a fart in church. "I dreamt of Claire last night."

He looked like she'd smacked him right across the face, his fork clanging to the table with a loudness that pieced through skin and bone. "What?"

"I don't know how it happened, but she was there," Bella went on, making good use of her courage while she still had it, "and she was holding a baby – our baby – and telling me she was going to take care of him for us until he was born."

"It couldn't have been her." His face was so completely controlled and cold it freaked her out even more than the strange apparition in her dreams had, a shiver running down her spine as she fought the urge to run and hide. "You don't even know what she looks like."

His comment, made with a distinct undertone of harshness that told her he was still intent on keeping her safely locked out, made her hackles rise. "Sometimes you don't need to know what a person looks like to realize who it is," she snapped. "I _know_ it was her, okay?"

"And she just came to visit _you_ – someone she doesn't even know – in your dreams for shits and giggles?" He snorted sarcastically. "Somehow I find that hard to believe."

"Maybe she was trying to tell me something!" Bella cried, the chair falling backward as she rose from her seat with more force than she perhaps intended but who cared? She was _pissed off_! "Like perhaps why her own dad seems to so hell bent on staying in denial that he didn't even see fit to mention the anniversary of her accident was coming up until he had no other choice."

"Stop talking right now." He was on his feet as well, his voice low and dangerous as his hands balled into fists on top of the table.

"Or what?" Bella spat back, holding her head high even though her tears were threatening to spill over. "You're going to hurt me more than you do by shutting me out? Well, good luck trying!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" He snarled. "Don't act so fucking melodramatic!" His nostrils flared as he sucked in a few deep breaths, making him seem almost feral. It scared her, her feet involuntarily stumbling a few steps backwards as her hands protectively folded over her stomach. "You're sad because I don't feel the urge to share my innermost feelings with you. Well, boo-fucking- hoo! It's not like _you_ have to live with the fact that your baby girl – your own flesh and blood who you promised to love and protect as long as you lived – lost her live because you couldn't be bothered to keep your eyes open. You have _no_ idea how I'm feeling right now!"

"And I never _will_ as long as you remain fucking hell bent on shutting me out every step of the way!" Her voice broke as it trailed off into a desperate plea. "I love you, Edward, and I want to be there for you and help you, but how can I when you keep shutting me out? How am I _ever_ going to be a partner to you when you don't tell me about the things you're dealing with?"

"So, what?" His voice was back to cold control, which somehow frightened her more than his rage had. "You're giving me an ultimatum? I talk or you walk, is that it?"

"I'm not giving you an ultimatum, Edward," Bella sighed, becoming more and more exasperated by the second, "and I'm not trying to tell you how to grieve. I just want to help you, dammit! Why can't you see that?"

"And I'm saying I don't want to be helped," Edward replied stubbornly, nothing she said penetrating the iron-clad mask he so firmly kept in place, "so thanks, but I'd prefer if you'd go back to not talking about this."

Bella shook her head, feeling like he'd just kicked her right in the stomach. "I can't do this right now…" she muttered, feeling herself falling apart at the seams. _Not in front of him. Not now. Not this time_. "I'm going upstairs to get ready."

"Yes," Edward nodded, his eyes willfully distracting themselves as he searched for his briefcase. "It's about time I went off to work as well." He made no move to kiss her goodbye, his movement as measured and controlled as his face as he went to pick up his case and his keys before shrugging into his suit jacket. "Good luck on your test today."

It was like a final 'fuck you'; her body shivering from anger and disappointment as she listened to his receding footsteps and, finally, the door slamming shut as he walked out of the house, something Carmen had once said about his father floating back into the forefront of her mind.

_He can be such a difficult man to love sometimes. _

Like father, like son…or so it seemed.

She managed to hold her tears until she was under the shower, the hot sprays of water masking the tears as her body shook silently, but apart from the anger and the disappointment, a new emotion was now manifesting itself inside of her with a violent force.

Regret.

What had she been thinking, springing all of this on him before he'd even had time to eat his breakfast? Did she really think he would open up under pressure?

She should have known him better than to assume he would.

But what to do now? She couldn't take the things she said back and, however ill-timed the conversation had been, nor did she want to. She stood by her words and the plea she'd made to be a full partner in his life. The path they were on at that moment was a dead end, an uneven relationship that would go nowhere unless things changed.

And with the life that was growing inside of her, she knew things had to change.

She couldn't bring her child into a family where secrets where still festering underneath a fake exterior of normalcy. She, herself, was broken enough to be a liability to this unspoiled new spirit that would be entrusted to them – enough of a liability even for Bella to finally put her own reservations aside and submit to the help of a therapist. She was taking steps to fix herself but she wasn't the only one who had been broken in their relationship and, though she realized the irony of her own thoughts, Bella wasn't going to stand by and let Edward suffocate both her and the baby with his need to keep living in denial.

Or whatever it was that he was hiding.

She still felt overwhelmed as she went through the motions of dressing, packing her bag and getting the car out to drive to school, her mind barely paying attention to the road as she navigated the now well-known route to the college.

It was like this great big fog had consumed her and everything around her just seemed to be overclouded by it.

Unfortunately for Bella, though, a foggy brain didn't bode too well in combination with a difficult math test, her mind far too scrambled to keep her attention on the problems in front of her for longer than five seconds until it started to waver.

"Do you think they torture us on purpose?" Seth asked as they walked out of the classroom after school. "Man, my Norteño brothers could learn a thing or two from those test makers because that was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through!"

"It wasn't that bad," Leah, mathematical genius, shrugged. "There were a few challenges but the rest was pretty straight-forward."

"I only solved one problem," Bella muttered, feeling even more like an utter failure. "I just couldn't focus on anything. I might have even spelled my name wrong on the top of the page."

"I'm sure you did great," Leah tried to comfort her. "It's always like that right after a test: you think you're the biggest failure in the world but when you get the results back it turns out you did okay after all. Besides, it's only a diagnostic test. T's not like it's the _real_ thing."

"But I only managed to answer one of the questions!" Bella cried. "They are going to think I'm a complete idiot and change my schedule!" In her panic, she saw her whole road map shatter into tiny fragments, the future she was only just starting to believe in again evaporating right before her eyes.

"It's just one test, Bella," Seth soothed, wrapping his arm around her as the three of them walked out to where their cars were parked. "If you really did as bad as you think you did, you might get called into the guidance office for a 'nice chat'…" Bella chuckled at the air quotations and the funny look on Seth's face, "but I'm sure that when you explain to them that your mind wasn't in the game, they'll understand."

She sighed, smiling wryly. "I sure hope so." She'd told her friends the barest minimum of what had happened and only because she'd had to, the red, puffy eyes with which she'd showed up bringing Seth to the point where he wanted to drive out to St. Mary's to 'take care of that miserable son of a bitch'.

They still didn't know about the baby, though.

Or Claire.

Mercifully, the rest of her day passed without incident. Sasha immediately picked up on Bella's mood and gave her an easy, yet time-consuming job that kept her hands occupied while her mind wandered but each time kept coming up with a blank.

There was no way out of this as long as Edward refused to talk.

But what if he kept refusing?

How far would she let it come?

How strong would she be?

By the time she was on her way back home, she was no closer to figuring out the answers to all those questions than she had been on her drive up earlier that day but, one thing she knew for sure, whatever would happen, there was no way she would ever leave him.

She couldn't even bear the thought.

She wouldn't _survive_.

Sitting in front of a red light, halfway between home and work, Bella felt like screaming. Why was this happening right now on top of everything else that was going on? Why couldn't she just be left in peace for a few fucking days?

She thought that with Alec's surprise visit the previous day she'd reached just about the end of what load one person could carry but now fate had come and stacked a whole new pile of shit and worries on top of it.

How could she deal with all of it and not go crazy?

She sighed, switching the sound system up, forcing all of the tension and panic out of her system as she blared along with the radio at the top of her lungs, garnering strange looks from the people around her, going about their business in their cars or on the pavement but it wasn't as if she cared.

She didn't know them and they didn't know her.

She had bigger fish to fry than to care about what strangers thought of her.

Feeling a little calmer (though also slightly hoarse) after fifteen minutes of song-therapy, she finally pulled up into their driveway, pushing the button that opened the garage door as she reversed her car, a maneuver she'd been incredibly afraid of the first few times she'd executed it but which now felt completely natural.

Even in spite of the situation, it still filled her with pride to know she had accomplished something that had been a vague, faraway dream a couple of months ago.

She was learning how to hold her own in modern society.

How to blend in.

When the car slowly but smoothly slid into place, the first thing she noticed was the presence of the other car next to her.

Edward was home.

Already.

She frowned, trying to remember what she knew of his schedule. He'd had a big surgery yesterday that had stretched beyond his normal work hours but it wasn't as if that was a rare occurrence in the medical world and it definitely wasn't ground for leaving early the next day.

What the hell was going on?

Cautiously, she grabbed her things and made it across the backyard to the back door. "Edward?" she called out as soon as she opened the door, her voice echoing through the seeming emptiness as she hung her coat and put her keys back into the bowl on the table. "Are you here?"

Her footsteps on the laminate had an almost macabre sound to them as she pressed forward, calling out his name until she saw him, hunched on the sofa like a rag doll, his face in his hands and his shoulders rising and falling with heavy breaths.

"Edward?" Her footsteps faltered as she realized he was having what might be a panic attack.

_What do I do?_ Her whole being was screaming out at her to go to him but at the same time, she wasn't sure that was the best approach. _Does he even want me there after the way we left things this morning? _

"I'm sorry." She was so wrapped up in her own mind and indecision that when his voice sounded she jumped, clutching her heart as it bumped in her chest. "You were right…of course you were…but it's so damn hard to talk about her, you know?" When he finally looked up, her heart broke at the fragility hidden in the green.

"I _want_ to know," she whispered, her gut driving her forward as she finally breached the gap and gingerly sat down next to him, his arms immediately pulling her onto his lap and holding her as close as she could get. "I want to help you, Edward, because I can't stand the thought of you hurting on your own."

His lips pressed into a hard line as his hand folded around hers, his head moving down until it met her shoulder. "I know."

Silence fell but this time Bella could be patient, knowing Edward needed time to break with the habit of a lifetime. Because he would break with it, that much she could sense almost in the air around them.

"I was a wreck all day," he finally spoke. "I knew I never should have walked away from you the way I did. Hell, I even knew you were right about every damn thing you said but, it's just,-"

"It's hard," Bella muttered, finishing his sentence as he left it hang there.

He nodded. "I never intended for her to become a secret but from the day we lost her, talking about her hurt too much…so I didn't, because it's hard enough to live and breathe knowing she never would do either of those things again without having to hear her name or having to be reminded of her time and time again. I just…I _couldn't_."

Bella sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder as her hands folded around his, her thumbs caressing his skin as she waited for him to continue with a heavy heart.

"Doctor Adkinson has been telling me from the start that it would do me no good to keep hiding from the truth but I guess until today, I never really listened to what she was saying." He chuckled bitterly. "I thought I was doing good because I was coping without drugs and moving on with my life just as I've been told people have to do after suffering a loss like mine. I didn't realize that if you don't face your demons head on they will take control of you." Her face lifted from his shoulder to look at him, his eyes clouded with grief and uncertainty but also a strange sort of resolve that made Bella's heart beat a little faster. "I won't let it do that to me…to _us_."

"And I won't let you," Bella promised, kissing the moisture from his eyelids before his tears could fall. "I'm right beside you, whether you want me there or not."

"I want you there, angel," he insisted, his hands coming up on both sides of her face, holding her eyes spellbound to his to let her know just how serious he was. "No matter how hard I push you away or how much I struggle to find my words, I will always want you there."

"Then I can be patient." She smiled, touching her forehead to his.

"I don't think I can talk right now," he spoke, his voice still unsteady with grief, "but I want to show you. Will you come with me? I think it's time." He stood, holding his hand out, his palm upwards as he stood there, anxious as a lost little boy.

"Of course." She had a suspicion as to where he wanted to take her but for now she was happy they were just moving forward, the tension in their silence as they shrugged into their coats and made the trek back down the garden path, hand in hand and side by side, completely different to what had happened earlier that day.

It was the tension that precedes a challenge or a difficult moment, not one born from argument or resentment.

"I think it's best if you drive," Edward spoke as they entered the garage, his feet shuffling to the passenger door of her Beetle.

Bella nodded, snapping her seat belt in place as she waited for his directions. "Do you want me to turn on some music?"

He shook his head. "Turn left towards Madison." It went like that all throughout their drive, Edward completely taken up by his thoughts as Bella kept her attention on traffic, her suspicion as to their destination soon confirmed as they traveled along Desplaines until they hit Cermak.

"You can park over there. It's not that far from the front gate." His voice was detached again but this time Bella suspected that the detachment came from a desperate need to hold it together until they reached their destination.

He remained seated after she'd parked, his frame hunched over as he took deep breaths in and out. "Donnelly only had to take one look at me to strike my name from the surgical board today," he spoke, his breathing slowly returning to normal again. "He knew I'd be completely worthless so he had me catch up on paperwork until Doctor Adkinson could squeeze me in for an emergency session."

_The good doctor!_ Bella smirked. Somehow it wasn't so completely surprising to her that Doctor Adkinson had a hand in this sudden change of heart. "What did she say?"

"You mean after she was done yelling at me for still denying my own grief and using it to sabotage my relationship with you?" He smirked. "She told me that sometimes it's easier to deal with this overwhelming, all-encompassing grief by staking small steps instead of dealing with it as a whole."

She shifted, angling her body towards him. "Small steps?"

"It's why we're here actually." His hands clenched so tightly around the door handle that his knuckles were turning white. "We decided that it would be a good first step for me, and for both of us, if we started here…where I can formally introduce you to Claire."

Bella gasped. _Forget small steps, this is huge! _From what he'd told her, she knew Edward hadn't been back to Claire's grave since the funeral, even if his family had been pressuring him to visit her. "Are you sure?"

He nodded, opening the door as if to emphasize his gesture. "I want to do this…It's time."

"Okay." Bella nodded, a huge lump forming in her throat as she got out, her hand finding his as he led the way down the concrete pathways between the graves, the slowing of his footsteps signaling they were getting closer and closer until they stopped in front of one of the many, seemingly identical rows of graves.

Her hand squeezed his, hoping she could give him the strength he needed to take those last steps. "Do you need a minute?"

He didn't answer, instead his grip on her hand intensified to almost painful levels as he pressed on, his feet dragging along the grass as he took what might have been the hardest steps of his life second to the first time he'd set foot on this same grass.

Bella didn't need to see the look on his face or feel the slowing of his pace to know when they'd arrived, the heartbreakingly beautiful headstone of a little cherub sitting on top of a marble slab catching her eye as soon as it came into view.

_Claire Elise Masen_

_2006-2010_

_Beloved daughter of Edward and Tanya_

_Forever young, forever in our hearts_

Her hand clasped in front of her mouth to stifle a sob, tears started to spill from her eyes the minute her eyes fell on the words, the enormity of what it would be like to lose a child only now starting to hit home, filling her not only with a terrifying fear for the little one growing inside of her but also with an overwhelming sadness for the loss Edward had suffered.

_Edward_.

Her eyes shot to him just as he doubled over, and pulled him quickly into an embrace as his grief wracked through his system, his head shaking against her shoulder as he sobbed uncontrollable. "We left her here and I never even came to visit her."

"She knew you loved her," Bella assured him through her own tears, holding him so slightly she was afraid she would hurt him as she rocked them from side to side. "She doesn't need you here to know."

"It hurts, Bella," he chocked, his hands balling into fists on her back as he tried to regain control of himself. "It hurts so fucking much."

"Oh, Edward," she kissed his cheeks, her thumbs wiping the tears away as she brought his eyes to hers, forcing him back to the present to her to fulfill the task he set for himself, the task she knew he was wanting to complete.

He nodded, taking a few shaky breaths in and out until Bella could see his control slowly slipping back into place, his hands unclenching as they lowered, one searching out for her touch, the other stuffed in the pocket of his jeans as he tugged her forward until she was face to face with her.

Claire.

"I know I've been a complete failure the past couple of years, Claire-bear," he started out, his voice slow and grief-stricken, "but I hope you know I was thinking of you and missing you every step of the way."

Bella smiled, gently squeezing his hand as she slowly filled with pride for this man, who was strong enough to face the biggest demon a person could ever come face to face with.

"I know you already know because you're smart and all," he went on, "but I still wanted to formally introduce you to the woman I love…and who is going to give birth to your little half-sister or half-brother in a couple of months."

He shuffled, seemingly uncomfortable talking to a slab of marble but he still went on, his eyes briefly meeting hers before they came to rest on the little cherub again. "Claire…this is Bella."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_Peace and rest at length have come,  
All the day's long toil is past;  
And each heart is whispering, 'Home,  
Home at last!'"_

_Thomas Hood_

**22.**

"Just a few more steps." Bella wasn't sure if her little pep-talk was directed at herself or at the bone-weary man hanging over her like an overgrown (and kind of heavy) rag doll.

He nodded, his mouth pressing into a hard line as he tried to ease his weight off of her, the two of them completing their awkward shuffle up the back steps and into the house. _Finally._

She'd never admit it, but inside Bella was as tired and worn down as Edward looked, though she knew that at that moment her own grief didn't matter.

_He_ mattered.

And right now, he looked like a man who'd reached the end of his strength.

He stood as she did, obediently allowing her to strip him of his coat and shoes before she tugged him along again, their ascent to the first floor taking what felt like hours until they finally reached the bedroom, a huge sigh of relief causing some of the tension to slip from Bella's shoulders that had been there for most of the day.

They had made it; there and back again.

But at what cost?

Looking at Edward, his normally so strong and vibrant figure slumped on the bed like an old man, her eyes started to prick as her heart slowly broke for him. What had she done to him by forcing him to go to the cemetery before he was ready?

"Do you want me to run a bath for you?" she asked, figuring he was probably as cold as she had become from standing at that graveside for close to an hour, until the icy wetness of the grass seeped into their shoes and their fingers felt like popsicles regardless of their warm woolen coverings.

He shrugged, though she could see him shivering as he ran his hands through his hair, backward and forward and backward again, his fingers tugging on the ends like it was the only thing he could do to make himself _feel_ something again.

She knew how it felt, though her pain and grief had in no way been similar to his.

That emptiness, though? It had been her sole companion for years.

Determining his indifference was about as much of a reaction as she was going to get out of him, she hurried into the bathroom, running the water over her hand until the temperature was just right before pouring some lavender bath stuff into the water before she returned to the bedroom.

Edward hadn't moved an inch since she left, his broken body still hunched on the bed, making her want to crawl on over to him, wrap herself around him and cry for his pain.

But she couldn't.

She had to stay strong.

He needed her.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled her shoulders backwards, stalking over to him with a cheerfulness and confidence as fake as a two dollar bill as she rubbed her hands together to warm them up. "How about we get you out of those clothes and into the water as soon as we can, huh?"

Nine times out of ten this would have been an innuendo to all sorts of sexy pleasures but this time, as Bella carefully unbuttoned his shirt and brushed the fabric away from his shoulders, there was no undercurrent of lust.

Only of love.

Love and pain.

With a minimal assistance from Edward, who still appeared to be locked in an almost catatonic state, she managed to get him out of his clothes and into the bath, the water sloshing down around his body as he sat down, his eyes slowly starting to respond to the world around him again as the heat warmed his limbs and the lavender calmed his troubled mind.

"Lie back, honey," Bella urged, gently pressing on his shoulders to get him to lay back in a somewhat relaxed state as she scooped some of the hot water into her hands to wet his hair, a spark of hope flickering in her heart when, after a while, Edward brought his hands up to rub his face, sighing deeply as he lay back again, the back of his head connecting with her shoulder over the rim of the huge garden tub as Bella kneeled behind him, not caring if she got wet or not.

She was not who was important.

"I'm sorry, angel." His voice was hoarse from crying, the sound of it making her jump as it echoed through the otherwise quiet bathroom.

"Don't be," Bella assured him, squeezing some shampoo into her hands before starting to gently massage his scalp. "What you did today was so hard…your mind needs time to heal from all of that." She smiled sadly, even though she knew he couldn't see it, the pressure of her hands running through his thick, unruly hair making him groan with pleasure, a reaction that couldn't have made her happier. "I'm so proud of you, Edward."

"Love…you…" he muttered, sounding half asleep as his head fell back slightly again, though not from emptiness but from simple fatigue, his body soft and compliant as she finished washing his hair, her heart bursting at the simple intimacy of being able to do something as mundane as this for the man she loved.

The man who was hurting.

He woke only long enough to sleepily help dry himself off, tug on some sleep pants and get into the bed, his deep, even breaths and light snores barely audible from underneath the bedding as Bella stripped out of her clothes and took a quick shower to rid herself of the day and the stiffness that had come from standing in the cold for too long and kneeling beside the bath.

When she was done, there was nothing she wanted more than to crawl into bed with Edward, wrap herself around him and forget about the rest of the world but, even if it pained her to walk away from him, Bella knew that she didn't just have herself to think about.

She was a party of two.

And the baby growing inside her needed to stay healthy, meaning that, even though the whole idea of food had never sounded less appealing to her than at that moment, she knew she had to eat something.

Settling for a sandwich she quickly cut some bread and put in under the grill while cutting up some pieces of leftover chicken, tomatoes, cucumber and salad, the job about done by the time the bread was ready. Her stomach started rumbling by the time she squeezed a good dollop of dressing on top of the trimmings before squishing it with the other end and pouring a tall glass of milk before she settled in front of the television.

Just in time for the news.

Over the weeks, she'd learned to appreciate the kind of things the television had to offer a little better than she initially did but, apart from the news and the odd documentary or movie here and there, she still didn't really like it. It was so loud and overpowering that it hurt your eyes as well as the rest of your senses and the commercials were so annoying that Bella felt more like boycotting every single product advertised than buying the stuff.

But she knew hers wasn't exactly a popular opinion.

Fortunately, Edward didn't watch much television either, preferring a more quiet night of soft music and a book or maybe a movie on DVD (which was one aspect of watching television that Bella could see the perks in) instead of the blaring singing, dancing or modeling competitions or confusing series Leah, Carmen and Alice were always talking about.

The news didn't exactly make for uplifting entertainment but at least it gave Bella a strange kind of pleasure to be informed of what was going on in the world around her. It had been a mystery to her for so long and to actually slowly start to feel she was becoming up to date on her current events felt kind of good, even if she always had spent minutes afterwards trying to get rid of the guilt and the fear some of the more gruesome goings on left her with.

Quickly rinsing off the plate and making sure the doors and windows were locked and everything was switched off, she tiptoed back up the stairs, making sure to be as quiet as she could, even though Edward was still dead to the world when she slid into the bed, shifting until she found his warmth. Her body curled around his sleeping form as she fell almost immediately into a dreamless sleep, the exhaustion of the sleepless night behind her and the events of the day finally catching up.

It was still dark, the vibrant red numbers on the alarm reading 'middle of the night' when a wandering hand woke her up, the pressure of Edward's erection, thick and long, against her backside leaving her no doubt of his intentions as one of his hands fondled her breasts, his fingers slipping underneath her camisole while the other dipped beneath the waistband of her sleep pants.

"I need you," he whispered hotly into her neck, his wet kisses scorching against her skin as he tugged her sleep pants and underwear down and out of the way as he kicked himself out of his own, his fingers moving her to readiness as he thrust his hips into her backside, sending Bella into an almost sensory overload with the way he kept on kissing every available bit of skin.

"Have…me," she panted, pushing back against him.

She had tears in her eyes when he entered her, a loud gaspy moan leaving her throat as he moved slowly – torturously so – while his hands caressed and loved and his lips kissed and whispered more love into her ears.

After everything that had happened that day, it was such a relief to have him back with her and be connected again in the most intimate way and just to know he loved her still.

That nothing had been broken beyond repair, though they each still bore their scars.

When they collapsed, completely sated and worn out, next to each other, their bodies immediately scrambled to find one another again, his arms pulling her against his chest as she settled her head on his pecks, one hand over his heart as he ran his lithely through her hair. "Everything's going to be alright," she muttered, not quite knowing if she was talking to him or to herself.

"I'm sorry for checking out like that earlier," he spoke, his voice still bearing the traces of his grief. "It's just…the pain became so overwhelming when it came out that by the time I was done, I had nothing left inside me anymore."

"I was a bit worried at one point," Bella admitted, downplaying her own fear and worries so as not to make him feel even guiltier, "but I'm so proud of you, Edward."

"I should have done this a long time ago," he answered, his disappointment with himself still shining clearly through in his voice. "I should have mourned her openly, like a man, instead of keeping it all hidden and bottled up inside."

"You went with what you thought was the only bearable option for you in that moment," Bella argued. "I'm not saying it was the right one but I understand why you made that choice."

"I will never be able to undo what I did." Bella wasn't sure if he was speaking about the accident that claimed Claire's life or the way he'd handled things afterwards. "But things are going to be different from now on. No more hiding."

She reached up, craning her neck to place feathery kisses along his jaw. "No more hiding."

Edward chuckled as she couldn't stifle her yawn in time, his lips pressing to her hair as his arms folded around her, making her feel safer and more secure than she ever had. "Sleep," he whispered, the even rising and falling of his chest and the warmth of his body soon lulling her back into oblivion.

When she woke again, it was to Edward placing butterfly kisses all along her naked shoulder, a faint light ghosting through the curtains as she blinked. "What time is it?"

"It's time to get up," Edward chuckled, a disgruntled whimper unstoppable as the warmth of his lips left her skin as he threw his legs over the other side of the bed.

Alright, then.

With another deep, unhappy sigh she threw the covers back, her body protesting against the cold as she quickly slid into her warm, fluffy slippers and the comfy sweatshirt she'd stolen from Edward. Casting another wistful glance at the bed, she slipped downstairs, hoping she would get breakfast done in time for Edward to get out of the shower.

After everything that happened the day before, he deserved something special.

And seeing as he probably hadn't eaten anything after yesterday's lunch, he would probably be famished too.

She was right.

The huge grin that graced his mouth as he thundered down the stairs made her heart speed up, his boyish pleasure as he scooted the stack of chocolate chip pancakes in his direction so far removed from the anguished man she'd put to bed the previous night that it was hard to believe it had all happened.

"God I love you," he groaned around a huge bite of breakfast, his hands already busy slicing off another mouthful.

"Yeah, yeah," she chuckled, her own breakfast of tea and oatmeal looking slightly less appealing, though the fresh fruit she'd sliced on top of the oatmeal did look rather nice. Still, as much as the pancakes made her mouth water, the memories of what it felt like to revisit your meal were still too fresh in her mind to risk it. The morning sickness might have gotten better since she started to follow Doctor Amun's diet but that didn't mean it had completely gone.

Which was why there was no bacon.

The smell of it alone…

She was still in a happy mood as she sat in class, even though she completely failed the math test, as she already knew, and her nerves started to build up as the morning advanced and the moment they would be given the keys to their new home drew nearer.

She was excited to walk in there and know it was her house – _their_ house – but still…

It was such a big place and it needed some work before they could move in, as well as a whole lot of new furniture to go with the classy, historic look and feel of the place. Edward had made no secret of his aversion to get involved in the decorating and furnishing of the house, claiming that it would only be fair if she got to decide what the place would look like since she would be spending the most time at home out of the two of them.

It made sense, of course, but at the same time, Bella felt that it wasn't completely fair to dump everything on her.

What if he didn't like it?

What if she made all the wrong decisions and ended up with crappy builders who ripped her off and left her with a house lying in ruins?

Would she be able to get it all done before the baby would be born?

A part of her wanted to move out of their old house and away from all of the bad memories connected to it as soon as she could but she didn't want to risk bringing their baby home to a nursery that wasn't completely safe and utterly perfect.

She sighed, pressing her lips into a hard line as she got into her car and punched the directions into her GPS to the little café she was supposed to meet Carmen, the soothing voice giving her directions and the distractions of downtown traffic soon calming her mind as she navigated to the little eatery on Michigan Avenue, slap bang in the middle of the bustling city center.

Her cheeks were red from the cold as she made her way inside, Carmen immediately jumping up to pull her into a warm, motherly hug as she greeted her. "You look so good, _querida_." She smiled, holding Bella at arm's length to get another look at her. "Pregnancy suits you very well."

"Thanks," Bella muttered, still a little uncomfortable with the topic even though she had long since accepted and embraced the little bean growing inside her. "It's not so bad now that I'm not puking _every_ day."

"When's your next appointment with the OB?" Carmen immediately wanted to know. "You have to get some pictures for me when they do your first ultrasound. I want to know what my grandbaby looks like!"

Bella snickered, the mental imagine of young and vivacious Carmen being a grandma so surreal she could hardly picture it, though the enthusiasm with which the other woman had adopted the child as her grandbaby warmed her heart and almost made her cry.

If only _she_ could have been Edward's real mom…

"So," Carmen got right down to business, her excitement buzzing to the point where she could barely hold still until their waiter had helped Bella into her seat and taken their drinks order, "are you excited to pick up the keys to your new home today?"

"Part of me definitely is," Bella nodded pensively, "but a part of me is scared to death of all the responsibility it brings, getting everything done perfectly and in time for the baby."

"You should call Esme," Carmen suggested, the simplicity of the solution completely baffling Bella. _Now why didn't I think of that? Oh, yes, I barely know the woman, that's why._

"I don't know," she mused. "I don't know her all that well and she's all the way in Washington. I doubt she'd want to leave her family for something like this."

"I think you'd be surprised, _mi hija_." Carmen smiled, quickly rattling off her order to the waiter as he came back with their drinks. "From what I've heard, she and Carlisle are contemplating a move back here since Jasper's almost done with high school and poor Rose is starting to get more and more fed up with her mother's childish behavior. They want to make a fresh start."

Bella nodded. She'd heard bits and pieces of what was happening in her old stomping ground but to be honest, she had not paid attention to Edward's updates of that part of his family the way she should. Happy as she had been that week she'd spent under Carlisle and Esme's roof, the memories of Forks were still too painful for her to linger on them long.

She'd tried to keep in touch with Rose at first but conversations through e-mail had become few and far between as both Rose and Bella got immersed in their new lives and apart from that, Bella had soon gotten the idea that Rose had been editing in her happy accounts of life in sunny California.

And now she knew.

"Okay, I'll try," she ceded, wondering how Edward would react if she discussed it with him. "It will be great to have some help with all of this because, frankly, I don't know where to start." She smirked, trying not to become overwhelmed again. "How do you feel about Jasper moving here in a couple of months?"

"Completely freaked out?" Carmen offered, calming herself with a deep breath in and out. "Honestly I should be proud of my daughter for growing up and choosing a good boy to fall in love with – because I think he is a nice boy from a good family, even though it's weird since he's practically family and all, but blood." She fell silent, her fingernails tapping against her glass as she smirked. "The other part of me though…"

Bella sympathized as Carmen made a face. She couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to have the little bean growing inside of her all grown up and ready to date.

Even without the weird, almost incestuous situation, what with Jasper being Esme's stepson, it had to be hard on a mom to let go and know that your little baby was going to explore the kind of things only grownups were supposed to do.

_Yeah_. Bella protectively cradled her stomach. _That's not going to happen. _

"There's no stopping Alice, though." Carmen sighed wistfully. "And at least knowing Esme, she will make sure the boy behaves himself, which is why I'm particularly enthusiastic about the moving plans, as you can imagine."

Bella giggled. "I sure can." With two moms and the rest of the family cramping their style, there was only so much mischief those two could get into.

"Back to you, though," Carmen directed the conversation. "Have you decided about Alec's offer yet?"

Bella shook her head, quickly updating an increasingly baffled Carmen on everything that had happened the previous day. "…so I didn't really have the time to think about writing a book and trusting a creepy guy," she finished, that same sense of discomfort creeping up on her the minute her thoughts wandered to Alec.

"Wow, Bella," Carmen gasped, reaching out to take both of Bella's hands in hers, squeezing them over their half-eaten plates of food. "This is huge! After Claire died and Edward fell apart, we all tried to get him out there just so that he could grieve, because it was clear that he wasn't allowing himself to do that, but he always turned us down until, in the end, we kind of stopped trying." Her eyes were full of awe as they landed on Bella. "I knew you'd be good for him."

"He would have made it out there eventually," Bella shrugged, awkwardly playing with her cutlery. "And it's not like it solved everything…but it's a start."

"What did _he_ say about Alec's proposal?" Carmen, sensing Bella's discomfort, asked. "You did tell him about it, right?"

"Of course!" Bella snickered, guiltily remembering the fiasco with the notes. _Funny how they just stopped as soon as the police got involved_. Feeling herself pale at the thought of some random psycho note-sender still out there, she got back to the topic at hand. "He's been giving me total freedom in this, which is actually more frustrating than if he would have been overbearing about me accepting or declining."

"So what do you think?" Carmen's head cocked to one side, her brown eyes curious as they waited for Bella to answer.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "Part of me thinks it might be good to get it all out there – you know? – but another part of me just doesn't trust Alec. I don't know if my story will be in safe hands with him."

"You should Google the guy!" Carmen suggested. "If you still don't feel sure about whether or not you can trust him, there's no way of finding out more about someone than to punch his name into a search engine and see what comes up."

"I might do that." Once again, the simplicity of Carmen's suggestion was only eclipsed by its usefulness. "I'm also going to discuss it with my therapist, I think."

"Your therapist?" Carmen smiled proudly. "You mean you've made an appointment?"

Bella nodded, equally as proud. "You were right about this Zafrina person. She's a bit strange but I really felt a click when I talked to her on the phone so I'm going to meet her on Friday."

"Wow, look at you!" If Carmen's beaming smile would have been any wider she would have been glowing. "You and Edward have both come such a long way. I'm so proud of both of you!"

Bella blushed shifting uncomfortably under all of Carmen's praise. The other woman was right, though: they had both come such a long way since the beginning. The thing was, however, that they still had such a long way to go.

The rest of their time together was spent chatting about smaller things, with Carmen sharing stories about her latest charity projects and her frustration with Alice, who had become even more glued to her phone and computer now that Jasper's move to Chicago was getting closer and closer.

As for Bella, she talked about her pregnancy; the aversion to certain foods she'd picked up and her worry that her stomach still seemed to be as flat as a pancake even though her breasts seemed to be swelling up. Staring really hard at herself in the mirror she sometimes thought she could see the tiniest of protrusions extending from her belly, but at other times, it seemed like a mirage. From the front, her stomach still seemed as flat as it had been months ago and it was really starting to worry her.

"Don't worry, darling," Carmen soothed, her cool hand stroking Bella's cheek as they stood to get back into their coats. "Everything will work out in its own time. It's still early days in your pregnancy and every pregnancy is different. I didn't start showing until the eleventh week when I was pregnant with Alice and I was just as worried as you are even though my doctor swore she was growing just the way she should." She smiled, pulling Bella into another comforting hug. "Have you spoken to Edward about this?"

Bella shook her head. "Not yet. I wanted to wait until my doctor's appointment on Monday before I worried him."

"Talk to him," Carmen pressed. "He's a doctor so, even though he doesn't specialize in it, he knows a thing or two about babies and, even if he didn't, he loves you. Let him help you."

"I'll try." Bella sighed, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach. It did kind of feel like there was something there. If only she could really see it was truly growing inside her womb.

"When it comes to pregnancies, men are standing by the sidelines enough as it is," Carmen pressed, linking her arm with Bella's as they exited the café and made their way back to the parking garage nearby. "You have to involve him in as much of the things you are going through as you can, Bella, especially with something like _this_, where he can actually do something as opposed to stand by and look hopeless."

"I'll talk to him," Bella promised, though in her mind she was determined not to bring it up unless Edward was still in a good place where it came to his own troubles. She wasn't about to dump more worries on his plate, especially if, according to Carmen, it was just silly 'first-time-pregnancy worries'.

Back in the car, with some of Edward's mellow jazz on the sound system, her excitement started to grow again as she slowly made her way through traffic back to the Lincoln Park neighborhood, knowing that instead of just driving by the place and imagining what it would be like when they finally got the keys – like she'd been doing more and more as they got closer to getting them – she would actually get to go inside and walk those floors she now only had faint memories of.

It would be her house. Their _home_.

She was positively buzzing by the time she parked her car in front of the house, an extra spark of happiness igniting in her chest when she noticed that Edward had done the same_. Finally a home where he can enter and exit from both sides without being struck by bad memories!_

His smile was radiant as he reached out to give her a hand, wanting to take no risks helping her up the steps towards the front door. "Are you ready?"

Bella nodded furiously. "Why didn't you go in?" She frowned, looking at Peter and Alistair who stood off to the side.

"I wanted to wait until you got here," Edward answered with a slight shrug. "It's kind of a big moment, you know? We're crossing the threshold of our new place for the first time and I didn't want to do it without you."

She smiled, feeling the corners of her mouth pull against the wideness of it. "I'm glad you waited." She giggled, rising to her tiptoes to kiss his lips. "But just so you know: if you even as much as try to carry me over the threshold, I'm going to puke all over you."

And she wasn't kidding, because as stable as her stomach felt at that moment, she knew better than to make any sort of sudden moves so shortly after a meal.

Edward pouted, looking adorably boyish as he peeked at her through his eyelids. "Please?"

"Nope." Bella shook her head. "But you're free to hold my hand."

"That'll do." He grinned, grabbing hold of her right hand as if he was afraid she was going to withdraw the offer, the intensity of his green eyes as he brought their joined hands to his lips making her wobble on her feet.

"Guys?" Peter scrapped his throat as he encroached on their private moment. "How about we get this show on the road?"

Bella nodded eagerly, her hands shaking as Alistair handed her the keys. "I think you'll have to do it," she chuckled, relinquishing the keys to Edward, "or we'll be here until midnight."

"We'll do it together," he offered, pushing the key in the lock before transferring their still-joined hands to the small piece of cold metal, Bella's heart hammering in her chest as it turned and clicked, making the door jump open just a little.

_Home_.

Sure, the place didn't smell like home just yet and their footsteps as they cautiously stepped into the foyer sounded hollow in the empty space but the connection was there already.

"No regrets?" Edward asked, his arm encircling her waist as he came to stand next to her.

"None!" Bella beamed. "Now go sign the last of the paperwork while I relish the moment."

She chuckled as he scurried off, knowing as well as he did that this whole exchange ceremony was just a formality; a production more for the sake of sentiment. All the important documents had already been signed and notarized and all dealings with the former inhabitants closed.

This was just the icing on the cake.

She closed her eyes as she let her hand glide along the smooth mahogany of the ornate banister, seeing images of children running down the stairs and Edward carrying her up late at night.

_Family_.

They were going to become a family in this house.

The thought of that alone, being part of a family when she couldn't even remember what that felt like, made her cry silent, happy tears as her hands clenched around the firm, warm wood as if to soak that rose-colored image of the future up and absorb it into her skin.

"Angel?" She looked up to find Edward standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his eyes slightly apprehensive but full of love and…pride? "We need you in here."

He waited until she'd joined him, wrapping his arm around her again as they walked into the kitchen, the one part of the house that was a letdown as far as she was concerned. _Too modern for such an amazing historic building_.

"I don't like what they've done in here either," he whispered, always managing to read her thoughts in some strange, almost creepy way. "We'll change it."

"Won't that be a shame?" Bella gasped. "It's almost brand new."

"We could always see if we can sell it or something," Edward shrugged, obviously not seeing anything wrong in ripping out a brand spanking new, fully functioning kitchen just because he didn't like it. "It's got to go, though. I know you agree with me."

Bella guiltily admitted she did, the wastefulness still striking her as wrong even though she could already see a kitchen more in character with the house taking shape in her mind. "So, what did you need me for?"

"Your signature next to mine," Edward stated. "I want you to know that, whatever happens, you will always have a home here." He chuckled, running his free hand through his hair. "Though, of course I hope I'll always be living here with you."

"I hope that too," she muttered, a big old lump forming in her throat at the thought that she would be co-owner of this amazing place. It was…surreal, to think that even though she had come from nothing, now had almost everything she could have ever dreamed of and more.

Her signature was the last thing needed to finalize their purchase, Peter and Alistair wisely slinking off the leave the couple to bask in the amazingness of their own new place.

Bella bit her lip, her eyes huge as she took a few steps. "It's ours now." She felt like doing a little dance…and so she did; her stomach mercifully cooperating as she twirled around the kitchen like a complete lunatic, stopping only when her body collided with Edward.

"We're home," he chuckled, his strong arms lifting her up and setting her on top of the worktop, the cool granite doing nothing to quench the fire his stare ignited in her being. _This man…_

His lips found hers hungrily, her legs closing around his waist as she pulled him nearer, deeper, closer, until they were as connected as they could be with their clothes still forming a barrier between them.

It wasn't long afterwards that they officially 'christened' their new home.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.  
**_

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_Sweet babe, in thy face  
Soft desires I can trace,  
Secret joys and secret smiles,  
Little pretty infant wiles_.

_William Blake_

**23.**

"You're almost late!" If his boyish smirk hadn't been so adorable, Bella would have been very tempted to punch him. _Well, maybe not in the face but the arms sounds pretty good right now. _

It shouldn't have surprised her that he'd been waiting for her in the atrium; his anticipation of their second prenatal visit with Doctor Amun equaling hers as he left their home earlier that morning, reassuring her one more time that this time he wouldn't miss their appointment even if the president himself came into the ER with a bursting aneurysm.

She'd wanted to argue with him, seeing the president kind of trumped a routine ultrasound but one look at his eyes told her it was pointless.

She shook her head, both in memory of his past and present excitement as she closed the distance between him to give him a quick kiss. "I'm right on time; thank you very much." It was hard to act all pissy with him looking so happy but somehow she managed to hold onto her frown and stop the corners of her mouth from curling up too much as she squared off against him. "You're just being impatient."

"I might be, just a little." He shrugged, grinning as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Are you excited?"

She nodded furiously. "Though maybe a little less about the whole being poked and prodded. I can't wait to finally get to meet our little bean, though."

She'd been on pins and needles all morning, driving her therapist up the wall with her nervous impatience and excitement until, in the end, the good doctor had decided to just go with the flow and abandon the topic she'd been meaning to discuss for baby talk.

Which, of course, was one that would probably tie them over for quite a few sessions given both her own feelings and Edward's past.

"We'll have to find a better name for the little guy soon," Edward mused, his hand briefly touching her still disconcertingly flat stomach before settling on the small of her back as he directed both of them towards the elevators. "We can't keep calling him 'bean' after we get to know him. I don't want him to turn into that funny English guy. You know, Mr. Bean?"

Bella giggled, remembering the show they'd watched on the television a couple of weeks ago about the strange man getting into all sorts of trouble. _But wait….what?_ "He? You think bean is a boy?"

He shrugged, blushing slightly as his foot swiped the floor. "I have a feeling…"

Bella's eyes narrowed as they surreptitiously studied him, wondering if his 'feeling' was really a premonition about their baby's sex or whether or not it was just wishful thinking. The elevator dinged, however, before she had a chance to finish her assessment, bringing her mind back to their appointment and all the questions she wanted to ask the doctor about the baby.

As Carmen had predicted, her talk with Edward the evening after they'd gotten the keys to their new house (and subsequently made a head start at Christening some of the rooms) had helped take a lot of her worries away.

Agreeing with Carmen, Edward had explained to her that not really having much of a bump to show for her pregnancy, even though she was almost into her second trimester, was something that happened to lots of women, especially first time moms. He'd even taken her online to prove his words, coming up with some scientific articles as well as dozens of questions of women all struggling with the same fear she had felt.

Smiling, she looked up at the amazing man standing next to her, his hand constantly connected to her body in some way as they waited patiently for the elevator to take them up to the third floor maternity clinic, his small growl as he had to wait for other people to exit the elevator before he could finally herd the two of them out of the small metal box making her chuckle.

_God, how I love him. _

With all the small frustrations of everyday life with both their jobs and her studies, it was easy sometimes to forget to take some time out and really admire what they had together. It was so beautiful and special and still so new that sometimes, when she did allow herself to be struck by the amazingness of having Edward as a permanent fixture in her life, she could still hardly believe it was all real.

Part of her still expected to wake up in her old bedroom in Forks one morning and realize it was all just one beautiful, long dream.

_Please, God, don't let that be the case! I couldn't bear it if…if none of this was real. _

Using her leverage on their joined hands to stop him right in the doorway of the clinic, she captured his eyes, her throat thick and her eyes swimming with tears as she smiled up at him, her heart almost bursting with a strange flood of emotion that had suddenly washed over her. "I love you, Edward. So, so much." Her heart sang with the need to say those words, feeling she hardly said them enough.

He frowned, obviously unsure where all of her mushiness was coming from but his confusion was short lived, giving way to that beaming bright smile she'd come to love so much before she could ever register the emotion. "I love you, too, angel," he answered, leaning in for a passionate kiss before wiping away the tears that had spilled from her eyes. "You've given me everything I've ever wanted and so much more."

"Same here," she muttered, holding onto him for dear life. "I could never have dreamed of being this happy or having the chances you presented to me. It…it's my every dream come true."

"I'm glad." The sincerity in his eyes and in the slight curl of his lips as his thumb rubbed along her swollen lips made fresh happy tears appear in her eyes, her emotions spiraling out of control. "So how about we go in there and meet our baby?"

"Yeah," she nodded, wiping her face as she tried to get back in control of herself. _Wow, talk about being all over the place today…_ "We don't want to be late, do we?"

"Definitely not!" He grinned, linking his arm with hers as they walked the short distance to the front desk. "From what I've heard, Sophia's not the kind of person you want to rub the wrong way."

It turned out that any concerns about not showing up on time were in vain since Doctor Amun was running slightly behind schedule, the quiet hum of music almost lulling Bella into sleep by the time a nurse finally came to get them.

"It's your first ultrasound today, isn't it?" she asked as she walked Edward and Bella to the examination room adjacent to Doctor Amun's office, her smile widening as Bella nodded. "You're twelve weeks along?"

"Almost," Bella replied, hanging her coat on the hook. The last time she'd been in this office, the focus had been more about Bella's health and the things she needed to do to keep herself in a good enough shape to grow a strong, healthy baby. Apart from listening for the heartbeat and determining how far along Bella was in her pregnancy, they'd spent more time in the office than in the examination room.

The doctor had left the opportunity open in the end whether or not Bella wanted the ultrasound when she was setting up to listen to the heartbeat and, though Bella had suspected that Edward's position at the hospital or his family name might have had something to do with that offer, she knew that wasn't unheard of to have one that early into her pregnancy but it hadn't felt right at the time.

Knowing Edward he would probably have pushed the matter if he had been present for that part of her first prenatal visit, both because of his excitement about the baby and his professional interest, but Bella was actually glad they had waited until this visit before they got a first look at their baby.

She wanted him to be present for their first ultrasound and even if she hadn't, she knew the timing had been off that day. She had still been so overwhelmed and scared. She was ready now, though.

It was strange how, over the days, she'd slowly gone from resentment to acceptance and then, ever so gradually to love but it wasn't until a few days ago that she finally started to feel that she had grown to love her baby in that deep, all-consuming and terrifying way that all her books on motherhood described.

She felt it now.

Getting ready for the poking and prodding part of her visit, she hopped onto the exam table, her feet swinging in the air as she watched Edward walk around the room and take in all of the charts and other medical paraphernalia that were dotted around the place, his brows scrunched in deep contemplation and the way he sometimes hummed was almost comical.

It wasn't long until the doctor joined them, her smile warm as she congratulated Edward on his imminent parenthood and brought him up to speed on her assessment of Bella and the baby.

It was strange how the presence of Edward completely changed everything. For the most part Bella felt fascinated by the way her man was automatically included in every single step of her examination, assessing every outcome and debating its meaning with the doctor in serious tones before they'd give her the cliff's notes version of their findings.

Part of her was laughing at how engrossed they were, but wasn't like they made her into a third wheel or anything, which was almost impossible given the circumstances directly involved her and her body.

It sounded like they were happy with whatever they found, though. So that was at least something.

"Now, unless you have any more questions for me," Doctor Amun concluded her exam, "I'll go and see if Maggie, our ultrasound technician, is ready for you. She'll bring you back to my office when you're done so that we can look over some of your test results."

Bella nodded, debating whether or not to bring up some of her questions now or wait until after the ultrasound. In the end it was Edward who decided for her as he cleared his throat to get the doctor's attention. "Bella's been a little bit worried about not showing as much as some women do during this stage of her pregnancy."

"I see." Doctor Amun was all professional attention as she sat down on the little stool next to the examination table. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about – it's not something that's uncommon, especially not among women experiencing their first pregnancy – but just to be safe I'll have Maggie pay extra attention to the fetus' size and growth." She smiled, putting Bella a little bit more at ease again. "Just to be sure."

She left them with a promise to answer any other questions they might have when they would be back in her office after the ultrasound and delivered them over to a peppy-looking ultrasound technician, who wasted no time getting Bella settled with her clothes pushed out of the way and Edward positioned right next to her, his eyes glued to the screen even though it wasn't even on yet.

"This will be a little cold," Maggie announced before she squirted a big dollop of what felt like liquid ice over Bella's stomach, causing her to squeal even though she'd been expecting it.

Her nerves rose to new levels as her eyes followed the movements of Maggie's hands as they produced the wand that would magically show them their baby on the computer screen, the little squeeze of Edward's hand, folded around hers, telling her he was every bit as nervous and excited a she was.

And then, just like that, it was there.

The heartbeat.

Big and strong and as fast as Bella could feel her own heart racing in her chest as her mouth fell open in awe while she watched the image of her baby – _their_ baby – appear on the screen.

"_Oh_!" That was all she could produce in the way of words as her eyes were kept completely spellbound by the sight in front of her, the tears streaming down her facing falling unnoticed as she blinked against them, not wanting to miss a single second.

"That's our baby, angel." Edward's voice sounded jubilant and, if she could have torn her eyes away from the screen, she would have found that his face matched the happiness in his voice. He looked every bit as amazed and in love with the little miracle swimming inside of her as she was.

"You were right about us having to find another name for him or her," she finally stammered, her voice still overwhelmed with emotion, "because little bean sure doesn't look like a bean anymore!" She squeezed his hand as the technician kept moving her wand over her stomach, spreading the gooey stuff around her skin as she pointed out arms and legs and other things that let them know their little baby was perfect.

Which, of course they already knew.

It was over way too soon, the loss of the heartbeat filling the room and the image of their baby on the screen making her feel cold and almost lonely, which was no easy thing considering that there were three of them crammed into a tiny room.

Clouded in a haze of longing, she listened absentmindedly as Edward asked Maggie all of the questions she could have been asking, the only thing getting through to her being that, though the baby was a little bit on the small side, it was nothing to be worried about at this stage and that he or she was growing just as it should.

Just like Carmen, Edward and Sophia had told her.

When they made it back into Doctor Amun's office, she had most of her test results back, most of the numbers discussed between the two doctors as normal and disturbing as the results in the examination room had been. That was, until the good Doctor settled into her chair with a tight smile. "Your blood pressure is a little higher than I would have liked and, especially since Maggie noted that the fetus, though completely within safe limits, is a bit on the small side, we do have to be careful."

Edward sucked in a sharp breath, the pressure of his hand around hers increasing making her extra nervous. _This is bad, isn't it?_ She looked at him, pleading with either of the doctors to explain to her what was going on.

"Now, a lot of women who suffer from high blood pressure during their pregnancy go on to have completely healthy babies and uncomplicated deliveries, so I don't want you to worry just yet, but considering the risk of pre-eclampsia, it is better to be safe than sorry," Doctor Amun went on, folding her hands on top of the desk.

Bella's throat felt dry as she licked her lips, forcing the words out as Edward had morphed into a marble semblance of himself it seemed. "What can I do?"

"For starters you need to avoid or at least cut down some of the stressful factors in your life," the doctor started. "There's also some changes you could make in your diet – like cut back on your intake of salt – which are in a brochure I'll have the nurses give you on your way out." Her lips pulling back into that soothing smile as her tranquil, professional gaze did its work in calming Bella down again, though be it just a little. "As I said: there is no immediate cause for alarm just yet, though we do need to watch you a little closer just to make sure things don't get out of hand."

"Okay," Bella nodded, immediately starting to take stock of all the stressful factors in her life.

Graduating from her GED class in an accelerated sped? – _check_.

Creepy stalker stalking her with scary notes only to disappear into nowhere? – _check_.

Evil (and possibly insane) in-laws-in-all-but-the-legal-stuff looking for her to screw up? – _check_.

Discussing her innermost fears and most horrible memories in therapy? – _check_.

Scary (and also possibly insane) son of ex-employer wanting her to write her memoir? – _check_.

A new house to remodel and furnish in time for the baby? – _check_.

Edward struggling to keep it together while being barraged by memories of his dead firstborn? – _check_.

Possibly poisoning her baby because she was too freaked out to keep her blood pressure down? – _check_.

Even Bella had to admit that it was a whole lot of stuff to have on her plate. No wonder her blood pressure was spiking.

With the unwelcome stormy lining of worry around her pink cloud, Edward herded her back out of the office after they concluded their appointment, the both of them stopping by the front desk to set up for their next one and picked up the brochure on how to control high blood pressure during pregnancy, before Edward walked her back to the main atrium.

"Are you sure you're going to be fine on your own?" he pleaded, looking more worried than Sophia's reassurance had stressed. "I'm sure I could arrange-"

"I'll be fine," she cut him off, "and you know I'm only going to be alone during the drive over to the new place since Esme's meeting me there."

At least that was one of her worries taken care of. Esme had jumped at the opportunity to help out with the decorating, hopping on a plane as quick as she could, which was a good thing since her arrival that day meant that she would be there later that night when they were planning to tell Edward's family – well, at least those who didn't know – about her pregnancy over dinner.

Edward's family minus old battle-axe Elizabeth – _Thank God_ – since her appalling behavior during the last family dinner had left her barred from future events as per Carmen's decree.

Charlotte would be there, though, which was enough to make Bella wish she'd taken up Carmen's offer to join her yoga-class seeing as she could almost feel her blood pressure spike at the thought alone.

Her worries kept her tied over during her drive, a smile reappearing on her face as soon as she pulled up in front of the new home. For as much worries as their deadline caused her, the anticipation of getting to live there, as a family, with their baby made her buzz with impatience.

Esme, already waiting, stepped out of her car as soon as she spotted Bella, greeting the younger woman with a warm hug. "I'm so happy to see you again, Bella! You're looking great!"

"As do you." Bella smiled, remembering the few carefree days she'd spent under Esme's roof. "How are Carlisle and the kids?"

"Anxious to move out here," Esme replied with a chuckle, her eyes wandering over the front façade of the house. "As, I have to admit, am I. This place looks…magnificent for lack of a better word."

"Edward and I both fell in love with it as soon as we saw it," Bella nodded, her pleasure at opening the front door – _her_ front door – radiating off her in waves. "I can't wait to show you the inside."

Esme's eyes quietly appraised the rooms as their footsteps echoed around the still empty downstairs. "I assume you and Edward want to retain all of the period features?"

Bella nodded. "And we want the decorating to be kept in the same style, too, though maybe a little less heavy on the grey and brown?" It was the one thing about the interiors that had let her down a little, apart from the too modern kitchen. The previous inhabitants had a penchant for using muted, slightly grayish colors and though their efforts hadn't been nearly as dramatic as in some of the houses she'd seen, it took away some of the lightness of the place. Which was a shame, seeing as the windows and trees were trying so hard to shine their brightness on the house.

Esme nodded. "Do you mind bold colors, though? Maybe some Persian rugs or a feature wall to make everything else pop out?"

"Just as long as the colors are bright and make the most of all of the light," Bella shrugged. "As for the furniture, we want it to be comfortable but still in keeping with the house without making it look like a museum." She was repeating what Edward had said but she'd agreed with his every word.

She'd spent too much time around Aro to appreciate furniture for its esthetic qualities alone. She wanted an easy chair she could actually _easily_ spend a whole evening in.

"I think I get what you're saying." The lights in Esme's eyes were dancing as ideas started to form in her head. "Just take me through the functions you have in mind for each room as I take some pictures."

Bella had to admire Esme's professionalism as they moved through each room of the house, documenting its future use and trying to determine the atmosphere Bella wanted to create in it, Bella's enthusiasm growing with each crazy keyword Esme seemed to completely understand even though some of the keywords she threw at her were quite abstract.

"And the kitchen?" Esme finally asked as they got back to the ground floor and the only room they hadn't discussed.

"Strip it." Bella still felt quite guilty as she condemned the perfectly good kitchen. "It's too modern for the house and I really want something that actually has space for a table – a great big, time-scarred wooden one, not some stone kitchen island." Judging from the look she sent at the offending marble countertop acting both as a surround for the stove as well as a breakfast bar, it almost seemed as if it had done something to personally offend her. "I want something that suits the house a little better….though I wouldn't mind some of the modern built in stuff."

"Oooh!" Esme squealed, clapping her hands enthusiastically. "That's just what I thought when I walked in here. "I see we will get along just fine, Bella."

Bella smiled a little uncomfortable under the praise. "So you're anxious to move back to Chicago?" she asked, changing the subject.

"The time is right," Esme nodded. "Jasper and Rose are both itching to make a new, fresh start, and as for Carlisle and me…as much as we both love Forks, we never grew attached to it to such an extent that it would uproot us if we moved. We both have jobs we could just as easily perform here as we did in Forks – mine probably even more so since I get to trade on my family's name and social position."

"But do you really want to come back here?" though she didn't doubt Esme's motives, Edward had told her enough about her reasons to flee the city and her family for Bella to be a little bit apprehensive.

"Time heals all wounds," Esme shrugged, "and with a city as big as this one, I could easily avoid those members of the family I don't really feel like seeing. Besides…" She grinned, wrapping her arm around Bella's shoulders. "I'm kind of missing some of them. The house is so quiet without my dear little Neddy to stir things up."

"You'll make him regret ever making that call!" Bella laughed.

"Of course!" Esme laughed along. "That's my duty as his older sister! How about we finish this up so I can get to work? I have a feeling me and Carlisle are gonna need your old house pretty soon to tie us over until we buy one, so I better work my ass off getting you two out of it!"

They spent the rest of the afternoon finalizing plans and setting up some shopping trips in the future which Esme seemed to make appear much more fun than Bella could have ever imagined until it was time for them to leave – Esme to her hotel and Bella back home as they got ready for the family dinner that night.

She was just about done putting the finishing touches on her outfit by the time Edward came home, his footsteps thundering up the stairs in time with her accelerated heart rate as she closed her mascara and put it away before things could go wrong and she'd end up looking like a lemur.

"Hey, babe," Edward grinned, placing his head on her shoulder after kissing her while he hugged her from behind. "How was your day with Esme?"

"Great." Leaning her head against his, she took a few minutes to breathe in the soothing, masculine scent of him, allowing her to relax now that he was near her again. "We made a lot of headway on the house. I think having her around is going to take a lot of stress away."

"That's good," Edward nodded, stepping backwards again as he stripped out of his button down shirt and tie. "But I think we're going to have to talk about cutting back some more of your workload. You heard what Sophia said…"

Bella nodded, sighing deeply as she realized what this probably meant. Something had to give and seeing as quitting school was no option and most of the other stuff couldn't be willed away either, it probably meant that she would have to seriously cut back on her hours at the library.

She hated it but for the baby? She'd do anything to keep their little not-so-bean safe.

"I know," she finally admitted, turning around as she watched Edward change into his slightly more casual outfit which made him look a whole lot more sexy. _There's something about those jeans and that shirt…_ "Let's just focus on getting through dinner tonight?"

"It won't be that bad…at least I don't think it will be," Edward mused wishfully.

Bella, however, couldn't quite chime in on all the hopefulness. "You're forgetting about your sister and the fact that we haven't told your dad about us being pregnant, let alone the 'not getting married' part." She smirked. "Somehow I don't think that's going to go over so well."

"It's not too late to change your mind." Edward grinned wolfishly, though there was an undertone of sincerity in his eyes that let Bella know he hadn't given up hope.

"Nope." She shook her head, maybe a little bit more vehemently than the occasion warranted but she wanted to leave him in no doubt. "Ain't gonna happen yet."

"Not yet?" He pried, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You mean…"

"In a couple of years, perhaps." Bella shrugged, feeling horribly uncomfortable under Edward's intense look. "I just want everything to be settled and to find my place in the world and who I really am before I can even start tying myself down like that."

"I know," he nodded, hiding his slightly crestfallen look by tying his shoelaces as he let out a deep sigh.

And just like every time the topic had come up, Bella felt miserable, wishing she could change how she felt even if it was just for him. But she knew it would be wrong to just give in. Marriage was a big step and right now…she just wasn't ready to take that plunge. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He was next to her in less than a second, his arms wrapped around her as she fought her tears. "I should have known better than to force the subject."

Bella tipped her head up and they shared a tender kiss, silently agreeing to drop the matter for now, even if the subject of marriage still left her feeling ill at ease.

They were mostly quiet on their way over to Masen Manor but it wasn't a tense sort of quiet; it was more a sort of quiet where each was so busy getting into the right kind of mind frame for what lay in front of them that they simply had no time to talk.

Like it always seemed happen, Carmen was already out of the door and waiting for them as they pulled up in front of the house, wasting no time in demanding her ultrasound picture from Edward before scooping Bella up into a motherly hug. "I'm so happy for the two of you!" Pulling back, she gently caressed Bella's cheek, her keen eyes appraising the younger woman before she started to pull both of them in the direction of the door. "Everyone's already waiting in the sitting room." Squeezing Bella's had she added, "don't worry. Everything will be fine, _mi hija_."

True to Carmen's words the whole family was, indeed, waiting for them, even Ed and Charlotte, who had managed to pry themselves away from the business accounts in time for pre-dinner drinks.

"It's strange," Edward whispered, leaning in towards Bella so that no one else but she could hear, "how dad and Charlotte are so much less scary when they're outnumbered?"

Bella chuckled. "I do believe you're right." And he was, because even though Charlotte looked like she'd just smelled poop the minute her eyes fell on the new visitors, her rejection didn't sting the way it had the first time Bella had walked into this sitting room. Not with the friendly faces of Carmen, Alice, Peter, Esme and even, to some extent, Ed to put her at ease.

_Okay, Bella. You can do this. _

Forcing a smile onto her face she jumped in, taking a seat on the sofa between Carmen and Esme – who looked to be getting along together rather well, considering their past struggles – and updated them on the house. It was hard not to say anything about the baby, especially when it came to decorating and the distinct absence of any plans for the baby's room in their new house.

Though the bedroom next to the master suite did purposely get 'forgotten' and therefore left a blank canvas in their plans so there may have been a couple of hints.

Charlotte wisely stuck to the other side of the room, talking only to her husband and father unless it was absolutely vital that she joined in on other conversations all throughout drinks and all four courses of the dinner until, finally, as the last bites of the amazing crème brûllée had been scooped up and Edward cleared his throat, demanding the attention of everyone at the table.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath, steeling herself for any sort of reaction as she smiled at Edward, squeezing his hand in reassurance as he geared up to speak.

"Bella and I…" he started slightly shakily, his free hand running through his hair as he, again, caught her eyes before he continued. "We have some news. That is…some of you already know, but we…"

"We're having a baby," Bella blurted out, unable to listen to Edward's struggle for words any longer.

Carmen beamed as Esme and Alice let out surprised squeals before rushing out of their seats to congratulate Edward and Bella, their little group soon joined by Peter, as his wife just sat at her side of the table, looking like someone had just dumped a bucket of slugs all over her.

"What?" she finally managed to speak, her eyes blazing fire at Bella.

"Charlotte," Ed warned, a stern look hushing her before Charlotte could tell them how she really felt. Her eyes spoke volumes, though, not that her father saw as he turned his attention back to his son, his face as blank and unrevealing as it always was. "My congratulations, Edward, Bella. I assume, from the lack of an invitation, that you are planning to wait until after the child is born to marry?"

"In a way," Edward hedged, this time using his leverage on her to stop Bella from taking the blame as he looked his father straight into the eye and explained himself. "At this moment we don't have plans to get married any time soon, though we are, of course, completely committed to each other."

"I love Edward," Bella chimed in, not about to let him take the fall for her decision, "and I see myself growing old and grey with him but after everything that happened, I'm not quite ready to get married yet." She swallowed with difficulty, her emotions getting the better of her for a moment as she looked at the man she loved more than life itself. "No matter how much I'd want to be, for his sake."

"You're not getting married?" When Charlotte spoke her usual venom was replaced by utter shock. It was almost like she couldn't believe Bella was passing up on her prime chance to definitively get her hands on some of the Masen fortune.

Edward snorted sarcastically. "I think we've answered that question, sis!"

"This is no joking matter!" Everyone looked up in surprise as Ed's fist connected with the table, making the silverware clang loudly against the fine China it was resting on. "Do the two of you have any idea of what it will do to our reputation in this city to have the two of you cavorting around and bringing a child into the Masen fold that has been born out of wedlock?"

"Come on, Dad!" Esme barged in furiously. "This isn't the 1920's for God's sake! Children are born out of wedlock all the time these days and if they don't want to get married, that's _their_ decision, not yours."

"But it's my reputation that will suffer the consequences, Esmeralda!" Ed replied, unfazed by the anger that seemed to be coming at him from all directions as Carmen too, geared up to go to battle against her husband. Well, at least if Bella interpreted the string of muffled Spanish insults to match the glares she was sending her husband from the other end of the table.

"I think it's cool that they are waiting for the right time," Alice cautiously chimed in, smiling encouragingly at her brother and Bella before warily meeting her dad's eye. "If they force things when they're not ready, it's only going to blow up in their faces."

Whether by miracle or by sheer force of reasoning but the smallest, youngest woman at the table actually managed to cause Ed to shut up, his face revealing his own shock for a moment until finally it sagged back into its previous anger as he slammed his napkin onto the table and all but bolted out of his chair. "Charlotte?" he barked. "We have more work to do."

With a curt nod at his wife, Ed marched out of the dining room, Charlotte scurrying after him as the rest of the family sat mutely and rather stunned by his sudden departure.

"Well," Edward finally chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "I believe that could have gone worse..."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_I can recognize any one by the teeth, with whom I have talked. I always watch the lips and mouth: they tell what the tongue and eyes try to conceal."_

_Lord Byron_

**24.**

"Are you ready?"

Bella nodded mutely in response to Carmen's question, her hands clammy and shaking as the Masen family town car slid to a halt in front of the lavish, downtown hotel, her feet shaky when they touched the ground.

_This is a mistake…I know it. _

"Let's do this!" Apparently Carmen, unlike Bella who was just scared shitless, was in fighting spirit, her hand cool and comforting against Bella's insecurity as they finished their progress to the lobby.

The lobby of Alec Harrison's hotel.

Looking back on it, Bella knew that she'd already made her decision not to go into business with Alec before the man had even finished making his offer but still, she'd held off until a week ago when she realized that her indecisiveness had been one of the contributing factors to the stress that might hurt her baby; their little not-so-bean.

What made her consider the deal was a combination of things: there was the possibility of making a career out of writing even though she knew she was a long way off from being a wordsmith of the kind she looked up to – a Jane Austen, Umberto Eco or George Orwell; people who not only had amazing stories to tell but had mastered the fine art of weaving words into something more powerful than just letters on paper. She longed to do that too, and this might just be the chance to make it happen.

And then, of course, there was the benefit it would bring to her own recovery to commit all of the misfortune and every single bit of pain inflicted on her to paper in order to literally close the book on it and let the weight of all that pain and misfortune slip off her shoulders. It was an idea her therapist had been very enthusiastic about, when Bella had mentioned her struggle with Alec's proposal to her during one of her first sessions.

She had agreed, however, that perhaps handing that story – her own _life_ – over to Alec might not have been the best way to move on from her past, considering his last name and Bella's history with his family. Besides, he still gave Bella the jitters and she didn't want to work with a creep, no matter how scarce he had promised he'd make himself.

She really didn't want to be standing on the doorstep of his hotel room, waiting for him to answer the door.

But she had no other option; she knew that, even if she was here by her choice after all.

As soon as she had made her decision, she knew that she had to be the one to deliver the news. Sure, it might have been more comfortable for her if she'd merely had Peter deliver the news as her legal man or if she'd just called him to tell him of her decision over the phone but those two options, safe though they might have been, had felt off. After all the trouble he'd gone through on her behalf, she felt the least she could do was 'break up with him in person'. And since he was in town on business anyway, which made it so much easier for her to do so than if she'd had to go all the way over to Boston. Not that Edward would have ever let her do _that_. Hell, she wouldn't have even let herself do such a thing!

In the end, setting up a meeting with him had been almost impossible. Over the past few days she'd made what must have been a dozen calls to his secretary and his home numbers but he was always busy, away or unable to pick up his phone. That was, until his secretary finally gave up and let it slip that the Harrison family were in fact on Bella's turf as Alec had some business to do with one of his Chicago clients.

From that point on, it was so easy to just go up to the hotel, have someone call up and surprise Alec with the very meeting he'd been trying so hard to avoid.

Still, the idea of going to his hotel alone had sent shivers of dread down her spine and even being there, inches away from his door, she couldn't be sure whether it was a good idea that would finally free her from his interference in her life, or the biggest mistake she could ever make. At least she'd brought some pretty strong backup. After all, nobody who'd ever seen a pissed off Carmen Masen would ever fear another enemy.

Carmen had spent a solid five minutes cursing (or at least Bella thought it was cursing since she still didn't really understand that much Spanish) at Alec and his interference in Bella's already stressful life, before she demanded to tag along on Bella's mission, claiming that while they were going to go downtown, they'd better make an awesome day out of it.

Which, of course, meant that her little bean would probably end up with a whole lot of new outfits before the day was done.

In the end even Alice was sad she couldn't tag along, though her frustration at not being able to join them had a completely different reason than that of Edward and Peter, who had both had pressing engagements that kept them from taking the day off.

"Bella!" Alec was at the door way too soon, causing Bella to swallow hard before she was able to finally summon her courage and shake his outstretched hand.

"Hello, Mr. Harrison," she finally managed with a voice that sounded far firmer than she felt at that moment. In fact, she kind of felt like throwing up.

"It's a pleasure to see you again," Alec prattled on, his smile a little too wide and his eyes calculating as he sized her up. "And you've brought the lovely Mrs. Masen too!"

"We couldn't let her come all the way here on her own in the delicate condition she's in, now could we?" Carmen replied to his overstated flattery, her smile just as fake as his as she played the passive-aggressiveness game perfectly.

Bella guessed she'd had ample training, navigating her way through Chicago's high society with an adversary as ruthless and magnificent as Elizabeth.

Having Carmen next to her, though, made her feel strong and able to face him. "Let's get down to business, shall we?"

Alec's face registered a moment's worth of uncertainty, empowering Bella as she felt her strength growing, before it was back to its calm, composed state. "Of course," he spoke, in his usual suave manner. If he'd known or suspected what it was that she'd decided, he didn't let on as he preceded them into a large suite, the living area overflowing with shopping bags and the small desk in the corner of the room overflowing with business-related paperwork.

"You'll have to excuse the mess," Alec explained, noting how both Carmen and Bella were sizing up their surroundings. "If I'd have known you were coming, I would have cleaned up…or at least made my wife and daughter put their new acquisitions away. They are here as well, you see…though they have gone out on yet another shopping trip."

"Okay," Bella nodded, gingerly sitting down on the sofa far away from the plush chair Alec had sat down in. "But first of all if you didn't want me to come by unannounced, then why didn't you call me back after I left all those messages for you?" She'd blurted out the words just like that, when she'd spent the past days agonizing over how to get them out or how to word her demand for clarification.

_If I'd have known it would be _this_ easy…_

Carmen nodded proudly, sitting close as if to lend Bella even more strength purely by her being there alone; which wasn't so far from the truth.

"Make no mistake, Isabella," Alec started cautiously, taking Bella completely aback as, for the first time, he dropped all pretenses and looked her straight in the eye, "I know why you're here and, as much as I regret not having you on board, I understand."

Bella cocked her head, quite unsure of herself in this strange turn of events. "You do?"

"I don't know the particulars but I know you've had enough interaction with my family to know what they are truly like." He chuckled wryly, wringing his hands. "I can imagine it must have been quite off-putting."

"That's the understatement of the year," Bella muttered, flushing crimson when she realized she'd actually spoken out loud.

"I hope that, perhaps by giving you some more time and, perhaps, meeting you in less formal settings a few times you would have been able to see what I'm really like; to show you that I'm not like those two…that I'm not made up of the same despicable fabric that turned my father and sister into the people they are," he went on, nervously shifting in his seat as he folded, then unfolded his hands in his lap. "Even though the businessman and publishing agent in me just had to grab this amazing opportunity and offer you to sign with us, my intention has always been to do right by you and by allowing you to tell your story, I thought I was doing so."

"But you have to admit that by pressuring Bella to go along with your scheme and then avoiding her when she _does_ call, you're not exactly helping to bring the image of yourself as a selfless philanthropist across very well," Carmen chimed in when Bella sat completely baffled and unsure of how to react.

"A desperate man has to resort to grand gestures and strange requests sometimes," Alec answered with an ambivalent chuckle. "As I said: I am most anxious to work with you, Bella, both as a publisher who sees an amazing opportunity as well as a son who, though reluctantly, is dying to know more about his father's final years."

At the last part, Bella looked up; Alec's words striking a cord within her that brought some memories of the old days back to the surface. "He loved you, you know, and even to the end he kept on hoping to reconcile with you even though he understood-"

"I was so angry." Even now, Alec's anger was palpable in the balling of his fists as he fought to remain in control of himself. Knowing what she did about the way his father had dealt with his children, Bella could understand his anger very well even if it kind of scared her. "I still am. I mean…how could I not be, knowing what he did to my family?" He was still picking up steam, his eyes on fire as he went on. "I had to watch my mother slowly wilt away and finally die heartbroken and alone because he was too proud to admit to the fact that he was sick and dying and too arrogant to let his loved ones care for him, but that isn't even the worst of it…The worst is part knowing that I passed this possible death sentence over to another generation."

"Your daughter…" Bella stammered as tears welled up in her eyes as the picture started to become clear to her. _He mentioned a child._ Aro had told her about his children getting tested for Fatal Familial Insomnia, the same disease that had inevitably killed him. From what she remembered, Jane was in the clear but he'd never said anything about Alec's results.

And now she knew why.

"Victoria…she was an accident, I suppose you could say," Alec chuckled bitterly. "I only found out she even existed when it was too late to stop the curse from spreading. I wasn't even married to her mother yet – you could say that we bonded in our mutual grief when we finally found out – and she was living on the other side of the country. She only managed to track me down when the pregnancy had advanced too far to abort the fetus, though I somehow doubt Meg would have done it anyway, even knowing what we do now."

"She's a carrier," Carmen whispered, looking as affected by the shock of that realization as Bella was.

Alec nodded. "In hindsight of course, I know that I should have taken better care; made sure nothing like that would ever happen but back in those days, I was still too proud and naïve to think that just being careful would be enough."

His words fell like precision bombs in the eerily quiet room, the tension palpable as both women shared in the grief of a distraught father, one who had to live not only with his own rapidly approaching death but also with the knowledge that his daughter would one day share her grandfather's fate. They were still completely dumbstruck, about half an hour later, when they were back in the hotel lobby, both women needing a moment to collect their thoughts before going underway again.

"I'm afraid I might have misjudged him," Bella muttered, her hand caressing the small bump that had started to get a little more pronounced that week, much to her relief. "I feel so guilty now for not trusting him."

"You didn't know," Carmen answered, shrugging her shoulders, "and just because he's had a hard life, doesn't mean that he can be trusted. With what you've told me about his family, to be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if he simply used his own misfortunes to pull you over the edge. After all, didn't the man admit he was as shrewd a businessman as they come?"

Bella smiled, though Carmen's words had in no way diminished her guilt or taken away the sympathy she felt for the man. "What made you so distrusting?" It was a new side to Carmen, one she hadn't seen before and one Bella wasn't sure she liked.

"Experience?" Carmen smirked. "When you've been around the high and mighty of Chicago's business sharks as long as I have, looking for a double agenda starts to become a second nature."

"Well, I still feel sorry for him," Bella admitted with a sigh, sitting down in a little club chair as they waited for their car to pull up in front of the hotel. "I'm not going back on my decision – the stress would be too much right now with everything else – but I've seen what that disease can do to a person and to know that your own child…" She pressed her lips together to keep her from sobbing audibly in such a public place, her eyes filling with tears as her emotions overcame her. _If it had been me…knowing I'd given something like that to my little bean…it would kill me._

"Bless you, Bella," Carmen purred, gently rubbing Bella's back as the younger woman struggled to control her emotions. "And I feel sorry for him too – _honestly_. Maybe you're right, maybe he can be trusted."

Bella flashed a watery smile, grateful that at least on the outside, Carmen was still willing to believe in the good of man. Casting a glance at the people crossing the lobby on their way to and from the elevators, however, all of her own hopes were quashed, a shocked gasp leaving her lips as she sat, eyes wide and body frozen, as a very familiar figure exited a car that had just pulled up to the front entrance; the person's laughter and joy drawing more looks from people in the lobby as she entered it, arm in arm with an older woman who looked just like her.

But none of those other people looked at the little scene with as much horror as Bella, as the girl danced around her mother, causing the many shopping bags in her arms to sway dangerously around her skinny, late-teen figure.

A figure that had haunted her dreams.

_The redhead._

And then, as the man she'd just said goodbye to stepped out of the elevator to greet them with a happy smile, everything finally clicked into place.

_The daughter._

"What is it?" Carmen asked anxiously, immediately picking up on Bella's mood shift.

"It's _her_," she hissed, her shoulders shaking violently as her body retreated into a state of panic. "It's the redhead from the restaurant."

"_Hijo de puta_!" Carmen cursed, followed by a rapid-fire of other Spanish curses Bella couldn't make out as she too recognized the young woman embracing her dad before hopping into an elevator with him and her mom. "I will give that woman a peace of my mind!"

Bella acted quickly as Carmen made to get up. "No!" she cried, her arm grabbing hold of whatever bit of Carmen she could grasp onto. "Please? I just want to get away from here."

She wanted to feel safe again - far away from the Harrisons and all of their mind games. They were both quiet they walked outside, just as their car came rolling up to the front door; their silence lingering as they went underway to their next stop; a visit to a day Spa for a nice, relaxing massage that Bella was in need of now more than ever. As much as Bella wanted to go home, to her own safe place, she'd agreed with Carmen that they needed to end their day together on a much happier note, which again she had to agree, no amount of sitting at home with nothing but her thoughts and fears to keep her company would ever bring her.

"Do you think she left those notes?" Bella asked as they sat together while having their nails painted, her body refreshed after a quick treatment but her mind still hard at work trying to digest everything that had just played out. "We don't even know for sure if she is Alec's daughter."

"That's a question we can answer easily enough," Carmen offered, pulling her iPad out of her purse, making a few flighty swipes over the screen before offering it to Bella. "There! She is his daughter! That little bitch!"

Sure enough, on the society page of some magazine was a picture of the Harrisons at the launch party of one of Aro's books; all of them looking younger but still unmistakably recognizable. "It's her," Bella whispered. "It _is_ her; I don't understand…"

"It's all a ploy to get you to do whatever they want," Carmen reasoned. "Scare you into submission? It's a good thing we have had Peter on board from day one or I'm sure they would have taken you to the cleaners."

_Peter_. Once again he had been the one safeguarding her hopes and dreams without her even knowing it. Bella closed her eyes, grasping the wave of relief that washed through her and riding it for all its worth. "I have to contact him – _Edward_!" Suddenly her brain shot back into gear, her trembling hands already fishing her phone out of her purse, selecting the number and waiting anxiously until his soothing voice sounded in her ear.

She only had just enough time to bring him up to speed until the manicurist had to get to work on her fingernails, Edward staying on the line with her, even though he was supposed to be working, until he was called back into the OR.

"Did it help?" Carmen smiled as she looked at Bella. "Talking to him?"

Bella nodded. "Though I don't think I will lose this icky feeling until I'm home again." She shook her head as angry tears of betrayal welled up in her eyes. "I actually felt sorry for them!"

"They are a pitiable bunch," Carmen answered, "but that doesn't automatically lodge them in with the 'good guys'. I think you'd better give Peter a call as soon as you're home. He'll want to take another good look at the contract you've signed."

"I'd better fill in the police as well," Bella added. "If the redhead really was the one who sent me those notes…" It was strange and unsettling to know that Alec might have been involved in the whole note scheme but some part of Bella found it all pretty hard to believe.

Intimidate her a little? Yes, she saw him perfectly capable of doing that. But stalking her with all of those awful notes? It seemed like something entirely too dangerous and close to a criminal offense for someone who was raised by a man as shrewd as James Harrison.

Alec didn't seem like the man who would take a risk like that.

But what did she know?

She hoped their discovery would put a definite end to the notes, though. They might have dried up as soon as they had gotten the police involved – which also happened to be around the same time that Alec made his first physical appearance in her life, now that she thought of it – but that didn't mean they had been from her completely. There was still someone out there who was – or had been – stalking her and leaving notes.

She wanted whoever that was gone. Permanently.

It didn't take long for a reaction to Bella's discovery to pop up. It was only a couple of days after she'd made her suspicions known to detective Anderson that Bella found another neatly folded slip up paper underneath her windshield wiper.

_Not again. _Her shoulders slumped with defeat the minute she spotted it, before tensing up with a familiar fear as she stealthily looked around to see if she was being watched.

"What's that?" Seth asked, having followed her outside after their class was done for the day. He and Leah were going to join her for lunch at a little diner close by.

"Remember when I told you about that creep leaving me notes a few weeks ago?" Bella asked, debating on whether or not to tug it free from the wiper or wait until she'd called the police. Having watched a CSI marathon with Edward the weekend before, she knew there might be fingerprints or – if she was really lucky – DNA sticking to that little piece of offensive paper.

"That's from him?" Seth hollered, immediately snapping into action, his chest puffing out and his body becoming dangerous-looking as he hovered next to her like a bodyguard.

"Or _her_," Bella nodded. "That's how it usually goes; they leave notes when they know I'm not watching, I read them, I freak out…job well done."

"Call the police," Seth urged, chuckling and shaking his head as he realized what he'd just said. "Wow, I never thought I'd say those words."

Bella grinned, though it was a bit of a forced grin as she rifled through her list of contacts for the 'A' for Anderson. He was there in a record time, Edward still screaming in her ear as he vented his anger with whoever was leaving the notes and Seth laughing at him in the other as the sleek but unassuming sedan pulled up.

"Did you disturb the note in any way?" Was his first question after both he and Bella had gotten off the phone.

Bella shook her head. "I left it exactly as it was, though I have to say I'm anxious to find out what he wrote this time."

The detective nodded his head, though his face remained stern and professional as he fished a pair of latex gloves from the pocket of his jacket and gently tugged the little slip of paper from where it had been stuck to the windshield.

Bella's breath became shallow, one hand protectively on her stomach as the other clutched her heart, the tips of her fingers vibrating with its violent beatings as she watched the detective unfold the paper achingly slow.

_You may think you can run._

_You may think you can get away from me._

_You will never succeed._

_I am still here, Isabella Swan._

_And I'm always watching._

"What the fuck?" Seth voiced Bella's own feelings perfectly, though the accompanying emotions for Bella was fear whereas Seth merely seemed pissed off and ready to pounce on whomever left the threat.

"Did you see anyone out here when you entered the lot?" the detective, remaining calm and in control, asked as he slid the paper into a small plastic evidence bag.

"Just a few other students," Bella muttered, wishing she could be far, far away from the cold, dreary place. "Nobody was near my car, though. The note must have been there already."

"No CCTV in this corner," Anderson mused, his eyes scanning the lot, "though getting in, I did notice a few over the gate; maybe we can catch something on those." His eyes narrowed, gliding from one empty car to the next. "And you didn't notice anything strange when you parked here this morning? Or before that even?"

"Nothing," Bella replied. "I thought…I hoped the whole business with the notes would be over permanently now that I've ended all further dealings with Alec."

"Yes, well, it seems like perhaps his family may not be the source of those notes after all," detective Anderson spoke, only adding to Bella's anxiety. "After our chat with you, the other day, we went out in search for the Harrisons to question them, but it turned out they'd already left Chicago by then. My partner flew out to Boston today after we'd set up and appointment with the family and… and he was with them – both Victoria and her father – all morning."

"So it couldn't have been her," Bella gasped, the uncertainty even worse than the realization that Alec might have been behind it had been.

"We can't rule out that a third party is involved, acting on their behalf," Anderson went on, "but for now it seems like we are back to square one."

"What does that mean?" Bella forced out, her throat constricting further with fear with just about every word she heard.

"We'll step up our surveillance," the detective tried to reassure her. "You already have an excellent security system in your home but I'll have an unmarked car sit on your street for the next couple of days in the hopes of catching our perp if he tries to leave another note at your home again."

Releasing a small breath, Bella tried to hold on to the safety of having a cop nearby to come to her rescue. "Will it be safe for me to go out?"

"As long as you're careful, you should be fine," Anderson soothed. "So far, they haven't tried to make any direct contact with you apart from the notes he left and his latest missive doesn't indicate that he will change his behavior any time soon. I would advise you, though, to keep your phone on you at all times and avoid dark and solitary places." He chuckled, and then added, "Which is something you probably already do in the first place."

"Yeah," Bella smirked, trying to summon whatever humor she could find to face this situation. "I've never been fond of _those_ kinds of places." She had lived amidst the very dark woods surrounding Forks for years with only an old, ailing man for company, though.

After answering a few more of the detective's questions and assuring him they'd be available for further questioning if he needed them, Anderson set off for the college, trying to get a copy of the CCTV footage as Bella dawdled by her car.

"Do you want me to tag along?" Seth was quick to ask. "We could finish our homework together while we wait for your man to come back home?"

There was nothing Bella wanted more than immediately take him up on his offer; the prospect of having to be alone in the house, waiting until Edward was done with his final procedure for the day, about as appealing as open-heart surgery. Still, she didn't want to be a bother. "Are you sure Felix won't be mad? You have work today, don't you?"

Seth shrugged. "I'm sure that if I ask him, Felix would agree that saving a damsel from distress –" he chuckled at his own clever rewording of the saying, "would trump the hell out of tinkering with run-down cars."

"Then yes," Bella cautiously accepted his offer, feeling some of the tension finally slip away from her shoulders. "I'd love for you to come over, as long as it's not a bother."

"Deal!" Seth grinned, throwing his arm around her shoulder as he walked her back to the driver's side door. "And if you feel guilty, you could always make me another batch of those oatmeal cookies you brought to class the other day."

Bella smiled, getting behind the wheel. It was just like Seth to be thinking about cookies in the middle of a crisis situation.

Between Seth's company, Edward's safety and the presence of an unmarked cop car sitting just off their front lawn, everything went back to normal all too soon; the creepy note-writing falling back into his or her former capricious ways and assuming radio silence again until the note was all but a distant memory.

Though for Bella, coming down each morning and walking past the front door or walking out towards her car after class still made her shoulders tense and her heart beat like a drum until she'd made sure the coast was clear.

Apart from those moments and the regular phone-calls from detective Anderson to keep her and Edward up to date, her mind didn't wander that often to the note-writer; her life too busy between Edward, the baby, their new house and the demands of school and her final days of working at the library to linger on anything long.

It seemed like just a day until her two weeks' notice was up and Bella found herself pulling up in front of the library for the final time, her heart heavy as she pushed her weight against the heavy, old-school front door to open it, her nose assaulted by the heady smell of books, knowledge and adventures held inside.

She'd miss it; that was for sure.

But even still, she would never regret her reason for stepping down. Smiling she rubbed her stomach as she hung up her coat before making her way over to the front desk where Sasha was already waiting for her.

"Bella, my dear!" she smiled, quickly finishing up with one of the library patrons before heading over to the younger woman and folding her into a loving embrace. "It seems like only yesterday that you became a part of our family and now we have to say goodbye to you again."

"I know!" Bella sniffed. "It hardly seems fair, doesn't it?"

"Life rarely is," Sasha remarked, patting Bella on the back before stepping away as she composed herself, Bella noting that the older woman had to stealthily wipe away a tear of her own. "But look at you? You've come a long way, Bella, and we both know that you did the right thing by leaving us."

"And I will be back for the kids reading club this summer," Bella nodded, the anticipation of being back there to help kids who struggled with the English language. It was one of Carmen's projects and she was really eager to help out, even if she would have to find the time somehow.

"So what are we even talking about?" Sasha chuckled, getting all business-like. "Go!" she shooed. "Get to work. We've got a whole list of chores for you, seeing as we'll be missing our little gopher tomorrow."

Bella chuckled, heading back to the staffroom in search of the list which, as she already knew, wasn't so bad. In fact, she might even be able to squeeze in some time to make the rounds through the library and say a proper goodbye to all the shelves and books before she headed out.

Her heart felt heavy as she put the final book into place, a couple of hours later, knowing that not only her workday but her complete job at the library was done.

"Farewell, my friends," she whispered, running her hands along the book covers as she slowly walked to the back of the library, letting herself get lost in the maze of bookcases and little study nooks as the tears slowly fell from her eyes.

She would miss this place, even though there was nothing stopping her from returning.

It was, after all, a public library.

Just as she was getting ready to turn around again and say her goodbyes to Sasha, a strange sensation washed over her.

She was being watched.

She just knew it.

She felt it.

Standing at a T-junction, she pressed her back against the shelves, her eyes shooting from side to side and in front of her but finding only empty space.

_But someone's here…_

_I know it._

Taking a deep breath, she pushed forward, knowing that whatever happened, it was only a short way back to the front desk and that she was only one scream away from having people come to her aide if whomever had been watching her was who she feared it was.

Forcing her feet forward as fast as possible she journeyed back through the maze of stacks, her heart hammering in her throat as she counted the steps to safety, allowing herself to start to believe this had all been just a figment of her imagination until the crunch of heavy steps behind her made her worst fears come to life.

_He's here. _

She felt paralyzed; unable to move or scream as she battled to force herself forward…to safety….she had to be safe.

She had to protect Bean.

"Sasha!" She finally managed to make her voice work, the cry not nearly as loud as she had anticipated and she picked up some speed but stumbled, her hands catching on to the bookcases and protecting her body from crashing to the ground but they were unable to stop Bella's pursuer from catching up to her.

_He's here. _

"Isabella Swan." The voice behind her sounded strange, but the intonation was exactly the same as it had been all along. _On paper._ "We meet at last."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky."_

_Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) (incorrectly attributed to Charlemagne)_

**25.**

"_Isabella Swan." The voice behind her sounded strange, but the intonation was exactly the same as it had been all along. On paper. "We meet at last." _

_Turning around the first thing she saw were his eyes - icy grey and cold like his had been, though set in a face so much younger than he would have been if he was still alive today. He looked just like he did when she escaped all those years ago, but maybe even younger. It was almost like she was back in the desert with his menacing glare constantly upon her, itching to find fault and exact his punishment. _

"_P-Phil?" she stammered as her whole body shook while she prayed for someone to set her free. Please Lord, protect Bean; my baby has never done anything wrong and doesn't deserve to be punished for my actions. _

"_You don't get to say his fucking name!" her attacker growled, his tall figure looming over her like a death sentence. "All these goddamn years I've wondered what the hell was so damn special about you and that bitch mother of yours that made him leave us and here you are just like I knew you'd be…nothing fucking special at all!" _

_He was going to attack, she just knew it. He was gearing up for it…only minutes now. Seconds, even._

_She could feel it. _

_In the violent current of the air around them._

_In the tension of his body as he poised to strike. _

_In the panic as she curled up, prepared to suffer whatever blow he had in store for her if only she could save her little baby. _

_Oh, Bean, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. _

_Even weeks later, the look in his eyes just before it happened would haunt her at night; the sheer violence and hatred flaming out towards her as she finally looked up at him through her tears, terrifying her to the bone. _

_Loathing._

_Pure hatred. _

_And his fist…_

_But then, it was all over._

Shocked awake, Bella found herself sitting straight up in bed, her chest heaving with labored breaths and her hair sticking out at all ends as she slowly started to realize that she was no longer out there.

It had been real, but right now, it was a nightmare; her mind's way of coping with the traumatizing events of the day by having her relive it over and over again.

"Bella?" With a load snore, Edward snapped into motion as well, his lifeless form springing to life, "Angel, you're awake!"

"I-I had a dream," she stammered, her eyes still wide with the remnants of fear as her shaking hands clutched the water glass sitting on her bedside table, bringing it to her dry lips to take a sip before setting it down again on top of the _Complete Works of William Shakespeare_.

She'd had trouble with Shakespeare all her life. Well, at least the bits and pieces of his work she'd read over the years. Some of his works were just too…out there. _I mean, what kind of sick fuck would idolize a bunch of teenagers killing themselves just because their family wouldn't let them be together? What the hell would anyone find romantic about that? It's just crazy. If _I_ need therapy, then surely they would have benefitted from a session or two as well!_

At that moment, however, the English bard was her favorite writer of all time.

It was kind of hard not to think so, when his complete works had been the tool to bring down the man who had seemed determined to do her harm.

And through her, her innocent little Bean.

Shakespeare and Sasha, they were pretty much her heroes.

Clutching the good book to her chest she thought back about the resounding thump as Sasha had whacked the madman on his head with that very same thick, leather-bound volume. _Best book in the entire library, if you'd ask me. _

"Bella?" Looking up she realized she'd completely forgotten about Edward, her thoughts keeping her so caught up in them that the whole world around her had simply vanished, much to Edward's apparent worry.

"Sorry." She blushed, picking at the sleeves of her pajama top.

He sighed, but it wasn't a sigh of displeasure. "Don't be. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"It was nothing new, really." She shrugged his question off. "Just a repetition of events as my mind is dealing with the stuff that happened to me." The last part had been a lesson she'd learned in therapy when she and Doctor Sorenson had been discussing the nightmares that sometimes tormented Bella's sleep.

"It's had a lot to deal with today, that's for sure." Looking at his face she could just sense that he was somehow thinking he'd failed her by not being there when that sick son of a bitch was looming over her.

She wasn't having any of it.

"It's not your fault, Edward, it's his," she spoke sternly, grabbing his hand over the covers and squeezing it in a way that hopefully let him know she meant business. "His alone."

Shaking his head, she could see she hadn't really brought her point across. "I shouldn't have let you go out there on your own," he muttered.

"Shouldn't have _let me_?" she gasped. "Do you even hear yourself right now?" He looked stricken like a deer caught in headlights, his face blank with confusion as she fixed him with a stern look. "I love that you're looking out for me and Bean and that you want to protect both of us but don't you think that keeping me under lock and key would go a bit far?"

"But you were out there, Bella, unprotected!" He shook his head, the stress of the day naked on his face in all its heartbreaking devastation. "I can't even begin to think about what would have happened if Sasha hadn't…"

"But she _did_," Bella interrupted, her mind jolted back to that moment when the menace had made place for a look of utter confusion as Sasha had smacked Bella's attacker over the head with a big, bound copy of the _Complete Works of William Shakespeare_, and triggered a chain of events that that the usually so quiet group of library frequenters overpowered the attacker and kept him under control until the police arrived.

It just went to show that you could pick up some defensive skills from a book.

Or _with_ a book.

"I'm perfectly fine, Edward," she went on, cradling his jaw with one hand as the other kept a firm hold on him, like a lifeline. "And I like to think I would have been even if Sasha hadn't stepped in when she did. The library is a very public place and there were lots of people around. The smallest peep from me and someone would have come looking."

She could see that she'd come just about as far as she could in convincing him but it remained to be seen how far that actually was. He may have been sulkily willing to admit that his absence from her side hadn't been detrimental to her fate but that was about as far as he was going to go. And Bella knew him well enough to know that it would be days, maybe even weeks, before that tension would slip from his shoulders and he would be able to let her walk out of the door without fearing a repeat of what had happened to her that day.

_But I'm safe now, that's all that matters. It's over. _

_The police have him. I saw it with my own eyes…when they took him away after Sasha had knocked him over the head and held him captive, along with some of the other library patrons until the police came to take him away. _

She smiled, lying back against the soft pillows later that night, one hand around Edward's shoulders as his head rested just above her heart, the other joined with his on her stomach.

_He's locked up now, awaiting trial. He cannot hurt us anymore. We're all safe. _

The next couple of weeks served as proof to her theory, with Edward struggling to walk out of the door every morning as she, herself, fought the invisible scars the library attack had left behind. It was a good thing that she was almost always surrounded by the people she loved, her friends and family rallying to make her forget the scary minutes she'd had to endure and the memories that started to haunt her. She'd had to bare all that had happened at the library, as well as her torment all those years before, to the police as they made their case against her attacker.

And she was crazy busy, of course, which also helped to take her mind off things.

Still, as more and more details were starting to get out, she had to sometimes really fight to keep from falling into darkness; the memories not only of her recent history but also of her years under Phil's iron rule throwing a lead weight around her shoulders, pulling her down when all she wanted was to move up.

Up and onwards.

What didn't help either was that she'd felt incredibly guilty when detective Anderson had told her the story about Riley Biers, who was born Riley Dwyer; the faceless man who had caused her so much stress. Apparently his mom had been Phil's childhood girlfriend. They had been very close for a while and Rebecca – the mom – had gotten pregnant just when she was in her final year of nursing school.

Giving in to Phil's wishes, she quit school right before graduation and stayed at home to take care of the baby while Phil went off to work at some accounting firm, putting as much money as he could spare aside for Riley's education.

But somehow along the way, things had gone horribly wrong.

According to detective Anderson, by the time Riley had grown old enough to understand the world around him, his parents had been fighting almost every hour of every day, stopping only to eat, sleep or pretend there was nothing going on whenever Riley stumbled into the room.

And then he – Phil – left, completely out of the blue and taking all of their hard-earned money for five-year old Riley's education with him, forcing Riley's mom to pull him out of his private school and move from their nice home to a cheap one bedroom apartment in a bad part of town.

But that wasn't even the worst of it.

Unable to deal with the fact that the love of her life had walked out on her, Riley's mother fell into a depression that eventually claimed her life, leaving behind a six year old boy who had no family, no friends and no money to see him through life.

A chill had ran through Bella had suddenly realized just how similar her life had been to Riley's…how crushing it must have been to find out about her; about the fact that his father had simply exchanged one family for the next, just because Renee had been an easier, more submissive victim than fiery, Irish born, Rebecca.

He tracked her down, somehow, following the trail his dad had left behind and then picking it up again from the local Forks Gazette, which had reported the death of a great American novelist on their turf and mentioned her – Bella Swan – as his caretaker. In Riley's eyes, she'd stolen his life, his dad, no matter how horrible her fate might have been.

His had been as bad or maybe even worse.

And it could just as easily have been hers. They were both the same age, born in the same town and were the victims of a cold and calculating psychopath. But it seemed like Riley had drawn the short end of the stick.

He'd been all alone and lost in his own mind for years, bouncing from one foster parent to the next before finally ending up in a group home that had been ill-equipped to deal with his troubled mind.

If they'd even noticed how troubled it was in the first place.

No. As much as she knew it was completely misplaced, Bella felt responsible for him ending up the way he did. Well, in part at least. Because if it hadn't been for her and her mom, Phil would never have left, Riley's mom would never have killed herself and Riley would have had the chance to grow up a normal human being.

It was one of the topics that had kept recurring in therapy, which had become the lifeline that tied her to the hope of once becoming a fully functioning human being.

And it worked, much to her surprise.

Those two hours every week where she discussed her past and present with Doctor Sorenson had been her salvation; the fact that she didn't have to think about how her words would affect the person she was talking to made her feel both liberated and desperate to finally get everything off her chest.

Absolutely everything.

Through it, she finally started to understand Edward's strange and, previously often frustrating, admiration for their doctor even though she had to admit that at times it still stung to know that her boyfriend found a kind of solace in the company of another woman that Bella knew she would never be able to offer. Still, as she got closer to her own therapist and started to see the changes and growing strength in herself that therapy had started to build, she did understand where that admiration came from.

Hard work, lots of pain and guilt over a past that could never be undone and even more support from the person who guided you through that process.

It was hard, reliving some of the more harrowing chapters of her past, but in the end it made her really look at how living under an iron thumb for so long was still affecting her present day moves. She still craved approval in everything she did and feared the consequences if she somehow felt she'd overstepped her mark.

She was getting there, though; a little better every day. And at least her little bean was prospering – _finally_.

She'd never admit it out loud but being told that her own stress was threatening to harm her made her feel so inadequate. Why couldn't she at least get that one thing right? Why did she have to fail as a mom before her baby had even left her body? It had been one of the thoughts that had been at the forefront of her mind, those first few days after her brush in with Riley: how much damage has this done to my little bean?

Her fear had made her comply with Edward's demand to stay in bed for at least two days to rest and recuperate without argument, even going as far as to go straight to bed for long naps and lazy afternoons after she got home from school for the rest of the week, trying to make sure she was as relaxed as she could be, given the circumstances, and her body was in prime 'baby-growing' conditions.

And it had worked, at least if her most recent visit to her doctor and – more importantly even – her steadily growing bump were anything to go on.

Sure, now that the big move into the new home was getting closer and the onset of summer brought her mid-September exams closer and closer, there was still more stress around than she would have liked, but between her efforts in therapy as well as the extra time she had on her hands now that she didn't have to work three afternoons in the week, she had found a way to handle it all and still have enough time left to rest and de-stress.

She was finally learning to listen to the demands her body was making and put herself first.

Well, in all reality it was their baby she was putting first, but her little one was growing inside her body and that had to count for something, right?

"Do you like what I did with the curtains or would you prefer the other ones?" Bella jumped, clutching her hand over her rapidly beating heart as, seemingly out of nowhere, Esme appeared in the doorway. "I know you were still undecided but seeing as you're moving in only two more days, I went ahead with these. If you don't like them, I can always find some other use for them."

"N-no," Bella answered, still a little out of sorts. "I really love them, actually. Thanks for doing all of this." Looking around her, she could feel the corners of her eyes grow moist, looking at all of the hard work Esme had put into making her house perfect. "It looks amazing…perfect, really."

"Don't thank me yet until you see my final invoice," Esme snickered deviously before turning serious again. "All jokes aside, though, I loved doing this for you but most of all for my little brother. There were times when I thought he'd never get to this point again."

"He's made so much progress lately," Bella mused, nodding her head. It had been the visit to Claire's gravesite that had been the turning point for him – for _both_ of them. After finally admitting to himself how much he still ached over the loss of his little girl – and how part of him would always keep doing that – he had finally been able to talk about his feelings with Doctor Adkinson and work through some of his grief. "He needed this new start as much as I did."

"And talk about people who've come far…" There was a pride in Esme's stare that Bella didn't quite know how to react to. It was not in her nature to enjoy being on the receiving end of compliments.

"I'm getting there." She shrugged awkwardly, playing with the end of her long sleeve. "One small step at a time and all that. Sometimes I wish it would go faster, though."

"Slow and steady wins the race, isn't that what they say? You'll get there," Esme smiled, patting Bella's shoulder with a confidence that was quite enviable. _What does she know that I don't?_ "Now how about we do one more run through of all the rooms before I hand back the keys?"

"Okay." Bella nodded. "Don't worry about those, keys, though. If you're going to be close by, it might come in handy to have a spare set somewhere and, as much as I love Carmen, I'd rather not have a set of keys to my house anywhere near your dad or Charlotte. No offense."

"None taken!" Esme guffawed, wrapping her arm around Bella's shoulder as they trudged up the stairs together to start their final inspection. "I do think I'd do the same!"

Walking through the house, it never ceased to amaze Bella how the place had undergone a complete transformation without having that much altered to its makeup. The rooms were all exactly the same, with the same lovely large windows, wooden floors and intricately crafted historical details but the color scheme had changed a bit to make it all pop out a little more and the furniture, though classic, brought the place into the modern age while never clashing with the splendor of its origins.

"You really are a miracle worker," Bella sighed happily, letting her finger run along the foot of the beautiful antique mahogany bed with its crisp white and blue coverings, the sound of her footsteps changing as they left the wooden flooring for the contemporary zebra-style rug. "You chose exactly the kind of stuff I would have chosen myself if I'd have known where to look."

"It's what any good interior decorator would do," Esme shrugged, though her smile revealed her professional pride as she righted a couple of the ornamental deep blue pillows at the head of the bed. "Of course you need to know what goes together and where to find stuff and all that but, most of all, you need to be able to crawl into your client's head to find out what they have in mind."

They'd been on a few shopping expeditions together and Bella had been in awe of the effectiveness with which Esme operated, finding the most amazing stuff without even looking for it and putting them all together to do justice to the house without making it look like a museum.

No, as she walked down the stairs, her feet sinking into the plush Persian carpet, giving warmth to the rooms with their vibrant colors, as her eyes were trained to the pictures of her new family and of some of the amazing moments she'd shared with Edward captured on film, it was safe to say that Esme had really turned it into a home.

Her _family's_ home.

Smiling, her hand on her bump, she walked into the kitchen, her second most favorite place in the house (though still under heavy competition with the library), her favorite room, of course, being the lovely room next door to the master bedroom that had been turned into a nursery.

Esme hung back a little as Bella's mind started to wander, seeing herself cook Christmas dinner over the large stove as the rest of the family sat chatting around the large table in the middle of it. Or, somewhere in the distant future, having little Bean sit on the counter as he or she helped her bake a cake for dessert, making more of a mess than actually being of help but making the whole process of baking so much more enjoyable none the less, just as she could faintly remember doing with her mom.

"I can't believe I'll be living here in only two days," she muttered. "Hell, I can hardly believe this is all _real_!"

"It is," Esme assured her, het footsteps hollow on the new granite floor. "It just goes to show that good things _do_ come to good people."

"Then I hope a lot of good things will come to you as well." Bella smiled, hugging Esme as much for the sake of letting the woman know how happy she was with the end result as for her own sake.

She needed a hug.

She didn't know why, though. Just a feeling.

Looking up at her she wondered, as she'd done many times before, why Esme and Carmen had initially struggled to get along. They were so similar; both welcoming and so, so kind. And, of course, they both shared a blind hatred against Elizabeth as well.

"Are you excited to have Carlisle and Jasper fly in this weekend?" she asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her face as she sneakily opened a few of the cupboards, relishing in the new china and the many pots and pans she'd picked out.

_All mine; my own choices, my own decisions. _

Esme nodded. "And anxious! As happy as I've been around here, I know that being back within the family's grasp is going to create a lot of expectations I have no intention of living up to, and I'd rather chew my own hand off than see Carlisle and the kids get pulled into all of that."

"I think Ed might not be as bad as you fear," Bella tried, quite astonished at her own guts for saying something she knew was controversial in Esme's eyes. "He's been rather nice to me, though I think I lost a lot of the credit I had with him when I refused to marry his son."

"He's always nice when he thinks he stands to gain something," Esme replied bitterly, "whether it's money or connections or simply another minion who will blindly do his bidding or benefit the Masen name." She sighed, chuckling wryly. "I think that's where things went wrong with us; the minute I decided to grow a brain and make decision independent of him or the family's benefit, he and I grew apart."

"I think he's changing, though," Bella persisted, going on that little spark of something she'd seen in Ed Masen the last time they'd been in a room together. "Just keep an open mind."

"I'll try," Esme reluctantly agreed, "but that's as far as I'm willing to go. I can't make any promises where it comes to my mother, though. That woman…ugh!"

"No, I'm right with you on that one!" Bella snorted, remembering some of her past brush-ins with Liz. To say that Edward's mother had been displeased to learn of Bella's pregnancy would have been the understatement of the year, though Bella wasn't quite sure what had been worse in the society queen's eyes: learning how the 'good for nothing, gold-digging trollop' had sunk her claws just a little further into her precious golden boy, or the fact that she was the last to know about it.

"I mean, my dad isn't even that bad," Esme reasoned. "With him being the unstoppable workaholic that he is, you're pretty much safe as long as you stay away from his office. Mom, however, is always on the move. There's no telling when she might pop up unexpectedly."

The image of stately and severe Elizabeth Masen popping like a jack rabbit made Bella giggle even in spite of her own apprehension towards the woman. "At least you're not the thieving little piece of trailer trash shit that tricked her golden boy into knocking her up!"

"True!" Esme giggled. "Well, it might be fun not to be at the top of her shit list anymore, though I think Carmen might have knocked me from the top spot a couple of years ago." Calming down her eyes got a very wistful look. "It will be nice, though, to be back here and share the happier memories of my childhood with Carlisle and the kids. Make a fresh start…"

"Are Jasper and Emmett excited to get started here?" Bella asked, shivering against the chilly evening breeze as they made their way outside to lock up the house before getting into Bella's Beetle, the squeeze behind the wheel getting a little tighter since her belly was growing.

"They are," Esme nodded, "But I don't think they're even half as excited about this move as Rose is." Esme's smile was bitter, her eyes sad as they recounted Rose's struggle with her mom in LA. "She really wants to leave there but, as you can imagine, going back to Forks isn't an option for her. If anything, this move will allow us to be a family again." Her smile lifted again as Esme's eyes regained their natural glow. "A real family this time."

"And how does Lillian feel about this?" Somehow Bella couldn't believe Rose's mom would be happy to let her daughter go again, not after what had happened.

"Lillian's at peace with it," Esme shrugged. "Rose changed quite a bit since what happened to her, she isn't the vain, superficial girl she used to be anymore. From what she's told me she's stopped obsessing over the way she looks, taken up self-defense classes and joined the debate team in the hopes of getting ready to go into law school." Esme chuckled as if she could hardly believe it herself. "I don't think Lillian knows how to deal with this new and improved version of Rose, and from what I've been told, they haven't been getting along too well. Besides, Rose has made it pretty clear that she wants to leave."

"As, I'm sure, only Rose can!" Bella smiled, remembering what Rose had been like before her incident with Royce. "When will they be arriving?"

"They'll be flying in on Friday night," Esme answered. "Carlisle's picking Jasper up at school. Emmett wanted to come as well but he had to work and I don't think his mom was very comfortable letting him go on a trip so close to his finals. You know as well as we all do, how much is riding on his grades"

Bella nodded, remembering how the McCarty's were dependent on Emmett retaining his impeccable 4.0 average if he wanted to hold on to the full scholarship into Northwestern's Pre-Med program that had been tentatively offered to him. "We don't have that much stuff anyway." Bella smiled, thinking how, between the boxes of books and clothes and the few kitchen utensils and knickknacks they were taking, the whole thing should be done in a few hours anyway. "Are you sure you're okay with Jasper coming?"

Esme chuckled. "I think that between both me and Carlisle keeping an eye on him, the boy will get more studying done by coming along than he would have if he stayed behind. Besides, this way I know there won't be any illegal house parties while we're away."

It turned out Esme couldn't have been more right. On Saturday, as Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and Peter hauled boxes full of books, music, clothes and some other stuff they wanted to take into an U-Haul van, Bella – who had been under strict orders from Edward to park her ass on the sofa and not move until it was time to get into the car and make the drive from Forest Park into town one last time, she couldn't help but reflect on the odd realization that a person's whole life could be brought down to a few boxes of stuff.

And even that was more than what she'd come here with.

"I think we've got everything." Bella had to swallow to keep herself from drooling as Edward, hot, sweaty and so, so sexy, sauntered back into the living room after carrying the last of the boxes out to the moving van. "Carlisle, Esme and Jasper are already on their way with the truck and your car."

"Okay." As excited as she was to move, Bella had to admit that saying goodbye to the house – the first one she'd been living in by choice as opposed to by order – made her feel sad; the little kitchen she'd spent so much time in looking barren now that it had been stripped of all its ornaments and the furniture bare without the study books piled onto the coffee table in front of them or the pillows adding more comfort to its already plushy makeup.

As they closed the backdoor behind them for the final time, though, and walked down the garden path to the garage, Edward remarkably silent by her side, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from Bella's shoulders, Edward's move as he grabbed her hand in his and squeezed it, telling her he felt the same.

No, as much as this felt like the end of something, it was only the beginning of a new chapter of their lives together.

A fresh start in a new place.

_Their_ place.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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_**Now that I've started posting Up (you can find a link on my profile if you missed the first chapter), In Pursuit of Happiness will update on Tuesday until it's complete, so you get this chapter a day early. A fresh chapter for Up will go up (snicker) on Thursday.**_

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"_Once for all, then, a short precept is given thee: __Love, and do what thou wilt__: whether thou hold thy peace, through love hold thy peace; whether thou cry out, through love cry out; whether thou correct, through love correct; whether thou spare, through love do thou spare: __let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good."_

_Augustine of Hippo_

**26.**

"Good morning, baby."

Bella felt her lips pull into a smile; the brightness of early morning sunlight illuminating the room as she slowly opened her eyes to the sound of her boyfriend's voice.

She knew he wasn't talking to her, though.

"Are you talking to my stomach again?" She giggled, her voice still slightly raspy from sleep, as Edward pressed a loving kiss over her clothed stomach.

"Just saying 'good morning' to my kid like any good father would." He pouted, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes until she relented and kissed him, even though she knew her breath must have been foul. "Good morning, angel," he whispered against her lips before diving in for another searing kiss.

She could feel herself blush, her whole body tingling with desire for him as her legs trapped his waist between them…or about as well as they could since her stomach was getting more in the way. "Good morning, lover," she purred, running her hands through his hair, making it look even more unkempt than it already did.

_If little bean is a boy, I pray he looks just like his daddy. _

There were still days when she could scarcely believe a man like him could ever fall in love with a girl like her but, unlike only weeks ago, the blind, overwhelming fear of abandonment that usually came hand in hand with it was gone. She might never see exactly what it was he saw in her but she'd seen enough of it by then to know that this – the love between them – was for keeps.

Forever.

"What are you thinking about, Bella?" She startled a little as his face came back into focus, his eyes smiling as they studied her absent look. "You looked like you were miles away."

"Just reminiscing, I guess." She shrugged, rolling herself further into Edward's embrace as they lay, as tangled as her body allowed. "Are you excited about today?"

"Of course!" Bella could hear the truth in Edward's words even before she saw the familiar lights dancing in his eyes; those green eyes light up every time he spoke about little baby. _This man…_ His hand moved to rest on top of her stomach. "I can't wait to find out if there's a little boy or a girl in there."

At just the slightest touch little bean responded, making Bella's stomach flutter with the familiar sensation. "I guess our baby is excited too!" She chuckled, shifting up a little as Edward moved her nightshirt up so that nothing separated him from his baby except for her skin, his head resting in her lap as his fingers drew little hearts into her swollen belly.

"I bet you are, little love," Edward smiled, the whisper of his lips against her belly making Bella squirm.

_Hormones._ They were definitely out in full force, not that Edward seemed to be complaining when she barely gave him the chance to wake up in the morning or hang his coat as he got back from work before she attacked him.

Right then, however, the pressure of his head in her lap brought up a whole different side effect of her pregnancy, and not one Bella was enjoying all that much. "I've gotta get up," she groaned, clenching her legs together as this time she squirmed in discomfort. "I've got to pee."

"Again?" Edward looked like her discomfort was in some way amusing, which kind of made her want to slap him right across his pretty, smiling face.

"Yes, again," she snapped, "and so would you if your insides had to make enough space to grow a whole new human being in an area that's normally no bigger than the size of a fist." Not-so-gently pushing him to the side she got up and stalked towards the bathroom as fiercely as she could, given the fact that she was starting to develop more of that waddle she'd seen in pregnant women on the television. "Now excuse me while I go tend to nature's call."

Edward was in a much more docile mindset by the time she got back after her much needed bathroom visit and a quick shower since she was in the bathroom anyway, his eye slowly sliding up as she walked in; one towel wrapped around her still steaming body, another squeezing as much water out of her long hair as she could.

Not quite willing to let him off the hook just yet, she moved past him with a huff, barely missing him as she threw the wet towel on the bed and to pull on some comfy clothes before searching out a hairbrush.

"Will you let me?" She was surprised to hear his offer, her brows furrowing as she turned towards him, not quite understanding what exactly he wanted. The look in his eyes was still apologetic as he moved to explain himself. "Brush you hair, I mean. Will you let me brush your hair?"

"Erm…sure?" She wasn't quite sure of what he was offering or if he even knew what he was doing but the thought sounded rather enticing. "Do you know how to do this?"

"Just carefully run the thing with all the pointy teeth through the hair until all the tangles are gone, right?" Edward smirked, some of his former brazenness returning.

She snorted, throwing her comb into his lap. "It's a little more complicated than that." It had to be said, as she explained to him how he had to start at the ends of each strand and slowly work the brush up instead of hacking his way through the thick forest of hair from the top, his lips never twitched and he didn't do that thing with his eyebrows that he usually did when something amused him, or he thought someone was overreacting but he didn't want to laugh.

"Okay, then let's do this," he concluded, rubbing his hands together as he molded her body into a position on the bed which gave him free access to her hair, the tips of his fingers gently massaging her scalp as he angled it down so that he could have better access to the bottom half of her long mahogany tresses.

It was an oddly intimate sensation - having your man brush your hair - and Bella had to admit that in spite of his inexperience, Edward was quite good at it.

Or maybe it was just her, relishing in his closeness.

"So, what are your plans for today?" she asked, her eyes still closed and the odd moan leaving her mouth as he put the finishing touches to her hair.

"Well," he started, "for starters I plan to get my baby momma safely to her therapy appointment…"

"Baby momma?" she snorted.

"Isn't that what you are since you plainly refuse to be anything more?" he quipped, gently swatting her head with the brush. His little jab at her refusal to marry him hurt just a little, especially since she never wanted anything more than to make him happy. If only it wasn't for the deeply ingrained fear and panic she felt… "Then I think I'll be heading over to Woodlawn to spend some time with Claire while you're talking to Doctor Sorenson."

"Are you sure you don't want me to tag along?" Bella's eyes narrowed as she turned, wanting to see Edward's face. So far, he'd been back to Claire's grave a few times after that first, heart wrenching moment, but she'd always been there to support him when his pain got too much for him to withstand on his own.

He simply nodded. "I think it's time."

It was such a simple statement but inside of those words lurked strength and progress Bella had never imagined, her eyes tearing up with pride and compassion as she grabbed at him, pulling him into a fierce hug. "I'm so proud of you."

Hugging her body from behind he clasped his hands over her bump, his head resting against her as he breathed out slowly, the strain in his gesture telling her that no matter how far he would get, it would always be so, so hard for him to acknowledge that Claire – his little angel girl – would always be perpetually frozen in her five year old state. "I'm proud of you, too, you know," he finally hummed. "I know this isn't exactly the path you chose to walk but you still made it your own."

Looking back, Bella was almost ashamed of how she reacted when she first found out she was pregnant. She hadn't been ready but still, the way she reacted thinking little bean would be the end of all her hopes and dreams when, in fact, she had come to see he or she was the beginning of a new life.

Of love.

"I can't wait to meet him." She sighed happily, her hand joining his as she caressed her stomach, hoping to coax another poke from the baby. "Or her," she added, since, even though she knew with a strange certainty that the baby she was carrying was a boy, she could never be sure of it until she'd seen a penis.

"You're still convinced my little love is a boy, huh?" Edward chuckled, shifting backwards after one final tender pass of his hand over her stomach.

"I _know_ it is," she replied, with more conviction that she had facts to support. "It's just a feeling."

He sighed wistfully, looking almost jealous as his eyes passed over her stomach. "I wish I had your certainty."

"Then tell me." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "What do you think our little bean is?"

"I don't know," he said, though she could see the answer in his eyes. "I know I'll love our baby regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl it's just…" He sighed deeply, his pain naked and heartbreaking in his eyes. "It's hard sometimes."

She sensed he was deliberately keeping his distance so instead of reaching out, which was what she wanted to do more than anything, she settled for another encouraging smile. "I know."

"I'll just…" he frowned as if he was going to say something more but composed himself right at the last moment. "I'll just hop in the shower real quick. You should head down for breakfast. I don't know if I'll have time before…" Shrugging his shoulders he dashed into the shower, leaving Bella and her aching heart behind.

She breathed in, slowly and reminded herself of some of the breathing exercises her therapist had made her memorize for just this kind of occasion – breathing exercises which, by the way, were startlingly similar to those practiced in her Lamaze class.

_Oh, bean, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. I'd die. _

Needing to reaffirm her beliefs that her baby was really safe and that the future she had grown to love so much was really happening, she wandered into the little room next door – her favorite room in their house – all but finished except for the little touches that could only be made when she knew for sure whether they would be having a boy or a girl.

Tears fell as she ran her hand along the little crib, her fingertips gently brushing the crisp white bed coverings. She loved that their baby's crib matched their own bed – Esme had done wonders on that – and that the décor in the room wasn't overly abundant. A lot of people might have found her choice of plain white walls and furnishings and simple, mahogany furniture too plain for a kid's room but, in her eyes, it emphasized the one thing she always wanted her child to have in abundance.

Light – bright, abundant light.

To her, it had become the symbol of freedom and, though the room could be blacked out completely if she wanted to, she wanted her baby to bathe and bask in it as much as he could.

She wanted the sun to shine on his face in the mornings, brightened even more by its stark reflection on the plain white walls.

She wanted to earthy tones of the furniture to ground him and let him know that even though he (because she began referring to her baby as if she was certain it was a boy) might grow up in rich surroundings, his mom came from a humble background.

At night, she wanted the brightness of the many stars that were painted on the ceiling in glow-in-the-dark paint, to guide him to a life of wisdom and confidence; both traits his mother was only beginning to discover. Bella wanted him to know that the people who surrounded him – like the stars surrounding the earth's sky at night – loved him with all their hearts and would always be fixed marks on his sky.

But most of all, she wanted _more_ for him - much more than she was ever allowed when she was young.

More than Claire was allowed in her too short life.

More than Edward's loveless parents ever gave to him.

Finally remembering Edward's advice, she reluctantly tore herself away from the nursery and made her way downstairs, then scarfing her way through breakfast just in time for Edward to come back downstairs, eat a few bites of his own breakfast on the go and herd her out the back to the garage so that he could get her to her therapy session on time.

All through her session with Doctor Sorenson she was distracted, her thoughts going out to Edward and the difficult time he was bound to be having, standing alone at his daughter's gravesite but also to her own fears for all the dangers she would be exposing her little bean to as soon as he or she leaves the safety of her body.

But she guessed that was what parenthood was down in its core: you pray to make good choices, hope for the best and parent and educate every day to prevent the worst.

And then you'd have to let go.

She also felt guilty, though, which was something she did discuss with the good doctor. She knew that, as the future mother of her child, she had to wish for just a healthy baby and not push a preference when it came to its gender.

After all, in spite of her own feelings, it might be a girl and she would truly be happy with that.

But the thing was, she knew it would be so much harder on Edward if their baby was, indeed, a girl. As many memories as her pregnancy had already triggered, she knew they would be magnified after the baby was born and a girl. As many times as Edward kept assuring her it didn't matter and that he would be fine no matter what they were having, she knew that deep down he was actually scared of having another girl.

Frightened of going through the same thing again.

Haunted by his memories.

But mostly, terrified whenever their little girl would so much as go near a door…or a street…or a car. It would be better for him if their baby was a boy – _easier_. Which made her feel guilty because…well, it might not be.

In the end, not even the normally so formidably helpful doctor could offer her any words or insights that made her feel better other than that her feelings were only natural and understandable after everything she and Edward had gone through. She didn't have some pill or magic formula to make the guilt go away, though. Only words of wisdom that were far too advanced for Bella's mind at that moment.

She was still feeling as guilty as when she walked into her therapist's office when she came out, about an hour later to find Edward's car waiting for her, as promised, his face a blank page but his red-rimmed eyes still revealing his struggles.

The music was up loud, telling her with no words that he wasn't ready to talk about it, so she settled for just linking hands, her fingers tangled with his as he drove off to the soft mellow voice of Nina Simone.

It wasn't until they were cruising the hospital parking lot, looking for an available space to park, that he finally spoke; his voice still slightly hoarse but determined. "Did things go okay for you?"

She nodded, even though she knew he couldn't see it. "The session was good. I was distracted, though."

"Distracted?" From the sound of it, the thought hadn't even crossed his mind that maybe his pain was hers as well, the realization of it making Bella feel a mixture of hurt and anger. _Why doesn't he know? Doesn't he realize how much I love him? _

"Thinking about you," she explained.

His face was studiously blank, the silence falling over the car as he parked and turned off the engine only broken by a non-committed, "Oh." It was a mercy that she was able to get out of the car at that moment and take a few breaths and a second or two to recompose, because her hormones were pushing her feelings up to dangerous levels.

Apparently Edward must have noticed how the climate surrounding them had drastically soured because the look on his face was contrite as he walked after her into the hospital, his hands wedged into the pockets of his jeans and his face down.

"It's getting easier to walk away," he muttered, finally offering her something as they waited in front of the elevators. "It still kills me to do it, though. There were fresh flowers on her grave."

"Do you think they were from Tanya?" Bella asked, mentally berating herself for not being a better friend to Edward's ex and giving her a call, especially since Tanya had been so nice to her when she first moved out to Chicago; friendless and virtually alone as Edward had to go back to work.

"Probably," Edward nodded.

Bella knew he had been in contact with her but that in his case, there had been a lag now that Bella was pregnant. For Tanya, who had been trying and trying to get pregnant herself, it was incredibly hard to be around the two of them and know that they were blessed when she was not. She was struggling and Bella wished there was something she could do to help except for keeping her distance.

Like always, the waiting room of St. Mary's OB/GYN department was filled to the brim with mostly mothers-to-be and their significant others, waiting for their names to be called. Mercifully (and quite surprisingly) their name was called pretty fast and as they went through the familiar motions of having Bella weighed, measured and questioned until her head was spinning, her mind was diverted from the awkwardness that had built up in the car.

And then, finally, it was time for their ultrasound; the muffled drum of her baby's heartbeat being something she would never get used to or never ceased to miss as it filled the air surrounding them again.

"Look how the baby has grown!" Edward spoke reverently, his eyes as glued to the screen as hers were even though it must be familiar territory to her doctor lover. "It looks like a real human being now instead of just a fetus."

Bella nodded, squeezing his hand as tears of emotion rolled down her cheeks. "I guess it's time to look for a different nickname, huh?"

"Not for me!" Edward grinned smugly. Unlike her he'd vehemently refused to use 'bean' in referral to their unborn child. Instead he just stuck to 'little love', which was a lot more appropriate to the little person growing inside her belly than 'bean' seemed to be at that moment.

"How about you start thinking about a real name you want to give to your baby?" Doctor Amun chimed in, grinning as she watched the screen. "That is, of course, if you want to know the sex."

She didn't even have to tell them for Bella to know. As if the doctor had prompted Edward by hinting at it, his eyes suddenly got that determined-professional look which Bella had come to refer to as his 'doctor-mode', his eyes squinting as they looked at the screen in utter concentration before his whole being seemed to release a breath of relief it had been holding for God only knew how long.

_A boy!_

She'd been right all along.

"It's a boy, isn't it?" she asked, feeling maybe a little left out in the look of understanding that passed between the two medical practitioners.

Edward nodded, his look one of pure happiness as he squeezed their joined hands. "_Our_ boy."

_Thank you, God._ She said a quick prayer to God above, her eyes never leaving the screen as their doctor went into detail about the markers which, indeed, confirmed that they were having a little boy and, for Edward's sake, went into a whole array of mind-boggling details on how the baby was growing and prospering inside Bella's womb, after the shaky start they'd had.

All Bella picked up from them was that her bean – her little baby boy – was indeed thriving, which was all she needed to hear to be completely ecstatic.

Having the sound of her little boy's heartbeat fade away again felt almost like losing someone; the need she already felt for that little person who wasn't even really there yet so strong that she was half in mourning as they made their way back down to the car, her hand firmly locked in Edward's and all their past strife forgotten as they walked side by side; both in awe of the little miracle they'd just watched on the screen.

"I can't wait to get home and watch the DVD again," Edward muttered; his hand on the small of her back as he directed her back into the passenger's seat. "I _need_ to see him again. My son."

Bella nodded vehemently, his words stirring a mixture of passion, lust and love inside of her that she knew was inappropriate seeing as they had no time for naughty business. As much as she wanted to drag him into their bedroom by his tie and jump his bones as soon as they got home, she knew also that in only three hours, Carmen and Ed would be on their doorstep for a dinner party that held as much promise as it caused tension.

Strangely enough, though, it had been Ed who had initiated the contact this time – by no prompting from his wife, according to Carmen. Bella wondered what it was he had to say because there had to be a reason for Ed to leave his much loved study for dinner at his son's house, right?

They'd soon be finding out anyway, since between her therapy session and his visit to Claire on top of their ultrasound appointment she had precious little time to whip up something fit to serve the CEO of Masen Industries.

The flipside was that she finally got to use the kitchen properly; making the most of all its high-tech gadgets as she blasted the sound system while whisking, chopping and basting away at a nice three-course meal.

"I wish you never met Tanya!" Edward pouted as he sulked into the kitchen after busying himself in his study.

"What?" Bella pretended not to hear him, giggling as she turned the music down. "Sorry. Couldn't hear you over the awesomeness that is Muse."

"Awesomeness, really?" He looked as if he'd swallowed something nasty, his eyes turned towards the iPod-dock as if it had done something to personally offend him. "I'd barely call that music, let alone awesome."

Bella chuckled, rolling her eyes theatrically. "Yeah, I guess _you_ wouldn't."

Feigning affront, Edward crossed his arms in front of his chest, raising one brow. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Nope," Bella chuckled, smashing a lump of dough against the worktop as she worked it for all it was worth, trying to get as much air and fluffiness into the dough before she put it into the bread oven. "Whatever could I have to say to you?"

"You, my dear, are a very dangerous woman." His smile was devious as he stalked towards her, her hands trapped inside the dough she was still working as he pressed himself against her back, whispering in her ear, "and I cannot wait to get you into bed."

"You'll have a long wait in front of you, then," she teased, pressing the dough into the mold.

He groaned, his head dipping onto her shoulder. "Don't remind me!"

"Well, apparently I have to." She smiled wickedly. "Because you really need a shave and a change of clothes before Carmen and your dad arrive. Unless, of course, you want to spend the whole evening hearing Ed complain about you looking like a caveman."

Edward grimaced, looking displeased and he grudgingly nodded his head. "I hate my dad."

"No you don't," she called after him, setting to the task of basting the French roasted chicken before checking on the potatoes for the mash. If there was anything Ed Masen wasn't going to find fault in, it would be her cooking.

She managed to squeeze in a quick shower and a change of clothes of her own, making her way back down again right before the bell sounded, Edward was already sauntering towards the door with a half-empty whiskey-glass in his hand.

"Do you think that's wise?" she asked, nodding at the glass.

Edward merely grinned, downing the remaining contents of the glass in one grimace-inducing gulp. "I think it's wiser than meeting my dad without any alcohol to take the edge off, don't ya think?"

Bella had nothing to say against that so she merely settled for accepting his arm around her waist as they opened the door, her nerves nowhere near as frayed as they probably should be as they greeted Carmen and Ed into their home for the first time.

But maybe that was just it?

They were on _her_ turf now. This was _her_ home; _her_ place. If Ed misbehaved either of them would be free to show him the door. In fact, she was quite determined to do so. _Hmm. I wonder what Doctor Sorensen would say if she heard me now?_

Dinner was interesting, though not for the obvious reasons. There was still tension, that was for sure, but even as they showed off their home to Carmen (who had seen it before) and Ed, who seemed to be almost pleased with what he saw, it struck Bella how open-minded Edward's dad was. He really seemed to be interested to find out where his son was living and what was going on in his life.

Which was something completely new.

Edward seemed as baffled as she was, though a little less likely to assume that maybe Ed did have a change of heart about the way he had been handling his parenting; the tension in his shoulders radiating into a blanket that stifled the room as they sat down to dinner, exhausting small-talk until all four of them were ready to either throw up or finally start speaking truths.

Surprisingly – again – it was Ed who first broke the silence, his wife smiling benevolently as the senior Masen scrunched his napkin into a pile next to his plate and cleared his throat before speaking a sentence of words that astounded almost everyone in the room. "I'm proud of you son."

"W-what?" The look on Edward's face as he looked up at his dad in complete befuddlement almost broke Bella's heart and made her sight go blurry as she watched the exchange through misty eyes. It was as if he'd heard the words but deemed them completely incredible.

"I know I should have said it to you a million times before, Edward," Ed went on, the look on his face calm and composed though maybe a little bit wary. "From the first moment I held you in my arms after you were born, I had expectations of you…and the fact that you never showed any inclination towards fulfilling those stung; especially since they evolved around everything I've worked for all my life – everything our family has evolved around for as long as anyone can remember."

"But I'm not fit to be a businessman, Dad," Edward muttered, looking like a lost yet hopeful little boy, his eye strained to his empty plate but sometimes lifting up to sneak a quick glance at his father's face.

"I know that now," Ed acknowledged, "and I know it's been a long time coming but I guess it was just hard letting go of that dream."

"Even when Charlotte is more than willing to fulfill it?" The bite was back in Edward's voice as he finally met his father's gaze, both women waiting with baited breath for the answer.

"Charlotte…" Ed sighed wearily. "She has an amazing talent for figures and movements in the market but she is too much like her mother to acknowledge that running a business is about more than cold facts and easy money. You need a lot of heart to truly make things prosper and – though your sister is by no means incapable of loving in her own way – she lacks that talent to truly lift things beyond what's deemed possible." Ed's eyes held his dream, though the hard, hurt edge around them made it clear that he knew how lost his hopes had become. "You would have been the one to make that happen."

"But I didn't want to," Edward persisted. "I _never_ wanted to. I wanted to go into medicine."

"I know, Son." Ed sighed heavily. "At the time I thought it was just a rebellious thing; just you trying to defend your little corner of freedom to sow your wild oats before you would be ready to march in line. I know now that I was wrong."

"You know that now, huh?" Edward snorted bitterly. "Took you long enough."

"People get wiser with age, or so they say," Ed mused, "but I suppose it's mainly down to Carmen and Bella that I finally figured out the man you've grown into is so much more worthy of having as a son than the man I was trying to manipulate you into becoming."

Bella and Carmen sat in complete silence, both afraid to disturb what the hell was going on as the two – their men – locked into some sort of stare-down; tension no longer the predominant emotion hanging over them. It was something else…something akin to curiosity, fear, hope and longing.

From both sides.

"This doesn't change the past," Edward finally muttered, bearing the silence and the eye contact as he looked away, his posture back to rigid and unbelieving.

"I can never change what I've done," Ed answered, his poker face still in place. "I know I've said a lot of horrible things in the past and you would be well within your rights if you never forgave me for them….but as a parent – as your _father_ – I will never stop trying to make amends." He leaned slightly forward on the opposite end of the table, his face finally dropping that mask Bella knew so well. She'd seen it on Edward more times than she cared to remember. "I want to earn the right to be your dad again, Edward, even though I know I have no right to ask. Carmen told me I still have a long way to go in learning how to be a parent instead of merely a businessman, but I _want_ to learn. I know that with Esme moving back here and you starting your new life with your beautiful family, this may be the only chance we'll ever get at making things right again – or any semblance of what it's supposed to be, but I'm willing to try."

_This was it_. Bella knew it, taking in a sharp breath as she watched Carmen do the same thing.

"Will you let me, Edward?" Ed's palms were turned up, pleading as they rested on the table while he watched his son.

Edward, meanwhile, shifted, his eyes torn as they flashed to Bella, then to his dad and finally back to his empty plate, his frame tense as he visibly deliberated the best course of action.

They all saw it, when he finally made up his mind, his face taking on a look of fierce determination as he finally looked up at his father and spoke, "I'll give you a shot, Dad, but you better take it and make this work because it's the last chance you're going to get."

Ed nodded, his face betraying his relief. "That's all I can ask for, Son. And I promise I won't let you down again."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_No retreat, no surrender. That is Spartan law. And __by__ Spartan law, we will stand and fight... and __die.__ A new age has begun: an age of __freedom__! And all will know that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it."_

_King Leonidas, 300_

**27.**

"Oh, yes…right _there_!" She moaned, her head falling backwards as her hips moved more frantically, slamming herself up and down on Edward's cock as his hands dug into her soft skin.

"Almost there, baby," Edward groaned, his face scrunched as he tried to hold it together just a little longer.

But she _was_ right there, her walls fluttering around him as she came. "Oh…_Edward_!" Her hands were clawing into the air, wildly grasping for anything to hold onto as she tried to absorb shockwave after shockwave of pleasure, her ears barely registering the enticing groans that fell from Edward's lips as he reached his own high.

"That was…quite the wake-up call." She giggled, falling backwards against his legs as she fanned herself to get more fresh air into her burning lungs. "Feel free to do that again tomorrow."

"Noted." Edward grinned, trapping her body with his own as he sat up slightly to give her a breathless, sweaty kiss as he brushed the strands of hair that had fallen loose from her braid out of Bella's face. "And, just for the record: it was my pleasure."

Leaning awkwardly around her bump, Bella stole a kiss or two, her body just about gearing up for round two when the alarm started to blast from the bedside table beside them.

"Aw, no!" Edward groaned, looking as much into it as she was. "Not good!"

Bella pouted, feeling nowhere nearly as satisfied as she'd like to have been after one round of amazing sex. "I guess this means I'd better hop into the shower."

"You can be ten minutes late, right?" Edward tried, giving her his best puppy-dog look. "It's only the family."

"And then I'll have to explain myself to all of them?" Bella snorted, feeling mortified by the prospect alone. "No way!"

"I'm sure they'd understand," Edward grumbled, though he didn't try to stop her as she moved off of him, awkwardly scrambling towards the edge of the bed, the dexterity of her legs hampered by the sheer enormity of her stomach.

She definitely wasn't worried anymore about whether or not her little baby boy was prospering inside of her.

From the looks of it he was having a blast.

She, on the other hand was really starting to count the days, though. And it wasn't just because she was so excited to meet her little guy. It was also because she wouldn't mind having total possession of her bladder again and starting her day with a good, strong cup of coffee.

The sacrifices were all well worth it, though, no matter how tedious they became as the weeks grew on. She already loved her little bean more than anything she ever loved before and, even though he wasn't even aware of it, he had worked wonders in their family.

Already, Ed and Edward had slowly started to build a meaningful relationship and even Esme seemed to be willing to push her resentment aside so that they could all be together and present in the little boy's life without the tension and hostility that had been there before.

She grinned, placing one hand on her stomach as she thought about the slow but steady changes that had happened over the past couple of weeks in the Masen family – _her_ family. Her little bean was a peacemaker, and he didn't even know it.

"Are you excited about today?" Edward wandered into the bathroom just as she was brushing her teeth, the room still damp from her shower.

She nodded vigorously. Now that she'd gotten over the disappointment of not having a round two with her amazing man, she'd really started to look forward to the day ahead. "I can't believe I'm gonna be a tour guide for the day. It seems like only yesterday you took me sightseeing."

"And look at you now!" Edward grinned proudly, kissing the top of her head as he stood behind her, his eyes catching hers through the mirror. "You've come a long way, mama."

"So have you." She smiled as his hands snaked around her body to rest on her stomach, both of them feeling their son move in her belly. "There's still a lot of ground to cover, though."

"But you're getting there, and that's what matters most," Edward insisted, kissing a trail along her collar bone. "I don't tell you enough but I'm so proud of you for dealing with all the shit life's thrown at you."

"I could say the same thing to you." She leaned back, nuzzling into his hold. "I can't believe we're going to be parents in less than two months! It's…it's all happened so quickly and still I can't wait for him to get here. I hope our little guy looks like you."

"With my hair?" Edward groaned, running a hand through the unruly locks that were sticking out in all directions. "You've got to be kidding!"

"It looks cute!" Bella pouted. "I can just see it: a little red-haired, green-eyed boy running around the house, up to all sorts of mischief."

Edward couldn't help but smile at the picture she painted. "Fine," he admitted, "as long as the next one can be a little girl that looks like you."

"The next one?" Bella snorted. "Are you planning to build an army?"

"No," Edward chuckled, "but maybe, in due time, of course, we could have another baby?"

"We'll see." Bella wasn't about to give him what he wanted yet. As much as she loved her little boy, she wasn't quite ready yet to plan beyond having just one baby. Hell, part of her was still trying desperately to get used to the idea of having a baby _period_.

She felt a little out of sorts as she got ready for her day, her mind focusing on the running water of Edward's shower as she absentmindedly dressed herself and gathered her hair in a loose bun. Was he really serious about having a second baby?

She didn't know what to think about it.

Sure, maybe in the future, when she'd managed to at least make things work with the little bean that was still 'in the making' and once she'd earned her GED and college degree, she might be ready to think about it but, for now?

No.

She wanted to be able to focus all her love and attention on the baby, making sure her little baby boy had everything she never got to have growing up.

_But you never had a brother or sister either…_

She'd never known what it would be like to have a brother or sister to play with but, looking at Edward and Esme or even Edward and Alice, she could really see the benefits of having someone around who wasn't one of your parents, even if – according to all three siblings – there were times when you were just about ready to wring their necks.

Looking at Charlotte, though, and the hateful way she treated those closest to her, she got decidedly less enthusiastic about the idea. She'd rather be an only child than grow up with a person as cold and calculating as Charlotte constantly hovering around her.

Determined to not let it knock her out of the good mood she'd been in when she woke up, she frowned in the mirror as she put the finishing touches to her look for the day. She had a big day ahead, and one she had been looking forward to ever since Alice first came up with the idea, even though Edward did put a little damper on the plans when he found out he had the weekend shift at the hospital and wouldn't be able to join them.

Today, Bella, Alice, and Esme were going to show the Cullen kids and Emmett around town.

The Cullens' big move had been earlier that week, with Jasper and Emmett settling in at their dorms and Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie making a temporary home in Edward's former house. Unlike Edward and Bella, Esme preferred the house she would settle into to leave a little bit more opportunity to put her own, unique stamp onto it so until she found a suitable wreck somewhere in a nice location in town, they would be settling into the two bedroom Forest Park house.

Bella had to admit it felt strange, being back there at that house which would forever hold a very double feeling in her heart, but not living there anymore. There was new furniture, replacing a lot of their old stuff which was now in storage and the walls had all been painted or wallpapered to reflect the characters of its new occupants. It made the place look so familiar and yet, at the same time, completely strange.

It wasn't her place anymore.

"It's strange, huh?" Esme chuckled as Bella hovered awkwardly near the door, the same place she used to dread going both because of the memories of what happened right outside that front door and the threatening notes appearing from underneath it. "I have to admit it was kind of strange living here as well at first but we're starting to get used to it now."

Bella nodded, stepping away from the door as her eyes wandered and her thoughts scrambled; thinking about the happy times spent in this living room as she discovered a new world and discussed a future she never even knew was available but also wandering off a couple of miles away, to the county jail where Riley was awaiting trial on criminal charges. She tried not to think about it too much, because the memories of how close Bean and herself had come to harm still completely freaked her out. For her, the knowledge that with everything they had against him, Riley was going to disappear into a jail somewhere for a long time was enough. Edward and Peter could focus on the details and the exact science of criminal justice all they wanted, she knew everything she needed to know.

"It's like it's a different place," Bella whispered, forcing her thoughts back into the present as she looked around at all the hard work Esme had put into the living room. In the short time she'd been there, she'd managed to paint one of the walls in a warm mossy green that matched the dark wooden flooring and white furniture perfectly, the rest of the decorations reflecting the earthy, woodsy atmosphere without making it look like they were living in a Hobbit Hole or a tree house. "You almost managed to bring a bit of Forks back with you."

"That's what I was going for," Esme smiled proudly, righting one of the throw pillows on the sofa. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but after a couple of weeks I'm really starting to miss the place…even the rain. But enough about that…how's Edward doing?"

"He's sorry he can't come with us today," Bella explained, recalling his sad look as Edward drove off towards work that morning, "but at least he'll be there tonight or as soon as he's finished his procedures for the day." To celebrate the end of summer as well as the start of new and exciting things for almost all of their friends and family members, Edward and Bella had decided to invite everyone for a little party in their backyard to end the day. "When are the others arriving?"

"Jazz and Emmett called just before you got here to let me know they were leaving the dorms," Esme answered, shrugging into her light summer coat. "Rose is just upstairs doing whatever the hell it is she's doing in her room these days."

"How are things going now that she's back?" Bella wanted to know. It couldn't have been easy, considering how hard Rose had fought her stepmother for years.

"Surprisingly good." Esme's voice was filled with surprise as she sat down, patting the empty side of the sofa to get Bella to lose some of the awkwardness and just kick back. "Things were already better when she came home from the hospital last winter but she's really changed during the months she spent with her mom – believe it or not."

A look of understanding passed between the two women as they both knew Lillian Hale to be a snake who enjoyed nothing more than trying to stir trouble in her ex-husband's marriage, even going as far as to use her kids to do so. "She's really turned her life around in those months she's been away; making an effort in school and thinking about college and plans beyond high school but also joining a martial arts class and volunteering at a local community center to give self-defense classes to girls."

"Really?" Like Esme, Bella had already seen a marked improvement in Rose during those days she spent in Carlisle and Esme's home, with the two of them bonding over their abusive pasts, but she had never thought the change would be so significant.

"It's bad enough that it had to happen to me…" Both women shocked as Rose's voice sounded from the top of the stairs, the girl herself slowly coming into view as she descended. "If I can do anything to stop it from happening to others, I will."

Bella was completely baffled by the change in her. Not only had Rose ditched the uncomfortable clothes she wore only because of the designer label and matching price tag, her whole being had undergone a complete transformation. Gone were the layers of make-up and painstakingly coifed and perfected hair.

Instead, the girl coming down had her blond hair tied back into a loose ponytail that bounced as she made her way over to Esme and Bella clad in jeans and t-shirt. She looked a lot healthier too, obviously no longer following the strict diet she'd put herself on – much to the dismay of her father and stepmom – ever since she was fourteen years old.

The girl standing before her was still slender but no longer sported that sharp, boney look; her cheeks blushing with health and her eyes shining happily as she flopped her body between the two other women. She was a true beauty now, not the artificial image of it that was propagated by overly photo shopped images in glossy magazines.

"You look great, Rosalie!" Bella smiled, exchanging warm kisses with the girl who once called her names. "I'm so glad things are going well for you."

Rose shrugged, removing a non-existent fleck of dust from underneath her fingernails. "I still have my off-days and God knows what I would do without my shrink, but I'm managing." Somehow conjuring a grin onto her face, she turned her attention back to Bella. "You look huge! How long until the baby gets here?"

"About six weeks," Bella grinned, her hand stroking her stomach – a habit she'd picked up almost as soon as her bump had started to grow.

"Are you excited for the birth?" Rose asked, unconsciously shifting closer to Bella.

"Try scared to death!" Bella snorted, cradling her stomach as she roared with nervous laughter before slowly recomposing herself. "But I am excited to meet him."

Just then, a car loudly rumbled up to the door, the thumping of loud basses vibrating all the way to the living room, filling the house almost with an eerie silence as the music was finally switched off. "That's the boys." Esme smirked, shaking her head as Emmett and Jasper came thundering into the house, Alice hot on their heels.

"Do you really have to let the whole neighborhood know you've arrived?" Rose scowled at her brother. "Don't think I'm going to ride in your car if you crank the stereo up to 'are you nuts' levels. I'd like to keep my eardrums intact, if you don't mind."

Jasper wanted to come back with a snide comment of his own but before he could, a playful thump in the stomach from Emmett shut him up, the boy blushing apologetically as he grinned at Rose. "We'll keep it down, Rosie. I promise."

Bella's eyes had grown huge almost the second she recognized the boy she knew in the guy who'd just walked in. "Wow, Emmett! You're huge!" The guy standing in front of her was a far cry from the scrawny kid she'd come to know; the muscles that had already started to show now all but bursting out from underneath and inside his t-shirt.

Emmett grinned, his appearance looking even more bear-like as he sauntered over to her to engulf Bella in a strong hug. "I could say the same about you!" he guffawed. "How many are you growing in there?"

"Just the one," Bella beamed back, not feeling any awkwardness as Emmett touched her stomach over the thin fabric of her sleeveless blouse. Over the weeks she'd grown slightly used to random people trying to feel her up just because there was a baby in her belly.

It was still weird, though.

"So, are we all here?" Alice had finally untangled herself from Jasper enough to speak, her eyes keenly looking around the room. "How are we going to do this?"

"How about me and Bella ride in her car while you tag along with Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie?" Esme suggested, taking the lead. "That way all of us have someone on board who knows where we're going."

"Sounds like a plan," Emmett nodded. "So what's first on the agenda?"

"The cruise, right?" Alice was buzzing with excitement, bouncing up and down on her toes as she looked at Bella, who had put the plan for the day together.

"Yep," Bella acknowledged. "Then a stroll along Navy Pier, followed by picnic in the Millennium Park and a tour of Wrigley Field."

The boys were most excited about the final stop for their day but as they arrived at Navy Pier for their boat ride, they weren't any less excited to get underway, Emmett and Jasper constantly bumping each other's arms to point out some of the landmarks they already knew or heard about while listening to the tour guide over the stereo system as well as the stories Alice and Esme contributed about growing up in the city. Even Bella was able to chime in with a story or two, a feat she felt so proud of that she was positively glowing by the time they made it back to dry land, the guys immediately descending onto the first hotdog stand on the Pier like a pack of hungry wolves.

"_Boys_!" Esme sighed theatrically, shaking her head as she watched Emmett cram a hotdog into his mouth in record time. "I guess it's true what they say: boys will be boys."

"And they can eat all day without ever gaining an ounce of weight!" Rose complained, pulling a little bit of bread from the pretzel she shared with the rest of the girls. "I swear, if I ate like Emmett or even Jasper, I'd be looking like I'm unable to fit through the door in two weeks."

"Just wait until they get older," Esme chimed in, looking rather smug. "By the time they get to your dad's age, they have to mind what they're eating just as much as you do. Maybe even more so."

Bella chuckled, trying but failing to picture Edward with a beer belly or anything else but the lean, muscular frame she'd come to know and love so well. Even though there were times throughout the day that Bella felt sad that Edward wasn't by her side, especially since the boat ride he'd promised to take her on, Bella was still having a blast. Being surrounded by people who liked her just the way she was, she felt it so easy to just simply be herself and forget about the past or the present.

She could just _be_…and enjoy.

She made sure to talk to each and every one separately at some point during the day; trading tips on how to fit in with the Masen Clan with Emmett, who seemed rather daunted by the fact that everyone he knew in this city belonged in some way or another to that family; promising Alice to sit for a proper art project as soon as Bella had the time, since her teacher had loved the sketch Alice had done on her a couple of months ago; sharing her thoughts on the amazingness of the work she'd done on the house with Esme and how much she enjoyed living in their new home in Lincoln Park and, finally, reflecting on modern society with Jasper as they stared at the distorted reflections at the Chicago Bean.

It wasn't until they were at Wrigley Park, the boys hot on the heels of their tour guide, and Esme and Alice discussed something that had to do with art, that Bella had the chance to finally talk to Rose.

"So how are you really feeling?" Bella asked, noticing throughout the day that Rose had become an expert in the same toll she herself had had to make her own. Masking.

"Scared, alone and insecure about seventy percent of my time but I don't want to give in to that," Rose replied stoically, looking straight out in front of her at the pitch.

Sensing this was about as much as Rose wanted to share about the true nature of her feelings, Bella decided to be practical. "Did you find a new therapist yet?"

"Not yet." Rose smirked, a gesture that Bella could really sympathize with. It was hard finding a shrink that 'fit', let alone having to go through that entire process again. "But I know I have to. Soon."

"Would you like to have the number of mine?" Bella offered. "I never thought I'd say such a thing but she's great; not one to whine on and on about things you don't really want to talk about but focusing on finding answers and solutions."

"Sounds good." Rose shrugged non-committedly but still took the number Bella scribbled onto a piece of paper and pocketed it carefully.

"How are things going between you and Emmett?" Bella then went on to ask, having picked up on a weird vibe between the two of them throughout the day.

"Things are….awkward I guess would be the best way to describe it." Rose's face fell, her eyes fogging up as her body tensed, still reluctant to give in to her emotions. "It was fine when I was still back in California and he was in Washington. We used to talk on the phone or Skype for hours and I'd never get enough, but now that we're in the same place again…I'm not ready and…and I'm scared."

"Did you talk to him about it?" Bella asked, going on the one thing experience had taught her.

Communication is key.

"And tell him what?' Rose spat, her anger directed more at herself than at Bella. "That I'm a fucking mess and that he'd be better off running for the hills and sticking his dick into some sorority ho?" Turning towards Bella her face was distraught. "I don't want to lose him, Bella."

"You won't if you're honest to him," Bella spoke sternly, feeling rather good that she was able to share relationship advice with another woman who needed it just as much as she had. "But if you don't talk to him now, it's going to drive a wedge between the two of you until there's nothing left to save."

Rose pouted, her sad eyes wandering to Emmett who was grinning from cheek to cheek as he reverently touched the grass of Wrigley Field. "I suppose you're right."

Making it back to the house, they started preparations on the barbecue. The boys set up some tables in the backyard as the girls prepped some of the salads and cut pieces of melon and other fruits, finishing just in time for the others to arrive; each guest carrying something of their own to bring to the table.

Leah and Seth arrived, with Jared in tow, carrying huge plates of food. "Are you as excited about next week as I am?" Leah asked, her eyes shining with anticipation as she made room for a plate of _tamales_.

"I'm bloody nervous." Bella chuckled anxiously. "But I guess it will be great to finally be done with it. We've been working so hard." The exam week that would begin in only two days was a mark in her calendar she had been both dreading and counting down to. She was ready, she knew that. Through much hard work and many, many long hours, her skills in math and science had improved to the point where she barely struggled to answer the problems in her text book anymore and as for the rest, she was confident that she would meet the demands required of her. At the same time, though, she knew that if she wanted to get into Northwestern, she'd have to do a whole lot better than just meet the standards asked to pass her GED. She would have to excel…in all her classes.

Leah nodded eagerly. "Just imagine what it will be like to finally graduate and begin college? I've already been eying a few introductory classes at Morton that will start up in the spring semester. Now if only I can get the money in time..."

Leah had been juggling school work, and the stresses of motherhood, with the added strain of working as a part time bookkeeper in Felix' garage for weeks. It was something she quite enjoyed, since she had a head for numbers, and wanted to pursue a career, but it wasn't just for her own pleasure that she stayed up late balancing Felix' books. It was because the money her labors earned her would go towards earning her Accounting degree, one subject at a time.

"I've already told you-" Bella started, only to be interrupted by her friend almost immediately.

"And I've told you just as often that I don't want your money, though you know I love you for wanting to help." Leah smiled, wrapping her hand around Bella's shoulder. "At the finish line, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say that I have done this all by myself; not because of who my family or friends are."

"I completely understand that," Bella's answering smile was as wide as Leah's. "I wish I had your strength, Lee. My life would have been a whole lot easier if I did."

"Nonsense!" Leah snorted. "You're way stronger than me. My life hasn't exactly been a picnic, that's for sure, but it's peanuts compared to the shit you went through. If I'd been in your position I'd take what I could get too!"

And just that was why Leah was such an amazing friend. Though she sometimes thought very differently about things, she always managed to put herself in the position of the people she loved and would fight for what they believed in, even if it wasn't what she, herself, would have done.

"But look at us!" Leah went on, gently shooing Bella in the direction of the huge table her family and friends had been gathered around. "We're standing here, comparing notes on our crappy lives when we could be partying over there and celebrating how good we have it?"

"Yeah," Bella snorted. "We'd be mad to keep whining, right?"

Looking back around the table, a little later on, Bella's heart swelled with love and hope for herself, but even more so for the people gathered there in her backyard – her _family_. Having them around her was something she never imagined she'd have a year ago, when things had been almost at their bleakest and she'd been trapped in a big house in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the decaying mind of James Harrison to keep her company.

Looking at her family now, though, she felt warmth radiating within. And it wasn't just because of the balmy temperatures they'd been enjoying that summer. It was because everyone around her was having fun and being accepting of each other, even though they came from completely different backgrounds.

And there was hope, all around the table, as almost everyone was about to start a new chapter in their lives.

Edward and herself, of course, getting ready to welcome a baby into their lives but also looking forward to the end of Edward's official probation and the moment when Bella would be done with her final exams.

The Cullens were staring their new life in a new town, starting jobs and schools as they were finally united as a family again as they tried to work past the troubles of their past.

Both Clearwaters were trying to grow past their upbringing and starting new lives, with Leah taking her finals at the same time as Bella, while Seth's exams were scheduled a few months later.

And finally the Masens were trying to grow as a family, under the stern direction of Carmen and Alice; Ed still looking slightly awkward and out of place as he sat between Emmett and Rosalie but looking like he was desperately trying to blend in. After his chat with Edward, Ed had decided to turn over a new leaf and, though there were still traces of the old Ed visible, and Bella nor Edward were nowhere near as naïve as to think he would grow into a changed man overnight, they were already starting to see some change in him. Like, for starters, the fact that he had finally given in and allowed Alice to go to art school when she graduated next summer.

Her grandparents were sadly absent, her grandfather's health still too frail to travel but they made up for that by speaking on the phone quite regularly and keeping each other updated on their lives and that of Bella's uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews, with a tentative promise from Bella to visit them sometime after her baby had been born, something both parties were eagerly looking forward to.

They were all trying; all of them making an effort in some way or another and Bella couldn't be more proud of them all as she sat back, sipping her wine glass as her free hand absentmindedly caressed her stomach lovingly.

As hard a battle as she had to fight to make it to this point, right now she could finally say that she'd found where she belonged.

She was finally home.

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_**Thoughts?**_


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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_**Many thanks to Jadsmama and Ladysharkey1 for their amazing pre-reader- and beta-skills. Without the two of them, I would be nothing.**_

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"_One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't."_

_Henry Ford_

**28.**

"I know you can do it, angel." There was so much conviction in his voice that Bella was almost starting to believe it. Even sitting in the community college waiting area, faces with her similarly nervous-looking peers and, with her courage sinking below street level, he was still there for her even though he was miles away.

He was right: she _knew_ she could do it. She was ready.

At least…everyone thought so.

But at that moment, everyone's thoughts seemed to be grossly outweighed by her own insecurities. What if they were wrong? What if she failed and the results came back pegging her intelligence only a few bars above a chimpanzee's? What if she fell short of the mark? Then what would she do? "But what if the questions aren't anything like the ones I practiced?" she asked in a shaky voice as her hand nervously stroked circles around her swollen belly as the baby fluttered around, seemingly as on edge as his mother was. "Or what if I stumble on the first question and completely black out in a state of panic?"

"Or what if the Mayans were mistaken and the world ends today instead of December 21st 2012?" Edward suggested cheerfully, Bella's temper flaring as he had the audacity to chuckle at her expense.

"Edward!" she growled, her hand clenching around her phone. If there had been a way to drag him through the little sleek device and smack him upside the head, she would have done it. Being as it was, he was lucky he had to work and not within her striking range. "Don't _you_ start making fun of me!"

"Sorry." Through the phone he sounded like a puppy being scolded, her frustration immediately shifting to endearment as he added, "I was only trying to make you see that you _are_ ready, Bella. I believe in you – hell, we _all_ do – you just have to believe in yourself."

"But I have to get these crazy grades to get into Northwestern." Bella could feel her eyes well up as she stared at the closed door; the very one she would go through in only half an hour to start her first day of testing. "I may be able to earn a high enough score to pass the test but, what if I fail to get into Northwestern?"

"Then I'm sure another school would be more than happy to have you," Edward assured her. "We did some digging into it the other day, didn't we? As long as you pass, you're on equal footing with anyone who earned a regular high school diploma. If Northwestern won't have you, we'll get you into an English Literature program somewhere else."

She sighed, still feeling lost among the small gathering of fellow test-takers gathered around her.

"I know that but…"

"There are no buts," Edward argued decisively. "Now, just sit back, relax and try to think about happy things until Leah arrives."

In spite of herself, Bella had to smile at that. _He knew her so well_. "Don't you think that's a little easier said than done?" she still countered. "I bet that right before you went in to perform your first surgery you were as much of a wreck as I am right now."

"True," he chuckled, his voice lowering seductively as he went on, giving Bella the chills in a way she wasn't sure was appropriate given that she was in the company of others, "but how about you think about last night? I, for one, remember how your skin felt underneath my fingertips and how you tasted when…"

"Okay, okay!" Bella interrupted him, her cheeks flushed and her heart beating violently at the memory of their lovemaking the night before. It had been Edward's way to calm her down again and divert her mind from the test and to say that he succeeded would be the understatement of the century.

He'd succeeded quite well, in fact.

With her stomach getting bigger and bigger now that the countdown was narrowed to weeks instead of months, they'd had to get a little bit more creative when it came to positions but, at the same, time it seemed like her body was so much more responsive to his touch since she was pregnant.

These days Edward only had to look at her in a certain way or ghost his fingers over her skin to get her to the brink.

"Wow, Bells!" Leah's voice was suddenly right beside her ear, making her jump. "I never would have thought you'd be the kind of person who had phone-sex in the middle of a classroom!"

Bella could feel her cheeks almost explode with embarrassment as she nearly dropped the phone, looking up at her friend with wide eyes. "For heaven's sake, Leah, keep your voice down!" she hissed, her eyes shooting from left to right to see if anyone had heard her. "And for the record: I wasn't…doing _that_."

"Looked an awful lot like it," Leah snorted, "and I'd be very surprised if that's anyone else than 'lover-boy' on the other end." Her head nudged towards the phone, only then reminding Bella that Edward was still on the line as she sang, "Hi, Edward!"

Edward was chuckling when Bella brought the phone back to her ear. "Tell Leah I said 'hi' back." Just the warmth in his voice was enough to bring Bella's heart rate back down to normal and make her feel all comforted on the inside. "I take it you'll be fine from here on out?"

Bella nodded, only realizing he couldn't see that when things remained quiet on the other end. "I think so…yeah…what time's your next surgery?"

"Five minutes ago?" Edward's voice sounded apologetic, like he already knew how guilty Bella would feel hearing his reply. "I'd better go in now. Marcus has been looking at me for some time."

Letting out a deep sigh, she tried to tell herself that things were all going to be okay, even if the pit of her stomach was telling her differently. She felt so bad, keeping him from where he needed to be, especially now, when he was slowly starting to earn back some of the trust he lost when he fell into his addiction and start to earning more freedom on the floor. "Go help people," she urged Edward, her voice stronger than she could have hoped. "I'll see you when you get home."

"Go kick some GED-ass, angel. I know you can do it," Edward replied. "Let me know how it went as soon as you walk out of there, okay? I love you!"

"Love you, too." Regardless of how she was feeling, there was a huge smile on her lips when she ended the call, shut down the little device and placed it carefully in her purse. "You're a little late, aren't you?"

"Ugh! Don't remind me!" Leah groaned. "I was ready to go at seven but then the little munchkin decided to get sick and throw up all over me so I had to shower and change or I would have smelled like puke all throughout the test…which I don't think will help with keeping my mind in the game."

Bella grimaced, not exactly looking forward to that part of being a mom. "That explains it. Is he okay?"

Leah nodded before going on with her rant. "Of course traffic was brutal by the time I finally made it out of the driveway, so instead of arriving here at least half an hour early, like the rest of us – like any _normal_ person would; I'm the lazy schmuck who stumbles in with only minutes to spare."

On clockwork, almost as if Leah had planned it so, a small group of college employees came in, carrying the paperwork and other stuff that had to be dealt with in order for them to start their first day of testing, the nerves making Bella's handwriting look like a scraggly mess instead of the neat script Aro had hammered into her as she filled out the forms.

"Okay, let's do this," she muttered, Leah's hand was as clammy and shaky as hers as they grabbed hold of each other while finally walking into the testing room, the neat rows of tables and chairs looking more like little execution blocks than the jump-starters to many good things.

"Hey, we get to sit next to each other!" Leah remarked, her voice overly chipper with nerves as she found to empty seats at the same section, Bella nodding nervously as she sat down for the first of what would be two marathon sessions of over four hours that would determine her future.

_Well, at least the math test won't be until tomorrow. _

Her nerves rose again as she stared out in front of her, watching as more and more students started to trickle in until the entire room was filled, the nervous energy of twenty or so test-takers making her feel nauseous and stifled as she absentmindedly stroked her belly.

From the moment one of the supervisors placed the first part of the test – science – in front of her, Bella's mind went into the zone, the nerves and worries completely eradicated by a sharp concentration and determination to succeed. It didn't even stop when all three tests for that day – science, social studies and reading – had been completed. Even as she drove home, making quick calls to Edward, Carmen and Esme on her way to let them know how it went, she was still in the zone, the cadence of reading, thinking, answering and prepping going on and on as she went about her day; cleaning, cooking, prepping for the final leg of testing that would take place the next day and even as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep almost the second her head hit the pillow, her mind never wavered from that almost trance-like state of hyperawareness.

It was amazing, if not slightly terrifying.

As she expected, math proved to be the greatest challenge out of all her tests; some of the questions seemingly impossible to answer even after she broke the problems down into more manageable pieces and forced herself to work through the slight panic to solve them all, some seemed to be completely unwilling to submit to logic, making her feel frustrated and afraid of failure by the time she put her pencil down.

_At least you managed to write down some sort of answer to all of them_, she told herself as her test was handed in and placed on the pile to be marked and graded. _Yeah_,_ but it won't matter if all your answers are wrong!_

She sighed, the corners of her eyes capturing Leah's encouraging smile as the final part of their exam was handed out, Bella mouthing a 'good luck' in return as she knew this was the one Leah had been dreading.

The essay.

Her smile was back in full force almost the moment her eyes glanced over the topic she would have to write a two hundred and fifty word account on; the subject so close to her heart that the entire essay started to take shape in her mind, almost like a photograph becoming visible in the tray of chemicals.

_Many people believe you cannot learn everything in school. Some say that experience is the best teacher. What is more important to a person's education: things learned in school or through real life experiences?_

Her hands had trouble keeping up with her mind, her pen flying over the paper as the sentences kept pouring out, making her feel almost bereft when the last period had ended the final sentence, some two hundred and fifty odd words later.

"Jeez, I need a drink!" Leah groaned, stretching the strained muscles of her back and hands as they walked out of the room after handing in the final part of the test. She looked apologetic, her eyes wandering to Bella's swollen stomach. "Well, tea maybe?"

Bella chuckled, running her hand over her stomach. Her little baby boy had been in a complete uproar ever since she'd finished her essay, like he knew that the worst part of the challenge was behind them. "Tea sounds good," she finally answered, her grip on her stomach intensifying as it rumbled, "as long as it comes with a sandwich and one hell of a piece of cherry pie because I'm starving."

"Yeah," Leah grinned, "that's definitely one part of being pregnant I sometimes miss: the perfect excuse to gorge…though you'll regret it later."

"Psah!" Bella huffed. "Later, schmater! Edward told me he'd still love me if I weighed half a ton. I figure I may as well test his theory."

Through lunch, as she gave in to the demands of her belly and ate quite a lot more than she could have ever imagined eating, she started to feel a little better on the math test as she and Leah discussed some of the answers. "I may not have sucked so badly after all," she hummed, polishing off the last bite of her second slice of cherry pie.

"I'm sure you nailed it, Bella," Leah sneered with a lot of fake confidence, her hands wringing nervously in her lap. "We _both_ did."

Bella tried to hold on to that thought as she made her way back home but as she let the door fall shut behind her, emptiness immediately taking hold of her as she looked around the house.

What to do now?

She could go and find something to clean but, between her nerves having needed a lot of distraction over the past couple of days and her empty afternoon schedule now that she didn't have her job at the library anymore, the house was already clean enough to eat off of every random flat surface.

"I could bake a cake," she mused, her eyes wandering gingerly over towards the kitchen door. Cooking, her normal way to kill an hour or two, was out of the question, of course, since Edward had booked a table for them at a nice little restaurant to celebrate the end of her tests. "Yeah," she muttered on, "baking a cake sounds good."

_But then you'll have to eat it_,_ too_. She grimaced at the thought.

"We'll just find a book to read, baby," she sighed, rubbing her belly.

Bella settled into the huge lazy chair next to the window in her very own library and felt weird…almost guilty, with her feet resting on the little footstool and a book resting on her baby bump. She felt like she should be doing something…homework, cleaning, cooking…_something_.

Instead, she was just sitting there; the summit of decadence, reading a book in the middle of the day like some blasé lady of leisure. _Is this what my life is going to be like for the next couple of weeks?_

She hoped not.

As much as she liked the idea of not _having_ to do anything, even after five minutes of just that, she was already starting to experience the downsides of not having anything to do. In all of her years, or at least for as far back as she could remember, she had never been in this position; there had always been loads to do, whether it was cooking, cleaning or caring for James, her days had always been filled to the brim. This…it wasn't like her.

It wasn't _her_.

Sighing, she sagged backwards in her chair, feeling more and more frustrated with herself for not being able to enjoy doing nothing when in all her life _this_ had been what she dreamed of. Why couldn't she just enjoy it like everyone else would?

Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the soft upholstery as her eyes wandered, catching the sunlight pouring in through the window and following it out to the trees and the birds and the sounds of kids playing in the streets down below.

The next thing she knew was the sound of the door, waking her up with a startle as Edward returned home after his day of work. _Well, apparently there _is _something you can enjoy doing on your afternoons off!_

"Bella?" She could hear his voice calling out to her as she was still trying to find her bearings, the abandoned book sliding off her lap and landing on the floor with a dull thud as she rose.

Following his sounds as he climbed the stairs, she waddled to the door, her body feeling heavier than it did that morning and quite stiff from sleeping in an awkward position. "I fell asleep in the library," she muttered in a gravelly voice, rubbing the top on her head until her hair was even more of a scraggly mess.

Edward's eyes scrutinized her worriedly, a look of relief passing over his features when he found nothing that concerned him. "Do you still want to go out tonight or do you want me to call and cancel?"

"Nah," she shook her head, more to dispel the fogginess of sleep than anything else. "Just give me a moment to splash some water on my face and change into something more suitable, and I'll be good to go." Knowing Edward needed a little more convincing from the look in his eyes she smiled. "Seriously. I'm looking forward to it!"

It was the truth. As she did what she'd announced, freshening up and quickly changing into a comfortable, yet dressy long, light green dress, her hair pulled up into a quick messy bun to get it away from her neck, seeing as the Indian Summer had gifted them with rather balmy temperatures.

Normally, she would be over the moon but being pregnant in a sweltering heat wave? No fun.

At least Edward had been smart enough to pick a place with magnificent lake views that made her sigh with contentment, her eyes gliding over the menu with an expertise built up over many similar romantic dinners with Edward.

"What are you smiling about?" Edward's eyes blazed with green intensity as he peered at her over the rim of his own menu.

"I'm just happy…that's all." She giggled. Her freaky emotions playing up again and making her feel as if she would burst from happiness. "It's weird, I know, to be happy about it when I don't even know if I passed or not, or even if I met the standards your dad's friend required, but already I feel like I'm on top of the world…like all the weight is off my shoulders."

"I definitely understand," Edward nodded. "It was the same for me when I just finished my MCATs. I had no way of knowing if I did good enough to get into a decent medical school, or even get in _period_, but to get through those exams alone was such a big deal that all else seemed to fade for a couple of days." He chuckled as he added, "Don't worry, though. In a few days you'll be right back to freaking out about the results."

"They said it would take two to three weeks at the least but maybe even as long as four to six before we get our scores." Bella grimaced, already foreseeing that the wait would get a little bit more unbearable with every day that passed.

"So what are you going to do in the meantime?" Edward asked. "That is…if you want to do anything. I can imagine you'll need a rest after all the studying you've been doing and with the baby…"

"No, I need something to do," Bella was quick to intervene, the memory of what it had felt like to be stuck in that chair earlier, with nothing to do, still haunting her. "Do you think Carmen might know something?"

"I bet she does," Edward grinned, and it wouldn't have surprised Bella one bit if he'd surmised what had happened. "Why don't you give her a call tomorrow morning? It's not like you have anything else to do right now," he teased.

"Oh, now you're just taunting me!" Bella growled, sensing from the surety of his words that he may have already spoken to his stepmom about finding her something to do that would keep her busy but not so active that it might hurt the baby. "How did you know I was going to suck at doing nothing anyway?"

"I had a feeling," Edward answered, his voice squeaky from trying not to laugh. "You've been a busy little bee all of your life, angel. It's not hard to guess that you'd be flying up the walls within the hour if you had nothing on."

"And you're okay with that?" Bella wanted to know. "I mean…me doing some charity work?"

"As long as you make sure you don't overstrain yourself and don't take on anything that would put you or the baby at risk, I don't see why not?" Edward shrugged, leaning backwards as the waiter came to fill their glasses and take their orders, only resuming after they were alone again. "Your happiness is more important to me than anything."

"And what of your own?" Bella asked cautiously, trying to shift the conversation towards some of the things that had been plaguing her mind lately. "Are you happy?"

"Ecstatic," Edward answered, swiftly and assuredly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." She shrugged, her heart hammering in her throat with nerves. "I imagine you had a very different idea of how this would go…I mean, with the pregnancy and everything."

Edward eyes narrowed in thought, only going back to their normal size as he finally surmised the meaning of her words. "You mean us getting married?"

Bella shrugged again, nodding guiltily as her eyes dropped to the shining silverware in front of her. "I know you really want to…and I…"

"Stop it right there, Isabella Swan," Edward interrupted her, the severity in his voice making her look up in fright to find that same seriousness reflected in his eyes, his palms open halfway across the table as he reached out for her hands, only speaking when they had wrapped around his. "I won't lie to you and say that it doesn't matter to me – because it _does_, but that doesn't mean that I want to get married out of obligation."

He sighed, pressing his lips together for a moment before he went on. "I've said it before and I'll keep saying it until you get my message: I don't want to marry you until you are ready, angel. I want to get married someday but that doesn't mean it has to be tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year or decade. I'll wait however long it takes for you…I mean that, Bella."

"Okay, then." Her lip trembled with a mixture of emotions, love and gratitude being the most predominant of them all. "I guess that's settled then."

Edward grinned, leaning back in his seat as he sipped from his water, the waiter arriving just in time to put their appetizers in front of them. "Now, let's eat. I'm starving and, I imagine, so are you."

She grinned back, her fingers curling around her cutlery as her mouth pooled with impatience to dig in. _He knows me so well. _

True to Edward's words, the next couple of days were increasingly agonizing as she waited to get word on her GED. The daily arrival of the mail becoming something she dreaded almost as much as she looked forward to it, though Carmen and her many projects had made sure that on most days, she would be arriving back home way past its delivery.

And every day had been a disappointment as she sifted through the envelopes only to find that the one she had been hoping for wasn't there.

As always with these kinds of things, waiting seemed to be so much longer than it really was, though when after four weeks and still no letter had arrived, Leah and Bella decided to join forces and call the community college to find out what was going on.

Apparently, late September was one of the busiest times in the GED world, with a lot of students electing to spend their summers studying and preparing for the test which meant that the people at the State Education Department who were responsible for grading the tests, would get more backed up as the month progressed.

And it didn't help that they were on the tail-end of the September rush.

There was nothing to it but try and be patient, which was, of course, easier said than done, though Carmen made her life a lot easier as she kept Bella as busy as her ever-increasing stomach allowed. And then, _finally_, on the thirty-third day after she had taken her final test, an envelope was waiting for her as she got home after an afternoon of helping under-performing kids improve their language skills.

Bella held her breath as she fished the envelope from the stack of letters with shaky fingers, the tips tracing all four corners of the big, manila envelope as she tried to work up the courage to open it.

_It's a big one; that should count for something, no?_

_They wouldn't waste money on a more expensive piece of stationary if they could just as easily fold the letter telling you you're a complete failure into a smaller one, would they?_

_Then again, maybe they want all of their mail to be as uniform as possible. After all, wouldn't it be strange if your mailman knew you'd passed or failed before you did? _

She sighed, taking the envelope back into the kitchen with her and setting it on the table as she got to work on dinner, her eyes drifting back to the innocent piece of mail every now and then as it seemed to take on more weight with every minute that passed.

_What if I failed?_

_What if I passed?_

_What if I passed but didn't meet Northwestern requirements? _

Like with the pregnancy tests months ago, the result hidden within that envelope would have such a profound influence on how her life would go; on how her dreams would maybe, possibly, become reality, that Bella found that she lacked the courage to actually open the darn thing and find out.

_As long as I don't know what's inside, I can still have my dreams. _

She growled, the meatballs in her marinara sauce sloshing around in the pan as she stirred it a little too vigorously, dropping in some fresh, chopped herbs as a stern voice inside her head kept on lecturing her on her own lack of courage.

_Get yourself together, Bella Swan. For goodness sakes, you're a grown woman, about to become a mom. You should be able to open one little envelope!_

_But what if I fail?_

_Then you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again! _

Her hand clenched around the wooden spoon until it started to hurt, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to focus on one of the breathing strategies she'd learned in her Lamaze class. _This might not actually be anything like giving birth but the stress alone is enough to make me hyperventilate. _

Dropping the spoon, she turned around with a new determination in her movements as she stalked one, two steps until she was at the table, her hands reaching out for the envelope and tearing it open, afraid that if she took her time and actually tried to be gentle with it, she would lose her determination and back away again.

For a moment her hands wavered as they took hold of the sheets of paper hidden within the envelope, her eyes once again squeezed shut as she took in a few deep, cleansing breaths as her shaky fingers started to pry the paper away from its confines.

_Okay, here goes nothing_.

The minute she opened her eyes, a squeal erupted from her whole being as her eyes fell upon the bold, old-style letters of Illinois Community College Board High School Equivalency Certificate.

"Bella?" Edward's eyes were wide with panic as he dashed into the kitchen, ready to pounce on anyone or anything that threatened the life of his woman and unborn child, his shock turning to joy the minute he noticed what Bella was holding. He must have come in at one point during her fight with the envelope but she hadn't even heard him open the door. "You passed? That's amazing, angel! I knew it, and I'm so fucking proud of you!"

Not caring that she weighed half a ton, he lifted her up and swung her around the kitchen as best as he could with her stomach being in the way, his lips finding hers again and again in sweet, tender kisses that made her heart burst.

"We both knew it – me and junior," he grinned, finally setting her down, his hand lingering on her belly.

"You did, huh?" Bella replied, skeptically. "Is that why you were so anxious to ask me if I'd heard anything over the past five weeks? Or how you kept on reassuring me that even if I failed, it didn't have to mean anything?"

Edward had the good grace to look caught, though he did try to divert her mind by giving her that lopsided grin of his that never failed to turn her brain to mush. "So how did you score?"

And just like that the nerves were back. "I-I don't know yet," Bella stammered, her fingers separating the diploma from the sheet of paper underneath it.

The paper holding her score.

She knew that if she wanted to get in to Northwestern, she needed to earn a score of 675 on each individual test, amounting to a minimum score of 3375 out of a maximum of 4000. It was doable in theory but in practice, she knew that the average student score was much lower.

Upon first glance at the score sheet, her mind was dazzled by the many numbers and boxes on the sheet, some holding personal information or information about the test location, with a graph of her scores and the actual scores and percentiles below that.

"You did it, angel." Edward's eyes were quicker than hers, the pride that shone through in his voice making her buckle on her feet. "Jesus, you're so fucking smart!"

Finally catching on to what he was saying, her mouth fell open as her eyes lingered on the score, blinking a few times to make sure they weren't deceiving her and that she actually had earned a total score of 3590, with only math and science slipping just beneath the 700 mark on their individual score.

"I can't believe it," she muttered, as Edward picked a folder up from the ground that must have fallen from the envelope when she pulled out the larger documents. "This can't be real."

"You earned almost a perfect score on reading and social studies," Edward continued to gush. "I think you scored a hell of a lot better on those than I did on my exams."

Tears started to put from Bella's eyes as she thought back on all those afternoons spent in James' company, with the diseased, old man painstakingly trying to cram as much as he knew of the world and the subject he'd spent years teaching in University and perfecting in practice into her mind.

_Thank you, wherever you are_. As much as she'd sometimes hated it at the time that she hadn't been free to learn what she wanted to learn or go where she wanted to go, she knew she wouldn't have been standing there that day, holding an almost impossible score – and impossible dream – in her hands if it hadn't been for him.

And Edward.

"I couldn't have done it without you," she sniffed, pulling him towards her with a strength she didn't know she possessed. "Thank you so much for believing in me."

"Nonsense," he assured her, his pride still enveloping her like a warm blanket. "You're the strongest person I know, Bella. You can do anything you set your mind to, as long as you believe in yourself."

Throughout the next two weeks his pride never wavered, always staying there like a visible reminder of just how far she'd come and how much she'd grown as they went through the final stages of her pregnancy together, preparing their home and their lives for the arrival of their son.

But before that could happen, Bella got to experience one of the proudest moments of her life as she walked across the stage, clad in a cap and gown as the Dean of her community college handed her a letter of congratulations, seeing as they'd already received their diplomas in the mail. The hoots and hollers of her entire family made her blush, with Jasper's and Emmett's loud roars only being out voiced by Carmen's enthusiastic Spanish cheers.

_This is what it feels like to be loved_.

It was all forgotten then; the stress, the years of abuse and even the annoying back pains she'd been having since somewhere during the night. The only thing that remained was happiness.

"Can you believe it?" Leah, whispered, sitting next to her even though they weren't really supposed to, because on their last names, as they waited for the final students to walk the stage.

Bella shook her head, the realization that she'd met the challenge she'd set herself not really having sunk in, even after days of getting used to it.

Before she could reply, though, her name was called as Bella was invited back onto the stage to give the Valedictorian speech, something she'd been having nightmares about ever since her study advisor had called her with the request to speak at the graduation ceremony.

Keeping something in mind James had once told her, she had decided to keep her speech close to home, using some of the things from her essay since they seemed to fit the occasion.

Clearing her throat, she rubbed the creases out of the thin piece of paper, using those fleeting moments to steel her nerves, her hand rubbing her belly as she finally started to speak. "My fellow classmates, friends and families. It is with our heads held high and our eyes firmly fixed on the horizon that we graduate today, with hopes in our hearts for what the future may bring."

She licked her lips as she paused for breath, standing a little straighter as she picked up more confidence with each word she spoke. "None of us have walked the easy road to this point; whether by fault, by accident, or by choice, we ended up having to hack our own way through the forest, instead of relying on the conventional roads through the educational system but, even though it may have seemed like it at the time, we were never alone."

She smiled, her eyes flashing briefly towards the back where she knew her family was sitting. "In our essays, we were asked whether we thought real life experiences or formal education to be more important to a person's education. Well," she smiled mischievously, bouncing on the balls of her toes, "I don't know about you guys, but for me, that question was completely unanswerable because in my life, both of them have held equal importance, though perhaps from someone who hasn't ruled out teaching as a future profession, this may not be the smartest thing to say."

There were a few nods and chuckles, strengthening her confidence even more as she went on. "For me, real life has been a hard school of learning but looking back on it, all of the challenges and misfortunes I've faced along the way have given me the strength to go on and the will to hope and believe that there's _more_ out there than the nothingness I came from. An important part of that 'more' is what got us through school and helped us to triumph over the very tests we've equally blessed and cursed so much over the past couple of weeks."

"So, no," she concluded, "for me there is no choice between the school of life and the school of books, simply because in my situation, neither one could exist without the other; with life giving me the strength to persevere and the drive to succeed, and books opening my eyes to what's out there and handing me the key to be a part of it." She looked up, her eyes gliding over the first rows, _her peers_. "That is the lesson I hope we all take with us from this experience: life is too precious to experience it from the sidelines. If you want to make something out of it, you've gotta go out there, use your talents and grab life by the horns until you feel you've made it work." She smiled, believing in her own words and proud that she'd made it through her speech without messing up. "Good luck in doing so, to all of you, and congratulations."

The whole room erupted in cheers as her fellow students threw their caps into the air, Leah grinning from ear to ear at her as Bella carefully made it back down the stairs, running out to meet her as soon as Bella's feet were back on solid ground.

"That was amazing!" she cried, wiping some tears away. "Forget English Literature. You should go into politics, girl!"

"Nah," Bella chuckled, basking in the warmth of her friend's embrace. "I'll just stick to what I know."

The room around them had become a mess of people looking for each other and celebrating as the graduation ceremony had drawn to a close, her family and Leah's soon flocking around the two of them to offer their own hugs and kisses.

"Only a few more months!" Seth sighed as he hugged his sister while Jared stood off to the side with little Embry in his arms beaming widely with pride. Leah had admitted that, through all his perseverance and devotion, he'd finally worn her down and got her to go out on a date with him, which had proven to be an astounding success.

As she watched him slowly approached Leah and kiss her on the lips with a caution as if he still believed she was going to slap him away, she couldn't be happier for both of them. Sure, Jared might not be rocket-scientist material and his progress in earning his ABE credentials had been slow, there was no man who could love her and Embry more or be as determined to provide them with the best he could achieve than Jared was.

"You rocked that stage, angel," Edward's voice was suddenly in her ear, his arms pulling her into a strong hug. "I couldn't be more proud of you than I am right now. I love you."

"I love you, too." She smiled, though suddenly tensed up as a strange sensation washed over her. Or more accurately: out of her.

"What's wrong?" As always, Edward was quick to pick up on the change in her, his eyes worriedly scanning her face as his fingers dug a little deeper into her arms.

She looked up at him, her whole being shooting in a state of panic, though, really, she was ready and had been for quite some time. "I…I think my water just broke."

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_**Thoughts?**_


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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***hugs Jadsmama and Ladyshakrey1 close* Thanks so much my darlings for going on this ride with me. This story wouldn't have been the same without all of your advice and suggestions. **

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**And a huge thank you to all of you for giving this story a try. Your support means the world to me. **

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"_Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.__"_

_Mahatma Gandhi_

**Epilogue.**

_**Five years later.**_

"Mommy! Daddy! Look!" The excited voice of her son brought her attention back into the real world after being captivated by her book she was reading.

Edward grinned at her from his corner of the living room where he'd been hard at work brushing up on some of the techniques he planned to use during a procedure. After six years together, Bella had learned better than to ask what he'd be doing since there was no way she would be able to make heads nor tails of his explanation.

Neurosurgery was a tricky profession; that much she'd learned over the years.

"Do you think he finally fixed it?" Edward's voice held the irony of a parent who knew he'd sent his son on an impossible task just so that he could have a few moments of peace and quiet to cram in some much needed studying.

Because Charlie – their adorable, little five year old son – was quite a handful.

There had been nothing like holding him in her arms the first time; his tiny, squirming body still covered in goo as his shaky cries shot straight to her heart. There had been so many tears that night, happy tears, but also tears of loss as Edward was once again confronted with his past, and those of fear as he held his newborn son in his arms, promising him over and over again that he would protect him from everything, even himself.

But, most of all, there had been love; an explosion of love she never imagined she could feel and a love shared by all members of her family as they welcomed little Charles Edward Masen into their fold.

It had been a good night…the best night of her life.

The smile that appeared on her face as Charlie came thundering into the living room – his little legs going almost faster than the rest of him could keep up with – was slightly sad as suddenly she realized that he was older now than Claire had ever been allowed to live. Over the years, Edward had started to open up more and more about his memories and the loss he still felt. Together, with Tanya, he had come a long way in giving his grief a place in his heart where it would always reside but also enable them both to move on and live their lives without the overwhelming guilt that had almost consumed them those first years after Claire's death.

Looking at her son, Bella could feel the tears pricking behind her eyes as she fought to hold them back. She loved him so much, her little man. If anything happened to him…

They sometimes took him to visit her, with Charlie leaving drawings and other little offerings as his father told him about the big sister he would never know, his little hands firmly clasped in his daddy's tight, safe grip as he looked at the headstone in wonder, his mind not quite understanding why Claire had to live in the ground.

Those were the moments that truly broke her heart.

"Look! Look!" Charlie was quick to grab her attention again, the triumph in his eyes making her heart soar as he dumped the mechanical Lego robot he'd been working on for hours on the floor in front of them, lights flashing as the thing started to walk. "It's working! It's working!"

"Well, I'll be damned," Edward muttered, his eyes filled with fatherly pride as he sank down on his knees next to his son. "Good job, Charlie!"

There had been no arguments about his name; both of them knowing the second they found out they were having a boy that there was only one name they were going to call him: Charles Edward Masen. And that was even before little Charlie's eyes had turned that same soulful shade of brown that marked his mother's eyes. And his grandfather's.

Ed had been less enthused at the two of them not continuing the fine tradition of 'Edward Masen' but, one look at her grandfather's, who finally felt well enough to come over to Chicago for a short visit along with her grandmother and one of her aunts, had made it all worth it.

"I want another!" Charlie cried out, his eyes fascinated as he watched the robot move around the room, emitting all sorts of weird sounds and signs."

"I told you," Bella chuckled at Edward's exasperated look. "You've created a monster."

From the moment he'd been able to hold things in his chubby little hands, Charlie had been absolutely obsessed with building stuff; whether from the simple playing blocks he'd started out with to the ever-smaller pieces of Lego's he'd assembled, the constructions he was able to make with them getting more and more complex as he tried to replicate some of the things he saw in the streets with his own building stones.

Whenever his parents needed to concentrate on something or just felt like taking a breather after running after the little squirt all day, all they had to do was set up the Lego's in his playroom and leave him with a picture of a building or a complete village to rebuild with his own hands.

He would be completely entranced for hours, all but growling at his parents whenever they came in to see if he was still alright, his soft little boy voice babbling excitedly through the baby monitor and little spy cam that would always keep his parents updated on what he was doing.

Edward's latest scheme to allow the both of them some time for their studies had been the introduction of a new form of Lego's to Charlie's hands, his age and wisdom now so far matured that he was able to tackle his first technical project.

Or so his proud father had deemed.

It had been a blast; the look on Charlie's face when his new robot started to walk towards them making her heart jump as she watched his face as his eyes stayed glued to the object slowly moving through their living room, his mouth hanging open as he listened intently to Edward's instructions.

He'd all but shooed them away as he set about his task a couple of minutes, trying to replicate his dad's handiwork from the pieces laying scattered on the floor in front of him, so excited to build his own robot.

And he'd done it…her little genius.

Meanwhile, the noise had woken up Toto, the four month old black Labrador puppy that had been the latest addition to their household; his yapping immediately put Charlie on high alert, his arms flailing as the dog set out on a collision course with the unsuspecting robot.

Edward's panicked eyes found hers as they both shot up from their seats; books and magazines tumbling to the floor as they tried to help him, all the while knowing they'd be too late.

"Nooooo!" he whined as the unstoppable force of Toto send the robot crashing to the ground, its feet moving into thin air as it lay on his back.

For a moment it looked like Charlie was going to cry but, as always, Edward was there to save the day. "Looks like Toto wants to go out and play," he spoke, winking at Bella over the head of their still angry and disappointed looking son. "How about I take you out to the backyard so you can show him how far you can throw his ball? I bet he'd be so excited to play with you!"

Charlie sniffed as he nodded, his watery eyes breaking his mother's heart as Edward persevered. "Then, when Toto's tired again, we can rebuild the robot together while Mom cooks dinner, okay?"

"Awesome!" And just like that the robot was forgotten, the lights in Charlie's eyes shining again as he gave his version of the fist-pump before running out towards the backdoor, his father hot on his heels.

Bella chuckled, trying to return her attention to her book as their footsteps faded, even though she knew both her heart and her head were no longer in it. "Well, I guess there goes my deadline," she sighed to herself, good-naturedly shaking her head as she put her book down.

As with everything in life, the last mile of her college education was definitely the longest and the hardest to cross. She was only months away from graduating with a bachelor's degree in English Literature, having taken a slow route that allowed her to be a good mother to Charlie first and foremost and arranging her studies around his schedule.

Between all of that, she had also found the time to put her past onto paper, the experience being every bit as therapeutic as both Edward and her therapist had suspected it would be. The book it turned into – _her story_ – was in the hands of her editor with a tentative publishing date sometime next summer, about the same time she would graduate.

That brought to mind the fact that she still had an e-mail from her editor – one with no ties to the Harrison family whatsoever – to reply to.

It could wait, though.

She had somewhere far more important to be.

Her grin was back in full force as she pushed away from the chair, her eyes falling on the many photographs of her family during various milestones that filled one of the side tables.

They were all doing do well; building their lives and enjoying each other's company (though Charlotte maybe less so than the rest now that Elizabeth's ousting from the family home had isolated her and her cold, spiteful behavior). Nowadays her family included Leah and Seth, even though they weren't related by blood or marriage.

They'd kept in touch after graduation, both of them struggling to adjust to college life and the strain it put on their family time. If it hadn't been for Carmen, coming to both their rescues and volunteering to care for both Charlie and Embry two days a week as their moms attended classes, Bella didn't know what either of them would have done.

Their boys were inseparable, even though Embry was well over a year older than Charlie, which, of course, gave their moms a good excuse to go visit each other.

Not that they needed one.

Leah and Jared had married five days after he had finally earned his diploma and, as promised by his uncle, a fifty percent share in the garage for which Leah, after earning an associate's degree in accounting, kept the books.

Seth, meanwhile, had moved on, striking up a friendship with Emmett and Jasper and moving into a small three bedroom apartment with them when he started his college experience. As much as they loved to go out and have fun, they never turned into the typical college man-whores, with Emmett and Jasper both already in steady relationships, and Seth finding the love of his life soon after he'd moved out of Felix's basement.

"Mommy!" Bella was pulled out of her thoughts again by the chipper voice of her five year old, the dog running in circles around him as Charlie held the ball as high as he could to stop the puppy from grabbing it without permission. "Look how far I can throw!"

The dog zoomed ahead as soon as Charlie's little hands had released the ball, both father and son chasing after it as their laughter rung out across the open space.

"Wow, baby!" she gushed, laughing as Charlie toddled after the dog, trying to reclaim the ball that was now firmly fixed between Toto's jaws as the dog made his way back to his little playmate triumphantly.

Standing there in the doorway, watching as Edward and Charlie ran around the backyard, battling Toto for dominion over the little red ball, it suddenly hit Bella that maybe she'd had it wrong all along; the clarity of her epiphany so forceful that it smacked her right across the face and almost made her wobble on her feet.

Happiness wasn't about chasing freedom to its full extent, it was about finding the person, or, as in her case, _people_, you wanted to be with the most and binding yourself to them in a way that no force on earth could ever sever.

"What are you looking at?" Edward chuckled, coming up to her as Charlie and Toto kept running around the yard, their excited cries and barks filling the late evening with joy. "See something you like?"

"Nope," she giggled, pretending to be disgusted when he landed a sweaty kiss on her cheek. She rubbed her cheek, her eyes finding his; so alive, so vibrant. "I see something I _love_."

"Good," he stated, his arm wrapping around her shoulders as he pulled her in, his cheek against her temple as their eyes drifted to their son. "Because I love you like crazy, angel."

_This was it._ Still high on the clarity of her sudden insight she leaned against him, knowing in her heart that this was right, though she could feel her heartbeat hammering in her throat as she finally worked up the courage to open her mouth. "Ask me again, Edward…" Tears were misting her eyes as she lifted them towards him, her clammy hand finding his and squeezing. "I think – I _know_ – I'm ready."

"What?" Edward's eyes tore away from Charlie, the whirlwind of boy and dog running around the yard forgotten as she watched understanding dawn on his face. "You mean…? Here?"

"Yes," a simple word answering both unfinished questions. "Right here. Right now." Knowing Edward, he would have probably wanted to make a big spectacle out of it, like he had done – or tried, at least – the previous times, but Bella knew that, right here, where her heart was at its fullest and their son just out of earshot, was the perfect space and the perfect time for them.

Edward nodded; his eyes doubling in their intensity as his hand lightly caressed hers, his green eyes never losing sight of hers as he slowly went down on one knee, his voice thick with emotion as he finally spoke. "Will you be my wife, Bella Swan?"

_Simple. Perfect._ Tears fell from the corners of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, her voice sounding almost foreign from the thickness of her emotions as she whispered her heartfelt answer into the wind that softly blew around them.

"Yes."

At that moment, she was no longer in pursuit of happiness.

She was there.

**The end. **

* * *

_**And that's all she wrote. Well, for this story it is. I already started posting my new full-length story with the prologue for Past Imperfect having gone up yesterday. You can find it on my profile if you want to give it a go. And, of course, there's also my other little story Up.**_

_**Thank you all again for reading and supporting me. **_


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